TMS Classic Returns From the Holy Land

Bullet points for what you missed while wondering what the fuck day and / or time it is...

• Don't ask me, it's tough to get hockey news on the beach in Tel Aviv. Rumour has it the Wings are killing the Pens and Game 3 is tonight. I'll check on that and get back to you later.

Big props to the three other HF's for carrying the load in my absence. I enjoyed the Hebrew dates, 4, and any time Danica McKellar makes an appearance is a mitzvah, 10. And Panger's Finals preview was me'tzuyaneem. Toda raba, guys.

Morning Sabra Skate for 16 Iyyar 5768

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of an all-English final in Moscow...

• Retro time on TSN as their site looks back on the Penguins of old.
• Bulls cash in on their 1.7% chance of landing the first pick in the draft, and land the first pick. Bulls exec V.P. Jim Paxon also finds Jimmy Hoffa in the trunk of his car.
• HF29 was spotted roasting kebabs in Jaffa. It is rumoured that he has quit his job to pursue a lifelong dream of shishkebabing and shishkebabe-ing.
• Go Chelsea. That'll be all.
• Its Iyyay. Not Lyaar, cause spelling it that way would make me a Lyaar. Todah, Nu.

Is it 5768 already? Man I could have sworn 5764 was only yesterday.

Morning Sabra Skate for 15 Lyaar 5768

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of reminding yourself, midday, 2 days in a row that YOU were writing TMS. Uh, wait, that actually happened....

• The witch is dead and Mike Fuckity Fuckity Fuckity can go back to the cottage on No Speed Hill.
• Incidentally, we are in for a treat, as the Penguins and Red Wings commence what should be an epic battle for Lord Stanley's Cup.
• HF29 has converted to Hassidic Judaism and was seen harassing people on the streets of Jerusalem, asking if they had laid their tefillin in the morning.

Maybe I'll start watching hockey again now. Maybe.

Morning Sabra Skate for 14 Lyaar 5768

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of converting dates from a Gregorian to a Hebrew calendar...

• Team Canada does a great Montreal Canadiens impersonation and blows a 2-goal lead in the second half of the third period and loses the gold medal in overtime thanks to Ilya "R.J" Kovalchuk.
• Sid the Kid fast tracks himself into the Stanley Cup Finals as the Pens do what the Habs shoulda did, but didn't do none.
• Dark clouds gathering over the cottage in Dallas owned by the Little Fuckity, see above.
• HF29 has given the most inspiring speech ever to members of the Knesset, moving all to tears. A historical peace agreement is promptly signed and peace has been restored in the Middle East after 60 years of infighting.
• FHF moves its headquarters to Jericho.

We gotta pack our suitcases, for the move to Jericho and all.