PatCHes scores a 2-year deal

Not too many pics of PatCHes out there not lying face down on the ice or being taken off on a stretcher, which we felt was inappropriate for this post. Good thing we found this pic of him molesting a goaltender instead.

The Habs have just announced that Get well PatCHes! has signed a 2-year contract before becoming a restricted FA. As per club policy, financial details were not disclosed. TSN then disclosed it's worth $3.25 million.

We have so many tasteless jokes to write but it just felt too early. Get well PatCHes!

... and DDD too!

Scenes from a "protest"

I hope the woman in front rolled up the rim and won

Well, if I may say, that was pretty much a bust. I would estimate the crowd at between 200 and 300 people, not counting the 100 press members. Every now and then the organizer would grab his bullhorn, urge people to sign the petition, and unsuccessfully start a Go Habs Go chant. If you can't even get Habs fans to chant Go Habs Go, the energy level in your group is pretty low. To his credit, the organizer also was raising money for Japan. May have been a bit of a downer.

The pic above may even overstate how many people were there. Anyway, we've got some more pics for you. This first one is a better indication of the crowd I think:

I was obsessed with the guy in the Blues Hull jersey with his giant dog. I've got 10 pics of him. Why is he there? Why with that jersey? If you have a Blues jersey, at least get a Jaro one. Is he from St. Louis? Why would he have a giant dog with him if he traveled from so far? So many questions.

Winner, best sign.

Runner up. Though it is a tad confusing. Does he mean Fuckface Bettman is a Republican?

Winner, best costume. Wasn't even close. I want one of those.

TSN's John Lu works his Blackberry. We had a lovely chat actually. He seemed bored. He estimated the crowd at only about 100, which I thought was low. We agreed to disagree, then we went to Club Downtown where we banged twin Eastern European strippers in the VIP room. I think they were Bulgarian.

Well that about covers it. Fuck the NHL. Get well, PatCHes.

There's a cloud hanging over the season now - Blues 4, Habs 1

Look, I don't want to write about PatCHes for the third day in a row. I'm sure you don't want to read about PatCHes for the third day in a row. But really, what choice do we all have? The "Incident" (upper case I) as I guess we're calling it now, is going to cast a long shadow over the rest of the season. The effect was more than apparent last night in St. Louis. So at the risk of another day of anonymous Boston assholes invading the comments (here I'll comment for you: "Waaa-waaa, Montrealers are such pussies, get over yourselves, it was all PatCHes fault for trying to skate by a defenseman, waaa-waaa, crybabies, it's hockey, it's a violent sport etc. etc." Now go away) I am going to have to talk about PatCHes for the third day in a row.

And once again, for the third day in a row, I'll remind us all to remember what's important here and that's PatCHes. In the awesome news department, PatCHes was released from the hospital yesterday and went home where he is recovering. That is a minor miracle. Get well PatCHes.

Discussion of the Incident is not going away any time soon. Yesterday it was in full effect. If you want to get angry, read what Fuckface Bettman had to say. BTW, anyone from the NHL head office will now be referred to as "Fuckface ___" by me. Then to get even angrier, read the most pathetic media statement in the history of the universe from the NHLPA. At least yesterday some in the media realized what a joke the league was. You can feel better reading Stephen Brunt (in Toronto no less!) ripping into Fuckface Bettman, or Michael Farber taking the NHL to task, or even perennial FHF whipping boy Jack Todd who nailed it pretty well. We can all cheer Air Canada. We finally heard from the team with a decent politely worded letter from Geoff Molson.Even the Prime Minister weighed in.

I am sure the rest of the league will go on with their lives pretty quickly, but that just won't be the case in Montreal. There are petitions and protests, and the criminal justice system is getting involved. Habs fans are angry, and will be angry for a long time. That's just the way it's gonna be.

But it's on the ice where we can, should, and hopefully will, seek redemption and justice. It just didn't happen last night. Last night, the entire team had its collective head elsewhere. We can't blame them. The fans' collective head was elsewhere too. They certainly get a pass from criticism for one game (well, except CHicken maybe). That was your freebie boys. Now we've got a question for you. How are you going to react to it the rest of the season? Are you going to play like last night? Or are you going to rally around the Incident as a "they're all against us, let's get 'em back by winning" kind of thing?

The one problem I see is that last night showed how important PatCHes was to this team as a hockey player. There is no one on this team who can replace what he was doing. And by having to try CHicken or Tits as the winger with Gio and Gomez, you've fucked with your 3rd and 4th lines. And clearly CHicken was not up to the task. He could not have played worse. To the point where he was benched in the third. Tits did marginally better, but he's just not the go to the net kind of power forward PatCHes is. In fact he's the opposite. And with PleXXXe and Squid really nowhere to be seen either last night, the top two lines were a mess. That's not good. We sure could use a Matt D'Agostini right about now.

