FHF Stripperiffic* WJHC Gold Medal Preview

It's the rubber match.

In the modern WJHC era (conveniently described as the period since Canada started sending all-star teams as opposed to an entire junior club) Canada or Russia/USSR have won 30 of 37 titles. That's right, an even 15 each. Everyone else just borrows the trophy: Canada and Russia own this tournament.

So what I'm saying is that this game will determine, once and for all time, which country and its people are superior.

So let the smack talk begin.

The Historic Rivalry: USA / Canada is the biggest international hockey rivalry based on last year's WJHC and Olympics. The Russians just aren't that much of a threat anymore. (Oh, snap.)

Domestic Leagues: Yeah, the Russians have finally set up their own "rival" league. Ask Nabokov how much it really rivals the NHL. So what if half the number of Russians are in the NHL as compared to pre-lockout? They want to stay home in the KHL, fine. Enjoy the borscht and lack of basic live-saving equipment at your arenas.

Playing Style: the point of the game isn't exclusively to put an opponent through the end boards? That's wussy-Euro talk. (Okay, I may have some grudging respect for their puck skills.) Canadian players know what their goalies look like, unlike most of their Russian counterparts. (Ouch - backchecking burn.)

Marquee Players: really it's no contest: Ovie has won nyet as a teammate. Crosby has a Cup and a couple of Gold medals (WJHC and Olympic). Anyone who would build a team around Ovie and not Crosby hates defence and winning. Plus Ovie is seriously scary looking (to be fair, that passes for "sexy" in St. Petersburg).

Politics: We're a constitutional monarchy run by a nice old lady in a funny hat. They're run by a shirtless, tone-deaf oligarch in a not-so-quasi-authoritarian state. (If I die suspiciously of, say, poisoning in the near future, Putin did it.)

WJHC: Canada already beat the Ruskies once in this tournament, and that was with their fantastically un-Roy like goalie and before starting to pay attention to defence. Russia won two playoff games by playing about 7 total minutes of hockey, and those against other wussy-Euro trash teams. There will be no such epic chokes for Team Canada (jinx).

Louis Leblanc: That's right Habs fans, a Canadian Habs' pick at forward who actually contributes at a WJHC (fuck you again Terry Ryan, Eric Chouinard and Little Fuckity Fuck). Hopefully LOUUUUU is more TFS/Subbanator and less Ribiero. If this tournament is any indication, he looks like a Turtleplek clone: does everything better than average at both ends of the rink and works his butt off. And he's not Russian (prove me wrong, Mr. 'healthy scratch' Avtsin.)

Fearless prediction: Visentin outplays Shikin, Johanson schools Tarasenko and the Canucks skate off with our 6th WJHC gold in 7 years. Russians head back to Russia wishing they were Canadian.

Finally: 1972!

*So what if none of the players can legally attend a gentlemen's club? If they bring back gold tonight, they can get in anywhere along Ste Catherine that their little (horny) hearts desire.

TMS for Tuesday, December 29th 2009

Good morning Habs fan!

While HF29 nurses his meth hangover and scoures the gossip pages for celebrity boob, err, I mean his glorious return tomorrow am, here's yesterday's recap:

• Habs lose at their own game as Pascal LeClaire plays Jaro and steals two points that the team in front of him didn't earn. Oh well, you live by the sword, you die by the sword. More on the terrible reffing (on both sides of the puck - calm down SLC) later. Meanwhile, let's hope the troops learned sompin' - like, bury the third fucking goal when you have the chance, motherfuckers.


• Thankfully, Bruins lose too. Let's hope the Lightning have had thier fill of W's for the remainder of the year.


• Eric Staal scores a pair and adds 3 assists as the Canes drop the Caps 6-3. Nice try, Eric, but you're not going to make the Olympic team now. Let's hope the Caps can eventually recover from the devastation of losing their captain (his name was Chris Clark, by the way) to Columbus.


• Flames beat Oilers 4-1 in the latest Battle of Alberta. Let's hope Edmonton fans don't commit mass suicide as a result - mostly because I've got plans to be in Edmonton for New Years and that would be a bummer for me. Well, more of a bummer than spending New Year's in Edmonton.

Over at the WJC, Canada pummels the Swiss 5-0. No swiss cheese jokes here - and not just because goalies always deserve better, so BACK OFF (sorry, a little personal there) - as Swiss 'tender Benjamin Conz stops 94 of 103 shots including the previous game against the USA. (Hmm, maybe the Habs should draft him, he'd feel right at home.) Let's hope the rest of the tourny gives us more than a foregone conclusion - yes, even if it means (shudder) Canada loses a game. Better now than at the Olympics.

Game Day Skate (Holiday Edition) for Monday, December 28 2009

Good morning Habs fan!

