Habsbuzz Exclusive Malkin to Montreal? - Pittsburgh Game Preview and Open Thread

Habsbuzz has been hearing from sources all day today that "something big is going down in Montreal" tonight, where the Habs are hosting the Penguins at the Bell Centre at 7:30, on RDS, and TSN-Habs. Remember, Habsbuzz only reports the rumours it hears or makes up its own rumours to get site hits, so this one is definitely an E5 blockbuster. It's bigger than the 8-1 beating the Pens laid on the Lightning last night. Bigger than the great start from the Wizzinator. It's Richard Park big.

It's no secret that the Habs are struggling and they need a big centre, and as Habsbuzz knows, Malkin needs to be "the man" on his own team. Habsbuzz knows this because that one time Malkin scored a lot of points when Sidney Crosby was hurt and so therefore Habsbuzz's brilliant hockey mind deduced that Malkin wants out of Pittsburgh to be the man on his own team. But with Crosby entrenched at number 1 in Pittsburgh (and fresh off a 50 points in 25 games streak) and Jordan Staal back from injury, the Pens can move a centre for Crosby's wingers, even though Chris Kunitz had 3 goals last night and Crosby is tearing the league apart with Kunitz and Dupuis as his wingers. Listen, Habsbuzz doesn't claim its rumours make sense, or that we are even thinking before we write shit. We just make up ... er, report what our many, many, very highly respected and mysterious sources tell us. Lots of respected sources who speak to us unqualified, anonymous bloggers ALL THE TIME.

It won't be a trade of Carey Price for Marc-Andre Fleury, because new All-Star Fleury and the currently struggling Price (4.14 GAA and .833 SP in his last two) aren't being mentioned in the rumours my respected, well-connected sources are discussing. It also won't be injured Canadiens defenders Andrei Markov (out indefinitely) or Josh Gorges (sore knee) or crocked Pens Mike Comrie (hip surgery, out indefinitely), Eric Godard (day-to-day with broken nose) or Alex Grant (broken wrist, out indefinitely) because they are injured, as I know from my trusted, super-secret sources at TSN. Wait, I mean, my super-secret informants in various high-level positions all across hockey. Yeah, that's it.

The trade also won't include struggling rookie PK Subban or excellent power-play QB Kris Letang (36 points in 41 games) or ice cold Habs centres Tomas Plekanec (suddenly only on pace for 65 points after running over a point per game to start the year) or Scott Gomez. Habsbuzz's uber-super-secret but highly influential and never too busy to talk to us even though we are an anonymous hack making shit up on the interweb and they are highly-regarded, Stanley Cup winning GM's, presidents, scouts and other fans making shit up and (mostly) Darren Dreger and Bob McKenzie's tweets - wait, forget I said that - would only tell me the most outlandish - I mean, perfectly reasonable - trade rumours. Even though they aren't rumours but actual, honest-to-goodness made up facts. Um, unless they aren't true, then it's because something got messed up and the teams backed off. Totally. Habsbuzz has to report what Habsbuzz hears...That's Habsbuzz's job. Yours is to debate why such a thing would happen. Habsbuzz tries to not censor with Habsbuzz's own opinions.

Of course, Habsbuzz's opinion is (according to my highly imaginative, made-up super KGB level secret sources) that the Pens are ready to make a move that will bring Malkin to Montreal, if he isn't there already. Malkin to Montreal, along with Pascal Dupuis, with Mike Cammalleri, Andrei Kostitsyn and Yanick Weber going the other way. This is imminent and will be confirmed as soon as today, or later than that, or possibly there will be another big deal otherwise. Look for Langenbrunner to Toronto and Pavelski to Toronto and the Rangers to make a deal and Calgary to send Iginla off right away or sooner or later too because Habsbuzz's super-secret M15 Kremlin insiders Gary Bettman's secretary Brian Burke-cause he never shuts up- Reggie Houle's lovechild in the know sources said something might happen. E5 E5 E5.

Got an outlandish but in the realm of possibility by 0.0000000000001% rumour or trade happening?  Leave it in the comments. 

Buh-bye Lil' Tits

GG11's naked Sergei contribution to the goodbye

I still, to this day, don't know who these two dudes were, but now one of them is gonna want his $300 for an authentic Reebok jersey back.

Yes, Little Tits is gone. Traded to Nashville for forward Dustin Boyd, and goalie Dan Ellis, and there are future considerations involved but the media outlets can't seem to agree if it's us, them, or both. Before you can say "wow, the Preds got fleeced", consider Boyd is an RFA UFA (lap dance to ezzeloharr) July 1 and Ellis is a UFA. So who the fuck knows if they will even be on the team. I'm a stats guy, so here's the pertinent info:

Ellis posted a .909 save percentage and 2.69 goals against average in 31 games last season with the Preds, while Boyd had 11 goals and 13 assists in 78 games.

Not too shabby. IF WE CAN SIGN THEM. Questions for your future consideration:

Will Sergei explode for a 40 goal season some day? Will it be in the KHL?
How will Andrei react to his brother being gone?
How will FHF react to only having one set of Tits around here?

Discuss.

The Morning Skate for Wedensday, March 3rd

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of a new slider BalckBerry...

