Oil Burns Brightly on First Night of Chanukah - Edmonton 4, Habs 3 (OT)

Judah Maccabee (or Judas Maccabeus, also spelled Machabeus, or Maccabaeus, Hebrew: יהודה המכבי, Yehudah HaMakabi, Judah the Hammer) was a Kohen and the third son of the Jewish priest Mattathias. He led the Maccabean revolt against the Seleucid Empire(167-160 BCE) and is acclaimed as one of the greatest warriors in Jewish history alongside Joshua, Gideon and David.

The Jewish feast of Hanukkah ("Dedication") commemorates the restoration of Jewish worship at the temple in Jerusalem in 165 BCE, after Judah Maccabee removed the pagan statuary.

Essentially, without Judah the Hammer, it would have been way worse for the Jews. Last night, save for Roman the Hamr, same thing for the chosen hockey people.  Kaitlin's bubbe Zaide wants to weigh in:

Naches, nach a mool, plan the parade, you mensches! Yep, Roman the Hammer played a great game last night. Plex was dangerous at times. Gomez, that shlimazl, he finally scored again. And that Darche ... what chutzpah on that kid.

Oy gevalt: PK, bubbala, my boychick ... what were you thinking on that final pass? And Cammy, you little luftmensch ... were you not paying attention to your shtik? Oy vey, that Dustin Penner with the tuches three axhandles wide gets a clear breakaway from center ice in overtime. And Carey, Carey, Carey! Vu machs da? You were so gelt so far this year, but last night you had a few fershtinkiners.

Hok a chainik: Too much made of the fact that the machers from Edmonton had a bad PK and were a bunch of young pishers. Well, those kids have some kishkas, I tell you. Took the Habs best shots and turned around and gave them a zetz right in the shantz. Habs needed that loss like they need a lokh in kop with the schedule so busy.

Bubbe says a prayer they aren't so ferblunjit tonight: In Newark tonight, kine-ahora. If they don't beat those schlemiels like a rented mule from Yakov's tonight ... oy.

Habs now only 8 short of a minyan just in time for Rosh Hashanah

The Montreal Canadiens, recognizing right before the high holidays they were well short of the ten Jewish players required by the Talmud to publicly pray to Adonai the Hockey God, yesterday added Jeff Halpern to double the number of mensches in the locker room. In addition to his praying duties, Halpern is expected to fill the role of 3rd or 4th line center given the departures of The Dominictrix and Métro, as well as providing some veteran leadership in the spirit of Moses. At a reported $600k for a year, Halpern was quoted as stating "what can I say? I like a good bargain just as much as the next guy."

Mike Cammalleri was said to be thrilled with the news. "With this signing, I'm that much closer to being able to show off my shofar-blowing skills. I know we're still eight short, but it's ok, I've got some cousins we can call and they'll be right over."

Bertrand Raymond could not be reached for comment. Happy 5771 everyone.

CHappy CHanukkah to Squid and everyone - Devils preview and open thread

As I am sure you all know, tonight is the all-important 6th night of the Jewish Festival of Lights. It's important because it's when all the little Jewish kids go "FUCK, we only have two more days of presents" just before mom slaps the kid and says "in Africa, they don't even get presents!" thus starting the kid down a path of a lifetime of Jewish guilt. It's true, it happened to me when I was young. Us Jews are all about tradition. So grab yourself some of the traditional Hanukkah fare of fried calamari and let's plotz all over this preview.

Waiting for the messiah - 7 PM start from the swamps of Jersey. First meeting of the teams this year. Habs on a 3-game losing streak, all by 1 goal, while the Devils are 8-2 in their last 10. Oy.

Awesome shiksas - first Devils game of the year so we get to re-acquaint ourselves with the awesome librarian-ness and awesome cooking tips of the awesome Ookies over at the awesome Interchangeable Parts. Did I mention about the awesome?

Hotter than the oil to fry your latkes - SquidPleksTits, SquidPleksTits, SquidPleksTits.