Maybe three players showed up last night. TFS was great. He gave us every chance to win. He was really the only one who had that "let's do it for PatCHes" attitude. I thought Lego played a good game, he really worked hard. And despite his continuous refusal to shoot, the Mexican seemed to play pretty well too. But those three were it. The defense collectively was terrible. But like I said, last night was your free pass boys. Just put it together for Saturday. Do it for PatCHes.

The cloud over the season is going to affect everything now. It's even affecting FHF - my heart just wasn't in it for Sexy Friday today. We can only hope that in the long run, the cloud lifts. If it doesn't, the sky is gonna be falling pretty quickly.

Morning update -  wanted to add this video. Well done, internet.

OK, get out the pitchforks and torches. Now I'm pissed. (with a little legal lesson thrown in)

"So if you're looking for someone to lead the angry pitchfork mob, you've come to the wrong place. Until the NHL decides Bob McKenzie is right and gives Chara a token one-game suspension. Then we can go apeshit."

- me, in the last post

So I don't need to tell you that the NHL decided that it was even more of a pussy than Bob McKenzie. At least Bob thought Chara would get a couple of games. The NHL's wheel of justice landed on zero. Zero games. Zero fines. Zero condemnation of a sickening, sickening act. One that has left one of the brightest young stars the team has in a hospital bed, with a fractured C4 vertebrae and a severe concussion. PatCHes won't play again this year, and may never play again. He may never be the same person again. So before we go apeshit, let's once again remember what's important here - PatCHes. Please get well. We're hoping and praying for you.

On to the apeshit.

Actually, let's get to the legal lesson first. Bear with me here, it's important. Let's start with one of our resident lawyers, Panger, who wrote the following in an email to me and HF10, that was sent before the ruling came down:

I’m not sure that Zdeno should get away with that hit regardless of whether he “intended” to nearly kill him. Frankly, I doubt he intended to seriously hurt him. But the fact is that he’s 6’9, has been playing hockey his whole career, and ought to have known the potential danger to Patches. Isn’t the rationale behind the blind-side head shot rule to protect players when they are vulnerable? How much more vulnerable could Patches have been? But did Chara turn away? No, he clearly rubbed him out. He knew it; he didn’t care about the consequences. Reckless disregard. Maybe it’s not first degree murder, but it can still be murder if you’re reckless. He’ll get two games and someone will have to be killed on the ice for the NHL to start protecting its players.(emphasis added)

A criminal lawyer will tell you that you need to prove two things for a guilty finding - the "actus reus" and the "mens rea". The actus reus is the criminal act. I think we can all agree that Chara performed the act. Want proof? Here:

Mens rea literally translates to "guilty mind." The average non-lawyer person thinks that the guilty mind means intent. The NHL thinks it too. I walk into my girlfriend's house and put a bullet in her head because she was sleeping with my best friend (I'm the jealous type). I intended to pull that trigger. That's easy to understand. But intent is not the only mens rea. Depending on the crime and jurisdiction, you've got all sorts of other mens reas. Two of the most common? Recklessness and negligence. You get into a car drunk and kill a guy? Sure, you didn't intend to kill him, but damn fucking right by getting into a car and driving drunk you were reckless, and you are guilty. In Canada, if you are negligent and your actions cause someone's death, you are guilty of homicide (s. 222(5)(b) of the Criminal Code). You never intended to kill someone, but you are still guilty of murder.

None of this means anything to the NHL "brain" trust. Most of whom, I imagine, are lawyers. But their ridiculous fascination with the phrase "intent to injure" has gone beyond the perverse. To the point where a 22-year old kid almost got killed with zero punishment to the person responsible.

Now Mike Murphy, NHL VP of hockey operations, is not a lawyer. But he's still a fuckface. Here's what he had to say: "I could not find any evidence to suggest that ... Chara targeted the head of his opponent". Right. No evidence. Exhibit A:

No contact to the head there! FuckMurphy continued: "with both players skating in the same direction and with Chara attempting to angle his opponent into the boards." Right. Just a normal check into the boards! When patCHes was nowhere near the fucking puck. Not to mention that if they were both skating in the same direction, Chara would have been staring right at the fucking stanchion.  He would have known what he was about to do. FuckMurphy continued: "This hit resulted from a play that evolved and then happened very quickly." Of course, hockey is a slow game! But this play happened so fast who knows what happened! And one more: "I also took into consideration that Chara has not been involved in a supplemental discipline incident during his 13-year NHL career." Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw. He's just a prince! And the next time he pulls some sort of shit, he still won't have been involved in a supplemental discipline incident. So no punishment then either! I personally have never been disciplined for chaining a stripper to a bed in my basement. So when I do that, no discipline for me!

