Eight is Enough: Caps Game Preview and Open Thread

Eight straight. That's how many games the Caps have won in a row with their new lineup and commitment to defence. Are the Habs behind the 8-ball or, as Dick Van Patten would say, Eight is Enough?

Live on the Ocho!: 7:00 (8:00 if not for Daylight Savings Time - stupid farmers costing me an hour's sleep) from the soon-to-be Don Cherry Safety Approved Bell Centre. On RDS and real coast-to-coast TSN. McSplooge or Benoit Brunet? Bob McKenzie or Joel Bouchard? Sound off and radio? Anyone else want to exhume Danny Gallivan and let him and 113 year old Dick Irvin handle this?

I now declare thee the "Not So Great" 8: So, Alex. You've spent your entire NHL career gunning 50+ goals a year, freewheeling, not really backchecking, throwing reckless hits and winning squat. And now your team seems to have figured out defence, you've toned down the borderline cheap shots and with your team firmly in the mix for 1st overall in the conference, we notice you are on pace for 32 goals and 84 points. You and your "defensively responsible" teammates don't scare us! 32 goals? Milan Lucic is on pace for 32 goals, you scrub. Crosby has 32 goals already and he hasn't played in two months. Go back to the KHL you ... pardon? 17 points in his last 13 games, huh? Shit. Okay, maybe he's the "Still Pretty Great" 8.

Also great right now? Rookie Caps goalie Braden Holtby went 4-0 with a 1.05 goals-against average, a .965 save percentage and two shutouts last week, and Carey Price has won 5 of 6 with a 1.17 GAA, a .965 save percentage and a pair of shutouts too. Squid has 3 points in his last three. Plex has 4 in 4. Travis Moen(!) has points in 5 straight games and his work with Lego and Big Tits is invaluable at the moment. For the Caps, Alex Semin has 6 points in 6 and rookie centreman Marcus Johansson has 3 points in 3 games replacing injured Nik Backstrom as Ovie's centre.

Eight Men Out: Not the story of Montreal's defence. Although with Markov (right knee surgery), Gorges (ditto), Spacek (ditto ditto) out and newcomer Brent Sopel (broken hand) questionable, it's close. Wiz still feeling effects of puck smashy face day in Edmonton. Cammy is flu-ridden but probable. Drache has a groin, still out. And I don't know if you've heard, but Max Pacioretty got hurt last week on a "routine hockey play". Sure hope Zdeno Chara doesn't get hurt in a "routine gangland style hit" or something. Be a shame for someone with no prior disciplinary record.

Caps missing Backstrom (broken hand), goalie Semyon Varlomov (knee), and rover Mike Green with - wait for it - a concussion. Another star attraction out with a concussion, you say? Keep whistling past the graveyard, Bettman, YOU FUCKING IDIOT. Goalie Michael Neuvrith is probable for tonight. His injury is listed as "facial". Don't even go there.

[Side bar: Caps 8 game winning streak and renewed commitment to defence coincides with clever deadline trades for Jason Arnott and Dennis Wideman, but also loss of "defenceman" Mike Green. Not gonna read anything into that at all.]

Eighty Year's War: No, not the Bruins and Habs. The Eighty Year's War started with protests in the Seventeen Provinces against the rule of Phillip II of Spain, the sovereign of the Habsburg Netherlands. Here's hoping the protest/demonstration planned for HabsBurg (aka the corner of de la Montagne and Avenue des Canadiens-de-Montréal) this evening is more peaceful but still results in the ousting of the ineffectual, dictatorial leadership the NHL is dying under. Everyone just try and keep your Beeldenstorm under control, okay?

Eighteen?: Better be sure before you go in the champagne room, fella.

Got any thing to add about the Great 8, today's protest or the underrated comic genius of Willie Aames?  Add it in the comments.

PK Saves All-Star Weekend ... what shall he save next? - Caps Game Preview and Open Thread

Welcome back, everybody!  Real live NHL hockey tonight at 7:30 from the (other) Phone Booth in downtown Washington DC.  On TSN, RDS and some sort of American station that probably prominently features former Capital and Canadien Brian Engblom.  Nobody is hot.  Nobody is cold. Everyone has been off for what, three weeks of All-Star festivities so everyone is rusty.  Ovie is still dangerous.  Alex Semin signed a one-year extension.  Mike Green still can't play D.  Cammy's still hurt.  Markov and Gorges too.  Caps honouring noted sniper, dirty cheap shot artist and serial going to get the paper pantsless (FHF's kinda guy!) Hall of Famer Dino Ciccarelli tonight.  I'm sure there's lots more to talk about, but what am I, an expert? Check with the always excellent Japer's Rink for Caps news and general hockey goodness. I'm kinda busy with our new project, Operation PK Makes Everything Better.

