Max celebrates: We have a team! Who needs a goalie?

With the signing of Mad Max Laps Lappy Lapierre to a one-year, $900,000 contract, the Habs now have 12 forwards and seven defensemen under contract for the upcoming season. Backstopped by legendary goalie Alex Auld, the Habs are sure to win... some games.

First off, congrats to the Habs for not giving Max a contract of any length whatsoever, at a price I can live with. I think we can all look back on the regular season last year when he sucked. No doubt the Bertrand Raymonds of this province will take this as one more sign the Habs hate francophone players, but this is smart. When he has another sucky regular season, we won't be stuck with him.

Now what's left? Hmmm, ahh, let me think. Nobody really comes to mind. Oh right, a certain Franchise Saviour^TM this franchise has pinned its saving hopes on. Cap Geek has the Habs with about 4.7 mil left, so that is more than enough for Carey, and maybe even someone else! Dare to dream, kids! Suggestions?

Keep Alive: The FHF Half-Assed Half-Season Sorta-Kinda On Time Review

Did you know the Habs hit the halfway point this weekend? Did ya? Huh?

Really? You knew? Well, bully for you Mr. Checking the Schedule Smartypants Fuckface. I guess you can stop reading right now.

Whatever. For the rest of you, in the grand tradition of the one other time I did this, here's The FHF Half-Assed Half-Season Sorta-Kinda On Time Review. In handy stream-of-consciousness form.

We're what? You're fucking joking. I'm pretty sure this team sucks!: Last year at this time? 2nd in the Northeast, 5th in the conference, 21 wins, 13 losses, 8 OTL. This year? 25-10-6, 2nd in Northeast, 4th in East. For all the whining and gnashing of teeth that gets done around this team, for all the worries about the Bruins morphing into the 1970 Bruins and destroying the planet with their awesomeness, the Habs are ahead of last year's pace and riding an 8-1-1 streak. Fuck, really?

All-Stars! All-Stars! All-Stars!: And so, after all the ballot-box stuffing, all the complaining, all the embarassment that is fan voting, your Eastern All-Stars feature Carey "TFS" Price as starting goalie, Markov and DOOM on defence and Kovy skating with two guys playing for the tenth place team in the conference. Of the four, Markov certainly deserves it, Price's numbers are good but not as good as some others (Tim Thomas immediately comes to mind), DOOM is an FHF and neutrals favourite for his hitting and general all-around badassery, and Kovy shouldn't be anywhere near the rink that weekend. If you look at DOOM as the fan's acknowledgement that maybe fancy-pants goals and stickchecking isn't all you want in a defender, then his election is a good thing. My only wish? That all Kovy and Tanguay's votes had gone to Koivu so he could be named captain, start, and get the ear-blistering ovation he so richly deserves from his hometown crowd. Now I get to hope DOOM breaks someone in half instead. I'll see the replay because I ain't wasting any time watching the game.

The New Guys: Gang Bang Lang is leading the team in goals, points, missed open nets, and ability to mesh with anyone. He's currently leading the charge of the Tits brothers and can also be found hanging out with Kovy in the "former Pens with groovy mullets on the downside of their careers who still weave magic sometimes" section of the dressing room. As a Plan B from "Fuck You" Mats Sundin, he's been terrific.

BGL keeps getting hurt, and he's slow as death when he plays. If he tears Chara's or Lucic's head off before the season is done, it's a successful signing.

Tanguay is also hurt after a promising start. He showed more goal-scoring skill than I anticipated, and the promise of Koivu/Tanguay/Higgins was enticing. Jury still out.

The New Kids: Dagger! Max Pack! Chips! Maxwell! (Okay, not really Maxwell). Weber! As the injuries piled up, Dagger provided a jolt of goal-scoring electricity and helped the team over a rough patch. Max Pacioretty continues to give us all glimpes of awesomeness, and makes the Rivet for Gorges and a 1st (Pacioretty) trade take on mythic proportions of one-sidedness. Chips finally got the call back up, and has looked fine ... which is what you want from your checking line centre-types. Maxwell needs some work. Weber looks to be struggling a bit with the speed and I shudder to think what might happen against a top-flight team. Still, Dagger! Max Pack! Whoooo!!!!

The Subbanator deserves his own damn paragraph!: PK F'in Subban is great. I hope Bob doesn't trade him. He's not even on the team and he might be my favourite Canadien.

The stat that made me go WTF? more than any other: It's not that our leading scorers (Lang and Kovy) are on pace for 64 points. It's not that Mad Max has more goals than Gui! Gui! Gui! and Little Tits, and only one less than ZombiePleks. It's not even that Max Pack has a shooting percentage of 33%. It's this: Josh Gorges, plus 16.

Habs would be dead in the water without: Mad Max and his fucking crazy channelling of Guy Lafleur the past few weeks. Josh Gorges and his mystifying chicken-head-cut-off style of defending resulting in a plus 16 and all sorts of important ice-time (he's averaging over 20 minutes a game!). Dagger and his timely goals. Lang and his timely everything. Breezer, routinely making the safe play and chipping in with a dozen points and a plus 6. Whoa. That and an inexplicable ability to pull games out of the fire. Hold on, kids.

