Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Morning Skate tries to figure out the Habs Defense for Thursday, June 30

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of the Pope Tweeting...
  • OK let's see if we can keep track of the Habs D here. Yesterday the following happened: Hamr refused the Habs offer, the Habs traded CHeez Whiz' rights to the BJs for a 7th round pick which becomes a 5th rounder if he actually signs, and Swiss Mister II signed a $1.7 million 2-year deal. So we guess this leaves us with: Vodkov, Gorges, PFK, Gill, SpatCHes, (Y)Emelin and SMII. Sound about right? Everyone start praying for Vodkov's knees right now;
  • CHeez Whiz pens his goodbye to Montreal;
  • Goodbye and good luck Paul Kariya. Always a class guy who suffered through a lot of shit;
  • Anyone in the market for a Chirs Drury?
  • Rollie the Goalie squeezes out another $3 million from his 41-year old body;
  • The NHLPA has called shenanigans on the Predators for not offering their RFA's contracts;
  • Jagr has gone missing or something.
Whew, deep breath. Tomorrow is Free Agent Frenzy Big Fat Bob Mckenzie Day, and we have heard rumours of Panger blogging actual hockey stuff. So that means Sexy Friday may be bumped. But moe found a new vid of FHF fave Kate Upton that just won't wait til next week, so we present, uh, Titty Thursday?

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Trifuckta ~ 3 of 4 of the 2011 NHL HHoFers scrapped the bottom of the blue&white barrel

Congrats to the inductees.
You to Mark HowedidyougetinbeforeCarbo?.
Get ready for incessant CotU mediots yipping 

Also, let's all remember who actually won in 1993
and of course the best Gilmour-as-a-Hab memory.

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Dougie's babysitter sends in a pic, just for him.

The Morning Skate says goodbye to an old poultry friend for Tuesday, June 28th

Oh Giant Mexican CHicken, we hardly knew ye

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of getting some mail again...
  • So the Habs did not extend qualifying offers to RFA's Tom "Tommy" Pyatt, Alex "Captain" Picard and of course, Benoit "Benny the CHicken" Pouliot, thus relegating the Giant Mexican CHicken line to our happy memories of the 3 games they kicked ass together. Now, technically, the Habs could still land these players after July 1 when no one wants them, though not giving an offer is a likely sign they don't give a shit about any of them. Adios guys;
  • Mad Max manages to squeeze $2 million for 2 years out of the Nucks;
  • Kevin Bieksa also gets cash from the Nucks, 5 years and $23M;
  • Lap dance to GG11 for shooting us this video of Kirk being introduced to the Predators organization (jump to the 7:55 mark). The amount of times he gets called "Kurt" is comedy gold. Sad, pathetic, comedy gold;
  • PHucktards continue their makeover by trade;
  • If you think the return of TMS is an excuse to link to my True Blood review, you are correct, sir or madam.
Have a nice day.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Bienvenue, Anglophone FrenCH Guy! ( ... + )

With the 17th pick yesterday, the Habs took Nathan Beaulieu, an Ontarian whose dad is French but as this scouting report video proves, is as anglo as they come. He did play in the Q, so that's something for RDS. Though it was for one of those Maritime teams, so there's that. RDS may be confused this morning.

On the hockey side of things, by all accounts this was a good pick. Even McSplooge says (and I quote) "this is a good pick." OK then. He's big (though skinny) and mobile and offensive and defensive. He was a Memorial Cup All-Star. Sounds good, if we didn't already have 600 defensemen on the depth chart in front of him. Though admittedly in 2 or 3 years we may need some defensive depth. What do I know about hockey, I just post tits around here.

In other news, fuck Brian Bark and the Bs and the PHucktards.