You all saw the footage of PK singlehandedly making All-Star weekend worth it.  You heard him sway the TSN team, heard the cheers of the Raleigh faithful (once they got over the initial "holy shit, Skinner's black!!??!" confusion) when PK made their weeks by donning the Carolina jersey.  We are all witness to the electric charge PK has sent through the tired, fading glory that is our beloved Habitants.  While there is no doubt that Pernell Karl Fucking Subban is going to return Montreal to the mountaintop, don't think for a second that he's finished.  PK has his sights set on reviving or improving every iconic sports franchise in history, starting this week with:


Playing quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers:  Sure, the Steelers are in the Super Bowl this weekend, looking for a 3rd title in six years and 6th overall.  But Steeler Nation is being lead by a man suspected of multiple sexual assaults, a man whose reckless driving is a terrible example for kids, a man who causes untold consternation in the hearts and minds of the good people of the rust belt every time the sordid allegations come up.  Wouldn't Super Bowl week be much more enjoyable with PK's megawatt smile and charm as Pittsburgh's poster boy?  Of course it would.  PK gladly takes his swift feet and no doubt rocket arm to another Steel City to let Pittsburgh have gridiron glory untainted by scandal.


Playing centerfield for the New York Yankees:  The Red Sox reloaded.  The Rays are young and talented.  The Phillies and Giants have rotations to die for.  The Yankees?  Squabbling with team icon Derek Jeter over whether or not he will move to centerfield as his already diminished range reduces further.  New York is in a (for them) World Series drought that may never end and is alienating their leader and lynch pin by suggesting he move from short to center.  What better way to preserve peace between Derek Jeter and the front office and shore up their defence than by having guaranteed Gold Glover, .350/40/125 hitter PK playing the position of Dimaggio and Mantle?  Who better to plaster all over Times Square billboards than the most photogenic athlete in his generation?  Added bonus:  PK is so good at baseball defence, he'll actually catch all the balls Jeter misses at short too. 


Noted slam dunk monster for the LA Lakers:  Sure, the Lakers are two-time defending champs.  Sure they still have Kobe Bryant, a stone-cold killer on the hardwood.  But as their old rivals from Boston showed this week, the Lakers are not the juggernaut they should be.  Boston battered LA easily this weekend and has plans to do so again in the NBA Finals this summer.  But that won't be the case if PK "Tomahawk Dunk" Subban is running Showtime.  PK will easily put up Iversen like numbers as point guard, will rebound like Barkley, and as a hockey player, will stare down and beat down Kevin Garnett and the bruising Celtics with ease.  His easy charm and smooth moves will make him an instant star with the Lakers Hollywood ties, and a starring role alongside Jack Nicholson will be the icing on his offseason cake. 


Star striker for Liverpool Football Club:  Sure, they sold their talismanic striker Fernando Torres yesterday.  Sure, they shelled out 35 million pounds for a battering ram 22 year old Englishman as a replacement.  But who pray tell is heir apparent to King Kenny Dalglish as the creator and scorer of the most gifted goals in soccer?  PK "Merseyside Strikeforce" Subban, that's who.  His devastatingly cutting passes and no question about it brilliant soccer brain will dovetail perfectly with new strike partner Andy Carroll to lead the Reds back to their rightful perch as Kings of England and Europe.  The Kop will chant PK's name to the heavens as LFC fans once again rock Anfield to the tune of "PK Subban!  Superstar!  How many goals have you scored so far!!" 

Believe.  And wait til you see what PK has planned for next week.

Got any franchise you think could use a touch of PK?  Put it in the comments.

Caps/Habs GAME 7 Preview and Open Thread: 2004 Inspiration Edition

Okay, so let's try this again.*

Details: if you don't know starting time and roster news etc. by now, perhaps you would be more comfortable here.

Good omens: Remember the 2004 series? Second place Bruins versus seventh place Habs (despite the fact that both teams actually had the same number of wins.) Here's a game by game recap to refresh your memory.

In a few words, the improbable comeback story then was about Theo's saves, Kovy's goals and Jumbo Joe's choke. If the Habs pull this off, the storyline will be Halak's saves, Squid's goals and Ovie's choke. Now, we're not saying that last one is necessarily fair to Ovie, we're just suggesting that maybe, perhaps, Caps fans may be less than satisfied with their new captain's first playoff series if the Caps lose tonight. Then again, maybe Ovie buries Jaro the Cult Hero tonight. (Hedging now over.)

Bad omens: The Caps finished with a bunch more wins than the Habs and are WAAAY better than the '04 Bruins. Even if the Habs win, in '04 they then lost 4 straight to the eventual Cup champ Bolts. If the Habs win, they will play the Pens. Hmmm.

Now playing the part of the Koivu/Kovalev/Zednik line is Squid/Turtle/Big Tits meaning just like in 2004, one line is probably going to have to get it done, scoring wise, to win the game.

Also meaning that just like the Little Fuckity-Fuck and that waste of space (cap and ice) Micheal Ryder utterly disappeared in 2004, Gomer and CHicken have been abysmal, meaning Habs management still needs to do a better job stocking the second line.