Things to look forward to or worry about: What happens when all the walking wounded return? Where do Higgins and Koivu and Tanguay and Laraque and El Dandy fit in? Can Gorges keep it up? Is Price hurt worse than anyone is letting on? If he is, can Jaro keep winning? Is Bob going to mess the chemistry up with a monster deal for Jay Boumeester or Vinny Lecavalier or Ilya Kovalchuk? Can I get an indication of what sweater number PK F'in Subban is getting, so I can order it now? Will the fucking Bruins please fall back to earth, and will someone shoot Milan Lucic down off a building King Kong style before the playoffs? Can the Habs keep winning, hold down a top-four spot, and avoid a trip to Jeff Carter and Mike Richard's house of goons for at least two rounds? If Bob trades for Tomas Kaberle, do I have to refrain from calling him soft as Craig Janney? Can you believe El Dandy finished that shift with a fucking broken arm??? What the hell is with all the road games in the next few months? Will someone please explain how this is the 100th anniversary, so the Leaf fans can find something else stupid to complain about?

(Live) Game Review: It`s awsome to see the Habs crush the Leafs in person Edition

Mikael Grabovsky and Sergei Kostitsyn continue their battle in the alley behind the Bell Centre after the game.

Ah, life is good. Out of the hospital, airways clear, and on top of it, due to the generosity of loyal FHF blogger LG77, got to watch the Habs beat up on a crappy Leafs team live. First post in a while, so I`m a bit out of the loop - got nothing clever, so let`s hit the bullet points, random stream of consciousness style:

• Special thanks goes out to Toksalad's (FHF nickname award (non-Habs division) winner, 2008-2009 season; take a bow, Moeman), who ensured a Habs victory and the fulfillment of all my pre-game wishes after giving up several weak ones, especially the second to Mad Max.
• On the other hand, nothing but praise for Jaro (especially after he got bashed after the Devils/Panthers games): solid-to-spectacular play, to the point that was surprising to see the Leafs ahead in shots all game. As HF4 might say: Cari seet in sick room and have sexy massage of brokeen groin, so Jaro seev meeny shots from Leaf and help Mentreal ween.
• Kovy is great when he's interested. (I just wish that was more often.) And he could have been a porn star: he can get it straight up in tight in the blink of an eye.
• Yet another rookie made his Habs debut. Wearing no. 68 (what with the 60`s digits? what`s wrong with 24 or 15?? Or something in the 30s? This is bugging me way more than it should.) Weber didn`t do anything spectacular on the PP, but got off one rocket of a slapshot in the third, and held his own during regular shifts in the third alongside Hamr. It was nice of the Leafs to suck so badly that Carbo could play him like that without worry.
• What`s with Georges up front? Dude clearly plays defence for a reason.
• D`Agostini can probably make travel plans back to Hamilton when Saks returns (fingers crossed) on Saturday. Hit the net on a breakaway, rookie.
• I can`t believe the refs kept Grabs and Little Tits apart - but loved that it seemed like the linesmen was going to toss Grabovsky like a dwarf for a second. Apparently Grabs said he`d fight him in the street - which I`d pay to see.
• Also can't believe the league is going to look the other way after that dust up - seems like Grabs is getting the Curtis Joseph treatment. (Ed. note: RDS reports that Grabby got 3 games.)
• Most unbelievably, I think it`s time to let Breezer out of the trunk after moving into 5th all-time in Habs scoring among defensemen after his 3-assist game. He's played within his capabilities alongside Cube, and (shudder) has probably been our second best offensive defencemen. That being said, if Gainey doesn`t substantially upgrade the quality of puck-moving defencemen before the deadline they`re going nowhere in the playoffs.
• Is Brian Burke going to do something besides goon the Leafs up with the likes of Brad May? I guess he's returning to the good ol' Conn Smythe days of "beat'em in the alley" - cause they clearly aren't going to be beating many teams on the ice.
• Both Greek Lightening and Franky may have lost the technical decision in their fights, but Cube hanging in there with a guy 6 inches taller energized the team - and the crowd. And proved that "intimidation" tactics are not going to win hockey games when you have no talent.
• Speaking of fighting, where is Georges Laraque? How does one get hurt by not playing? Maybe someone should tell BGL that the massage places he's been frequenting, while temporarily improving the feeling in his groin area, really aren't a recommended long term medical solution.
• OK, so now we have a good PP again? And Mad Max`s line plays half the time? OK.
• Speaking of whom, I'm away for 3 weeks and Max turns into Rocket Richard? WTF? I guess that makes Tenderness Toe Blake.
• It is an experience to watch the Habs beat the Leafs live. Taunting Toksalad the whole way through. Sixty-seven, clap-clap-clapclapclap in the first. Olé in the second. Hey-hey goodbye half way through the third. (Usually I`d say too early, but the game was never close. Plus it`s the Leafs.)
• Especially sweet victory with 6 regulars out. Of course I`m sure Leafs Nation has some sort of excuse for the fact that the Bulldogs probably could have beaten them last night.
• Speaking of Leafs Nation: One member got tossed 5 minutes into the game after throwing a plastic bottle down 15 rows, nailing a guy in the back of the head (he was fine). I don't know what Leafs Fan was thinking because no one was even taunting the Leafs or their fans at that point. Then again, if he was rational he probably wouldn't be a Leafs fan.
• Not-something-you-see-everyday department: two Hasidic jews with Habs baseball caps in the front row of the whites. I guess god really is a Habs fan.

Great game. Leafs Suck indeed. I`m off to watch some midget wrestling to get in the mood for the rematch.