Showing posts with label HF33. Show all posts
Showing posts with label HF33. Show all posts

Friday, March 28, 2008

You Don't Belong, Patrick

A sweater I proudly wore in 1985, at the age of 9. 33 was my childhood hero. This was the image I've always kept of him. Until now.

These views are mine and mine alone. They are not necessarily shared by the other FHF.

Red Fisher wrote the article I had intended on posting yesterday, but as I have been fighting a busy week, he beat me to the punch. And I thank him for it, because with it he has obliged me to delve deeper into the issue of violence.

I won’t make any firm accusations here. My legal background entices me to know better. I will speak out, however, against a trace of rage that Patrick Roy has left behind him at various intervals of his life, not only as a hockey player, but as a man.

We often times offer our heroes the sort of blind eye that attaches a sense of entitlement to their swagger. We elevate them to a super status where anything goes, as their improbable feats, achieved in professional arenas, forgive their indiscretions. We are quick to forgive, and often times are reluctant to punish at all. And we do so for the wrong reasons; enamored by the amazement we once felt in marveling at their achievements, we choose to dismiss the darker side of the individual, as if we have decidedly rejected anything that could tarnish that pristine image of our favorite stars and the creation that was hatched out of our imaginations.

Yet, these athletes are no different from anyone of us. Where they display their genius within the confines of an adoring platform on the sports field, others, unknowns, show their amazing skill in the offices of little start-up companies, in non-profit charitable organizations, behind the counters of our restaurants. They are judged by our social measuring stick, with indiscriminate justice, applicable to all, never above the law, never protected by the impressions that throw a quilt over our superstars and blanket them from what our legislators had intended for our communities.

The genius demonstrated in sport should never silence our protest of the athlete’s transgressions. In Roy’s case, there have been far too many, with stories of violence and uncontrolled emotion that have inflicted harm more often than anyone should be held liable for. Because once is once too many. Roy’s list of shameful gestures is a long one; a man aggressed in a parking lot, another attacked in a bar, a coach abused in his office, a wife afraid in her home, an unsuspecting child drawn to criminal violence, misguided by Dad. Other acts that have not seen the public light of day must also be compiled in a somber list, somewhere in his mind.

This highly unsound behavior is not just at the wrong end of the moral spectrum, it is a series of criminal acts that have gone unpunished and that have yet to leave the faintest, yet rightful, blemish on his persona. The first one may come in the form of a denial of immortal recognition as plans to lift his number may be grounded forever. If anything has vilified Patrick in the eyes of Montrealers, it was his unceremonious exit off Forum ice, ejecting himself from the team’s historical womb. Of all the controversy he has surrounded himself around, that antic was probably the most harmless of gestures he can be held accountable for. Of all the sanctions he could have merited, the abortion of a number retirement ceremony amounts to one within the realm of insignificance, for an icon who has eluded both the ire of the public and the severity of the law.

Off-ice violence. A raging temper. We must reject them. We must all heighten our awareness towards aggression. If we do not denounce it and frame it in its proper context, in the receptacle of all things wrong, we will have abdicated our moral authority and our civic responsibility as dutiful citizens of this community.

I don’t have the facts. I don’t know what goes on in his home, nor in his head. I’m not certain what he meant or intended, in gesturing to his son from the bench. I can’t measure his level of responsibility over what the young Jonathan decided to do, which was to commit a crime and harass the crowd in a jubilant demonstration of pride over his abominable actions. But there is an amount of responsibility. I suspect the fiber that ails the Roy family has been passed on from father to son, because these patterns are not improvised by a teenager, suddenly, out of thin air. The apple gave the finger, with the tree, verbally abusing the officials, in tow.

It’s time to arrest an arrogance, once so splendidly channeled for example through a historic wink to a dejected Tomas Sandstrom, before more damage is inflicted. It’s time to take away the sense of entitlement Patrick has negotiated his life with, the entitlement we have all pumped him with, in our adulation of a man who simply stopped rubber objects from entering a small net for a living.

Of all the punishments he could be dealt, the permission to have his number worn by another is, as I’ve said, a minor one. But because I do think his actions warrant reprimand, I will stand amongst many who will no longer admire the 33 as they did before. That number will begin its descent from my imaginary rafters. And in the end, it will no longer appear next to my name. If 33 was my childhood hero, then let me say that I have grown up and have decided to take a relentlessly unforgiving stand against violence, be it emotional, mental or physical, at home, at work, anywhere. Time to bury the illusions I have had about the man who is, by no means, a Saint.

As of today, I will be correcting a small injustice that our little blog has committed in not acknowledging the person whose true grace and class we owe so much to as admirers of this fabled team. A man whose number is really worth going by: the incomparable number 4. Someone to be proud of.

HF4

Monday, March 17, 2008

I Got the Powa!!! Habs 3, Islands 0



Look at me! Look at me! No goal behind my ass becase I heve talant. My teemates play like sheet. Stupide mistakes all the game and if I not there they loose the game like a defecting Cuban pitcher looses he family.