More importantly, Markov has to play like Markov, meaning...some more things haven't changed all that much in half a dozen tours around the sun; Skillsie (or Georges - somewhat ironically - or as I now like to call him, Forth Star) has to play like a Rivet meaning the Habs need a guy to keep shutting down the Caps' PP and eat up minutes on D since Hamr and MAB are useless; and Jaro has to play like that guy who started in the series but is now warming the end of the opponents bench meaning - wait, what?

However the on-ice roles play out, one thing is clear: defence is the key.

2004:
first 4 games: 11GA
last 3 games: 3GA

2010:
first 4 games: 19GA
last 2 games: 2GA

So the game plan is pretty simple: allow 40 plus shots (just like Jaro like!), wait for Turtle to score a couple and go ahead and book that flight to Pittsburgh.

GO YOU FUCKING HABS, PANTS OR WHATEVER ELSE HELPS!!!!!

* That 1971 analogy before game 4 was totally flawed and doesn't count. If anyone is like Dryden, it's Halak: Jaro has been around a little longer, but he's closer to Dryden's age in '71 and, like Dryden, earned a starters role in a platoon situation down the stretch to get the playoff call. Plus, I was lazy and didn't commit to the premise. Yes, I am nuts - but if I didn't think my actions had some influence on the outcome, what would be the point of being a fanatic?

We like comments, and unless you're Anonymous the Gay-Bashing Troll we won't shut down or delete any comments on our site...unlike some other people.

Ten Things I Hate About the Washington Capitals ... Little People being Little and Petty on the Brink of Elimination Game Preview and Open Thread

Oh Ovie, your jealous bitter tears are delicious.

10 Things I Hate About the Washington Capitals

Hey, any Caps fans remember the above picture of Bob Mason? No, of course not. It happened before Ovie. Yet here we are, in the playoffs, and the lot of you are all Rocking the Red and getting ready to dispose of our beloved Habs. I hate that. Know what else I hate?

10. The Caps are usually boring. In the 80's and 90's, the Caps were the nameless, faceless, dull and vanilla team from the Patrick, lead by the Michael Pivonkas, Bengt Gustavssons, Calle Johansens and Mike Ridleys of the world. Even when the Caps had a bona-fide star he was a one-dimensional sniper like Mike Gartner, Bobby Carpenter or Peter Bondra. For the first 30 years of their existence, the Caps were the dullest team in the NHL.

9. Wait, that's not correct. At one point we all sat up and took notice of the Caps because they traded for Jaromir Jagr and trotted out some hideous new uniforms in crap blue and gold. Fantastic. Nothing like being the hockey team in the capital of the good old Red White and Blue U S of A and trashing those colours for this.

8. Of course, the Caps wore those terrible jerseys to their only Stanley Cup final in 1998, which happened to be one of the worst finals I've ever seen. Hockey's dead puck era might have reached its nadir with the abject display that final represented. Just terrible hockey and it wasn't Detroit's fault.

7. Dennis Maruk. Dennis Maruk's mustache. As a kid I received a book about NHL superstars. It featured Gretzky and Lafleur and Bossy and Trottier and Dionne and Dennis Fucking Maruk. Ruined the book. Seriously. A full slate of Hall-of-Famers and Dennis Maruk? Even finding a decent shot of Dennis Maruk on the web wasn't easy. Know why? Because it's Dennis Fucking Maruk, that's why!

6. If I hear one more announcer mention the hardscrabble, 17 teams in 13 leagues rocky road to the NHL that fat, bald whiny Bruce Boudreau took to get the Caps job, I'm going to murder someone. Boudreau's a good coach who travelled a lot. WE FUCKING GET IT. Cory Clouston in Ottawa is also an interesting story. So is Dan Bylsma in Pittsburgh. Peter Laviolette's journey over the past few years is pretty interesting too. Boudreau isn't NHL coaching's fucking answer to "Rudy", for fucks sakes.

5. Hey, has Dan Snyder traded for Terrell Owens yet? Did Donovan McNabb buy a house in Arlington? No? Okay, like the rest of the bandwagoning "Rock the Red" Caps fans, I'll continue to pay attention until the Redskins start training camp. Where the hell were all these Caps fans when Rod Langway or even Scott Stevens patrolled the blueline? Where were they 2 years ago when I was in Washington for a conference and Ovie was gunning for his 50th goal of the season and I went to the box office the day of the game and the ticket office basically offered me whatever price point I wanted? ( Christ, they even a student rush ticket. I was 34 years old.)

4. Dale Hunter. Dale "Head" Hunter. Author of one of the cheapest shots in NHL playoff history (you know the one). Guy with the second most penalty minutes in NHL history. Guy who fought with his own brother in an NHL game. Guy who now regularly gets suspended and fined for allowing his London Knights players to leave the bench for fights and abuses opposing coaches, players, and referees with abandon. Yeah, the Caps retired his number.

