Is this the Master Plan? Carey-fication??

Hi, I'm Petey, this is my goalie Carey, and this is my other goalie Karri.

So now that's we've had a little time to consider this Karri Ramo for Cedrick Desjardins deal, we've come up with two explanations.

Explanation Number One (which makes at least some hockey sense): The Goat intends for Karri to join Carey as his backup next season. More than that, based on the fact that the 25-year old Ramo already has two 20-plus NHL seasons, and last season had a pretty good year as full-time starter in the KHL, he'll challenge for the starter's role. If Carey The First falters this year as full-time, undisputed starter, the Goat has a 'backup plan' (heh, pun) in Karri The Second next year.

And let's not get too wrapped up with Cedrick the Puck-Stopper being the next coming of Georges Vezina. He was undrafted, and was the 17th ranked Habs prospect at Hockey' Future. His NHL upside was likely only to be a backup. I like the kid, he obviously knows how to win, but at 24 he hasn't played an NHL game. I'll wait a season and take the KHL starter, thank you.

Explanation Number Two (which admittedly is less likely, but would enshrine Geoff Molson into the Crazy/Rogue Owner Club with Harold Ballard, Jerry Jones and Mark Cuban. Hey, the Habs didn't win any Cups under the caretaker Uncle George, why hope for a different result with the same approach?): Geoff Molson and Pierre Gauthier have a plan, including several more planned acquisitions.

Not just a plan, but a Master Plan. A great vision for the franchise, which they have dubbed "Carey-fication."

Acquiring Karri to back up/challenge Carey as soon as next year was only Step 1.

Step 2: Anoint new goaltending coach.

Next, the Master Plan calls for hiring former NHL goaltender Kari Takko as a special goaltending consultant. With the acquisition of a young Finnish goaltender, it was important to introduce someone with similar experiences: like being a marginal NHL talent who runs back to Europe when the going gets rough.

Step 3: Acquire new National Anthem Singer (and husband).

Hey, Mike Fisher can play on my team any day. Has some size, decent hands, and a good work ethic. Problem is, The Goat will probably give up PK to get him. All to Carey-fy the pre-game rituals by adding Mrs. Carrie Fisher. She may be NHL WAG #1, a good singer (if you call country 'music'), and obviously she was properly named. But I still prefer the original.

Step 4: Hire New flexibility coach.

Remember all those injuries last season? Forget strength and conditioning, it's all due to lack of proper stretching. Duh - even the Vikings knew the importance of stretching before a battle. So why not hire a former Olympic gold medalist who's all about the bendy? Plus, Keri Strug didn't turn out half bad. (And, I hear she's a gymnast in bed.)

Finally, Step 5: Add New Assistant to the GM.

Hi there, Carrie Prejean and Trump's boobs. Why? Because The Goat needs someone to make him look smart.

You know you're despereate for puck when you're googling "Carrie Prejean". Fucking sign someone already, Goat. We're bored.

Bolts Boxing Day Bonanza: Habs 5, T.Bay 2

Tampa's less than dynamic goaltending duo of Johan Holmqvist and Karri Ramo gift-wrap a "W" and hand it to the Habs on a silver platter. Jay Feaster looks for a real number 1 goalie, and we hear he's trying to lure Kari Takko out of retirement.

Plan the Parade: Habs play well enough not to lose and earn points 4 &5 out of a possible 8 on their infamous Christmas road trip. Guimauve pots #10 on the year, and continues to display not only chemistry with Captain K, but also the realization that he will only score goals while standing within 2 feet of the crease. And there is nothing wrong with that - Owen Nolan has scored 371 career goals and they've travelled a combined 371 1/2 feet. AK27 scored again and still looks interested, to our continued astonishment. Maxim Magazine scores his first of the year, which really should have been credited to Bolts D-man Filip Kuba, with an assist to Holmqvist. Markov scores and is plus 9 in his last 9 games. Big Tits adds another. The Habs best forward since his promotion, Little Tits, adds an assist and continues to show he could play on a line with a chimp at center and a baboon on the other wing and still impress us. Young blueliners Rhino and Georges don't suck, and their presence means Patrice Brisebois is still locked in the truck.

The Sky is falling: Despite the W and the road points, let's not get too excited - remember those two late goals were brutal giveaways, albeit after the game was decided. More to the point, do you remember any great shifts or even plays? All I remember were Bolts tripping over their sticks and deflecting pucks past thier own goalies (and thanks again, Mr. Kuba). This win was more the result of the Bolts stinking up the joint than the Habs beating a legit opponent. Maybe T.Bay forgot it was a home game (where they have the best home record in the conference) due to all the ex-Queebs in attendance - including several top-heavy blonds in the row right behind the Habs' bench. The only time all season I've appreciated RDS' continuing coverage of the Various Angry Faces of Carbo. HF10's Boy Higgins gets a hee-yuge demotion to the third line, next to Maxim Mag and Milk Carton Mike - although it's better than My Boy Chips, who watched from the press box (although I'm convinced he took the time to pay a visit to the Lightning Girls "backstage"). Milk Carton Mike proves he could play with Gretzky at center and Mario Lemieux on the other wing and still manage to go minus-1, take a bad penalty and not score a point. Well, provided the aforementioned linemates were also wearing Habs jerseys. We all know that he'll pull a LeClair and score a goal and two assists in his first game against the Habs after he leaves, just like that little bastard, Mickey Ribs. Yes, we're still bitter.

Chez Paree Bound: No one really earned any lap dances last night - except for My [New] Boy Little Tits. Yeah that's right, I'm officially on the bandwagon. Plus, we're not letting the Habs out late due to the history of play again the next night.

Next Evil Foe: The freaking Panthers, who have the Habs number for some bizarre reason. Jacques Martin's bore-the-opponent-to-death system is the latest excuse, Eddie Belfour was the excuse last year, Roberto Luongo before that - none of which satisfactorily explain the Habs suckitude against this inept franchise. We'll take comfort in the fact that Youppi! could kick Stanley C. Panther's ass straight up and down the panhandle.