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moeman here, Day 2 update;

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Friday, June 24, 2011

It's an old-fashioned Sexy Friday Draft Day (well, Round 1 anyway) Morning Skate Markov-mania megapost

True Blood hottie vampires in honour of the True Blood Season 4 premiere this Sunday. Wrap around curl and I are back this summer over at True Blood...or Hockey? so check it out (if you care)

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of George Clooney's now-ex in a bikini...
  • VODKOV!! For realz this time! 3 years at $5.75 per, or $17.25 total, or $8.625 per knee. The annual salary is what he was already making, exactly. That seems reasonable we guess. Sorry you don't get a post of your own Andrei, but there's a lot of tits shit to cover this morning. Here's your sexy legs so you fit in;
  • Say hello to the new PHucktards, same as the old PHucktards, except with more Russian goalies;
  • The full Habs' schedule is out. Opening and closing with the Laffs again. Oh joy; 
  • Decent explanation from Hickey about the synergy of the Team 990 radio deal;
  • Claude Noel (who?) is the Winnipeg ____s' new head coach;
  • We guess we should say something about the NHL awards from the other night. Um, congrats Pleky for finishing 13th in the Selke voting! Or how about "Suck it, Sedin losers"?
  • The first round of the draft is tonight in beautiful Minneapolis-St. Paul. Habs pick 17th. Here's McSPlooge telling you who will pick who;
  • Here's some new(-ish) Kate Upton lingerie pics.
Do you enjoy cleavage? We bet you do! Then you'll enjoy this behind the scenes vid of the Katy Perry Rolling Stone cover story photo shoot. Happy Sexy Friday everyone.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Drink up Habs fans! ~ Vodkov, 2 years, $11.5M (...) (or not)

Habs i/o.


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HF29 here. I have replaced the picture of the nice ass with these less nice words. Want to make it clear THERE IS NO DEAL. I was fooled by my own blog last night (in my defense I was drunk). On CJAD this morning they said they spoke to Vodkov's agent Don Meeghan and it's all bullshit. Point is, don't believe what you read on Twitter or what Tony Marinaro says.

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Please accept my apologies for getting marinaro sauce all over the FHF blog. ~ moeman

J-E-T-S Jets! Or welcome the Winnipeg _______s + ...

Well it's officially official now. The NHL Board of Yahoos has just officially approved the sale of the Thrash to whoever True North Sports and Entertainment is. Mazel Tov to all the FHF readers in the Peg who we hope won't let the renewal of the bitter Jets-Habs rivalry of the 1980's spoil their enjoyment of this site. I'm sure the Habs are looking forward to a February road trip to Winnipeg.

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moeman here, adding to the Canadian team fun;

Guess who isn't loved? Yup, you guessed right. NTTIAWWT.

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Whilst here;

Monday, June 20, 2011

PatCHes scores a 2-year deal

Not too many pics of PatCHes out there not lying face down on the ice or being taken off on a stretcher, which we felt was inappropriate for this post. Good thing we found this pic of him molesting a goaltender instead.

The Habs have just announced that Get well PatCHes! has signed a 2-year contract before becoming a restricted FA. As per club policy, financial details were not disclosed. TSN then disclosed it's worth $3.25 million.

We have so many tasteless jokes to write but it just felt too early. Get well PatCHes!

... and DDD too!

Friday, June 17, 2011

Sexy Friday enjoys a good riot, not going anywhere

This pic was everywhere yesterday. I still think it's Photoshopped.

Oh, hello there. A fine Sexy Friday morning to you all. We hope you're all enjoying your Bruins win the Cup hangover. FUCK. Ugh. Anyway, season's over, bitCHes! Time to go outside and, um, do stuff? What do we know. Anyway, this is the second "we're not going anywhere over the summer" post we've written lately. But it is the first "TMS / Tweet this bitCHes is on sabbatical" post. Yes, that morning dude needs to recharge his batteries and sleep in every now and then. (Who are we kidding - at our age our prostate wakes us up every 2 hours. TMI?). So despite the fact that the highlight of our day is reading your insane yet brilliant comments, which is why we write the crap we do every day, we've got to warn you that those daily posts might vanish for the next little while. We'll keep tabs on Habs news (if any) of course and Sexy Friday runs 12 months a year, so no worries there. But if we don't post for a day or two every now and then, don't panic, and feel free to talk amongst yourselves in whatever the last post is. Or Steve can just talk to himself. We can't imagine him not commenting for a few hours, let alone a few days. We kid because we love, Steve.