3. Hey, speaking of cheapshotting pricks, it's Alexander Ovechkin! You know, rookie of the year Ovie was a real treat to watch. He scored, he hit, he looked like he loved to be at the rink. Sure, he was a little reckless sometimes, but what a competitor! But the Ovie of the last couple of years has become a sullen, showboating, cheapshotting ass. He throws out knee on knee hits, he shoves cameramen, he treats reporters like shit, and he's become a miserable fuck. Two years ago if you'd asked me who I wanted on my team, I would have debated Crosby/Ovechkin for days. But today? Crosby deals patiently with the media, doesn't say stupid shit, doesn't throw dangerous hits and wins. Is Ovie bitter that Crosby keeps winning stuff he wants? Good. His whole "black hat" act (if it is an act) is wearing thin. If it isn't an act, he's just a dick.

2. There is a 10-DVD set of the 10 greatest Capitals games ever. Hold on, you say. Aren't the Caps only 35 years old? And didn't they suck for their first oh, 15 years? Oh, don't worry, you Red Rocking fans. The Caps thought of that. The first game in the set takes place in 1988. The second is in 1996. The third is the victory that sends them to their first and only Stanley Cup final in 1998. The other seven discs are from 2005 on. That's right, of the 10 greatest games in Washington Capitals history, seven of them just happened to involve Alex Ovechkin. In fact, one of them is Ovie's debut! There's also Bruce Boudreau's debut (really?) the night the Caps defeated their age-old Southeast Division rivals the Panthers to clinch a playoff spot, and the night they beat an imploding Rangers team to advance to the second round in 2009. Thankfully they didn't include one of the most interesting and famous games in NHL history (the Easter Epic that resulted in our feature photo above) because Caps fans would be confused by the funny star-covered white jerseys that Washington allegedly wore at home BO (Before Ovie).

1. Of course, the DVD collection makes perfect sense to TSN, CBC, Versus and ESPN, because according to them, this Capitals team is the 1955-60 Habs reincarnate, an unstoppable juggernaut of scoring awesomeness and Monsters! (TM McSplooge) that is destined for Cup glory this year and for the foreseeable future. Relax. This Caps team is about the eliminate an over matched, unlucky 8th seed with goaltending issues and the slowest defence this side of France's Maginot line ... however, change a bounce here or a boneheaded play there and they might be down 3-1 in this series. Beating this Habs team doesn't mean a damn thing.

Got comments, final words, funeral elegies? Put them in the comments.

Little People Can Do Big Things - Habs 3, Caps 2 (OT)

So the gang over at MYFO discovered the secret about how the Habs managed to win last night. Thanks to some secret spies they must have, their Habs-Caps preview was able to transcribe a meeting at Hurleys between the four HF's prior to Game 1 (this is all pretty meta, I know). But MYFO's spy missed the follow-up meeting at Hurleys this morning. Here's what transpired.

HabsFan29: Hair of the dog, bitCHes. If there is an Irish invention that has had as much success around the world as Irish coffee I'd like to hear it.

HabsFan4: Bono's pretentiousness?

Habsfan10: Hey where's Panger?

4: Calgary?

10: No there he is down there. Hi little buddy!

Panger: Fuk offf.

10: I love the way he typo-talks. So cute.

Panger: Luk, if it wasn't for the littel peeple last night Habs would have been blownn out of the water.

10: You got that right Panger (well, sort of). Did you see the Mexican on the tying goal? Isn't that the type of thing Ovie usually does? End to end rush, the defense backs off, make a nice move then a nice play? That was fucking incredible.

4: Brought tears to my eyes. All the haters of the little people can suck it. And speaking of Ovie, damn our little adventure with him yesterday really worked. No shots. Zero! Zip! Nada! Bubkis!

29: Not sure if it was the strippers that brought about the rumours of him being less than 100%, or if was the work of Jaro 2.0, but shutting down Ovie like that was a dream come true. It probably was a dream. We suck.

Panger: Hey can sombudy passmy bear? I can't reech.

10: Here ya go little buddy [pats Panger on the head]. Truly the little people are triumphing. So amazing to see Squid get off the schneide just at the right time and fire that bullet on the PP. And to see our Jaromir Plekanec get the OT winner against notMiller-notMarty was the highlight of the playoffs so far.

29: [takes meth hit] I'm sure it will be the only highlight for the Habs.

4: Isn't it a little early for that 29? And why can't you fucking be positive for change? Anonymous commentors will take us to task. We can't have that.

29: Fuck the anonymous commentors. This was one fucking game. Sure it was great, sure I'm high it was a high, but there is still a ton of work to do. And I don't trust anyone.

10: But all of a sudden we have a head coach! When the fuck did that happen? He must have really made some adjustments during the first intermission because we blew chunks in the first, when Jaro kept us in it. He did a great job getting matchups on the road. And he actually called a strategic timeout after an icing to rest tired players! And he even showed some sort of emotion, I think it was "slight concern," on that total non-call on Gio on a partial breakaway in OT.

Panger: Can sumwon pass mee a napkin pleese? I spillt some beer.

