TMS Says Goodbye to Milk Carton Mike and The Swiss Mister

Three years, $4 million per from the Broons (noooo!) for Ryder, five-years (!), $20.5 million from the Islanders for Streit.

Two of FHF's best nicknames out the door. Just tragic.

Seriously (ha! on this site?), from a hockey perspective, if Streit really wants to play D 20.5 mill is way overpriced. If you recall, he sucks at D. And we will always claim that Ryder fucked a female relative of Carbo and pissed him off. It's gonna be real embarassing when he scores 5 goals to lead the Broons past the Habs in the Conference semi-finals, including the series winner in Game 6.

Bolts Boxing Day Bonanza: Habs 5, T.Bay 2

Tampa's less than dynamic goaltending duo of Johan Holmqvist and Karri Ramo gift-wrap a "W" and hand it to the Habs on a silver platter. Jay Feaster looks for a real number 1 goalie, and we hear he's trying to lure Kari Takko out of retirement.

Plan the Parade: Habs play well enough not to lose and earn points 4 &5 out of a possible 8 on their infamous Christmas road trip. Guimauve pots #10 on the year, and continues to display not only chemistry with Captain K, but also the realization that he will only score goals while standing within 2 feet of the crease. And there is nothing wrong with that - Owen Nolan has scored 371 career goals and they've travelled a combined 371 1/2 feet. AK27 scored again and still looks interested, to our continued astonishment. Maxim Magazine scores his first of the year, which really should have been credited to Bolts D-man Filip Kuba, with an assist to Holmqvist. Markov scores and is plus 9 in his last 9 games. Big Tits adds another. The Habs best forward since his promotion, Little Tits, adds an assist and continues to show he could play on a line with a chimp at center and a baboon on the other wing and still impress us. Young blueliners Rhino and Georges don't suck, and their presence means Patrice Brisebois is still locked in the truck.

The Sky is falling: Despite the W and the road points, let's not get too excited - remember those two late goals were brutal giveaways, albeit after the game was decided. More to the point, do you remember any great shifts or even plays? All I remember were Bolts tripping over their sticks and deflecting pucks past thier own goalies (and thanks again, Mr. Kuba). This win was more the result of the Bolts stinking up the joint than the Habs beating a legit opponent. Maybe T.Bay forgot it was a home game (where they have the best home record in the conference) due to all the ex-Queebs in attendance - including several top-heavy blonds in the row right behind the Habs' bench. The only time all season I've appreciated RDS' continuing coverage of the Various Angry Faces of Carbo. HF10's Boy Higgins gets a hee-yuge demotion to the third line, next to Maxim Mag and Milk Carton Mike - although it's better than My Boy Chips, who watched from the press box (although I'm convinced he took the time to pay a visit to the Lightning Girls "backstage"). Milk Carton Mike proves he could play with Gretzky at center and Mario Lemieux on the other wing and still manage to go minus-1, take a bad penalty and not score a point. Well, provided the aforementioned linemates were also wearing Habs jerseys. We all know that he'll pull a LeClair and score a goal and two assists in his first game against the Habs after he leaves, just like that little bastard, Mickey Ribs. Yes, we're still bitter.

Chez Paree Bound: No one really earned any lap dances last night - except for My [New] Boy Little Tits. Yeah that's right, I'm officially on the bandwagon. Plus, we're not letting the Habs out late due to the history of play again the next night.

Next Evil Foe: The freaking Panthers, who have the Habs number for some bizarre reason. Jacques Martin's bore-the-opponent-to-death system is the latest excuse, Eddie Belfour was the excuse last year, Roberto Luongo before that - none of which satisfactorily explain the Habs suckitude against this inept franchise. We'll take comfort in the fact that Youppi! could kick Stanley C. Panther's ass straight up and down the panhandle.

Habs win 5-2 Over Caps - but please, there's not enought booze in the world for us to tolerate more pics like the one from the last game preview

Most of the FHF watched last night's game through the bottom of a glass, mostly to drown out the mental image of HF29's game preview pic.

Plan the Parade: Habs win! Who cares that it was against the worst team in the East. Gimauve pots a pair, making Carbo look like a genius for sitting him an extra game in favour of Milk Carton Mike. Ditto Cristo-Wall, who looked every bit the No. 1 goalie last night in stopping 35 of 37 shots. We'll see if it gets him another start on Saturday. Little Tits gets his first career NHL goal, which hopefully earns him a trip to the dermatologist on the Habs tab. The Dance a Dix line again proves to be the de facto number 1 line, although at least Saks didn't do any Chris Simon impersonations last night. Georges and Rhino were still in the lineup, meaning Breezer was still locked in a truck parked somewhere in St. Leonard, God Bless the mafia (yeah yeah, I know I made that joke in the comments earlier this week, but it's still funny to me.)

The Sky is Falling: even with a win against the worst team in the East, the Habs are 4-18 on Christmas road trips over the past few seasons, so let's not get too excited - besides Alex the Gr8, Nylander and Semin, name another Caps forward. Exactly. Rhino made some miscues again, suggesting he's not quite ready to be anointed the No. 4 defenceman quite yet - but a couple of years down the road, we're excited to see the Twin Towers, Rhino and Komo, knocking forwards on their rumps in front of TFS(TM).

Chez Paree bound: sure, what the hell, it's almost Christmas. But be warned: we're not convinced the Fat Chick Stripper isn't coming back soon. Although we all pray HF29 just won't be able to bring himself to post another startling pic like that . I may need a rusty spoon to gouge my eyes out if that happens again.

Next Evil Foe: The Habs hope to avoid a Thrashing in Atlanta (haha...not). ATL ended a four game skid with a win over T.Bay and added second win by beating the Sens last night (sorry SLC). Although they're still under .500 and will be hard pressed to make the playoffs, at least they're not the Falcons.