OK now Mantreal you say Jaro, Jaro you so good and incredible and great, please please play in the net again for next game becase we want more matches no goals. Thees is what I say to coaches for three facking years in city of masturbation Hemilton. I make good plays, put me in the goal in Mentreal, I’m a pro. “No Jaro, you knit sweaters for teem, or No, Jaro, play Mantreal with Ea Sports, same thing”. Fak you you stupide coaches you make me go crazy so long.

Now big ugly Cari have game of shit against the Senators. Ohhh I’m sooo scared! The Senators are so good and I am so small, like clitoris of woman mosquito. That what Cari say before game, little baby idiot. He play trembling all game and Mentreal make so big poop for 3 periods.

Now coach come to me after Poopopalooza against the Senators and he say “Jaro, get ready for Saturday”. I tell him, I know fat guy from Superbad on SNL, I tape it for sure! He meen no, I play game on Saturday. Me? Play? Fak you coach Carboner!

How many mankeys it takes to screw light bulb?

It take six mankeys to screw light bulb.

OK, so now I have to be ready because now, oh we HAVE to win, game is SO important that after watching movie Jesus of Nazareth 17 facking time, I can play one stupid faking game in Mantreal, where I never make a shit game before.

And from beginning, team play like autistic larva and if me not there we have maybe 18 goals against us in first period. Cari stupid jerk play PSP on bench and not look at me play like King Jaro once! I see Kepten Saku play Sudoku and ask Lapierre for to help him. Stupid Lapierre? He don’t know to count!! New York Islands mach better teem than Mantreal shit. More talant and better sweter and big colors. They play without 32 of their regular players. I recognize some players from porno theater in Prague. They not even hackey players but they play so better than Mantreal.

Fans scream my name Halak Halak Halak!! You crazy stupid fans, why you wait so long time to make love to me. Why we not make love in Hemilton. It only 2 hours in car. Nooo!!! We snob fans from Mantreal, we not care about farm team in Hemilton. We not like goats and chickens and cows. Now you love to me. You are like girls. Jaro who? What?, when I ask you for blowjob in bar, but now I win a game a make no goal match, now it’s OH Jaro! You so big! Please follow me to bathroom!!! Stupid fans. You only love me if I win. You not love me for me, like my family, who come to bathroom with me no metter what.

Now coach Boner tell me today, Hey Jaro, can you do this again like Saturday? Coach Carbonnies he so stupid, he look like hooker from Bratislava kiss him with that sore on his lip. He get that from “Happy Finish” in hotel in Anaheim. I tell this teem for soooo long, make me play. No! Jaro! Cristobal’s is too good, he croshed like Parisian pastry if we make him sit. No Jaro! Cari is too good, he is like young Skywalker. We have to a grow his talant. No! Jaro! That man has no legs, he great goalie because he have determination to fight.

Now you all see I am special goalie and you put red carpet in front of me. OK, red carpet for anthem. So what? Meantreal!!!! Listen me!!!!Now I have power! I play when I want to play!!!! I decide my games forever!!!!!!! Fak you stupid Kepten, go play your Sakudoku.

…can I play tomorrow?

Friday, March 14, 2008

Sens 3, I Want to Sign Up For Eye Amputation

A massive elephant just took out its massive elephant dick and rained Niagara on the Habs parade. No matter who Montreal beats, no matter how high they are perched atop the standings, the Senators just take out their guns and shoot Montreal in the center of its anus. The team walks away with a noticeable limp, having shot itself in the foot moments before.

These Ottawa - Not So Fast, Montreal - Senators are a handful and the Habs are learning that they just don’t match up well with them. As we’ve said before, we now know how the Bruins feel when playing the Canadiens. Hampered by complexes, hesitant, unsure, insecure. Playing the Senators feels like puberty. So while the Habs were busy popping their zits, the Sens squeezed the life out of the team by applying a thorough chokehold at the first drop of the puck. Probably the most stifling game they have been dealt all year.

It was one of those wins that sees you off to bed with a chip on your shoulder, and prompts your better half to ask why you take these things so seriously. It’s one of those games that drops your team from second place to the lower half of the conference playoff seedings. A game that had the opponent skating 60 minutes of flawless hockey, where you realize that you’re just not there yet and that there’s THAT much separating you from this other team.

So how can we illustrate the gap between the Habs and the Sens on this night? Think of this:

· The above-mentioned elephant’s penis, erect
· A 100 person cheerleader pyramid with Manute Bol at the top
· Rita McNeil
· Space between Bruce Wayne and Vicki Vale at the dining room table in the first Batman
· Whatever has doubled as Paris Hilton’s cerebral cortex
· The space between Gwyneth Paltrow’s nipples
· The ideological differences between avid Manitoba Polka AM Radio listeners and Al-Qaeda

Good on Martin Gerber for keeping Ray Emery in the House of Dog. You can bet that after having bolted after 30 minutes during the game day practice, management will be pushing for expansion to Karachi to ship his ass off to a life of misery.