10: Here ya go little buddy [pats Panger on the head]. And 29, shouldn't you be impressed with the way all four lines seemed to work hard? When was the last time we saw that? We need to give serious props to Laps, DarCHe, Little Tits, all of those guys. They put in quality minutes and helped to tire out the Caps D.

4: I agree with that. This was the best team effort we've had since the good run right after the Olympics. And not just the forwards. The D as a squad was pretty solid too,especially after the first. Yeah, we let up a bunch of shots, but overall they played well. Even The Urologist! And the signing of Hal Gill's 8-foot stick is paying dividends.

29: I'm not convinced.

Panger: zzzzzzz

10: Aww, so cute. The little guy is all tuckered out after a half beer [pats Panger on the head].

4: Let's hope the Habs' little guys have more stamina than Panger.

29: We'll find out tomorrow.

Late afternoon update for no apparent reason - thx to commentor moeman for finding this, it deserves to be posted:

Little People Can Do Big Things Playoff Preview: The Forwards

Little People Can Do Big Things Playoff Preview: The Forwards

Playoffs!!! Ovie!!! Backstrom!!!! Our very own Lollipop Guild!!!! Brooks Fuckin Laich!!!! Travis Moen!!!! The possible return of Metro's powerplay goals!!!!

That's a lot of stuff to get through in the forwards preview, so we better get to it.

Look, we dropped a house on that bitch with the shoes, we sure as hell can score on Jose Theodore: The Habs are going as far as the Lollipop Guild and the rest of the runts take them, right? I mean, Jaro can be Jaro, the defence is expecting to get swamped, but they need to get to Theo/Varlamov and score goals to win this thing. Gainey's big makeover resulted in roughly two million "Hobbits/Munchkins/Ewoks/Roloff family" jokes from opposing fans this year but to paraphrase Norman Dale, "these are your forwards". Oh, and these are your Big Red Machine opponents forwards too:

Lollipop Guild vs Ivan Drago and friends: Gomez and Gionta, Cammy and Pleks, random assorted wingers (usually Chicken and Big Tits respectively, but sometimes Little Tits gets on the Pleks line, sometimes Travis Moen wanders up from the depth chart, even Metro when healthy is found mucking along a wing. I think Dominic Moore too.) These are the little, speedy wagons the Canadiens hitched their playoff lives to. Pleks started the year on fire and finished as leading scorer, almost pricing himself out of town, but since the Olympics has slowed considerably and might be tired. Cammy was full-value for his contract until he got hurt and had 26 goals despite missing 17 games, but has struggled since his return (2 assists in 11 games.) Big Tits is the new enigma: talented enough to be drafted ahead of (roll call) Zach Parise, Jeff Carter, Mike Richards, Corey Perry and Ryan Getzlaf, Dustin Brown and Brent Seabrook, but daft enough to zone out for weeks. An engaged Big Tits and on-target Cammalleri would go a long way to re-energizing Pleks. Gomez and Gionta found a perfect fit with Benoit Pouliot and the Giant Mexican Chicken produced some excellent hockey. Gionta is rapidly becoming every non-110% fans favourite for his guts, goals and leadership. 29 says slap the C on him now. 29 is right. Gionta missed 20 games with a broken foot and scored 28 goals ... tell me a full year of him and Cammalleri doesn't add a few more wins to the ledger. If the Habs top two lines can find the chemistry they both had at various points this season, and can add Metro back to fire away on the power play, they can score on the Caps. Which is a good thing because they are facing:

Ovie (50 goals, 109 points). And Backstrom (33 goals, 68 assists). And Semin (40 goals, 84 points). And Brooks Fucking Laich scored 25, Mike Knuble opened up more space for Ovie and Backstrom and potted 29, and Thomas Fleischman added 23. This is not your father's Dennis Maruk lead Capitals. The top two lines are fast and skilled and strong. On the plus side, Ovie was relatively quiet in the regular season versus Montreal. On the minus side, well, look at the freaking numbers up there.

Advantage: Unless the Habs all find their scoring touch at the same time, the top two lines are in tough trying to match Ovie and the rest. The Laich line is definitely not a pushover for whomever lines up against it.

The Rest: The bottom two lines of the Caps shouldn't really scare anyone ... unless the Habs bottom two lines play the rudderless mess they sometimes can. Maybe familiarity breeds confidence, but I don't see how the likes of a washed-up Brendan Morrison, Eric Belanger, Eric Fehr (his 21 goals notwithstanding), Jason Chimera, Matt Bradley and David Steckel are that much better than Dominic Moore, Metro, Travis Moen, workaholic Mathieu Darche, Mad Max (the good Mad Max, mind you) and the wild card, Little Tits. Sergei might be the key; there isn't anyone in either team's bottom six with anywhere near the talent he has, and if he can make plays, set Metro up in the slot, and offer some menace in the offensive zone, the bottom six of the Canadiens could cause some trouble to the Caps shaky d. I think.

Advantage: Having seen very little of the Caps this year, I'll say Montreal. But it won't matter if Ovie and Backstrom are playing Cheka to the Habs "enemies of the people" upstairs.

