Habs Try to Take Down Taylor Hall - Oilers Preview and Game Night Open Thread

HF10's note:  Really busy at work today, so I asked my niece Katlin to talk about her favourite player, Taylor Hall. 

OMG TAYLOR HALL TAYLOR HALL TAYLOR HALL!!! He's like the Justin Bieber of the NHL and he's so dreamy and TAYLOR HALL is totally going to bring the Oilers back to glory, him and Jordan Eberle and Magnus Paajarvi but TAYLOR HALL!! is so awesome and dreamy and amay-zing.  My friends Madison and Paige and Tiffany and I LOOOOVE him soooo much, let's look at all the fabulicious awesome things TAYLOR HALL is amazing for:

In the (Taylor) Hall of the Mountain King: Taylor Hall and his awesome fantasticalness are totally coming to the Bell Centre tonight at 7:30. And you can totally watch it live or PVR it from RDS or TSN and then tweet about it or IM me or whatevs!!! BTW, if you don't totally luv Edvard Grieg's haunting, seminal orchestral piece In the (Taylor) Hall of the Mountain King written for Henrik Ibsen's bewitching satire on Norwegian egotism, narrowness, and self-sufficiency Peer Gynt, OMG I totally am going to unfriend you and never speak to you again, like I did to that bitch Ashley.

(Taylor) Hall & Oates: Great duos are OMG LOL awesome. In the 80's, it was Gretzky/Kurri or, if you prefer the 1-2 punch, Gretzky/Messier, and now it's totally like Taylor Hall/Jordan Eberle or Taylor Hall/Magnus Paajarvi or I guess like Pleks/Cammy or Pleks/Gio or Pleks/Big Tits or Pleks/anybody. Like, that Pleks guy is so totally good for a nerdy turtleneck wearer.  Madison totally thinks he's like a Czech Joe Jonas. 

(Taylor) Wolf Hall: The 2009 Booker Prize winning novel totally documents the the rapid rise to power of Thomas Cromwell, 1st Earl of Essex in the court of Henry VIII. Cromwell was like, a total commoner who was just awesomely good at doing stuff, sort of like Taylor Hall, except Taylor Hall wasn't a lowly commoner but an already super-great dude. Cromwell is sorta kinda like guys like Ryan Whitney and Josh Gorges and other guys like Hamrlik and Spacek. It totally alludes to the latin saying "man is wolf to man", u know? Like, 4 sure. When man is wolf to man, you want these guys totally watching your back end, right? Totally.

This Can't Be Happening at MacDonald (Taylor) Hall!: The awesomeness of Taylor Hall, who with his dreamy moves and supertastic talent is currently so hot, still can't help Magnus Paajarvi cuz he totally hasn't scored a point in 13 games. Scott Gomez, who is like some sort of Mexican Alaskan is not scoring or something and is like a more expensive Shawn Horcoff. Pre-Taylor Hall Taylor Halls Sam Gagner and Andrew Cogliano have totally been exactly what Oilers management was hoping for, LOL NOT. Despite being so awesomely talented that everyone wanted him, Taylor Hall and the Oilers youngsters are still struggling totally 29th out of 30 teams. It's just almost exactly like that totally awesome Gordon Korman book, except with a lot of different things going on but in the end it's gonna be soooo sweet and awesome just like that.

Deck the (Taylor) Halls: It's like, coming up to Christmas and if I don't get an iPad I'm totally going to lose it on my stepmum because it will totally be her fault. But you know who doesn't lose it very much is that hottie Carey Price. He's like so awesomely cool with his bunch of shutouts and wins and stuff, like Michael Cera in "Scott Pilgrim Versus the World" except as a goalie, right? I could also see Martin Gerber playing in this one, since he's just arrived and is totally trying hard and everything.

(Taylor) Hallmark Cards: Get well cards (I like totally don't mail stuff, I'll like IM or text or tweet or maybe send an e-card, but whatevs) should get sent to Andrei Markov and Nicholai Khabibulin and maybe Ales Hemsky, who might totally take tonight off because his knee is all WTF.

