Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Stanley Cup pissed Michael Ryder won it as a Bruin

Whilst displaying the Stanley Cup in his native Newfoundland today, Michael Ryder watched in horror as the Holy Grail said "No, I don't think so."

lap dance to FHF Nfld correspondent ncbeets for the tip

Friday, August 26, 2011

Sexy Friday is working out with vampires and balls

A little something for the ladies today with a nod to our summer fling and its pathetic season. Via.

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of being on vacation with Bar Rafaeli...
  • The new spinner of the NHL's Wheel of Justice met the media and said nothing of relevance;
  • Your Crosby concussion update du jour says even less;
  • Your Habs website puff piece du jour is Lars Eller.Did you know he's been working hard in the off-season?
  • Though the Habs website did something interesting for a change and is allowing readers to leave predictions for the season with comments via their Facebook accounts. Man that "Allen Mendelsohn" commentor is stylish and handsome;
  • We never mentioned this week the announcement of the Habs new English radio play by play guy. Consider him mentioned;
  • Buffalo will have a new arena name this year.We miss The Aud;
  • Because there is really not much hockey and we need bullets, here are Victoria Silvstedt's massive tits in a bikini.
God bless Victoria's Secret and their ability to put out new videos every other day. Here's something about exercising with balls. Or boxing or something. We kind of black out when we see hot blondes in workout clothes. Anyway, time to hit the gym. Happy Sexy Friday everyone.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Goodbye, cocknockers

It came to my attention yesterday that myfo, aka melt your face-off, has shut its doors forever. Now, the fact that I only found this out more than two weeks after the fact might tell you something about how far myfo may have fallen in notoriety and influence, but that's neither here nor there. In its heyday, myfo was the best hockey blog on the internet. Period. In fact, I've long considered them FHF's spiritual brothers. Or at least some long-lost relative. So let me put on my serious hat (I swear I have one) for a moment to give LeNoc, Weed, Rask, RD, and even that PHucktard-lovin' Hex the tribute they so deserve and seem not to have received from anyone.

It's hard to believe now in an age when every idiot out there has his own hockey blog, but there was a time when the sports blogosphere ignored hockey. Both FHF and myfo sprang up to try to fill that void. And we did it in the same way - a group of guys who loved the game but would write anything, skewer anybody, and not be beholden to things like "facts" or "journalistic integrity." And just like the best of FHF, there were so many times when you finished reading a myfo piece and you would say to yourself, "wow, did those fuckers really write that? You can't put that on the internet!" But they did, and they did it every day better than anyone else, even us. At their peak I lived in the myfo comments section because I lived on that site because everything they wrote was gold, Jerry, gold. Even when they wrote about us. They set the standard for what every funny hockey blog on the internet should be, and for that, they must be remembered.

[removes serious hat] Goodbye, cocknockers.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The Afternoon Skate is looking stylish

Helloooooo, handsome. 

Bullet points for what you missed while you've been stuck at work with an IT department that blocks every interesting site on the interwebs...
  • In light of TFS' stylishness, Squid Tweets his fashion preferences and offers fashion tips;
  • Sid's agent is denying all this crap about his client not being ready for the season because of the return of concussion symptoms. Because agents (fucking lawyers) tell the truth all the time, we of course believe him. And Steven Stamkos has weighed in for some reason;
  • Ovie is hawking chocolate bars now. There's videos and everything. We'd bitch, but as any 420'er knows, Mr. Big is a fine product. Chewy and crunchy all at once;
  • Here's a nice puff piece on PatCHes' upcoming season. Even the Canadiens website is bored;
  • If you've got nothing to do at 4 PM today, turn on TSN2 and root for 12-year olds. PUMMELL THE SHIT OUT OF THOSE JAPANESE IMPERIALIST ASSHOLES. Sorry, the LLWS is the only baseball we watch anymore, and we take it way too seriously;
  • Over at our summer fling, we've got the weekly True Blood recap and as a special bonus, TMS singing. Don't judge;
  • Anyone feel the earthquake this afternoon?
As you were.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Anticipavacation ~ things to do and to look forward to on 08/22

Its been a long, lazy, sometimes hazy summer with almost no real hockey news for what seems likes months since the Broons were handed a fucking tarnished Stanley Cup. Even the Canadiens official site is bored to the point of main-paging a July story about the contractual status of players. I could easily replicate the daily links Habs, er Hockey i/o puts out, that would be too easy but I do like this BR (Bleacher Report, not Bertrand Raymond) story. Feel the ice creamy optimism about contending for #25!
Bits of tid and other things to look forward to;
~ An Avenging Colby Smulders ~
~ Thanks/Merci/CHeers Jack ~
~ iPhone5 ~
~ The original Fred Flagstone clip ~
~ 'The Waiting', its the hardest part ~
~ Back to sCHool ~
~ The End ~

