Lawd, Mr. Goat-shay, I don't know nuthin' 'bout winnin' no Stanley Cup - Habs/Thrash Preview and Open Thread

I can't photoshop for shit, so pretend that Tara in the background looks like the Bell Centre and that the clouds in the sky look like a Habs logo and a Thrashers logo. COME HOME GG11!!! We miss you!!!!

Okay, okay, I know that the Habs are still in playoff contention, they're in sixth place, sky hasn't fallen yet etc. etc. I wasn't expecting squat in terms of trades yesterday (as usual). I know that the cupboard is basically bare in Hamilton and in terms of draft picks (having seemingly traded away most of our 2nd round picks from now until 2050). It would absolutely have been galactically stupid to mortgage the future for a present that would only have seen maringal improvements at best.

But, dammit, since when is "competent" good enough in professional sports?

Being satisfied with competence is a symptom of the complacency that has infected this team and its management. After all, why should they care? Habs Nation will continue to put butts in (increasingly expensive) seats, hoping for a repeat of last year's playoff miracle. And so, they jack up the prices 40% for playoff tickets and idiots like me continue to sign on the dotted line. To quote a person whose opinion I respect and cherish: "Go make love to yourselves, Canadiens de Montréal."

Word.

Don't get me wrong - I'm hoping for a miracle too. Hell, my fellow bloggers and I have given up what little goddamned free time we have to write for a Habs fan blog. We do this because we love this team way more than is healthy.

I sure as shit ain't doing it for the strippers or the meth that 29 keeps promising.

When I thought about the fact that the Habs were visiting Atlanta tonight, I thought of something else that was built on delusions of grandeur based on a glorified (and increasingly distant) past and worship of things that are pretty on the outside, but rotten on the inside. Much like the old South needed to get slavery spanked out of it once and for all by the Yankees, I'm worried that the only way that the Habs are going to get smacked out of this complacency is to get their own spanking and finish dead last in the NHL. Maybe then, only 21,271 fans will show up for a game...

... who the heck am I kidding? We only have to look to Leafs Nation if we want to catch a glimpse of our future. Mediocrity veering on suckitude, however heartbreaking, still their arena. The same thing would happen here. And, because I'm a weak-willed sap when it comes to this team, I'll be one of the suckers still ponying up for season tickets.

Frankly, my dear Habs, you're making it hard to give a damn.

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Waiting for the Yankees to show up: Game at 7:00 PM in Atlanta at the Philips Arena, home to the 3rd lowest attendance in the NHL, ahead only of the Isles and Yotes. But a hockey team in Quebec City, Winnipeg, Hamilton [insert other Canadian city here] wouldn't be viable. Riiight. Speaking of complacency...

Cousin Melanie from Atlanta: I don't want to link to another SB nation blog, so I'll link to a fellow Blogger victim: The Thrashers 411. They haven't updated their site in, like, a month. Maybe they decided to blow up their computer too after Blogger refused to fucking re-size their goddamned pictures/ate one of their posts... Not that I'm bitter, or anything.

Hot, like Vivien Leigh in that green dress (no, not that one, this one): Whoa. The Thrash have won both their meetings (home and away) against the Habs so far this year. That doesn't bode well. What also doesn't bode well? Apparently Big Tits is one of the Habs' hottest players, along with Squid. Funny - neither ever has to play on a line with Scott Gomez... Nah. Gotta be a coincidence, couldn't possibly be a sign that someone needs to have his Mexican-Alaskan ass benched or at least find his ice time reduced.

Burnt to the ground like Twelve Oaks: Who's cold? No one. No one at all. I have no idea what you're talking about. No passengers on this here bus, no siree. This team is competent. COMPETENT. *mumbling to herself* *twitching*

Casualty lists! Git yer casualty lists: DarCHe still out, along with Spacek and two key D-men whose brilliance is starting to fade into a lovely memory. If Carey Price has the flu, why isn't he in bed with a bowl of chicken noodle soup? Why is he sitting on a stool a) getting sicker and b) infecting the rest of the team??

Carried up the staircase in order to be ravished: Who knew that Atlanta was apparently known as the "Strip Club Capital of America"? Looks like Georgia Peaches really are delicious...

Feeling that tomorrow is another day? Determined to never go hungry (for a win) again? Wanting to test out your brand new flame thrower? Talk about it in the comments...

Sun setting on Habs season - Caps 6, Habs who the fuck cares anymore

Well, it's been a real slice kids. This season has been a wild up and down (mostly down) ride we won't soon forget. I am not here to bury the Habs, nor to praise them, or however that stupid saying goes. I'm here to thank you for all your support of FHF this season and the good times we've had. We'll see you back in September.

Wait, what's that you say? Caps only up 3-1? Season not over? Well, it sure feels like it to me.

I'd love to dissect for you guys what happened out there last night, I really would. That would be my "job" as a blogger wouldn't it? Alas, frankly it's just too painful. Like the Habs' season! Zing!