You have to admire Ottawa for demonstrating what perfection looks like on a sheet of ice. Jason Spezza did his best Billy Crystal impersonation with a perfect swing of the bat on a border line high stick swat on goal. Terrible outlet passes, dispassionate play, this was the type of poor execution only a death row inmate in Texas would dream of.

The Sens gave the Habs nothing. As much air as Borat had in that “uncomfortable scene” in the movie. Despite having accustomed the fans to miraculous comebacks this year, on this night even the early 1 goal lead seemed insurmountable. Full marks for Alex Kovalev on being the only Hab who tried. His lonely wheels kept turning all night.

There are 2 more of these statement games against the Sens and the Habs better find a way to beat a full Ottawa lineup or connect to a direct line to God to avoid facing these guys and a majestic stomping in the form of a four act play in the later rounds of the playoffs.Don’t hold your breath for a reversal of fortune, with the type of suffocation imposed by the Sens, air will be scarce. Ottawa turned the Habs’ breath into a waning wheeze; they sounded like Darth Vader, with an asthma attack.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Girls Will Be Girls

So this has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with our team, is more what you would find on the brilliant Dooce, but it was just too good not to share.

On Saturday, I attended my friends' twins 4th birthday. They have a boy and a girl, R and L.

The girl, L, has entertained of late a little obsession with animals, so I figured I would introduce her to the animal kingdom and entice her fascination with all things mammal, i.e. keep her veiled to the fact that men are the only true animals out there.

I figured I would get her farm, jungle and prehistoric plastic figures so she could start telling the difference between the various species roaming the wilderness. It gets interesting here. With the set came a rather towering, frightful and menacing T-Rex. I actually hesitated before getting it because I thought that a first glance at the beast would scare the living hell out of her. I offered her the big box and sat back anxiously as she unwrapped her present. The T-Rex and L's eyes met for the first time and she stood there in silence, dismissively unimpressed. She quickly took to the other, smaller animals though.

The blizzard in Montreal that night left me stranded so I stayed there overnight. The next morning, I awoke to discover what L had done to her so-called monster T-Rex:



So much for my fears of inflicting permanent trauma on a 4-year old girl. Conversely, I think she may have given that tyrannosaurus severe masculinity issues for life. I never thought someone could make a T-Rex look like Liza Minnelli.

So to our beloved Habs, on the eve of this important game versus the mighty Senators, however daunting the opponent, put a proverbial necklace over them and reduce them to size.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Bahh, It's a Stupid Name Anyway - Ducks (...pssshahahaha) 3, Habs 1


While Anaheim and Montreal skated around the pond for a rather dull game last night, I tried to think long and hard about the better ducks out there in this world. Then I concluded by thinking that ducks are kinda like the Indians in Hollywood movies - wanting to be hip and calculated yet inherently socially awkward and clumsy, and cursed by a missed-the-mark virility (that's what the movies want you to think, not me, call off the defamation suits, what the hell sue me I'm a lawyer, I have Indian friends), ....(ok not really friends more like acquaintances).

Think about it. Take a look at these ducks.

Daffy: Terrible lisp. Sounds like Bryan Murray. I don't care how smart you are, you're coming across as a 7-year old with a sugar rush.

Donald: The cooler duck. A wanna-be suave. Kind of like the James Bond of ducks. But he's still a geek and every Disney character would bone him last if stranded on a desert island with other Disney characters and Jurrasic Park dinosaurs (1st movie).

Howard the Duck: Uber nerdy, tried to bang Lea Thompson. The only other character who tried to get into her pants was that creepy dude from Back to the Future. Howard is responsible for one of the most disastrous bits of fiction ever committed to film.

The Aflak Duck: The Keanu Reeves of ducks. Kinda cool at first but you soon come to notice that his thin acting skills fail to veil his dense persona. I'm sure he gets the chicks but they usually go home with that dirty feeling rather than a sense of jubilation. They screen his calls afterwards.

Losers. All of them. Sure some of them may have hatched prematurely. Some of them just had it rough from the beginning. Some learned to waddle late, some refused to eat on their own, insisting their parents continue to vomit the food in their mouths. Some lost everything in the dot com bubble. Some said, "Hey, laser discs! That's a great idea!" I know, it's not right to judge. But look, I'm just calling them how I see them.

Sure, Anaheim can skate rings around most teams in the NHL, but at the end of the day no player who respects himself`can say" I'm real proud to be a Duck" without feeling his testicles vanish. Really. "I'm proud to be a Duck" - checks for testicles - "phew!!!" - another quick glance to make sure.

It's too bad because the Habs could have left the West Coast with the mental reassurance of having beaten at least one of the top teams in the Conference, with a 3-1 record to boot. But the hostile wildlife in California would eventually have its say, and the Sharks and Ducks can now tell themselves they won't have much to fear should the Habs or Sens make their way across America in June. They sure didn't in June of 2007.