(Taylor) Halls of Reflection: My geeky little brother totally wastes all his time on World of Warcraft and is all "Halls of Reflection FTW!" but if you want some reflection on the totally awesome greatness of Taylor Hall, check out The Copper and Blue.

Party at the Hofbräuhaus am Platzl Beer (Taylor) Hall: I swear, I'm totally gonna party like crazy on our class trip to Munich and get to the Hofbrauhaus and meet some cute German boys, but tonight after the game I'm just totally going to text everybody about how awesome Taylor Hall was and the facebook everyone and then me and Tiffany are gonna totally go on Chat Roulette. TTYL!!

We do love GMS, but if he loses tonight you'll never see him again - Edmonton Game Preview and Open Thread

Greetings from the heart of the enemy! Yes, you're looking liiiive at HF29 previewing from Toronto, Ontario, Canada. T-dot for short. Or so they say, that sounds kinda gay to me. Yours truly is here for a wedding, and a chance to see HF10 in the flesh. Well, with clothes on. Now that naked FHF'ers are in your head, let's do this thing!

Waiting in line details - 10 PM EST start at whatever they call the Northlands Coliseum now. Game is on CBC as the second half of the doubleheader. This is the finale of the 5 game road trip for the Habs to start the season. If they win, that'll be 3-2 and we can call it a success. Yeah, right.

Pay your cover charge to - Always on the road. There are Oilers fans in Vanc? Who knew.

Hot sexy Habs to watch - ---.

Skanky Habs to watch - the lot of 'em.

Hot sexy Oilers to watch - some French Canadian Russian named Denis Grebeshkov leads the Oil with 4 points. Comrie has 3.

Skanky Oilers to watch - how the fuck am I supposed to know? I'm so hungover from drinking with HF10 last night, I can barely see.

In the VIP room - Habs get one more week before the expletives fly in this space.

Post-game adult entertainment - in the spirit of our opponent, enjoy this gallery of women wrestling in oil (NSFW, as you may have guessed).

Make sure your dirty comments are covered in oil

Habs Respond to Bob's Look of "Fuck with Me and You're Dead": The Children 4 - The Oilers 3 (O.T.)

You want to know what happened to the Montreal Canadiens this week? Very simple. The players have been acting up for weeks and weeks and wound up spinning the situation out of control with horrible performances on the ice and embarrassing conduct off it. Guy Carbonneau's presence did not seem to deter the team from pursuing this destructive disorder. No threats worked, not the benchings, the punishing practice, the pandering, nothing.

The only menace that would send a shiver down the players' spines was : Wait till your father gets home.

Daddy came home this week. And ya don't fuck with Daddy.

Daddy comes through the front door and suddenly the frenetic craziness at home, the jumping on the bed, the bouncing off the walls, the food fights, the screaming to your heart's content, they all stop. Suddenly, you hear the door and it's "Oooohhhh!" Stand up straight, fix your hair, arrange the couches on the sofa, shove EVERYTHING under the bed and beat the clock that starting ticking when Daddy's footsteps are heard from the stairs he begins to climb steadily.

Things sort of look okay by the time Daddy enters your room. You've definitely calmed down, you've stopped throwing the cat around, and for all intents and purposes everything looks normal. But Daddy's pretty smart and he sees you panting behind your attempt to project quiet obedience. He knows what you've done, and now that he's there, you know you're going to stop.

Daddy (actually, granddaddy since last week) climbed down the stairs from his front office this week and entered the room. And I bet you could have heard a pin drop. I bet you could have heard a mime show in Papua New Guinea. 

No more clowning around kids, and it starts now. I'm going to be fair with you because I care about you, but you're not getting away with any of this anymore. Nothing needs to be said when the proverbial daddy comes home (a role often played by the amazing mommies of this world). His presence is sufficient.

