Vindication for LG! Sabres 2, Habs 0

At the risk of giving ammunition to fuckface anonymous commentors,.. you know what, fuck it. I will openly taunt fuckface anonymous commentors who for some inexplicable reason insist on hanging around a blog they think is crap. Where nobody wants them. And for some reason, insist on attacking LG77 at every turn. Well, fuckface anonymous commentors, in case you didn't notice, LG77's  post that started this week of nastiness thanks to you was 100% correct. To the quote!

"One game they're flying, the next, they need to be relegated to the trash heap.  One day they're kicking ass, the next, they're getting their asses kicked. One night they're the windshield, the other night they're the bug."

In the wake of Buffalo's domination of us last night (yes, you can be dominated in a 2-0 game where one goal was into an empty net), LG77 delivered a playful "I told you so" in the comments. Amen, sister. You tried to tell us, you really did. Let's turn to some other childish taunts (not that I'm calling LG childish, you understand) to try and sort this one out.

My dad's better than your dad - All credit to Lindy Ruff who came up with some sort of perfect road game plan that gave the Habs maybe one legitimate scoring chance all night. It was based on tight 5-man D and limiting the opposition's good chances and taking advantage of your opponent's mistakes. Just like The System! And it worked. CHokula's game plan consisted of, uh, hmm, trying not to make a mistake? I kept expecting the Habs to come out of the dressing room with some sort of change in the plan to get the offense going. Aside from a line change in the 3rd to the reappearance of the Giant Mexican Squid, nada. In-between period strategic adjustment is not CHokula's forte.

Liar, liar pants on fire - statistics LIE. Habs outshot the Sabres 31-24 in this game. That was no indication whatsoever of the play. Every shot the Habs had was from the outside, was seen by Miller and produced no second or third chances. I don't care what the shots say, Sabres owned this game. They had energy and desperation on their side. Habs had lethargy and complacency on their side. The one stat that didn't lie was penalties. Habs had 6, all by defensemen getting beat in their own zone and needing to trip, hook, or interfere to try and catch up. Sure they killed them all, but they ruined any chance of getting into some kind of flow.

I know you are, but what am I? No way you can insult Carey, who kept us in the game throughout and once again shone while all those around him were meh-ing it up. You can't insult DDD either, who is doing his best to try to fill in for PleXXXe.

I'm rubber and you're glue. Anything you say bounces off me and sticks to you. - No matter how much we insult the Mexican's play, he doesn't seem to care. So here's a new tactic. You're playing great Gomez! Keep it up!

Nyaah nyaah nyaah nah nah nah (sp?) - my last childish dig at Anonymous because I am childish and I hereby declare this Don't Feed the Troll Day.

Am not! Are too! Habs suck! No they don't! Habs suck! No they don't! Let's hope this back and forth Jekyll and Hyde business gets us a win tomorrow night in Boston.

Let's just toss this one away and get on with our lives - Rangers 6, Habs 3

I remember a time in FHF's history when there were games we wouldn't even review. No one had the stomach for it, or there was just nothing really to say about the game or we were all just lazy. Sure, barely anyone read us back then (Jordi, where are you? Bryan?) so it didn't really matter, but sometimes it was a good idea. I think last night's game fits the bill. We should just toss it in the trash, the way the Habs D tossed Carey in there, and forget about it.

In fact, I think you should all take the day off from hockey, and we can regroup tomorrow. We've had a rough couple of weeks. It's a beautiful spring day. Go for a walk. Spend some time with your kids. Watch March Madness. Get going on your spring cleaning. Hire a cheap hooker. Hire a cheap hooker to do your spring cleaning for you. The world has so much to offer.

If you want to hang out, of course you're welcome to. Questions for discussion about last night include:

• Should CHokula have started Auld in the first place?
• Have our injuries finally caught up to us?
• What's wrong with Squid? With The Mexican? (that one's rhetorical)
• Are you impressed the Habs came back a bit and fought pretty well after being down 5-1?
• What will the media say about PFK's little dance late in the second?
• Were you drunk?