Cold like your mom when you don't call. Why don't you call? All I ask is a phone call once a week. Is that too much to ask? - Little Tits now pointless in 6.

Hot like the 7 flames on the menorah tonight - Elias, Parise, blah blah blah. One of the greatest goalies of all time, blah blah blah. Oh, he's going for the record 104th career shutout. He'll get it tonight, it's only fitting.

Cold like your mom when you aren't married yet over the age of 40. Mein gott! All my friends have at least 6 grandchildren. And what have you given me? NOTHING. I HAVE NO SON. - see 8-2 in their last 10 note above, no one really cold for the Devils.

Oy gevalt, my back. Call Uncle Morty to get me an appointment with his orthopedist - the usual. Rumours have Benoit Pouliot playing with the Bulldogs this weekend. Some quick line juggling, with Mad Max to the 3rd line for some hot Max and Max action, with Métro down to the 4th. TFS with the start.

Post-game adult entertainment - Jews don't talk about sex.

Please enjoy some foods fried in oil in the comments

Phantom Penalties to the Rescuuuuue! Habs 4 - Flyers 3 (O.T)

Alex Kovalev's family celebrates another three-point showing for the talented Russian

At first, it looked like the train wreck we have often shielded our eyes from. Two quick goals, a slow and stunned Canadiens' squad once again hurt by terrible mistakes in their own zone and an unwillingness to pay the price in front of their own net.

It must have been a weird opening faceoff for Glen Metropolit, who grinned a helpless grin at his former teammates at centre ice. 

It was a clumsy first for Roman Hamrlik who has looked nothing like the man Bob Gainey acquired last year. In the spectrum of giveaways, Hamrlik didn't simply "cough" the puck up, he "tuberculosised" the puck up. I'm not kidding. It looked like this.

- Mike Richards: Hey, Roman, here's the puck.

-Roman: No thanks, I have tuberculosis, you can have it.

-Mike Richards: Geez, thanks Roman! Hope you feel better.

With 5 minutes left in the first, the Habs had had enough. They had been able to get some good shots on Antero Niittymaki, a name RDS strangely makes sound like a Japanese Formula 1 driver. "Nitoumaki's still in third, Matsuzaka's just behind! Button has overtaken Barrichiello but this race in Nuremberg is all about Nitoumaki!   The man's from Finland people. Finland. The only thing remotely Japanese about Finland is Mika Hakkinen, you know, in that strange David Hasselhoff in Germany kind of way.

The team finally came to life with Zombie Pleks doing the Zombie dance. Another goal on his resume over the last few games, and while he still stands as the worst 17-goal scorer in the league, we'll take'em all and do the Zombie with him every single time.

Greek Lightning hits a few seconds later and makes it a game. The Habs wouldn't stop there, with Kovalev wristing one right by Nakataka Nitoumaki. Flyer fans got mad, several Habs fans were probably molested in the washrooms during the first intermission but it's a small price to pay for victory, and trust me Habs fans, if you make the trek in a Habs uniform to watch a Habs game in Philly, you're all in this together. 

The game settled into a more tight checking affair, with Philly tying the score at 3 and Montreal incapable of getting anymore Zombie love, or Kovy After The Nap magic. Both teams traded chances throughout the third with nothing giving.

Can you all tell I stepped out after the first period and went out for supper? That's how you bullshit people. You just throw in the ambiguous "tight-checking game", "traded chances", yadayada. 

But I did watch the overtime and the Flyers got screwed by some less than reffing. Upshall gets called for goalie interference, while I don't think he so much as blinked at Halak. The power play was obviously designed to ignite fireworks in Jerusalem and make all observing Jews regret keeping the Sabbath and missing the game. Matty finally ended it after several attempts and we all broke out the chopped liver.

Kovy made a great move to thread the pass over to Matty on the winning goal and thousands of miles away, the strong Kovalev women pictured above celebrated into the wee hours of the afternoon.

Call it a great night for the Russians, the Zombies, and the Jews and a less than great one for the Japanese. Nitoumaki was seen after the game drunk at a karaoke bar.