Daddy watched the team roar back to life in the first period against the Oilers last night. He watched them spin their wheels in the second, but he did not punish, he empowered. He encouraged. But this was still Daddy talking and you don't fuck with the Daddy. Because you're never going to get away with it. His look will suffice, Daddy doesn't need words.

If Guy Carbonneau can be blamed for a lack of communication skills, for not providing the players with enough information to set them on the right course, paradoxically, Gainey's immense gift lies in the fact that the players don't need his verbal skills to show them the way. It becomes intuitive and it only requires a few words to emphasize, to state what has already become obvious.

The team responded well last night, all things considered. Gainey's words were heard loud and clear, even though he probably never verbalized them. 

Souray moves to West End (of country)

So what seems like the longest free agency period ever has finally ended for the Canadiens former Mr Big Shot, Sheldon Souray. After all the "he's not coming back, his wife wants him in LA or Anaheim, he's definitely going to the West Coast, LA is a done deal, the Habs signed Hamrlik, now he's definitely not coming back, buy your Souray Kings jerseys now!" chatter, Sheldon has indeed gone west. To Edmonton.

A guy making that much money couldn't afford a direct flight from Montreal to LA? Oh, he has family there ... so he's just visiting for the summer? Wait, what? He signed there? I see.

So there's a bunch of ways to look at this. One might be tempted to pull the old "see, nobody wants to play in front of those hatchet men in the Montreal media ... they'd rather go to goddamn Edmonton than face that ... Edmonton, the team that threw money at everyone and couldn't get any interest until they tried to pay Tomas Vanek the GDP of Bolivia." One might be tempted to say "look at the friggin' money they gave him ... it's not the GDP of Bolivia, but it's close. Of course he went." You might be a big softy and say "oh, he wants to play near his family like any good Western boy. That's lovely." And you know what? You might all be right.

Playing in Montreal isn't easy. The fans are demanding, the media can be a little too enthusiastic, there's apparently a language thing I keep hearing about. There is talk of ghosts and Stanley Cups as a birthright, and guys like Jean Beliveau and Guy Lafleur are walking the halls at the Bell Centre. There aren't many more pressure packed sporting environments in North America. That's a fact. And while it must be a fascinating experience there's no doubt it could wear on a man. Sheldon has been here for seven years. Maybe it was time for a break.

That is a lot of money for a 30-something defenseman with some (ahem) "defensive issues" and a reconstructed wrist. By all accounts, the Habs made a solid offer, but Sheldon's looking at his last big payday. He did what most people would do and took the highest-paying offer from a decent employer in his field. Good for him.

Family and home counts for some guys. Sheldon probably grew up an Oilers fan, and he'll probably get a big thrill out of pulling on that jersey and stepping out on the ice that Gretzky, Messier, Kurri and Coffey made famous. Don't forget, the Oil ain't exactly slouches in the "wildly successful dynasty" competition.

Still, you wonder how bad Sheldon wants to win. While the Habs aren't world-beaters at the moment, there are a bunch of promising kids, soon-to-be stars like Higgins and Price, and solid to spectacular talents like Kovy and Saku and Markov for the next five years. And while the Canadiens are going to have to live with Oilers2.1 in Pittsburgh, the Sens, the big spenders in NY and Philly and the like, I don't see the Oilers as having an easier path past the Ducks, Wings, Avalanche, Sharks, and Flames over the next few years. Just throwing it out there.

I for one wish Sheldon all the best. He won me over the first time my dad pointed out he didn't play like he was on peyote (like the big, mega-talent-mega-head-case Russian he got traded for ... God, I loved watching Vlad play when he was on. When he was off ... yeeesh.) He played hard, scored some timely bombs, stuck a dagger in the Leafs with that beauty shootout goal, was immense in the upset of the Bruins a few years back. I hope he gets a huge ovation when the Oilers next visit Montreal (which, judging by the NHL's scheduling genius, will be as an assistant coach in 2017). He didn't leave on bad terms, he didn't go to a hated rival. He just went. That's fine. I just hope the lucky guys blogging for the Oil appreciate Mrs Souray like we did.