If you need me, I'll be checking the erotic services ads in the back of The Mirror. This place is a mess.

There's a cloud hanging over the season now - Blues 4, Habs 1

Look, I don't want to write about PatCHes for the third day in a row. I'm sure you don't want to read about PatCHes for the third day in a row. But really, what choice do we all have? The "Incident" (upper case I) as I guess we're calling it now, is going to cast a long shadow over the rest of the season. The effect was more than apparent last night in St. Louis. So at the risk of another day of anonymous Boston assholes invading the comments (here I'll comment for you: "Waaa-waaa, Montrealers are such pussies, get over yourselves, it was all PatCHes fault for trying to skate by a defenseman, waaa-waaa, crybabies, it's hockey, it's a violent sport etc. etc." Now go away) I am going to have to talk about PatCHes for the third day in a row.

And once again, for the third day in a row, I'll remind us all to remember what's important here and that's PatCHes. In the awesome news department, PatCHes was released from the hospital yesterday and went home where he is recovering. That is a minor miracle. Get well PatCHes.

Discussion of the Incident is not going away any time soon. Yesterday it was in full effect. If you want to get angry, read what Fuckface Bettman had to say. BTW, anyone from the NHL head office will now be referred to as "Fuckface ___" by me. Then to get even angrier, read the most pathetic media statement in the history of the universe from the NHLPA. At least yesterday some in the media realized what a joke the league was. You can feel better reading Stephen Brunt (in Toronto no less!) ripping into Fuckface Bettman, or Michael Farber taking the NHL to task, or even perennial FHF whipping boy Jack Todd who nailed it pretty well. We can all cheer Air Canada. We finally heard from the team with a decent politely worded letter from Geoff Molson.Even the Prime Minister weighed in.

I am sure the rest of the league will go on with their lives pretty quickly, but that just won't be the case in Montreal. There are petitions and protests, and the criminal justice system is getting involved. Habs fans are angry, and will be angry for a long time. That's just the way it's gonna be.

But it's on the ice where we can, should, and hopefully will, seek redemption and justice. It just didn't happen last night. Last night, the entire team had its collective head elsewhere. We can't blame them. The fans' collective head was elsewhere too. They certainly get a pass from criticism for one game (well, except CHicken maybe). That was your freebie boys. Now we've got a question for you. How are you going to react to it the rest of the season? Are you going to play like last night? Or are you going to rally around the Incident as a "they're all against us, let's get 'em back by winning" kind of thing?

The one problem I see is that last night showed how important PatCHes was to this team as a hockey player. There is no one on this team who can replace what he was doing. And by having to try CHicken or Tits as the winger with Gio and Gomez, you've fucked with your 3rd and 4th lines. And clearly CHicken was not up to the task. He could not have played worse. To the point where he was benched in the third. Tits did marginally better, but he's just not the go to the net kind of power forward PatCHes is. In fact he's the opposite. And with PleXXXe and Squid really nowhere to be seen either last night, the top two lines were a mess. That's not good. We sure could use a Matt D'Agostini right about now.

Maybe three players showed up last night. TFS was great. He gave us every chance to win. He was really the only one who had that "let's do it for PatCHes" attitude. I thought Lego played a good game, he really worked hard. And despite his continuous refusal to shoot, the Mexican seemed to play pretty well too. But those three were it. The defense collectively was terrible. But like I said, last night was your free pass boys. Just put it together for Saturday. Do it for PatCHes.

The cloud over the season is going to affect everything now. It's even affecting FHF - my heart just wasn't in it for Sexy Friday today. We can only hope that in the long run, the cloud lifts. If it doesn't, the sky is gonna be falling pretty quickly.

Morning update -  wanted to add this video. Well done, internet.

