I get many moneeeys!!!

Mentreal right choose when they give me money. I meke many hackey saves more than golie Cari. Beeeautifoul blond woman behind coach Carboner will facking mee for sure now.

I Got the Powa!!! Habs 3, Islands 0

Look at me! Look at me! No goal behind my ass becase I heve talant. My teemates play like sheet. Stupide mistakes all the game and if I not there they loose the game like a defecting Cuban pitcher looses he family.

OK now Mantreal you say Jaro, Jaro you so good and incredible and great, please please play in the net again for next game becase we want more matches no goals. Thees is what I say to coaches for three facking years in city of masturbation Hemilton. I make good plays, put me in the goal in Mentreal, I’m a pro. “No Jaro, you knit sweaters for teem, or No, Jaro, play Mantreal with Ea Sports, same thing”. Fak you you stupide coaches you make me go crazy so long.

Now big ugly Cari have game of shit against the Senators. Ohhh I’m sooo scared! The Senators are so good and I am so small, like clitoris of woman mosquito. That what Cari say before game, little baby idiot. He play trembling all game and Mentreal make so big poop for 3 periods.

Now coach come to me after Poopopalooza against the Senators and he say “Jaro, get ready for Saturday”. I tell him, I know fat guy from Superbad on SNL, I tape it for sure! He meen no, I play game on Saturday. Me? Play? Fak you coach Carboner!

How many mankeys it takes to screw light bulb?

It take six mankeys to screw light bulb.

OK, so now I have to be ready because now, oh we HAVE to win, game is SO important that after watching movie Jesus of Nazareth 17 facking time, I can play one stupid faking game in Mantreal, where I never make a shit game before.

And from beginning, team play like autistic larva and if me not there we have maybe 18 goals against us in first period. Cari stupid jerk play PSP on bench and not look at me play like King Jaro once! I see Kepten Saku play Sudoku and ask Lapierre for to help him. Stupid Lapierre? He don’t know to count!! New York Islands mach better teem than Mantreal shit. More talant and better sweter and big colors. They play without 32 of their regular players. I recognize some players from porno theater in Prague. They not even hackey players but they play so better than Mantreal.

Fans scream my name Halak Halak Halak!! You crazy stupid fans, why you wait so long time to make love to me. Why we not make love in Hemilton. It only 2 hours in car. Nooo!!! We snob fans from Mantreal, we not care about farm team in Hemilton. We not like goats and chickens and cows. Now you love to me. You are like girls. Jaro who? What?, when I ask you for blowjob in bar, but now I win a game a make no goal match, now it’s OH Jaro! You so big! Please follow me to bathroom!!! Stupid fans. You only love me if I win. You not love me for me, like my family, who come to bathroom with me no metter what.

Now coach Boner tell me today, Hey Jaro, can you do this again like Saturday? Coach Carbonnies he so stupid, he look like hooker from Bratislava kiss him with that sore on his lip. He get that from “Happy Finish” in hotel in Anaheim. I tell this teem for soooo long, make me play. No! Jaro! Cristobal’s is too good, he croshed like Parisian pastry if we make him sit. No Jaro! Cari is too good, he is like young Skywalker. We have to a grow his talant. No! Jaro! That man has no legs, he great goalie because he have determination to fight.

Now you all see I am special goalie and you put red carpet in front of me. OK, red carpet for anthem. So what? Meantreal!!!! Listen me!!!!Now I have power! I play when I want to play!!!! I decide my games forever!!!!!!! Fak you stupid Kepten, go play your Sakudoku.

…can I play tomorrow?

Buh-bye Jaro, We Hardly Knew Ye

This may or may not be a picture of Jaroslav Halak. We are not sure, because we never saw him play. And now we never will (well, unless we go to Hamilton).

Twelve HueT starts after being called up by the Habs, Jaro is headed back to the Bulldogs. Boy, I sure enjoyed watching him sit in the hallway behind the bench. He was a master at that.

Breaking News from the WTF?!? Department

The Habs just announced that TFS(tm) and My Boy Chips have just been sent down to Hamilton, and Jaroslav Halak and Corey Locke have been recalled from the Steel City.

As HF29 pointed out in the pre-game thread, reports were that TFS(Tm) had the flu and Halak was taking his place on the bench tonight. However, this looks like a more semi-permanent move. Ostensibly it's because the Habs have few back-to-back games plus the All-Star breat in January, but it could also be motivated by TFS's less than stellar performance against Washington. Or, it could be a showcase for Halak in hopes of garnering some interest in a deadline deal.

As for Chips, who knows; although he hasn't had the impact of Little Tits, he's been a solid checking line center IMHO. While HF29 is a big Locke booster, we're reserving judgment on the unmotivated string bean midget with the slick passing skills. Wait, didn't a guy just like that sign for $5M a year... On the plus side, this has prompted HF10 to offer Higgins back as My Boy until Chips returns. HF10 thinks he jinxed My Boy Higgins (I think it had more to do with being put on Milk Carton's line), so now he's picking Breezer as his new Boy in order to prove/disprove the jinx. Maybe jinxing Breezer will make him play better...if so, you are brilliant man, HF10.