These Ducks, formerly of the Mighty lineage, schooled the Canadiens for 3 periods, limiting them to 12 shots after the first 2 of play. An inspired Kovalev, who finally notched his 30th of the season, couldn't find enough fuel to lead the reunited Kovy-Grabs-Tits trio of love. With a Turtleplek nursing a Turtlecold, the team reluctantly fed Grababybovski to the Ducks. It wasn't enough; Turtlepleck was turtlemissed.

So yes, the name is terribly puerile, but the players wearing the jerseys are not the bumbling buffoons of Disney. Pronger, Niedermayer, (bis), Selanne. All carved out of the trunk of Man. Champs. Nothing Carey Price could stop when Anaheim turned the jets on late in the third to break an endless tie. It was just a matter of the fortress being breached and eventually falling to a far stronger opponent. They play the game the way it was to meant to be played. One thing you can say about ducks: they always mean well. These Ducks insist on being taken seriously.

Friday, March 07, 2008

No Fly Zone - Emery Calls Grabovski The Badest Man on Earth - Grabs Tells Team "Nani Nani Fufu"

I often wondered what it would take to make Ray Emery look like Julie Andrews. Maybe coach Murray could cure the Sens ailments by committing the team to a Von Trapp style of play.

Regardless, Habs forward Mikhail Grabovski decided to take his pre-pubescent career to new heights by keeping his two feet firmly planted on the ground. After having been scratched by coach Carbonneau in last night's game in Phoenix, Grabs decided to retaliate by, get this, refusing to take the team's flight to Los Angeles.

In contemplating the Habs' response to this insubordination, I couldn't help but think of this bit of brilliance.



Grabs, you ignorant slut, why don't you take your 74 minutes of NHL experience, your babysitting agent and Muppet Babies pacifier and get ready for the Malakhov fan treatment the fans are going to give you when you get back to Montreal.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Pawn to Rook 4, Pawn to Rook 4! Nooooo! Why Don’t You Just Give him the King, Give it to Him! - Carey Price, 6 – Habs, 4

"He taught me the art of giving, as a boy growing up in Bangalore."

Not what you want to christen a west coast swing. In Seinfeldesque fashion, Carey Price’s performances found a way to even themselves out after a great outing against the New Jersey Lemaires and a big poo poo in San Theodore last night.

It was a frustrating game and I could have avoided the whole thing had I just listened to signs from God that found their way into my karma early on – like this one that appeared on my screen about ten minutes into the first period: Attention: Your DVR will automatically enter power-save mode in 5 minutes. Please press any remote key to continue watching TV. This of course always gets me scrambling in a mad frenzy for a lost remote that is mischievously squeezed between two couch pillows, as I anxiously wage war against a panicky countdown that begins in my head.

Mistake number one of the night was finding the zapper. I now wish I had somehow managed to mistakenly stick the remote in the fridge. I would have looked for hours, missed the game and watched Carey Clause in the highlights.

Price found a way to make Brian Campbell look like Bobby Orr and Jonathan Cheechoo like,… Jonathan Cheechoo. Pencil in the Shelley Long special he offered up on a goal from the East coast and the kid would only have needed to air-drop a few bags of rice over scattered villages in Nicaragua to win the Humanitarian of the Night Award.

TFS lost the two points, although it doesn’t help when the team gives up two quick ones when the game is barely 3 minutes old. I guess San Jose likes to skip the foreplay.

At least Montreal showed some character with their signature never say die composure. They came back to tie the game 3 times and could have made it 5 all had they pressed some more. But give credit to the Sharks; they shut Montreal down at the halfway mark of the third period and wouldn’t yield despite giving the Habs a couple of power plays and some daylight to bolster hopes of another tie. On this night, the best penalty kill in the NHL totally maimed its best power play.

Weird game, showered with odd-bounces, a bizarre cadence throughout, and some of the worst officiating of the season. The refs must have thought you only award four minute power plays to Vulcans because the red blood on the bridge of Grabovski’s nose didn't seem to impress them. Not enough to earn the right call. Then a too many Sharks, with the ice looking like the Great Barrier Reef, and yet, somehow, no call. And the one that makes me want to catapult off an Olympic diving board head first into a pile of cement, features Andrei Markov – who may not have amassed twenty words in English during his five year tenure in Montreal - called for an unsportsmanlike by the refs who must have taken offence to one of those twenty words. Unless the officials took a minor in Russian lit, this goes down as THE paradoxical call of the year. These are officials who would call travelling in a basketball game at the Special Olympics.

Yeah, just a weird vibe throughout the whole thing, with no team ever managing to set a tone or keep a lead long enough to assume any semblance of control. Broken plays followed one another in sequential disorder. A puck that gave credence to the HP sign over the front door, by morphing into a Hot Potato for three full periods.

I really hated this one, du début à la fin. It provided enough suspense to keep you interested while merely offering an unsettling Crying Game cringe on revelation of the end result. Did I really have to navigate through the broken plot for this bitter end? A game that steered itself to conclusion like the end of a John Grisham novel. Shoulda known better.

