Friday, September 30, 2011

Sexy Friday celebrates day 2 of Rosh Hashanah

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of having Mila Kunis over for some CHallah and honey...
  • Would you say it's time to panic? Yes I would Kent. Habs lose again, 4-0 to the Bolts. You can say "it's just pre-season" only so many times;
  • The Little Fuckity-Fuck had a six point night;
  • Drew Doughty cashes in with the Kings to the tune of $56 mill;
  • Banana tossing guy feels terrible about tossing the banana;
  • For the ladies today... hmm. You type "hottest Jewish male actors" and you get Woody Allen or Larry David. That can't be good. All the handsome Jews are doctors. How about some Israeli male models;
  • Hey did you know the season starts next week? News to us at FHF, as we are still working on a season preview. Look for it to drop Monday or Tuesday.
Unlike the men, there are sexy Jewish female actresses up the ying yang. Here's my future wife, Alison Brie, licking things. Happy Sexy Friday everyone.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Morning Skate for Thursday, September 29

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of a wild night in baseball...
Today's video of Evelyne's tits Habs TV is a tour of the new boards / glass at the Bell. They're bouncy. The boards I mean.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Saturday, September 24, 2011

It's a weekend open thread of love!

Patches! Als! Sens tonight, Bs tomorrow. I have to run off, I'll update later, talk amongst yourselves. That's what TWOTOL's all about anyway...

SUNDAY MORNING UPDATE. Habs lost 3-2 last night, thanks to a goal in the last minute by Chris Neil (seriously?). Not much of a game to remember, except for Squid's 2 goals thanks to Palushaj's two helpers. Beaulieu showed he's not ready for prime time, despite RDS' insistence he is. TFS hopefully continuing his pattern of playing meh in the pre-season only to win almost 40 games in the regular season. Although he did have some huge saves at key times, and the Sens' 2nd goal bounced off a hundred skates before it went in.

Bruins tonight, at 6 pm EST from Halifax. PatCHes did not make the trip out East, and the Shaved Gorilla has been on and off with a leg injury all pre-season so he probably won't be there either. Don't forget CHicken! In other former-Habs-with-CH-in-their-nickname news, CHeez Whiz is in trouble.

While you wait, nice NFL double at 1 PM (at least on northeast stations) with Giants-Eagles and Pats-Bills (Bills are good this year). Or you could catch up on some housework. You're bathtub is disgusting.

moeman updates that i/o reports the following; "The Boston Bruins will play defenceman Zdeno Chara and forward Benoit Pouliot tonight vs. the Canadiens, but will sit both players tomorrow on the team’s date back at the Bell Centre."
Guess the shaved ape won't be relaxing at the Boston Zoo today and is too small-balled to play in Montréal, also, too CHickenshit.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Sexy Friday is handing out some discipline

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of a whole new set of Kate Upton bikini pics...
  • Habs have four games in four nights starting with the Sens tonight. We're tired already;
  • Tonight's game will include the appearance of The Mexican, whose lower body is ready to not score goals;
  • NEVER touch a Leaf, you will pay. Shanny the punisher hands out five pre-season and five regular season games to Jody Shelly;
  • Shanny also handed out 4 + 1 to Letourneau-Leblond, who didn't hit a Leaf;
  • THERE IS A BANANA ON THE ICE! THERE IS A BANANA ON THE ICE! Actually we shouldn't joke because this looks like it may be a disgusting racist incident. Ugh;
  • MIke Modano will sign a one-day contract so he can retire a Star;
  • PJ Stock feels bad;
  • For the ladies today, Cosmo puts together a slideshow of 64 hot guys without shirts.
As you can well imagine, "discipline" videos are pretty out there. So here's some random artsy fartsy strip tease video (no nudity, but close, so close your office door). Happy Sexy Friday everyone!