CRITICAL SYSTEM FAILURE - Bruins 8, Habs 6 (no, really!) - a TMS review

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of a coach who might actually react when his heart exploded out of his chest...

• Apologies for the review style, but man we just have so many jumbled thoughts about that game we just have to spit them out somehow, and we have no time for coherent thinking, we've got to prepare for the Islanders tonight! Woohoo! Islanders!
• WTF was that?
• No, seriously, what. the. fuck;
• Despite our rapt confusion, that was as entertaining a hockey game as you'll see in the Jacques Martin era in Montreal;
• OK, how about some stats: 182 PIM with 14 fighting majors and 4 game misconducts;
• Two of those fighting majors were to TFS and Timmeh. They were just adorable! Carey seemed to enjoy it. Price on the fight: "I think we were just play-fighting more than anything". Then they sticked-tapped as they left the ice after the 2nd. Again, so adorable!
• The penalties led to some great penalty box photos;
• The Habs' defence as a corps was, uh, porous? Pathetic? Really, really, really, really crappy?
• We are really starting to get annoyed at the Mexican. He couldn't have been more terrible last night, what with the ill-timed penalty (AGAIN), the lack of any offensive spark whatsoever, the inability to win a faceoff, the crossing of the blue line only to give up the puck and a goal the other way, the complete inability (or lack of desire more likely) to cover someone in the defensive zone, the steadfast refusal to SHOOT THE MOTHERFUCKING PUCK despite being in perfect position to do so (alone, uncovered, in the left slot, on a PP). At least CHokula noticed it too and benched him for most of the 3rd;
• The Broons are a bunch of motherfucking goons. Fine, have some fights, we like fights too, but stop with the gooning it up in the final minute, you goons;
• So FUCK YEAH when CHicken of all people pounded the shit out of Krejci;
• On the other hand, SpatCHes, uh, no fight good. Those were 30 quality blows he took to the face;
• Credit Tommy Pyatt for taking some quality blows too while getting nicely bloodied with a Bruin goon elbow or something;
• Fuck TSN. No seriously, Habs were not DOMINATED. Habs were not OUTMATCHED. Habs were not EMBARRASSED. I seem to recall scores of 2-2 and 5-4. Shots were 33-34 for the game. That sounds pretty close to us;
• Fuck Mcsplooge in particular:

• Don't forget, Lakers-Celtics tonight on TSN2!
• RDS, we're not letting you off easy. Fuck Benoit Brunet and his cackling laughter every time someone scored. The Bruins scoring is not fucking funny you asshat;
• CHokula, how about FUCKING DOING SOMETHING DURING THE GAME. Your System was in the tank, do something about it. Sending out Alex Auld to start the 3rd would have been a good place to start;
• TFS having to do his own work clearing his crease is really fucking embarrassing for the Habs D. At least it would be, if we had any D;
• Want to know how whack this game was? According Elias Sports Bureau, after 709 games between these teams this was the first time ever there was a period where each team scored 4 goals;
• Is this game just an aberration or has it showed a really flawed Habs team?
• Congrats to Gio getting his 200th career goal, and Swiss Mister II getting his first NHL regular-season goal;
• Congrats to Double D for playing a decent game. The Mexican could learn something from him;
• Congrats to the Habs PP for coming back to life;
• Congrats to you for reading all these bullet points.

Let me Grab a Chair Here While I Wait For Someone to Shoot a Puck On Me: PART II

Thanks and goodnight.

Let me Grab a Chair Here While I Wait For Someone to Shoot a Puck On Me

I swear I saw him do this last night

I really don't want to do this. Not that I don't like FHF readers. I do. I like em a lot and I aim to please but what is there to say about a game I didn't  hardly watched.

We have some problems with that first line...

Yes, Scott Gomez, Brian Gionta and the Third Wheel that comes attached have as much rhythm as I did when my wife and I took salsa lessons many years back. My paralysis of the hips must be induced by Latino beats.