While HF29 is in the land of 56k modems, I'll be keeping you company in the mornings for a few days. Don't worry, he'll be back soon. Let's review what happened while you and I were sleeping and/or recovering from a turkey coma:

• Might Mite Martin Raymond gets his first career hat trick in the Canucks 5-1 win over the Flames. Let's hope it's a preview of a future Bobby Lou-Kipper match-up in February.
• Leafs beat the Pens 4-3; Boston and Buffalo also win. Wasn't it supposed to be the Northleast Division? Let's hope this isn't a sign of things to come.
• Pat Kane has a pair in the Hawks 4-3 win over the Preds. Let's hope he cools off before February.
• Swedes name their Olympic roster, notably absent: I'd say no one, but apparently Mikeal Samulsson doesn't agree. Way to support your country, douchebag.
• Not only do the Russians name Markov to the team, but another Habs draft pick who never moved West in Konstantin Korneyev. Fuck me the Russians have a scary offense. No Kovy or Bulin Wall, though. Let's hope that comes back to bit them (unlikely).
• Can you tell we're starting to get pumped about Olympic hockey?
• Speaking of international puck, over at the WJC: if you missed Canada hammering Latvia 16-0 on Boxing Day, there will probably be another lopsided score in today's game against Switzerland. Let's hope the Americans haven't figured out how to win at the WJC as the USA is now 3-0.

Last but certainly not least, The Little Giant may be back against Ottawa tonight! FYI, Scott Gomez just splooged reading that sentence. Check back for a real game preview later.

TMS Pays Tribute to Our Boys

That's five, bitches.

Habs Suck (Devils 4-1) but they're all All-Stars. Who's up for a WJHC Open Thread?

Well that was a load. I guess we can't expect the Habs to go 4-0 on a road trip but fuck. Jaro was bleh, no forward over the age of 25 showed up, and I may have fallen asleep.

But god love some computer programmer, four Habs will start in the All-Star Game. TFS, DOOM, Markov, and Kovy. I am embarrassed.

But it's Canada-Russia at 7 PM! Always a good time. We'll be here if you care to comment.

Canadiens' Contingent at the WJC

Unfortunately Kyle Turris wasn't drafted by the Habs, cause his mom his smoking (although this photo really doesn't do her fine MILF self justice).

One year after the Habs had 3 players play major roles for their respective teams, including the the tourny MVP the Habs again have 3 players in this year's edition of the WJC, albeit in much reduced roles. 2 of the three are now playing major roles for the Habs - TFS(tm) and Little Tits. Meanwhile, the last of the trio is not far behind - the Little Russian Tank, Pavel Valentenko, is learning how to low bridge forwards on North America size rinks in Hamilton.

This year's collection is not likely to have the same impact, at least in the short term. However, partly this is because all are young, being drafted in 2007, and are eligible to return next year where they may play bigger roles in Ottawa.

P.K. Subban (Canada), aka the (self-proclaimed) "Subbanator", earned the 7th spot on Canada's defence, mostly to play on the PP. The Subbanator has had a terrific season in Belleville so far, and has continued to show the foot speed and rifle from the point aht makes his offensive upside so exciting. Although only a depth player, this edition of Canada's defence corps is a deep group with a bright future, including the 4th overall pick in 2007 (T. Hickey) and two potential top 5 picks in '08 (Drew "Dough Boy" Doughty and Luke Schenn). We also can't wait for his big yap to get him in trouble for the first time with the Montreal Media, which may make him our own version of Ray Amery. Can't wait for his first interview with Chantal Macabee - "you know what they say about 'going black,' right Chantal?"

Yannick Weber (Switzerland) is another example of the Habs obsession with Swiss players. (I think Trevor Timmins must have a Swiss Mistress over there or something. Or maybe Aebischer's parents let Habs scouts stay at their place for free as payback for the unearned checks their son cashed last year.) The future Swiss Mister is playing on this side of the pond this season, and like The Subbanator, is an offensive defencemen in the OHL, with Kitchener. He's not very big (he is Swiss, after all), but he's got an edge, racking up 49PIM in 31 games. Sounds like another power play specialist to me, and probably will end up fighting with Matheiu Carle and the Subbanator for a blueline spot in a few years. Don't look for him to be too much of a factor at this Tourny as the Swiss don't have a strong team, but the experience will do him good.

Max Pacioretty (U.S. and A.) looks like he will someday earn "My Boy" status from the token FHF WOP (myself), plus he's hyped as the great white hope for as homegrown power forward. He's a few years away, playing college hockey in the States with Michigan, maintaining a point-per-game pace before leaving to join USA's WJC entry. Habs fans can only hope he follows in the footsteps of HF10's Boy Chris Higgins, along with Komo and Rhino. Although he was supposed to be playing on a scoring line, he has yet to notch a goal thusfar. Let's hope he's not waiting to score against Canada in the finals.

The Habs have to be disappointed that none of Ryan White ('06), Ben Maxwell ('o6), David Fischer ('06) or Ryan McDonough ('07) made their respective national teams. Maxwell was hurt and supposedly had a good shot at making the team otherwise. White is a grinder and Canada has lots of those on this year's edition of the team. But both Fischer and McDonough were first rounders, and the Habs have to be disappointed about other lower-drafted defenceman making the team.

Then again, after watching the Habs play of late with Guimauve, Little Tits, TFS(tm), Komo, Rhino, Big Tits, Chips, Pleks and Higgins all making contributions, we'll trust in Trevor Timmons and the scouting staff. It likes like the 20-year Curse of Doug Wickenheiser is finally over. Good times.