Here's what I'll dissect - the moment when the season ended. Late 2nd period. Habs have dominated. 21 shots on net in the period. Finally get rewarded with a Gio PP goal to go up 2-1. NOOOOOOO, the Habs have a lead! Bad news. Habs get a late penalty. Like all penalties to that point in the series, Habs come up with an epic kill. Then the Caps have 6 skaters on the ice for about 3 minutes. Habs PP, and they're riding more momentum than a fat whale riding a perfectly spherical boulder down a 60-degree slope. A couple of chances on the PP, only a handful of seconds left 'til we come out of 40 minutes with a 2-1 lead we'll fight to protect in the 3rd to finally win a home playoff game and even this series. And then...

Oh, Hamr, you hurt us. It was sort of flub with the puck, it was sort of a pinch that he shouldn't have pinched, it's kind of hard to tell. But it led to a 2 on 1 shorthanded break the other way. Goal, KKnuble, with 7 seconds left. Game tied 2-2. Season over. Really.

The 3rd period was a mere formality. Habs never came out of the dressing room. Caps pop two in quick succession in the middle of the period, and it was downhill from there. All that was left was a bunch of Carey Price unsportsmanlike conduct penalties and empty net goals. To be honest, I loved the first Price penalty, shooting the puck int the Caps goal celebration after the 4th goal. Showed he's a crazy goalie (redundant I know) who cares. Unlike his teammates in the 3rd.

You could say the Habs deserved better in this series. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. Shoulda won Game 2. Without Hamr, woulda won last night. Coulda been up 3-1. But that's all for shit now. Yes, there is a Game 5 on Friday night. But that's probably a mere formality as well. See you in September.

Habs Lose to Sens - Oh Wait, This is A Preview: Habs about to lose to Sens

Which No. 27 would you pick? Yeah, me too.*

Waiting in line details - 7pm start at the new Forum. RDS and CBC in Quebec and the Ottawa area. (Which means HF10 is stuck watching Leafs and Rangers. Haha. Oh wait, me too. Fuck.) Sens 4-2 record mirrors Montreal's 2-4 debacle. Habs coming off another loss - this one at home just to shake things up - while the Sens enjoyed the trip to Montreal after destroying the Lightning 7-1. So they're due for a letdown, right? Right?

Pay your cover charge to - As always, we heart Five for Smiting. We enjoy a sexy party with Senators Lost Cojones any day. Perhaps tonight in the VIP room...

Hot sexy Habs to watch - TurtlePlek is the Habs' leading scorer. Big Tits has 3 points in three games and has looked Kovalev-ish at times (AT TIMES, people - I'm not saying he's L'Artiste or anything). Hottest thing about the Habs is definitely Carey Price's new mask. Most bad-ass Habs goalie mask ever - and a far cry from the pussy-looking ghosts on Huet's mask of a few years ago.

Skanky Habs to watch - As HF29 said last time: Everyone else? Anyone notice that Squid doesn't have a goal yet? Just asking.

Hot sexy Sens to watch - Milan Michalek made Sens fans forget Dany Heatley (ok, maybe they still hate him a little) with a hat trick. We should also mention former Habs pick and cast off Matt Carkner is apparently rocking the back end for Ottawa.

But most importantly, this is Alexei Kovalev's much-hyped return to Montreal after a 4-year run with the Canadiens. It's been beat to death everywhere else, so we'll just say we're not looking forward to his hat trick tonight - each goal via his signature top corner shot from the right faceoff circle. Damn, I used to love that play. That or he'll be invisible after the crowd's warm reception. Whatever, we're still a little sad to see him in a Sens uniform.

Skanky Sens to watch - They're coming off a 7-1 win, so not a whole lot. Chris Campoli has no points yet, which, for a supposedly offensive defenceman, probably isn't very good. I wonder when he'll blame Coach Clousten and ask for a trade to Anaheim?

Not Appearing on the main stage tonight - No lineup changes annonced for the Habs yet (TFS (tm) starts in goal again) which means Max Pac's injury isn't bad enough to keep him out of the lineup. Shawn Belle goes again after a pretty solid outing against the Avs. Sens are pretty healthy, with only Filip Kuba definitely out tonight.

In the VIP Room - Habs suck right now. Let's not sugar coat this. Yeah, they got some bad bounces against the Avs, but they didn't bury their chances when they had the opportunity and let the Avs back into the game. Not blaming My Boy Carey, but it'd be nice if he could steal one tonight, if need be. Sens, meanwhile, are in for a letdown after such a big win. Right? Right? (I figure repeating it enough will make it true.)

Post-game adult entertainment establishment - We're picking Cafe Cleopatra for this one (NSFW, duh). Win, and the boys get a pervert's row view from the ground floor. Lose, and it's up to the 2nd floor for all of them. SLC is picking up our bar tab either way - cause he stole our Kovy.

*As always, photoshopping courtesy of GG11. Please note the Linesbabe. Thank you GG11, I can now hope Linesbabe shows up to ref one of my rec hockey games. So what if I end up giving up 15 goals - as long as I get to ogle her. Let's hear your dirty thought in the comments.