My rage is no longer targeted at Chara, or the Bruins, or the violent state of the game that seems to excuse this kind of stupidity. My rage is directed squarely at the NHL, who have taken one of the most sickening things I've ever seen in my lifetime and turned it into a fucking joke, just a normal hockey play. I am fucking pissed. I know you are too. What do we do? I don't know. CJAD has started a Facebook group that wants "justice" for PatCHes. Unfortunately, justice in this case seemed to have been lost in a wave of NHL stupidity. But we have to find a way to channel this anger. I'm open to suggestions. It's not just for justice, it's not just for revenge, it's not just for PatCHes. It's for the state of the game.

PatCHes himself said it best: "I'm not mad for myself, I'm mad because if other players see a hit like that and think it's okay, they won't be suspended, then other players will get hurt like I got hurt."

Amen, PatCHes. Again, get well. We'll be mad for you.

Get well, patCHes (oh yeah, Habs 4, Bs 1)

I have to be honest with you. I've been lying in bed awake for three hours, dreading to write this post. When we decided at FHF headquarters eairler this week that I was writing the review of the Bs game, I was so stoked. Now, frankly, I wish I wasn't a Habs blogger.

I kid, I kid, I love this place and all of you guys. But really, I'm just dreading giving my opinion here. No matter what I say, it's going to be wrong. Everyone will disagree with it. Puck Daddy and other hockey blogs will link to this with the "FHF says that Chara hit was dirty" or "FHF believes Chara wasn't intending to injure" or "FHF says Chara is a big fat shaved gorilla". That's just way too much responsibility, and I don't want it. All I ever wanted to do was have some fun and make some jokes and ogle some half naked chicks.

So before I get this over with, let's take a step back and remember what's important here - Max patCHes is lying in the Montreal General Hospital. No matter what you thought of the hit, the aftermath was scary. You seriously could have thought he was dead. His eyes were closed and he didn't move for what seemed like an eternity. For 15 minutes there, I literally felt sick. Thank goodness the Habs organization knows how to use the Twitter machine, and we found out soon enough he was alive, conscious, and moving his limbs. This morning the reports have him suffering a concussion. Compared to death or a broken neck, that's great news. PatCHes, we're all thinking of you. Get well.

OK enough dilly-dallying, here goes. Hmmm...
*looks around*
*makes coffee*
*pours coffee*
*adds shot of Irish whiskey to coffee*
*drinks*
*drinks Irish whiskey straight from bottle*

OK, seriously, here goes. All I can tell you is what I see in the video. And believe me, I've watched it about a 396,567 times by now, on TV and YouTube, in fast speed in slow-mo, backwards and forwards and upside down. Here's what I see. Chara maybe starts hitting Max with his shoulder. However, pretty quickly that shoulder becomes a forearm to the head / neck area, and that arm extends, pushing the head / neck area away. And it's not like you can make the excuse that Chara towers over him, patCHes is 6'2", a giant among Habs forwards. Fact - Max did not have the puck. So what do I think?

Sorry sports fans still anxiously awaiting one stupid blogger's opinion, I still don't know. That may seem like a (possibly drunken) copout, but here's the problem. As HF10 wrote in an email last night:

"Ugly, reckless, stupid yeah. Malicious? Christ I hope not."

That's the thing, you can't really know what's in a player's head, can you? The reactions to this have varied from "a pretty banal hit that just happened in the wrong place" (Big fat Bob McKenzie) to "Chara knew exactly where he was and what he was doing and was getting even for Max's little shove in the back after that OT winner in the January game" (antiCHambre). Chara has denied he had any intent to injure. Do I believe that? Well, no, but I frankly have a hard time believing that even a shaved gorilla wanted to see a player killed or paralyzed. I think Arpon Basu summed up my feelings nicely: "I can't convince myself that Chara wanted that exact outcome. He wanted something, but not that."

So if you're looking for someone to lead the angry pitchfork mob, you've come to the wrong place. The problem is, this is just Day 1 of this discussion. We've all got to take a deep breath, be rational and civil, and politely disagree with each other. Until the NHL decides Bob McKenzie is right and gives Chara a token one-game suspension. Then we can go apeshit.

Oh yeah, Habs played a dynamite hockey game, using their skill and speed to cruise to a 4-0 lead before the incident. Too bad a dandy 40 minutes was forgotten in 2 seconds.