Showing posts with label flyers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label flyers. Show all posts

Friday, February 15, 2008

Top 10 Reasons to Hate the Flyers - Because Our Top 1000 Would Take Too Long

If only that era was truly over....

The FHF is proud to present part 2 of a 31 part series (don't think you're getting off easy just because you don't have franchises, Quebec and Hartford): Top 10 Reasons why all hockey fans – not just Habs’ fans – should hate the Flyers.

Many NHL franchises have immediately identifiable characteristics: the Canadiens’ will always be the Flying Frenchmen (even when they score at a soccer-like pace); the Oilers are young and fast, the Devils defensive and boring. Meanwhile, the Philadelphia Flyers have staked a reputation of goonish thuggery and have too often given the league a figurative and literal black eye.

10. Center Bobby Clarke might be a Hall of Famer, but that doesn’t change the fact that he was a gap-toothed goon who believed winning was the only thing, to the extent that other players' safety was utterly irrelevant. Shooting pucks at goalie's heads to 'intimidate them' (back when helmets were not what they are today). The ultimate example being the vicious slash on Valery Kharlamov in the Super Series, breaking the Soviet star’s ankle. Just mind-boggling, cowardly, misguided hatred. He should be an embarrassment to all Canadians, not an idol.

9. Cooperalls, circa 1981-82. Those ugly one-piece pantleg things from the early eighties were a fashion crime against humanity. What does is say the Hartford freakin' Whalers were the only other franchise to employ such heinous attire? Go play ringette, you pussies.

8. That stupid fucking Kate Smith rendition of the anthem, which was once cool but is now so overused it borders on comical. Another glorious example of the Flyer's prediliction for not knowing when to quit.

7. Their goddamn idiot, Nazi-helmet wearing fans from the 70's. And yes we realize Ed Snider is Jewish. Only makes it more unbelievably inappropriate.

6. John LeClair and Eric Desjardins turning into superstars after the Mark Recchi trade. Lopsided trade despite Recchi being a valuable addition for several years due to LeCalir absolutely owning the Habs for the rest of his career. Plus made up 1/3 of the LEGION OF DUMB, err, DOOM line. We take small solace from Mikeal Renberg's current occupation, selling used cars in Omsk.

5. G.M. Bobby (Don’t Call me Bob) Clarke. So many reasons, but we'll rehash how he gutted the franchise for Eric Lindros, and in one of the most inexplicable scenarios if all time, turned the Big “E’ and his busy-body mom Bonnie into sympathetic figures. Plus, pieces of the Lindros trade were used by the Avs to shoplift Patrick Roy out from Rejean Houle’s goodiebag (ok fine, that was more the Habs’ fault than yours…) This is only mitigated somewhat by a) the trade blowing up in his face and b) signing the skating Gorillas, Derian Hatcher and Mike Rathje, to long-term deals.

4. The long line of street thugs the Flyers dress up in hockey gear: Bully Boulerice. Steve Downie. Deranged Hatcher. Box Car Hospodar. Wrong Hextall. Hammer (for brains) Schultz. Dupont. Clarke.

3. The 1989 Playoff attack on Chris Chelios; we realize he’s no choir boy and he had to know payback was going to be a bitch after clobbering Brian Propp with a vicious and illegal elbow. But even paranoid conspiracy-theorist Chelios couldn’t have anticipated the premeditated cornering and attack by Hextall, Ulf’s ugly stepsister Shell Samuelsson and the rest. And of course, like cowards, they with seconds left in the Flyer’s elimination game. Simply disgusting.

2. The embarrassment that is and was the Red Army/Flyers game. The fact that the Habs/Red Army New Year's game is one of – if not THE - best ever makes the Flyers actions all the more abominable.

1. President Bob Clarke standing up for Steve Downie after the clearly deranged young ‘man’ proves time and again he can’t draw the line between physicality and outright, bloodthirsty, violence. Just like his idol, Bobby Clarke.

Friday, December 14, 2007

City of Brotherly Love: Team Big and Little Tits 4, Team with No Tits 1

There’s something about these Philadelphia Flyers that brings out the best in the Montreal Canadiens. The teams’ first game in what was an unceremonious first appearance at the Bell Centre for homeboy Daniel Brière, since his non merci, Montréal, proved to be nothing more than a cake walk for the Habs.

This time around, the Habs playing in the comforts of away from home, delivered another nearly perfect performance as the Flyers were quickly left behind, trying to discern between their anuses and their elbow pads.

The Road Warriors controlled this one from the start, while the Flyers' grasp on the game proved weaker than Renaud Lavoie’s translation skills. It was everything a coach wants to see. Special units delivering 110 pourcent on the dollar (US or CAD, take your pick), reliable, if unflashy, goaltending, responsible coverage in the defensive zone. All this contributed to the Canadiens mounting a 4-0 lead on the road and smiles across the boards.

The Habs’ first line was invigorated by mother’s milk with Little Tits providing an extra spark that had long gone missing in the Finding Ryder story. The Kostitsyn brothers toasted their first NHL game together by combining for a Sergei fancy pass between the legs to Andrei, in a play the two must have practiced many a times in Novopolotsk, Belarus not too long ago. While it didn’t result in a goal, the play left fans in anticipation of more brotherly chemistry. Coach Carbonneau sped that process up by seeing what the two could do on the power play together.