    Wednesday, September 21, 2011

    PatCHes preview and open thread

    I was going to use the "face smashed into a stanchion by a gorilla" pic, but wanted something happier

    Tonight, at 7:30 on RDS, PatCHes returns to the Bell Centre ice for his first game since the, uh, the you know what. I will admit it, I may get weepy when I see him. It's the dust. Fuck the NHL and fuck the Shaved Gorilla. This will be a happy ending.

    Tuesday, September 20, 2011

    Summer ain't officially over ...

    OK, so our Habs lost, 6-3, in a pre-season game.
    Lotsa kinks to be worked out but Colé scored and Gremlin had a nice hit,
    so that's nice. No ice cream? Not so nice. Bonus, its still-Summer weather.
    RDS calls it an early costly loss. Really. Do they think ratings'll suffer?
    As our own gillis would say, "meh". CHill out FHFers, you could be a leaf fan.
    Or Steve-Olé, now dats gotta hurt.

    Regardless. Summer has yet to set.
    Enjoy the warm weather, 
    the real CHill in the air ain't far away and it could be
    much, fucking, worse.
    Be good and be good to eaCH other.
    The End.
    G Y F pre-season H G !

    Hockey! Pre-season! Players you've never heard of!

    Yeah, this is about as recognizable as some of the Habs on the ice tonight

    Tonight at 730 PM, from the Bell, on RDS, against Dallas. WOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Hockey motherfuckers! Too bad I have plans, because pre-season hockey is the best.

    Players you've heard of who are in the game: Squid, Pleks, Tits, Cole (uh, nickname? did we figure that out yet?), Gremlin, Gill, TFS.

    Players you've never heard of: Everyone else.

    In honour of the first (sort of) game of the season, here's a good old fashioned stripper pic for ya. Stop your whining.

    Monday, September 19, 2011

    Tweet this bitCHes for 09/19

    RT @MCammalleri13 Tweeting while driving is dangerous. Never do it. Unless ur parked on a bridge. #champlain #victoria #mtl



    Sunday, September 18, 2011


    Oh hello. Happy Sunday to you. Why aren't you in church? You should be, you sinners. While you wait for the Als game or the NFL game of your choice, enjoy these videos of Alexei (Y)Emelin wreaking havoc in scrimmages yesterday. Drool. Well except for the potentially taking out PatCHes' knee part.

    Friday, September 16, 2011

    Sexy Friday is going in for its pre-season physical

    Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of Scarlett Johansson nude photos...
    • It's time! Habs report for physicals today and actual camp starts tomorrow. You can feel hockey in the air, and it's not just the fact we froze our ass off last night;
    • Puck Daddy's previews have arrived at the Habs. It seems relatively fair and accurate, which is a surprise. But for the love of God don't read the comments. Remember the old Puck Daddy Comment of the Day feature we had around here once? Well, we can't pass up this one: "Leafs are gonna kick their @#$% and finish ahead. Montreal will be fighting for 8th. Price won't play as well as last year. Leafs will get 6th or 7th.";
    • Leafs sign Luke Schenn to a five-year deal, Tronna plans a series of parades;
    • Finnish Flash signs on for another year with the Ducks;
    • The Dallas Stars are bankrupt and being sold. Another successful Southern franchise;
    • Tweet this bitCHes - the NHL has a new social media policy, and it means there won't be any Tweeting from the locker room;
    • Habs TV has a cute new host(ess);
    • Here's a video of some amazing pole dancing, for no reason;
    • Kate Upton goes to football games too. Could she be any more perfect?
    • Some yutz named Allen Mendelsohn has a new blog. We bet that's the last we hear from him.
    We're turning over the video section of Sexy Friday to the ladies today, but don't worry, everyone will like it. Do you enjoy handsome young defensemen of African descent showering and working out? Then we have the video for you! It's really just perfect, except for the fact it's filmed in Toronto. Happy Sexy Friday everyone.

    Thursday, September 15, 2011

    A children's treasury of Markov pics in tribute to his knee

    It's being reported that Vodkov's knee is, uh, not good. This has us worried! If you want to know why, you can just go ahead and read J.T., who sums it up perfectly as usual. We will use it an opportunity to fondly look back at some of our favourite GG11 Vodkov masterpieces over the years.