Friday, August 19, 2011

Sexy Friday is playing with the size of the nets

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of a Candice Swanepoel and Lily Aldridge Lingerie Sextacular...
  • The NHL's R&D camp has come up with the awesome idea of making the nets four inches narrower. This will give Big Tits an extra 4 inches of space behind the net to lose the puck;
  • Also from R&D camp (one time, at R&D camp...), something about curved glass stanchions between the benches designed to protect the players. A little late, assholes;
  • Here's your HNIC schedule news for the coming season. It includes the Habs on a couple of Thursdays and a Friday. Hockey night ain't what it used to be;
  • We also count about 15 Habs games on the TSN schedule;
  • Looks like Sean Avery is getting off scot-free in his police battery case, because he didn't actually push the cop. He just stood there and waved his stick in his face;
  • Lap dance to N31 for pointing out video of Alex (Y)Emelin skating in Brossard. He looks big and mobile. *wipes drool from chin*
  • A preview of 2K's NHL 12 video game, which includes a new "legends" mode so you can be Gretzky, Howe, and... Börje Salming?
  • Your bonus Sexy Friday bullet is an Emmanuel Chriqui gallery, a Montrealer we can all be proud of.
You would not believe the kind of videos that come up when you search for "hot babes in nets." Man those Japanese are crazy. So instead enjoy this video of the Victoria's Secret bra you may have noticed (or not) in the pics linked above. Happy Sexy Friday everyone.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Funktastic Summer! ~ babes, ice cream, fresh tomatoes? I need a FuckinHockeyFix

Feel like CHompin' on a puck? Miss the sweet, salty smell of your favourite jock? Tired of Googlin' for PatCHes in a tuxedo pics? Still bringing up bile over the sham Broons Stanley Cup 'win'? Didn't dump your RIMM stock fast enough to buy gold or better yet Apple? The wait ain't over. Still a few weeks before some serious hockey talk and some fun puck news but never, ever forget that we have the fabulous J.T., the informative Arpon and of course the never ending stream of leaf, laughs.
~ ~ ~
For Steve.
~ ~ ~
Nice scarf, NTTIAWWT. Oh and Dr. Fuckface Recchi.
~ ~ ~
Its tomato season!
~ ~ ~

Parliament that doesn't suck.
~ ~ ~
Beam me back to California for this...
~ ~ ~
... and this
~ ~ ~
G Y F H G !

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Tweet this bitCHes for 08/16 ~ Proud Papa edition

 Michael Cammalleri 

Friday, August 12, 2011

Sexy Friday is a little late. It was working out.

Padma has a new ad campaign. We approve. Via.
Oh hello! Apparently it is Friday, as a certain commentor has reminded me on several occasions today. Problem is, I am SO HUNGOVER (stop screaming 29) from a three day booze fest (God bless, and curse, the Pimms Royale) in the Eastern Townships I just sort of, uh, forgot? Or these non-hockey August blues just got me out of blogging practice. So apologies everyone!

Let's see what's going on. Hmmm, right. Well, more Big Tits - JM fallout I guess. Who's up for a Martin firing? I should write a post about that some day. I almost wish the Habs would start the season 0-5 or something so we can toss CHokula for good cause. Elsehwere, it was 17 years ago today that the 1994 baseball season was suspended for a strike. 'Spos World Series dreams dashed. Here's a little vid for some memories of the O.

But you didn't come here for memories of CHampionships that didn't happen. You came here for sex. So besides Padma up there, take a look at Candice Swanepoel in a bikini, then see her come alive in not one, but two new Victoria's Secret "sporty" commercials, to make up for our lateness. Happy belated Sexy Friday everyone.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

WTF!? a fresh new post to lick on 08/11!

Hey FHFers, how's the dog days of summer treating you?
Not muCH goin' on in Habs (can I still, legally, type, that word?) land,
so a few parting head shots.
~ ~ ~
Is Fuckface chara headed to the clink? (Warning, lots of Habs/Montréal haters).
~ ~ ~
Cool rockers with head's full of nice hair.
~ ~ ~
Are Ernie & Bert headed to the altar? NTTIAWWT.
~ ~ ~
Look up, its a Kate Upton headshot.
~ ~ ~
Everyone shake to some Teenage Head.
~ ~ ~
Érik Colé is headlining the August calendar
~ ~ ~
Even covered in mud, Bar's head is pretty.
~ ~ ~
Head over to NYC for some amazing zzas.
~ ~ ~
'Hold Ya Head' high Bob.
~ ~ ~
Headin' out bitCHes.

Friday, August 05, 2011

The Morning Skate for extra-Sexy Friday, August 5th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of Miranda Kerr's cleavage...
Still early August. Hang in there kids. This video will distract you - Kate Upton with farm animals. Here's the interview about her love of animals and her love of her own body. Happy Sexy Friday everyone.

Let me keep the sexy going ... you know I've always wanted to be under Kate Upton. Here's my CHance, the other guy is birthday boy Boston GM, Peter CHiarelli (50!) receiving a respectful rival's handshake. (click to embiggin') ~ moeman

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Hey look, hockey!

Peter Budaj gets in some work this week at Brossard. You can just feel the playoff-like atmosphere.