Shoulda left the remote in the fridge.

P.S: The title? An SNL sketch featuring Jim Belushi as a chess coach with a Bobby Knight temper. Best line: “Some people say I lost control that day. But when you’re down two pawns, you gotta do something.”Gold.

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Friday, February 29, 2008

Happy 18th Birthday You Sexy Bissesxtile!

A Happy Birthday to the Pocket Rocket, Henri Richard, born on February 29.

Pocket, go hit the bars and celebrate. You're finally legal!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

THE REAL BREAKING NEWS: HOSSA TO PITTSBURGH - HEARTS BROKEN


Nothing more to say.

Is He Here Yet? NO? OK.


It's nearly one o'clock in the AM and I still can't shake off that stupid habit of checking tsn.ca late at night in the hopes that a huge "Canadiens Acquire Hossa" headline take me to La La Land (it's this place where they have really cool orgasms).

I have this idea that Wadell and Gainey in town together this week are sitting down at Gainey's pad, cooking some stir-fry and nudging each other, randomly going back and forth on this pending deal.

I can imagine the conversation going something like this:

-Gainey: Don, you have to mix in the soya pal. Gives the veggies some flavor.

-Wadell: Yeah, I know, the sauce gives it that real kick.

-Gainey: You like watercress?

-Wadell: Hell yeah! That stuff is like vegetable Pringles.

-Gainey: You know it.

-Wadell: Love that stuff!

-Gainey: Man...

-Wadell: Just like a big bag of crunchy crunch love.

-Gainey: Hey, Don.

-Wadell: Buddy.

-Gainey: What's it gonna take to get Hossa.

They move to the living room and settle on separate armchairs to watch reruns of Golden Girls.

-Wadell: That Sophia, ha! What a riot. Would you bang her?

-Gainey: Sophia? Nooo...Noop, nope nope nope.

Half an hour goes by. Neither GM says a word, as they both aimlessly watch television.

-Wadell: Hey, Bob?

-Gainey: Yeah?

-Wadell: Ya got any cashews?

-Gainey: Sure, in the cupboard near the fridge. I wanna talk about this Marian Hossa thing when you get back from the kitchen.

-Wadell: Hossa? Nossa! let's watch some Arrested Development, that Tobias!

Another 20 minutes pass as the evening becomes night. No words exchanged in a darkenend room lit by the flashing images of the television screen.

-Gainey: Hey, Don, you think we could discuss this Mari....

- Wadell: Hey! I popped 10 straight cashews in my mouth. One of the suckers almost crept out. No way, sucked that little shit right back in.

-Gainey: Don, you gonna trade me Hossa or not? If we're doing this we've got to do this soon.

-Wadell: Why you spoliling all the fun Bob? I thought we could just hang out together, maybe watch the Princess Bride, maybe thumb wrestle a bit. Why you ruining the party Bob?

-Gainey: Alright, stick out you hand.

-Gainey and Wadell: One, two, three, four I declare a thumb war.

They start to tumb wrestle.


-Gainey: Tell you what, if I beat you, I get Hossa and I'll give you Lapierre and Grabovski.

Grunting, twitching, wrist bending fury...

-Wadell: Hahahaha, ya OK. Lapierre. Who's that, the French Dwayne Johnson? Nope, I've got a good deal with the Bruins on the table, getting Bergeron, or Florida is offering Zednik. My wife loves Zednik. I just want to trade for him so she can ask me "Honey where is Zednik?" and I could say "Zed's dead baby, Zed's dead".

-Gainey: I really have no idea what you're talking about.

Gainey pins Wadell's thumb. One, two! Wadell sneaks thumb out from Gainey's grip.

-Wadell: Shit you're built tough Bob! Smartest player to play the game, is that what they called you? Well you're going down with one of my thumbs over yours and the other one up your ass.

-Gainey: Again, I don't get it. OK.

Gainey pins Wadell again. One, two, three.

-Gainey: OK, we doing this? Can I call the press conference for tomorrow morning?

Wadell runs across Gainey's living room, slides on the wooden floor and crashes into the sofas. On purpose.

-Wadell: Woooo! Did ya see that! What a slide?

-Gainey: Kinda like your team in the standings.

-Wadell: What was that?

-Gainey: Nothing.

-Wadell: Hey! You got a Twister game here?

-Gainey: Don, we're two. How'd you want to play twister with two people?

-Wadell: I can play with three legs to make it interest...

-Gainey: Don! I don't even wanna know what that means. Look buddy, it's getting pretty late. Are you trading me Hossa or not? I've got work to do if this isn't happening.

-Wadell: Trades, trades, Hossa, Shmossa! You're so uptight Bobby! Loosen up a bit!

-Gainey: I don't work in Atlanta Don. This is Montreal. In case you haven't noticed, this isn't Georgia. Habs games aren't a throw in for Hawks tickets, or the opening act to a Daughtry concert.