    Wednesday, September 14, 2011

    Rookies ~ You gotta luv em'

    Spring is in the air, um wait a sec., Summer is almost over! FHFuck!
    Lots of youngsters showing up for rookie camp,
    Fall can't be too far and yes, Habs hockey is soon upon us.
    I can almost taste the FHFree ice cream! (for any new FHFers,
    just make sure to post lots of comments to get a lick).
    ~ ~ ~
    ~ ~ ~
    J.T.'s fun take on rookie camp.
    DDD does daily duty describing debutantes.
    25Stanley thinks LouisLouis will be tenderized.
    Ms. Universe 2011 rookie camp news/pics.
    ~ ~ ~
    ~ ~ ~
    Rookie FHFers, press some flesh.
    ~ ~ ~
    Not so much a rookie band but a great free fucking PJ song titled Olé!
    ~ ~ ~
    Hep cat hype and some pretty hep Habs cats.
    ~ ~ ~
    Remember being a rookie Chef?
    ~ ~ ~
    The End
    ~ ~ ~

    Tuesday, September 13, 2011

    Hockey! Habs!

    The first grainy video of rookie camp. We have no idea what's going on, who's who, or anything. But it's hockey.

    Monday, September 12, 2011

    Tweet this bitCHes for September 12th

    ROOKIE CAMP FUCK AND YES. #it(sorta)begins

    (lap dance to orangeman for the photo link. via)

    Friday, September 09, 2011

    Sexy Friday will whip you into shape for the season

    Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of Candice Swanepoel in multiple lingerie costumes...
    You would not believe what kind of videos you get when you search for "whipping." Well, maybe you would. NSFW wouldn't begin to describe it. So you'll have to settle for this vid from Agent Provocateur I found. They are putting Victoria's Secret vids to shame. Happy Sexy Friday everyone.

    Thursday, September 08, 2011

    Happy Birthday Rogie Vachon

    I know it's his birthday because it's also mine. Me, Rogie and Pink. I think I'm the most famous one. This video is all kinds of awesome. Well except for Leafs scoring. But even I cannot deny the awesomeness of the Mike Palmateer mask at the end.

    /returns to hangover (these might help)

    Wednesday, September 07, 2011

    Sidney Press Conference Preview and Open Thread

    Today at 12:30, Sid the Kid will address the media in Pittsburgh to talk about his health. It is the most important press conference in the history of the universe. Not to make light of concussions, especially given a certain #67, but the hype TSN is building to this thing is a little much. Especially given we can predict the bottom line in one sentence: "I'll play when I'm ready." You may now skip the press conference.

    Monday, September 05, 2011

    Happy Labour Day

    In honour of, we're being lazy and not working. Let someone else tweet.

    Friday, September 02, 2011

    Sexy Friday is flashing you

    Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of Minka Kelly flashing you...
    • For the love of God, do not drive a boat while intoxicated, like Dustin Byfuglian. The cottage rule is that the hungover guy drives the boat because he can't drink anyway while his buddies dive into the cooler;
    • The NHL and NHLPA are going to look into all this death business;
    • Wanting to see the Habs play outdoors? Good luck with that. The best we can do is the Bulldogs hosting the Marlies at Ivor Wynne Stadium, hopefully before it collapses, as it's being rebuilt;
    • The Canadiens Magazine interviewed Pedro Martinez, because he's the first thing you think of when you think of the Habs. I keed, it's actually got some juicy nuggets, though frustrating for 'spos fans;
    • Free weed!
    • For you ladies today, Ryan Reynolds is flashing you his pecs and abs.
    We close today not with Victoria's Secret for a change, but rival lingerie company Agent Provocateur. It features everyone's favorite crazy pair of tits from Boardwalk Empire (new season starts September 25th, w00t!), Paz de la Huerta, flashing you. ¡Caliente! Happy Sexy Friday everyone. (via)