It kinda goes like this.

Dancing, dancing, ... Billie Jean is....twirling around, 90s running man, That girl is Poysooonn!....totally feeling it....IT'S MY PRE-RO-GA-TIIIIVE!..woooo!!! ....Ay, la vida es un carnaval... falls to the floor convulsing.

Now I'm sure Gomez can bust the shit out of the Macarena but I'm not seeing his end to end wizardry as much - and that's what matters to me.

Gio, you're going to get a bit more rope from me because you're not earning the 24 million dollars a shift your linemate is and you're my captain. I can't question your wisdom. For all I know, this comatose start may have been part of your sadistic plan to begin with.

Marty I told you you're not welcome here anymore


A couple of years ago, it appeared the tide had started to turn in the Habs' favour. We beat the Devils on the road a couple of times. Nicked them in Montreal... it looked as if the Brodeur stigma were fading. Not sure about that anymore. He ties the all-time wins record in Montreal, beats the Habs late last year in an important season ending stretch and grabs a shutout last night as if he were picking a grape off the vine.

Cammy, Cammy, It's Time to Get Out of Bed Sir


All that holiday food still feeling heavy there buddy? It's the sabbath today. Ask the Lord for help and he shall pour the nectar of prolific scoring into your soul. Or get off your ass and get to work.

Crap, this is making me upset.

I can't go on. I'm aggravated. Actually, no I'm busy as hell, watched 11 minutes of the game because I made my wife rosemary lemon chicken and refuse to play this game of deceit any longer. You, the FHF reader, deserve better.

Sun setting on Habs season - Caps 6, Habs who the fuck cares anymore

Well, it's been a real slice kids. This season has been a wild up and down (mostly down) ride we won't soon forget. I am not here to bury the Habs, nor to praise them, or however that stupid saying goes. I'm here to thank you for all your support of FHF this season and the good times we've had. We'll see you back in September.

Wait, what's that you say? Caps only up 3-1? Season not over? Well, it sure feels like it to me.

I'd love to dissect for you guys what happened out there last night, I really would. That would be my "job" as a blogger wouldn't it? Alas, frankly it's just too painful. Like the Habs' season! Zing!

Here's what I'll dissect - the moment when the season ended. Late 2nd period. Habs have dominated. 21 shots on net in the period. Finally get rewarded with a Gio PP goal to go up 2-1. NOOOOOOO, the Habs have a lead! Bad news. Habs get a late penalty. Like all penalties to that point in the series, Habs come up with an epic kill. Then the Caps have 6 skaters on the ice for about 3 minutes. Habs PP, and they're riding more momentum than a fat whale riding a perfectly spherical boulder down a 60-degree slope. A couple of chances on the PP, only a handful of seconds left 'til we come out of 40 minutes with a 2-1 lead we'll fight to protect in the 3rd to finally win a home playoff game and even this series. And then...

Oh, Hamr, you hurt us. It was sort of flub with the puck, it was sort of a pinch that he shouldn't have pinched, it's kind of hard to tell. But it led to a 2 on 1 shorthanded break the other way. Goal, KKnuble, with 7 seconds left. Game tied 2-2. Season over. Really.

The 3rd period was a mere formality. Habs never came out of the dressing room. Caps pop two in quick succession in the middle of the period, and it was downhill from there. All that was left was a bunch of Carey Price unsportsmanlike conduct penalties and empty net goals. To be honest, I loved the first Price penalty, shooting the puck int the Caps goal celebration after the 4th goal. Showed he's a crazy goalie (redundant I know) who cares. Unlike his teammates in the 3rd.

You could say the Habs deserved better in this series. Shoulda, woulda, coulda. Shoulda won Game 2. Without Hamr, woulda won last night. Coulda been up 3-1. But that's all for shit now. Yes, there is a Game 5 on Friday night. But that's probably a mere formality as well. See you in September.