-Wadell: Hey, I love Daughtry!

-Gainey: Forget it. I'm going after Richards.

-Wadell: Alright then. Guess I'll go now. Can I take the cashews?

Brace yourselves Habs Fans, the calm before the storm may be foreshadowing, of more calm to come.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Useless Alert! Hossa Being Fitted for Canadiens Jersey and Genitalia Protection

-Mr. Hossa, do you wear it to your left or to your right?
-Well, I shoot left.

La Presse is reporting that the Canadiens have ordered a new uniform for Marian Hossa, which obviously means he's on a plane to Trudeau (YUL) as we speak. He just craved the idea of partaking in hot He-Man love to the tune of the comeback of the century that we reported on yesterday.

It has also been said that he was seen in a supermarket yesterday buying potatos and cheese, which in no doubt signifies that he is learning how to make poutine, which means he's buying a house in St-Eustache.

Reports are also coming in that Hossa spent the weekend watching Amélie Poulain and old François Truffault movies, which illustrates nothing less than his determination to learn the French language and teach it during the summer to Slovakian immigrants.

News is also trickling through that the Habs have requested that Montreal equipment trainers retrieve old Marcel Hossa jerseys in case the order fails to ship on time. This after the elder Hossa informed the team that he always dreamed of playing in his brother's sweaty clothes. Now that's beautiful.

Hossa was also seen eating his food with a spoon which of course means that he is learning Québécois "Rigodon" folk music and mastering the skill of spoon playing. Personally, that's what convinced me that a trade was imminent.

Hossa also made love to his wife recently meaning that he is learning the ways of the warm blooded Québécois.

Reports also coming through the news feed that Hossa was responsible for yersterday's lunar eclipse, which means the deal in Montreal is a lock.

Based on these solid leads, there is no doubt that Hossa has already been traded to Montreal and that Bob Gainey has made arrangements to have Marian's sweater retired on March 18.

La Presse, come closer. Do me a favor and leave the scoops to my friends Ben and Jerry.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

The Impossible is Made Possible - Habs 6, Rangers 5 (SO)


This post is coming to you a bit later than usual because I haven't moved since Jaromir Jagr lost the puck on the shootout in front of Cristobal Huet's crease. I have sat stunned, motionless. My family has come down to the basement to get me into fresh clothes. They try to indulge me into eating something. Maybe wash and shave the growing beard that is slowly appearing on the contours of my face. I'm lost in a daze, frozen in disbelief. Maybe I'll move. Maybe one day.

For the moment I have to acknowledge that in over 25 years of watching hockey I have never seen Montreal involved in a more remarkable regular season game. This isn't the incredible 10 straight wins in overtime that vaulted the team to championship glory in 1993. It's not the improbable 1971 comeback against the Bruins that saw the Habs trailing 5-1 in the second period, only to roar back and win the game 7-5, eventually defeating Boston and winning the Stanley Cup. But for whatever it wasn't, it was fascinating. Just incerdible to watch.

I think the best way to sum this game up is by way of analogy my fellow male brethren may comprehend all too well.

Ranger goal: 1-0 - You get into a nightclub on a Saturday night. You've been looking forward to this night for a while. But you just don't feel right. You should have gotten that haircut, you know it now. Your shirt's a bit off. Maybe you should have worn a belt, your pants are sagging and contributing to an overall feeling of droopiness.

Ranger goal: 2-0
- Your dance moves are definitely off tonight. No rythm whatsoever. Do you revert to the running man? No, no of course not , dammit! That garlic bread should have stayed on the plate where it belonged. Crap, this wasn't the feeling I had hoped for. There's still time to turn this around. It's only midnight. Three more hours to go.

Ranger goal: 3-0
- I can't believe it's already five past midnight. What the hell is happening to my mojo? You go to the bathroom and find that the hair on your head has opted for the pubic look. It looks like a cross between Little Richard and Paul Giamatti. You apply the old water to flatten trick to no avail. You'll have to live with it. But it's dark out there so maybe the girl you've been eying with the revealing décolleté won't notice it.

Ranger goal: 4-0
- Décolleté definitely noticed the thing your hair has been doing all night. She looks at you from afar and can't resist a chuckle. You are too clueless and off your game tonight and mistake her mocking for flirting. You go over to her like the pending catastrophe that you are. You offer to buy her a drink and order two vodka sodas from the bartender. Her look of confusion doesn't tip you off in the least.

Ranger goal: 5-0
- The bartender returns with your bill and tells you your credit card has been declined. You forgot that your rent cheque had gone through leaving you with 1.23$ in your account - savings. Beads of sweat start to form on your forehead as you realize that your night has just collapsed in total misery.

Habs goal: 5-1
- You look so wounded and pathetic that Décolleté girl takes the bar tab and pays for the drink. She laughs at you and says "Put all your money in those RRSPs, didn't you?" and turns away. She said something. She said it to you. Can you say anything to respond? Anything? "Nah, not married, no need for RSVPs". Her look of confusion grows larger still.