In his first NHL game, Litte Tits did just fine and looked far more comfortable and confident than now-Bulldog Grabovski.

Now we are left to wonder what this all means for Michael Ryder. He and his agent will soon find the right answers to that question, but if Ryder wants to play on this team he may have to settle for a spot on the Chipichura, Latendresse line, which may make sense if Ryder can find anything that resembles his past form. That kind of line can be for the Habs what the defunct Getzlaf, Penner, Perry trio was for Anaheim.

Team management may already have thrown in the towel tough on this player who never saw fit to sign for anything longer than a breath in Montreal. By all accounts, Ryder’s days in Montreal appeared to be numbered. In any event, if Sergei K’s feature presentation was a sign of things to come, Carbo will be hard pressed to take him off the first line.

This was the kind of breakout game that provides fans with the respite needed when on the verge of signing off. A couple of beautiful tic, tac, toe plays made it a fun three periods to watch in a game that saw Carey Price relegated to more of an insurance role than anything else.

Marc Streit’s two goals were another testament to an everything going right on this night type of game.

And what about Brière? I’ve seen fruit flies look more apparent on an elephant’s ass.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Engraver on Stand-by: Habs 5 - Bullies 2



A gem.

Last night, the Montreal Canadiens came up with a gem.

They dominated the Philadelphia Flyers in every aspect of the game. Speed, grit, hitting, fighting, goaltending, shooting, everything related to playing hockey.

Sure this Flyer sans Gagné team was a depleted version of the squad that has steered the sharpest turn out of mediocrity the NHL has seen this season to lead the Atlantic division. From worst to first, the Flyers came to Montreal under these headings.

But Montreal came prepared last night. Still sore from the Briere incident, the players needed to show Danny Boy that he erred in his assessment of Montreal's chances this year. And what resulted was the most convincing team effort this team has come up with this year and maybe in years.

They were swift coming out of their zone, with a defense corps lead by Hamrlik delivering perfect passes to the forwards all night. In this relay, these forwards carried the baton with creativity and purpose into the offensive zone. That means speed and skill.

Briere was booed thoroughly by the Montreal fans every time he hopped over the boards. They too have not forgotten and joined with the team in delivering a very special message to the now demonized once-was hero: you were wrong.

In this sound spanking, Montreal outshot Philadelphia 41-18 and they did so with balance, distributing their dominating ways evenly across the 3 periods. They played well with the lead, coming on stronger and stronger as the game wore on.

It's as good is it gets for this team. This is the Montreal Canadiens at their best. They definitely won't do it every night, but when they do produce a jewel of an effort such as yesterday's game, leave the skepticism and devil's advocate impulses be. Enjoy it.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

"Ladies and gentlemen, on stage for your dancing pleasure, the Concussion Makers" - Game Preview and Open Thread

Waiting in line details - 7:30 PM start, Bell Centre, Montréal, QC. On TV: RDS and RDS-HD in French, TSN and TSN-HD in English. Montreal English radio CJAD, Montreal French radio CKAC. Habs took the season series last year 3-1. Habs have points in their last five games though they sucked out the joint Tuesday against the Thrash. Flyers leading the Atlantic division with a quality 7-3 record. Flyers also leading the league in concussion-generating hits and subsequent suspensions. Get well, Bergeron.

Pay your cover charge to - Flyers. Femme. One of Hockey's Ladies of Greatness, call her a puck bunny and she'll go Dave Schultz on you.

Hot sexy Habs to watch - Saku Koivu has points in 4 straight games, and extra motivation to shove it up Guy Bertrand's ass. Habs PP continues to lead the league at 30.2%. After 2 games of The Franchise Saviour, The Christo-Wall is back between the stripper poles. He's never lost to the Flyers (Jinx!). The Hamr continues to be a FHF fave with excellent two-way play; he was the only skater who showed up Tuesday.

Hot sexy Flyers to watch - Danny Brière has 13 points to lead the Flyers. Will the Habs fans boo him? Martin Biron is dominating opponents, with a 7-2 record, 1.78 GAA and .948 save %.

Skanky Habs to watch - I'll bet Michael Ryder is getting tired of seeing his name in this space. I'm sure he reads us every day. Habs 5 on 5 have generally sucked. I would say Josh Gorges, but if he's in the lineup after the Tuesday debacle Carbo needs medication.

Skanky Flyers to watch - Derian Hatcher has been mediocre, and now he's out after knee surgery. Simon Gagné is also out with a case of dizzyness after a Jay Bouwmeester hit. What's good for the goose, yada yada.

Post-game adult entertainment establishment - in what I might describe as a "hidden gem" (if you like your strip clubs grungy) check out Oh Caresses. This place is hidden in St-Henri (the HF29 hood) and is really a dirty place. And I mean dirty in both senses. It can be depressing, the woman aren't that good-looking, but a good time will be had in the booths. Apparently it just changed it's name last week to Montreal Strip Club. We'll see how this affects the fun quotient.

Watching the game? At the game? Listening? Imagining the game in your head? Let's hear your dirty, dirty thoughts in the comments.