Other stuff: The Caps powerplay is lethal; the Habs powerplay (despite a protracted slump) finished second in the league to Washington. But Moore, Metropolit, Pleks, Gomez and Moen are far better at killing penalties than the Caps. Dominic Moore's speed in particular might go a long way to neutralizing some of the Caps big guns a man down. Something to think about.

Mike Green: Yeah, TECHNICALLY he's a defenseman. But I'm technically a Catholic and look where that gets you. Green sometimes looks like a fourth Caps forward since he skates like the wind, scores a lot, and sometimes neglects his own zone, so I'm talking about him. If the Caps are playing with Green as a de facto forward, the advantage goes way up.

Relax, He's Playing, Your Tickets for Tonight's Game Are Still Worth Something: Habs-Caps Open Thread

Where: Bell Centre @ 7 p.m. Game is a national broadcast on the CBC or RDS (but National means something a little different if you're watching it on RDS, like June 24 National), meaning Leafs won't be losing on this Saturday night, making the experience a little less enjoyable for everyone.

Why I'll be watching the game on Tvo at around 2 a.m.: Buddy decides to get married smack in the middle of the game. I really hope the food is worth it otherwise I'm bouncing the 40$ cheque.

+ 1 for the blog name: On Frozen Blog, that seem to have a taste for everything capital.

By way of background: These two teams came up with one of the best games of the season just last Friday, with the Habs surprisingly coming out on top and Ovie shut out on the scoring sheet. Look for order to be restored in the galaxy tonight.

Hot CH: Squid is hot. Pleks is in the medium range and Little Tits is making a case for his disdain for Hamilton. Carey is totally coming into form. Everybody else is injured or dead.

Hot Caps: The best player in the world (ever? discuss) is going to have one of those Cam Neely I-don't-care-how-many-games-I-play-I'm-still-gonna-score-50 type of seasons. We're all going to turn into huge Mike Green fans in February. Where the heck did this kid come from? He's got 12 points in his last 8 games.

Goaltending in the Capital: Jose Theodore and Semyon Varlamov have just about split the team's games this season, getting in 13 and 14 starts respectively. But the kid's numbers are just in another league, boasting a 2.35 GAA with a .922 avg compared to Theo's 3.24 and .893. If this trend continues it won't be about Varlamov stealing the starting job from Theo in the playoffs again, it'll just be his to begin with. I have to say though, with what Theo went through this summer numbers mean squat and you can measure his contribution by the courage it takes for him to get up in the morning.

Pay your cover to: A night out on Crescent and De Maisonneuve. Start of at Troikas for a good Russian meal in homage to the best player in the world (ever? discuss), and then make the 3 minute walk over to Wanda's and ask a woman called Svetlana to make your St-Petersburg feel special.

So, let's hope for a good wedding, lots of free booze and a late night game viewing that doesn't end in an overtime loss because man do I hate watching those in the middle of the night.

Discuss what's on your mind. Lets us know how you are feeling. Should Ovie be playing tonight, did the CBC interfere? Did Benoit Brunet call the NHL and say "Hahahaha, Ovie doit jouer samedi soir! Vous pouvez pas faire ça aux partisans! Hahahahah!" I love you all.

Independamn-what-the-hell-was-that? Day - Habs 3 Caps 2

Holy motherfucking crap how in the blue hell did that happen? Did aliens kidnap the crap team we've been watching and replace them with the nation's capital destroying monsters we saw tonight? That might be the only explanation. (Note to self: stop writing reviews after putting down a buncha beers, especially if the Cardiac Canadiens are gonna spend half the game playing Stalingrad to Washington's Germans but still win. This might be the first ever all superlatives review, people. McSplooge might have nothing on me. Fair warning.)

Plan the Parade: You're goddamn right I'm planning the parade! I'm delusional! I'm crazy with Canadiens fever! Pleks! Price! Hamr and Jaro 2.0! Squid! Coaches! THIS FUCKING TEAM IS PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER AND IT'S STANLEY CUP TIME BABY!!!! WHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Seriously, though: Pleks played another excellent game at both ends of the rink, and his linemates Big Tits and Max Pack actually gave him some support. It's early doors on this line, but please oh please let these two be the answers for Plek's cries for help. McSplooge McSplooged all over Hamr and Jaro 2.0, but they kept Ovie and Backstrom relatively quiet all night. Price didn't make any "holy shit" saves, but he was solid and calm and there when he was needed. Oh please oh please keep this going. Travis Moen provided some quality diggin and muckin for Squid and Gomez and potted a goal. Pyatt and White are constantly working hard. And here's a special mention for Mr. Jacques Martin: Hey, do you think Carbo would have had a game plan like that ready for Ovie and the Caps, or would that sucker have ended 9-3 with Ovie getting 5? Martin came into this going with Hamr and Jaro 2.0 against Ovie, shifted lines like a maniac to keep that match-up on the road, and did some clever juggling after something happened to Gomez early in the third. (Here's hoping Martin just told him to take off his fucking jersey, drive back to Montreal and apologize to the Molson's for stealing their money.) Oops. There goes the feel-good portion of our show. On to the angry-I'm-never-truly-happy-plus-I've-been-drinking rant!