Although we're concerned about two of our favorite young players getting a bus ticket, for now FHF stands by our mantra: In Gainey We Trust.

Ow! My groin!

We reported in TMS this morning that Jaroslav Halak was recalled from Hamilton to back up Huet, because The Franchise Savior (TM) was sick. Now it looks like Halak may be doing alot more than just backing up.

As it turns out, the Christo-Wall pulled a groin (ouch!) during the game Saturday Night. May explain the 3rd period and shootout. He's listed as day-to-day. With Price having the flu, the door seems open for Halak to make his season debut tomorrow night against Detroit. Lots of luck, kid.

No Sex In The Champagne Room: The FHF Season Preview - Jaroslav Halak

FHF, in conjunction with Telefilm Canada and StripperCorp, is pleased to offer our Habs season preview with no cover charge. For FHF virgins, you may want to review our trademarked Stripperriffic Rating System before tipping the bouncer.

Today we tackle one of the heads in the Habs 3-headed goaltending monster, the Pride of Bratislava, Jaroslav Halak.

The tits - The Habs 9th round pick, 271 overall in is not a huge goalie, but has extremely quick feet. He plays a hybrid style (like Carey Price) and tends to stay on his feet more than some recent Habs goalies (we're looking in your direction, Theo and Abby). He's also excellent on shootouts, stopping 6 of 8 shots last year and winning both games.

He's enjoyed a meteoric rise since moving to North America, so much so that he's challenging for the starter's job at the age of 21. Over the past three seasons he jumped from the Q to the ECHL, finishing that season in the AHL before playing phenomenally in Hamilton - grabbing the starting spot from Yann Danis - before being recalled to the NHL when the Christo-wall got hurt. Halak has represented Slovakia at both the Junior and Senior World Championships, earning Goaltender of the Tournament honours at the 2003 WJC. Not only has he adjusted to each rise in level, but has excelled.

Also key for a goalie, he has a really nice paint job on his mask, combining an element of aggressiveness (kind of a ram/gargoyle head thing going on) with Habs history (Roy raising the Cup on one side).

Finally, he's not named nor related to "Andre Racicot".

The cellulite - Size and experience. He's only 5'11, so there's alot more room upstairs when forwards are crashing the net than would be available in front of, say, Roberto Luongo. Ideally he would need a much bigger defensive line-up to compensate - i.e. he has a hard time looking through traffic - but that's not going to happen in Montreal. He could work on his rebound control, but few 21 year-olds don't. He's only 21 and in his 4th year living and playing overseas, so expectations may tend to get out of hand if he gets hot.

The armpit hair - Right now it's timing. Huet is paid (and last night certainly playing) like the number 1, and Carey Price is knocking on the door. There are any number of scenarios which could unfold this season, from Halak earning the starting job to him being traded away. Chances are, however, the Habs are going to need him to steal some wins. Plus, you know, he's only played 16 NHL games in his career.

In the VIP Room - He is the fourth Slovakian born netminder to play in the NHL, joining Ján Lašák, Rastislav Staňa and Peter Budaj. So in other words, he could be the starting goalie for the Avalanche this year. Plus by the end of the year he quite possibily could lay claim to the title of “Greatest Slovakian NHL Goalie Ever”.

Chez Parée bound? For the time being, no doubt. But he may only be visiting FHF's favorite gentleman's club a couple of times a year on road trips after this year.

7 Lap dances (out of ten) - This may seem low but he's only played 16 games in the NHL. He's proven it at every other level, though, so we're guessing this will be revised heavily upeward by the mid-season rankings.

4 am Smoked Meat Sandwich:

HF29 - Total trade bait. Starts the season in Mtl, plays well enough to attract attention, gets replaced by Price in February, and along with 3 other good young players gets traded for a veteran forward in March to help the Habs drive for 8th place.

HF33 - He will be our backup and take on the role Mathieu Garon played in the shadow of Jose Theodore. Garon was good enough to start in the NHL, but Theo was anointed the team’s star for the future. He would never be a no.1 in Montreal. The same can be said for Halak behind Carey Price. This is Price’s team for years to come, not Halak’s. The only way that will ever change is if Price never fulfills expectations – an unlikely scenario given the generous latitude he’ll be given to develop into the team’s starter. Until then, Cristobal is in the driver’s seat of the Citroen, with passenger Halak along for the ride. He’ll play well when asked to and attract attention from the league. He’ll hop off the Citroen in the next two years via a trade.

HF10 - I like Halak, but until I looked at his stats I had no idea how well he played last year. It all seemed a blur of 5-4 scorelines other than the two shutouts of the Bruins (WHOOOO!!). In a perfect world, he's so good he shares time with Huet, and Price dominates the AHL for a year. In an imperfect one he gets Vokouned out of town too early and a gypsy curse fells Huet and Price the next day.