Habs goal: 5-2
- Totally unaware of the retarded comment you just made you decide to press on. Décolleté girl appears constricted, wanting some space and generally unresponsive. She's now got her back turned to you and there's really nothing you can do but sip on that drink. Slowly. If only you could have a cigarette like days before which allowed you to look like you were doing something besides feeling like a total moron. At least it made you look like you felt cool. In those days, it made you look occupied. But you notice that Décolleté girl hasn't left your side. She could have.

Habs goal: 5-3?
- Décolleté girl is dancing at the bar with her friends. She hasn't said a word to you since you offered her your RSVP advice. You don't know what to do with yourself. Screw it, I'm going for the Running Man. You gauge the space required to launch into such acrobatics and, after careful calculations, you move into a full Running Man, oblivious to the fact that the DJ is playing Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry. The contrast makes you look ridiculous. Décolleté turns around to see the folly that is unravelling behind her. Slowly you hear mounting laughter and cheering in the crowd. Decolleté girl draws inspiration from the crowd's reaction and begins to view you in a different light; sure you smell like garlic and your hair looks like Carrot Top's after chemotherapy, but you have personality, you've got something.

Habs goal: 5-4!
- Décolleté girl follows your lead and lets herself go. You're totally riding the crowd's support. You've got them all doing the Running Man. She's dancing with you unaware of time, the people around her in the Running Man, despite it being a dead dance and all. She's just looking at you. She moves her arms around your neck and lunges in (is this starting to feel like a Penthouse letter?) to show you what dancing is really all about.

Habs goal!!! 5-5!!!!-
Décolleté girl is grinding you on the dance floor like lean beef. She's all yours tonight. You know it, she knows it and so does everyone else in the room. You're panting your garlic breath all over her and she's wondering if you have any more of those rasberries with you; you can do no wrong. The bar breaks into WOOP! There it is! It's only a matter of time.

KOIVU GOAL - HUET STOPS JAGR HABS WIN 6-5!!!!!!!! -
This has to be the best sex you've ever had. You guys have been going at it in your room for over seven minutes. Her legs are kicking up on your HE-MAN posters. By the power of Greyskull, you say to yourself, out loud, this has to be the most improbable night of your life.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Big Tits Brings You " The ORRVECHKIN" tm



Andrei Kostitsyn, aka Big Tits, showed us that you've always got a bit of room left for imagination when you're on your back and seemingly out of the play. As Don Cherry would say: "Remember that kids, never quit on the play. Also kids, remember those stupid Europeans and their visor wearing mothers can all go to hell. I'll piss pints of blood out of my flailing penis before I ever give kudos to those soft defecting pussies."

If the Ovechkin goal marveled us live, the Big Tits goal did need a replay for us to understand the genius required to adjust so quickly to what 99.9% of the players in this league would have deemed a dead play.

The Ovie goal (this Alex the GR8 - terrible nickname ..."remember kids, ya can't trust those bloodsucking communists" - shut up Don) is a thing of immediate beauty.

If Ovie had a backhand in creating Big Tits' amazing goal, you can't overlook THE goal scored by THE man who with this legendary play, wrote the book on the meaning LEAP OF FAITH.

Now, here's the link to Big Tits' latest oeuvre d'art. We did need the replay to deconstruct this play that unravelled too quicky for people at home to comprehend.

There you have it, Half Bobby Orr leaping to score the Stanley Cup Winner, half Ovie tucking it in with a rolling backhand.

The Orrvechkin.

No need to choose here. They are both fantastic plays. Ovie definetley laid out the canvass for Big Tits to paint on. 3 incredible goals by Andrei, and counting. Keep them coming on your back, Andrei. Uh, wait a minute...

Monday, February 11, 2008

Gotta Make'Em Go to Rehab but Habs Say No, No, No - Sens Gazillions, Habs 1

From Parliament Hill in the nation's capital, The Habs commemorated the 20th anniversary of the Supreme Court's decision to strike down Canada's Abortion Law by aborting their own game against the Sens after the first four minutes of play.

Nice.

So since I much prefer to discuss the 5oth anniversary of the Grammys rather than abortion or hockey related matters, allow me to fuse last night's celebration of music with Saturday night's ode to terrible hockey. The Hockey Grammys are upon us.

Record Of The Year

Irreplaceable: Daniel Alfredsson, producers: Daniel Heatley, Jason Spezza and Mr. Alfredsson impregnating a Mrs. Alfredsson with some special hockey semen.

The Pretender: Christopher Higgins producer; Christopher Higgins circa 2006-2007, Saku Koivu, Michael Ryder. Higgy - Good name for a rapper. Try that rather than hitting more posts than..um....a guy who hits a lot of posts. BOOYA!

Umbrella: Senators First Line, for peeing all over the Habs' parade. They are the best in the league. No offence to the big Tampa Line and coach Tortorella, ella, ella....