The Sky is Falling: Jesus Fucking Christ on a bike Scott Gomez is fucking terrible right now. Anyone who had 22 games in the "That Lazy Overpaid Fucker Gomez is Gonna Drive HF10 Over the Fucking Edge" is the big winner. At one point I made a mental note to compare Gomez to 2007 Kovy, who essentially kneecapped Pleks and Big Tits for the entire year. Gomez was killing Squid and Moen tonight until he mysteriously and fortuitously left the game. I dub him The Albatross, for his contract and the fact that he will haunt Gainey until a) Gainey gets fired; b) Gainey can get rid of him or c) That ridiculous contract runs out sometime next decade.

Jacques Martin nailed Latendresse's ass to the bench at some point. I didn't notice for 15 minutes because Gui! was invisible when he was on the ice anyway. He has had enough goddamn chances and now it's time for an extended trip to the pressbox, aka Chips House (sorry Panger.) Finalement.

Max Pack looked good at points, but please tell me he hasn't inherited the Michael Ryder snakebitten stick of death. He'll need to start potting goals to make Pleks-Patches-Tits a viable second scoring option.

Urologist. Ah, fuck me. Panger, where the hell is your trunk!?!?!

There were points where you could see the Caps smelling blood in the water and it was white knuckle time. At one point I squinted at the tv and pretended it was 1977, the guys in red with the best/most exciting player in the league, the best offensive defenceman going and the goalie getting bored from lack of work was the Habs and it was the hometown white-clad Caps getting shelled. Ugly. But whatever, it worked.

Chez Paree Bound: Pleks gets his regular table. Price gets his regular bed in the champagne room. Squid gets behind the velvet ropes (excellent signing so far, it must be said.) Hamr and Jaro 2.0 get to be two wild and crazy guys in the booths. Martin and the coaches also get some special attention for their Operation OvieStop. Moen, Metro, Max Pack, even Big Tits can have some drinks in perverts row. Basically the Urologist and Gomez get stopped at the door. Hell, I don't even have too many bad things to say about BGL.

Next terrifying, offensive juggernaut in red opponent: Detroit. Saturday night. Summabitch.

Better than a stick in the eye: Habs lose, sorta.

It looks like it hurts, but it's not as bad as you think.

When is a loss not a loss?

Well, never, actually. A loss is a loss and it fucking sucks. Last night's loss sucked. Unless you want to get into the Tavares/Hedman sweepstakes, losses are never, ever good (and even then, what kind of torture is it to rationalize losses? Tell me Islander fans didn't have some mixed emotions about losing to the Rangers last night.)

However, there are some losses that are more palatable than others. For instance, when your previously dead-man-walking team goes toe-to-toe with the reigning MVP Ovie, the world's scariest defender/rover/goalscoring blueline menace Mike Green, and the rest of the Caps offensive machine, and when your previously maligned "number 1 centre" plays out of his turtleneck, and when your franchise goalie starts to resemble the player drafted fifth overall, not the sieve of the past month, a loss is a little more tolerable.

Of course, the punch in the stomach way they lost still made me unleash a string of expletives on Whats-his-name Steckel and his epileptic ostrich goal celebration. Fucking Steckel. Sounds like the villain in a Vince Vaughan/Will Ferrell movie.

The Sky is Falling: Well, they still lost. They are still in a horrendous slump. They still gave up a lead with less than five minutes to go. Markov and DOOM still looked terrible for most of the night, and there still wasn't much to talk about 5 on 5. Price sucked horribly in the shootout, which at one point was supposed to be automatic points for the Habs. Mad Max did not look like he was playing at Mad Maximum Speed ... perhaps he was gearing up to face old QMJHL enemy Sidney Crosby tonight. I do find it interesting when a game like that out of Max disappoints. That kid has made a tremendous leap, I tells ya, because the game he played was still pretty damn good.

Plan the Parade: Har har de har har. Good one. Still ...

The Caps have only lost 4 times at home this year. They might be the fastest, slickest team in the league, and Ovie, Semin, Backstrom and Green are terrifyingly good. The Habs didn't play intimidated, weathered all sorts of storms, and had a chance to beat one of the top three teams in the East on the road. Price was outstanding for long stretches. Can you imagine what the score would have been if "last week Carey" was in nets? He got beat by a piece of magic from the best player in the world and the tying goal was a deflection he never saw. One game does not indicate that TFS has returned, but it sure is encouraging. Pleks looked like the Canadiens best player ... an inch to the right and his shot off the post is a game winner. Higgins scored. CHRIS HIGGINS. Oh, and Mathieu Schneider made Bob look like a genius for at least one night; 3 power play goals, with Schneider and Markov instrumental in all of them.