• W00t! The 19-game mini-season begins with a 4-1 win over the Bs and some hope. The Lunchbucket line and the Bread and Butter line (actual nicknames still TBD) picked up the scoring slack, with Métro leading the way with 1G 1A and the first star. Suck it, HF4. More later today;
• AND the Leafs get crushed, by Carolina no less. What a return to hockey;
• Rangers pre-Olympic moementum continues, Sens' does not. 4-1 Rangers;
• Philly rolls over Tampa;
  
• This all leaves the Habs in 7th. Won't last;
  
• Pens beat the Sabres 3-2, with Miller resting and getting a huge ovation (bigger than Sid) in Pitt;
• Your token west result has the Kings dominating the Stars, 5-1.
  

It's trade deadline day! And the Habs are involved for a change already! Buh-bye Dagger. We would appreciate if someone could pronounce the new guy's name for us. We'll keep one eye on Big Fat Bob Mackenzie all day and jump in if anything real happens. In the meantime, we know you'll enjoy some video highlights after a win:

Welcome goalie who will eat your children while they sleep!

Habs have announced the signing of goalie Curtis Sanford to a one-year, two-way deal. Financial terms of the deal yada yada.

In 19 games with the Canucks last year, Sanford posted a 7-8-0 record with a 2.59 GAA and .906 save%. Hey, that's alright. We'll just ignore the back spasms and groin that put him on IR. And we won't even mention his just-above Panger-esque stature.

With Marc Denis gone, Sanford will either be the number one guy in Hamilton or the backup to TFS after we package Jaro, Pleks, two defencemen and a prospect for a less zombie-like center. Or he's just a little insurance.

The mask comes from his nickname "The Sandman." Unfortunately he doesn't wear it anymore after he had a contest for fans to design his new mask last year. But if you think we're gonna pass up the chance to say "Sandman" so we can post the video below, you're crazy. Wake the fuck up.

Menachem! Nooooooooo!!!!!

Just when you think you've got a chance for peace in the middle east, they ship your leader to Dallas.

Begin! Menachem, we'll miss you so! You who could stare down the enemy with bravery and might. You who could galvanize protest against the pervasive lack of the dedication that has ailed us for too long.

You, Menachem, whose eyes stared convincingly onto the horizon of hope and commitment. You, who led not with the emptiness of the word but with the abundance of the action.

You, Menachem, you have paved the way for a new generation of young men who will remember how much you toiled, and how moist the brows over your endless blue eyes were rendered by the toiling.

We will miss you Menachem, and in our sorrow, we may only wish that the man we welcome in exchange for your wrenching departure, Doug Janik, reveal himself as but a desperate fraction of the badass mutherfucker we grew to love.

Doug fucking Janik.   

Hanukah Arrives Early, ....or Late.

Jews in Montreal are hysterical over the news that Mathieu Schneider is back in Montreal

The Jews are back on our bench! The Jews are back on our bench!

Stir the Matzah Ball Soup Ma! Curl up and watch When Harry Met Sally for the 17th time. Rattle off those Jewish Nobel Prize Winners again, cause THIS IS HAPPENING!

Mathieu Schneider is back.

Oy, has it ever been lonely since our Matty left us with our circumcised shmekels in our hands. It was a day that left our hearts as heavy as Ariel Sharon's,...as Ariel Sharon. One minute he was there, he was representing Côte-St-Luc pride all over the world, the next, he was gone, as gone as a peace process in Gaza.

G-d willing, he is here to stay and will bring back honor and pride to our team, and excellent latka recipes for us to enjoy.

Put on the tefilin, our payers have been answered. Respect the Sabbath and honor thy parents because glory glory is here.

Throw the pork away, Mazel Tov, we have been saved. our real Messiah is here and he is beautiful. Tear down your fences of hatred, and let the love pour in your hearts, for we have been so alone for so long. But alone we are no longer, because he is back, and his penis was cut when he was 6 days old, and it probably hurt him like hell, but they gave him some wine to knock his senses out and we Jews experience our first hangovers with bleeding dicks, so pray for us.

The Cup is near. Kiss the mezzuzah when you get home. The Cup is near.

Two Days Later: Deep Thoughts on the Deadline

OK, so we didn't land Marian Hossa and we got rid of HueT for a song. Now that the screams have died down, the instant reactions are over, and we've played a game, it's time to take a deep breath and coherently analyse what Bob did and didn't do.

Facts:

• With Sundin, Tanguay, and possibly Jokinen off the trade market, supply of snipers was severely limited, driving up the price for Hossa dramatically (Econ 101 comes in handy!);
• Don "don't blow your" Wadell refused to let teams discuss long-term contracts with Hossa, who will be a UFA over the summer;
• This last fact pretty much assured Hossa was just a rental;
• Seriously, do we believe we can win the Cup this year, even with Hossa?

Add all this up, and I have no problem at all not landing Hossa. Well done, Bob, in You We Trust.

Now, HueT. I understand that he was going to be a UFA. I understand that you are ready to give TFS(tm) the reigns. But a second rounder? For a (possibly) Top 10 goalie? Just seems like you could have done a little better there. Like maybe a 3rd rounder and a journeyman veteran (a useful one, not another Slowinski).

That's it. Just some calm, rational analysis. We now return you to the quick insta-reactions we've become famous for.

What FHF Thinks About Habs' Wins in October

Dear Habs,

Thanks for yet another tremendous cock tease. October means nothing to us now. Year after year, we fall for your little scheme. After stuffing our faces with your promises during the first few weeks of the season, we're giving it all back. Today we know better.

And don't you think we're going to follow you on the Maxim Lapierre will save our pathetic souls logic. This HF was there last night, and would have rather spent the entire evening gargling with mayonnaise. You're far from a Lapierre quick fix solution. Make love to yourselves.

HF33