Carey the Phat Whale Speaks! Canes 2 Habs 1

Great photo, hey? That's supposed to be me! "Carey The Phat Whale." Just like J calls me. I think I'll have that blown up and put over my bed at home! Now that would be cool!

The FHF dudes asked me to write about last night's game again. They're cool! (But did you hear about no more TMS?? What's up with that, 29?? Not cool.)
Plus Golden Girl 11 (what a great nickname! Blanche was my favorite.) did that there great photo of me! Carey the Phat Whale!! Haha!!! Take another look!

Okay, so I know it's good, but enough looking at the picture already, dude...

Anyway, about the game. Dudes, its not like the sky is falling. Those Thrashy Thrashers still have a couple games to make up to catch us. And so what ... wait a minute ... are you checking out the photoshopped picture again? Not cool, dude. I worked hard thinking about what I was going to write. Okay, mostly I just rolled one, but that toke concentration. So I'd appreciate you're undivided attention here.

So anyway, Sergie (Ed. note: Mr. Price insists that we explain he pronounces it "Surge-ee") got hurt in the second. Just like big bro, hey? I bet he followed Andy around allot as a kid. Hope he's...

Dude, I totally caught you again. I know the picture is great and everything, but really, it's about me here. Carey the Phat Whale.

Anyways, since I can tell your attention span is short today, I'll get right to it: I was awesome, but the guys wearing the real skates in front of me couldn't score a freakin' goal. The Tornadoes (who, by the way, used to have a WAY cooler team nickname) scored a couple of fluky goals and I got screwed out of another dubya. Oh, and Cam Ward is overrated.

Okay, now you can totally stare at that photo instead of going back to work now. Or yo can check this out. Dudes, that's an AWESOME song. And so - what's the word - apropos?

Whoa, my head is spinning! Whatta great word! Laterrr! Dudes && Dudettes!!

Leafs 3 - Habs 2 (SO) & FHF EXCLUSIVE

TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA - - The National FHF Enquirer has obtained EXCLUSIVE text messages sent from Toronto Maple Leafs General Manager Brian Burke to then Calgary Flames’ defenceman Dion Phaneuf – some 10 days BEFORE the trade that brought Phaneuf to the Leafs was completed. These texts reveal several private, super-secret meetings between Phaneuf and Burke.

“This is damning evidence against Mr. Burke and the Leafs organization”, said Calgary Flames GM Darryl Sutter, “but that doesn’t mean we want that overrated pric back. But another draft pick would be nice. The Leafs give ’em away all the time anyway. ”

One series of texts, revealed below, exposes Burke’s desperation for a physical, hard-hitting, all-around truculent defenceman. Another exposes how the trade almost fell through when the two secret buddies were almost caught by a Calgary real estate developer and friend of unnamed Flames’ brass – an episode which, according to anonymous insiders, would have scuttled the deal due to Sutter’s notorious obsession with not allowing any leaks of deals to the media.

Unfortunately Phaneuf’s phone records only contained messages received from Burke – or “Burkie” as he appears in Phaneuf’s contact list – leaving Phaneuf’s role in the relationship conveniently unknown. Some have speculated this is yet another step in Burke’s attempt to forget the whole episode – along with the fact he has to pay Phaneuf $6.5M a year for the next four seasons.

Here are the unedited excerpts of those texts:

Burkie: Sent: 05:46 PM 01/20/2010:
Heading back from the rink now. How close are you?
Burkie:Sent: 06:01 PM 01/20/2010:
I will leave an envelope at the front desk under “Mr. Daniels.” Your room will be 305. Get settled and let me know when you are ready to see me. I will be in room 201. Make sure absolutely no one sees you.
Burkie:Sent: 06:18 PM 01/20/2010:
Oh i know. Not at all. Just glad and suprised i can do that to get you.
Burkie:Sent: 06:53 PM 01/20/2010:
How close are you? Hurry:) What do you want to eat
Burkie:Sent: 07:10 PM 01/20/2010:
Anything simple. No turkey unless it's a club sandwich
Burkie:Sent: 07:38 PM 01/20/2010:
Head to the elevators and go to the door, it will be open with the dead bolt. I have to get back here to wait for the food.
Burkie:Sent: 07:47 PM 01/20/2010:
Sweet. Dont come down here yet. Lots of people in the hall. I will let you know when it clears
Burkie:Sent: 08:35 PM 01/20/2010:
There is a room service cart in my hall. Be careful
Burkie:Sent: 09:06 PM 01/20/2010:
Come on down. Its quiet here in the hall now
I want to you be on our team. I need that so bad. Now:)
We need to wear Calgary down

Burkie:Sent: 03:32 PM 01/21/2010:
I have no idea. I would love to have the ability to make them trade
Burkie:Sent: 03:35 PM 01/21/2010:
In a week. I will try to wear them down
Burkie:Sent: 03:36 PM 01/21/2010:
After i trade you better start sucking less and playing hard

Burkie:Sent: 04:24 PM 01/22/2010:
Ok. Now your talking. Whatever i want. You are mine
Burkie:Sent: 04:39 PM 01/22/2010:
Whatever else turns you on. You tell me what you like
Burkie:Sent: 04:48 PM 01/22/2010:
You are. Always will be. Don't trust people

Burkie:Sent: 04:21 PM 01/23/2010:
Where do you want to be playing

Burkie:Sent: 03:37 PM 01/25/2010:
Do you ever hook up with other teammates girls?
Burkie:Sent: 03:38 PM 01/25/2010:
You didnt answer the question
Burkie:Sent: 03:38 PM 01/25/2010:
Really. You. You have done just about everything havent you
Burkie:Sent: 03:39PM 01/25/2010:
Never done it. I think i would get stage freight Maybe
I will be over in 10mins
Burkie:Sent: 03:40 PM 01/25/2010:
Why dont you come over here now instead
Let me know when you leave your room

Burkie:Sent: 10:40 AM 01/27/2010:
Guys from calgary. Investors. So my real estate agent being [sic] suggested that we go back to my room at the mansion for lunch. He doesnt know about us, obviously
Burkie:Sent: 12:06 PM 01/27/2010:
Oh my god. If they were with me. You would have ruined everything
I told you. Oh my god. I cant believe what just happened
Burkie:Sent: 12:08 PM 01/27/2010:
Don't Fucking talk to me. You almost just ruined the whole deal. If my agent and these guys would have seen you there, Fuck

Burkie:Sent: 04:24 PM 01/30/2009:
Ok. Now your talking. Whatever i want. You are mine
Burkie:Sent: 04:02 PM 01/30/2010:
I want you to treat them rough. Throw them around, spank and slap them
Slap their face. Treat them like a dirty little loudmouth. Put your stick in their back and then shove it down their throat
Burkie:Sent: 04:10 PM 01/30/2010:
Then tell to shut the Fuck up while your slap their face and pull their hair for making noise
Burkie:Sent: 5:00 PM 01/30/2010:
I really do want you to be rough with them. Slap them around and punish them . I want them to beg for you to stop. Hurt them all over to convince them to let you have the puck

Burkie:Sent: 07:43 PM 01/31/2010:
Great thing is we have a life time of this

Oh, and the Sky is Falling, the Leafs won in a shootout and the Habs blew a chance to move up to 5th. At least the sky will be falling while the Habs play in the first round of the playoffs and still get to pick a guy in the first round of the draft this summer. Bitter? Me? Nah. Your Comments?