OK enough site news. Let's get to the Habs news. (...) Hmmm. Not much. Vodkov negotiations and Jagr dreams is the best we can do. Is the draft soon or something?

Let's get to the sexy news. There's always sexy news. For you Game of Thrones fans (best show on TV right now), you may be interested to know a porn star is on the show now. Here's some Game of Thrones beefcake for the ladies. For you fans of hot chicks doing housework, Vanessa Hudgens is ironing in her underwear. For you fans of hot chicks in general, Minka Kelly is hot. Let's finish this off (heh, finish) with a new Candice Swanepoel (heh, pole) Victoria's Secret photo shoot. Happy Sexy Friday, and happy offseason everyone.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Monday, June 13, 2011


Look, the Mavs did it in 6, it would be nice sports symmetry to see the Nucks do it in 6 too. 8 PM, let's get this over with already so we can get on with our lives.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Bigtop broonz almost dead ~ Canucks Lap up a Game 5 win

Oh how the refs tried

Cherry was pie-eyed

Marchand's nose is fucking wide

Laps flied, game untied

Kaberle looked fried

Alone at home bob cold sighed

Will ugly Lucic ever find a bride?

Collie gone to hide his biased hide

Luongo had em' h0gtied

hnic once again cried

Tonight da fucking broonz DIEd!

Bs fans out of Astroglide?

Seabass just about dried

Canucks dream almost realized

Hateful CotU mediots denied

Stanley Cup might just end up on the Canadian pacific seaside
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Sexy Friday's tweeting tits for Tits

Tits for one year, 3.25M; everyone hates the Bs, especially b/c bandwagon assholes; Tronna plans the parade; Victoria Secret tits. #youmaywanttocloseyourofficedoorforthisvideooftits

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Tweet this bitCHes for 06/09

Luuuuuu.... sucks; good stuff on the 4 games from Blair and Steve. #notoptimisiticaboutthenuckswinninganothergame

Puck Daddy Comment of the Day
Welcome to PDCOD, a new feature where we plumb the depths of the Puck Duddy comments (so you don't have to) for pearls of "wisdom". Today's comment comes from "Stanley Cup", who commented on this piece about Tim Thomas' Game 3 check and how the Nucks would answer last night (ha!). On Day 2 of PDCOD, it's fascinating to see that at least some of the commentors have become self-aware:

"These boards have become a total farce. There is absolutely no possibility of having a rational debate here."

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Tweet this bitCHes for 06/08

Screw the Finals. The important thing these days is Habs development camp. I don't know who the dude in the middle is, but he looks like a hockey player.
Happy bday Squid; report from dev camp; no QC arena;  'Nucks' hating; Bryz PHucktards' next goalie? #ignoringthefourgamesbullshitthismorning

Puck Daddy Comment of the Day
Welcome to PDCOD, a new feature where we plumb the depths of the Puck Duddy comments (so you don't have to) for pearls of "wisdom". Today's comment comes from "Wolfman", commenting on the 4-game suspension post: (sic'd)

"Bruins fans treated Vancouver fans deacently as it should be,but when the parents of the Boston player shows up in Vancouver it a totally different story,so what gives here canadians in vancouver???? We all heard the story on national tv. Vancouver shame shame shame,not the people you say you are, And don't foreget there are more Canadian players for Boston than Vancouver,just ask the Sedin's for more sweedish meatballs."

Someday we'll figure out what it means.

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Tweet this bitCHes of 06/07

We have a series; Timmy checks, so does Rome. #cleanhitbutlate

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

DIE BRUINS DIE!!!1!!!!111!!!

We hope you enjoyed FHF's Stanley Cup Finals Preview.

Leftover Tweets: Hal Gill, bitCHes! Das vidanya, Dawes and Boyd. Anyone feel bad for Thrash fan(s)? #diebruinsdie