No Lap Dances, because if all the rumours are true, all the young guys on this team are partying too much already. Except Josh Gorges, who I believe is working up the courage to ask a girl down to the malt shoppe and just might hold her hand! (You go, tiger!) Provisional Lap Dance* for Bob for the Schneider trade being a smashing opening night success. Provisional Lap Dance* to Kovy improving this team by getting his disruptive dipsy-doodling ass sent home.

Penguins ce soir. More on that later, if 29 can stop talking about Lost.

* Provisional Lap Dances can be revoked, suspended, or turned into Provisional Bricks through the Condo Window at a freakin' moments notice. Hey, we're irrational Habs fans. We love you, but fuck you too, just in case.

And now for something really completely very similar to the different stuff we tried last time - Caps Game Preview and Open Thread

Well, when we tried something completely different the last time, it totally worked ... and as Ken Dryden says, you don't mess with a streak. So here's the lovely Emma Andersson, hot Swedish something and fiancée of Wings forward Henrik Zetterberg. Here's the same video of her frolicking in lingerie with Victoria Secret models. I think. It's still all in Swedish.

Now, I'm no epic poem writer like 29, Limerick Dude, moeman, or the great lyricists of the newly-adopted FHF house band KISS. But maybe I can take heart that tonight we face Ovie and his Semitic nose armed with the power of the most famous greasepaint wearing sex fiend singer-songwriters that Judaism has ever produced, Mr Chaim Witz and Mr Stanley Harvey Eisen (Gene and Paul to most of us).

Tonight, the Habs venture into the Firehouse that is the Verizon Center in Washington DC to face the God of Thunder himself Alex Ovechkin. Ovie and his running mate Nicklas (Dr. Love) Backstrom go together like Cold Gin and lime and are currently Hotter than Hell. Alex Semin was a Destroyer earlier in the year but has come back to earth somewhat. Mike Green (who can Rock and Roll All Nite) is injured, and the rest of the Caps defence is not exactly Dressed to Kill. Will we see our old friend Jose (Creature of the Night) Theodore in net?

The Habs are not going to make anyone Shout it out Loud with their inconsistent play. Some of the Flaming Youth like the Tits brothers, Rhino, and Pleks are having their issues, and Kovy hasn't pulled out his Love Gun of talent nearly enough so far (man, that sounded way more disgusting than it should). Sometimes on the back end it looks like All Hell's Breakin' Loose because DOOM is still out. Josh Gorges is doing his best to make sure Montreal isn't A World Without Heroes. If I Sure Know Something, it's that this team can still win a lot of games as long as Price is calm and cool while Heaven's on Fire around him. Can the Habs repeat their success from Detroit Rock City? Let's hear it in the comments.

* Special Notice! Special Notice! Keep your eyes peeled for our very own HF29, live and in person at tonight's game, reveling in the great selection of local brews on tap at the Verizon and probably wearing his favourite (possibly blasphemous) half-home, half-away Habs jersey. No word on whether he's sitting with our good friend Capschick from Capital Addiction.

The Game Day Skate for Friday, November 28

Bullet points to sum up what you missed while having nightmares about another possible election ...

• New Leaf saviour Brian Burke is (almost) signed sealed and delivered. Toskala puts on a show for the (almost) new boss but Leafs fall to Sens in shootout;
• Thanksgiving football results in four blowouts as Titans, Cowboys, Eagles and UT Longhorns roll;
• Bobby Orr sees his famous number 2 go to the rafters in Oshawa ... somehow, Orr and 2 doesn't go together, unless we're talking Colton Orr and 2 for roughing.

Habs in Washington tonight. Ovie and Backstrom tearing it up. HF29 live at the game. Much more later.

Ovie and Markov are BFF's, Like Drinking and Hookers

This photo has been circulating around the interweb tubes this week and we'd be remiss if we didn't post it here. I don't know where it was taken, I don't know what the context was, I don't know if in fact the two blonde women are hookers (but damn they look like classic Russian hookers to me, not that I would know of course).

What I do know is that Ovie looks like he's about to puke, Markov looks like he's about to get jiggy, and the two ladies look happy to be there. Oh, and you'd think that with $124 mill, Ovie could afford some new jeans.

(h/t to HFBoards)

SORRY ABOUT THE ALL CAPS

Hey kids! You know who the Habs play this week? Yes, it's the Washington Capitals and their Unfrozen Caveman Millionaire Hockey Player (tm myfo)! On Tuesday. And on Thursday. With an event like this, we turned to our friend Shmee over at Capital Addiction for some ideas.

The result? A bet! Well, not a "bet" per se. Shmee, fearing the IRS, the FBI, and /or mob reprisals, has deemed it a "predictions contest." We predict the Habs will win. Shmee predicts the Caps will win. Whoever is wrong will be forced to write an epic poem on why the other team has a better player than the other team's best player. Or something like that, we're still working on some details. We're lawyers, so the negotiations are going badly.

Considering we had our asses handed to us the last time we tried this, we need some redemption. If only we could get CapsChick involved too, we could have a three-way! Uh, bet. Three-way bet. Er, predictions contest.