BREAKING NEWS! BREAKING BONES! INJURY REPORT It's time for that Photo Again

This just in. Injury Report for November 19, 2009.

Brian Gionta: Broken foot, out indefinetley

Andrei Markov: Torn thingy in his knee. Out till spring, maybe longer. maybe he'll never be back.

Hal Gill: Torn something something. Out 3-5 weeks. That's impossible because injury periods are always estimated in even numbers.

Georges Laraque: Back busted up real good. Out like Neil Patrick Harris at a club in Ibiza.

Ryan O'byrne: Tugged purse strings. Out on bail.

Jaro Halak: Burned forehand making stew for team. Out of ideas for next Jaro post.

Matt D'Agostini: Razor burn from first shave. Out for the season.

Jaro Spacek: Severed ass cheek. Now has two but cracks, but ass wide enough to handle the added perforation.

Roman Hamrlik: Exploding appendix. 30 to 32 days.

Andrei Kostistsyn: Cracked ri, uh,.... no, no, just crack. Likes to smoke crack.

Scott Gomez: Ruptured vein in third finger of left hand. Out for the season.

Mike Cammalleri: Cataract in foot. Out indefinitely.

Glen Metropolit: No Rapid Eye Movement. Out of Time.

Kyle Chipchura: Four concussions. Out of his mind if he thinks he's making a career in the NHL.

Guillaume Latendresse: African Sleeping Sickness. Get out of Bed, Gui!

Carey Price: Harpooned at sea. Out of the water.

Josh Gorges: Drowned in failed attempt to rescue Price. 2-4 gallons out of his body, following CPR with tongue performed by Kyle Chipchura.

Max Lapierre: Dislocated location. Out 2-3 hours.

Tomas Plekanec: Unhealthy scratch following a night out with a girl met at a bar.

N.B.!!! (This just in from GG: Too bad Pleks isn't playing like a girl. You could've used "has his period, out 3-5 days and then cranky like a bitch for the rest of the month")

Sergei Kostitsyn: Deep bruise in the belly button. Out of the womb already you impossible child.

Jacques Martin: It's out of my hands for now.

Tomorrow's lineup:

Forward Lines

Pacioretty - Moen - Stewart

Defense Pairings

Mara

Hockey Night in the E.R. - Avs 3 - What's Left of the Habs 2

Max Pacioretty was not at practice today, and was presumably injured in last night's home opener.

Injury upon injury. They're mounting and have already decimated the team, the hardest blow having almost eradicated the Habs' chances of making the playoffs and dealt during the first game.

So many injuries, it's like the team could be staring in a real weird version of General Hospital.

Something like this:

Casey told Josh Fernando had not called to request the ransom since her baby was kidnapped. Fernando told Andrei that he would meet him down by the pier to discuss what had happened in the cave in Guatemala. Ian made it clear the fans needed to welcome the team loudly and devised a good marketing ploy to have every player introduce himself in French. Roman was seen having dinner with Sebastian while Angela looked on in dismay, confirming her fears that Carlene had told them about their family secret in the Andes. Andrei received a phone call from Carlene who told him about Sebastian's meeting with Roman, which left him so stunned that he forgot to say "Je suis" before introducing himself to the crowd.

Matthew was upset when Rachel stormed into his mansion. Rachel immediately inquired how he could afford a mansion seeing as she had never seen him work a day in his life. Meanwhile, Roman was on the ice trying to shake off the effects of his troubling conversation with Sebastian who had conveyed his intentions of cutting him out of the Garbalando deal. Roman scored a nice goal on the power play but couldn't really alleviate his fears. Stephen tried telling Kathleen that he had feelings for her but the two were interrupted by Kathleen's father who had made it home early from the hospital, where he has been treating the same three patients in alternating fashion over 23 seasons. The Avalanche tied the score and went ahead 2-1 on a couple of strange bounces that went by Carey Price. Jared finally told Cassie about the affair but promised to quit his job if she could give him another chance.

Mitchell experienced mild complications from the explosion in the cave but that did not stop him from ordering Mylena to leave his house when she showed up unannounced at the Paisley home. Andrei made some stunning moves in a great individual effort to dish out a beautiful pass to Tomas Plekanec who fired a one timer to tie the score at 2. Peeps was not able to give the combination to the family safe to Edwardo who threatened to tell Madeleine everything about the ferry ride. Shawn Bell missed an assignment in the corners leading to an easy game winning goal past a stranded Price. Kevin was sure he saw shadows beyond the boxes on the pier while he was waiting for Teresa who never showed up. After making it back to his car, Kevin heard a terrifying scream.