What Goes Around…Comes Around: The Ottawa Senators, thanks for beating us by a pussy goal on Tuesday, Montreal, now we're going to defecate in you ears. Mike Komisarek for making sweet sweet love to Elisha Cuthbert. Sean Avery for ditching Elisha faster than the writers on 24.

Rehab
: Michael Ryder, producer; Midget AAA coach, Bantam coach, First grade teacher, a good priest, a rabbi who will work with a priest, an imam who does not fear assasination, a midget who's good with miracles.

Album Of The Year

Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace: A day in the life of Andrei Markov. Make that a noisy day.

These Days: Alexei Kovalev - For doing it all by himself of late. Kovalev is hockey's tribute to masturbation.

River
: Cry me one, Patrice, because even if you played 10 minutes against the Sens, those are 10 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Graduation
: Ray Emery, grow up you infant. It's time. You watch your team in a full line up trounce a pretty good Canadiens squad, you need to wake up, smell the Hummer fumes and realize that you have a shot a history here. The NHL doesn't need a Mike Tyson. Neither did boxing.

Back To Black
: John Paddock, after much juggling, for finally realizing what goaltender would give him the best shot at going all the way.

Song Of The Year


Before He Cheats
: Cristobal Huet, How much more to the right did you intend on leaning, on the Senators second goal. I could hear Carbonneau from the bench watching in dismay and thinking, "to the left, to the left"...

Hey There Delilah
: Wade Redden, What's it like in New York City? I won't go to San Jose, but maybe I'll accept a trade to the Big Apple.

Like A Star
: Jason Spezza, 6 points. Making Montreal his love slave. I think all the Zs in his name may have put the Habs to sleep.

Best New Artist

Little Tits: For connecting with his big bro on Montreal's only tally of the game. But we all saw you sipping on some turtle soup taking a few puches to the face, Sergito. No good. Don Cherry was watching.

Big Tits: For combining with his little brother for the only Ray of Light on Saturday.

Friday, February 08, 2008

You're Not Cool T-Dot, Not Cool Toronto 4, Uber Trendy Montreal 2


Carey Price was not to blame. The Florida Panthers were not to blame. Rio? Nah..too easy.

The Habs are not supposed to win every game, so no whining here please. This is sport, where you can lose 8-0 to a bad team on one night and reverse your fortune the next. No surprise then that Toronto gave Montreal the old T-Dot (God, I hate that name, would rather enroll in the BME Olympics than say that stupid name again). Stupid, stupid name.

The Habs last night came up with.....ah fuck it!

Really Toronto, you're like that guy in the new leather pants that have been out of style for 15 years. You're still jamming to old Snow albums. You're still patting yourself on the back over Maestro Fresh Wes.

Get over yourselves.

Imagine if Montreal started referring to their city as MOE, like yeah, I live in ol' Moe. Aside from breathing life into a mediocre franchise, I would fail to see the point in trying so hard to make a city sound so wanna be hip. Torontonians, or rather T-Dotters (don't you start, you brought that shit on yourselves), you're giving your city a nickname! What do you think the people out West in VCR are thinking about you. Maybe they're too busy watching old tapes. Or what about the people in the prairies, in the Peg? Or in HaliBerry? Or in New-Hypen?

Yeah, so what if I'm totally using this post to skirt the issue, and avoid the fact that you guys schooled the Habs last night. So what, it's my blog. It's my blog and I'll make fun of Toronto to save myself from looking reality in its dark eyes today. T-Dot, what the hell is a T-Dot anyway? It sounds like a Mr.T Robot from the eighties. I am T-Dot, I pity the fool, sucka...(eighties robot noises...awkward eighties robot movements made even more weird by uneven metallic mohawk).

Yeah, so what Toronto if this post has become totally absurd and that it fails to mention that the Bad Habs showed up last night and couldn't manage to beat the sinking ship. Who gives a fuck about your sinking ship. If I were on a boat and saw a vessel sinking on the horizon, I would grab my binoculars and get ready to radio for backup. But if I saw the words T-Dot painted across the side of the ship, I would immediately stop and say What the fuck is a T-Dot? Fuck that, I'm gonna be late, and go on my merry way.

OK, T-Dot, so what if I'm totally not getting to the point and failing to acknowledge that the only thing that has MOE (you assholes, now you have me doing it!) going is the Kovalev line and that without them we would be competing for best Florida Panther bait. So what? How can I address any of that when your city now all of a sudden goes by the dumbest of names. T-Dot. It sounds like a Hindi bad-ass. Like, no, no Rapeet, you can't do this, T-Dot will become very angry! Please, reconsider your actions!

You're not a Hindi bad-ass, T-Dot. You're a nerdy city, with awkward semi-hugging citizens. You know what I mean. Hey, Jake, haven't seen you in a while...(semi-hug)...Your emotionally afflicted, affectionately ambiguous demeanor irks every Montrealer who tries to give your city a second chance but inevitably comes back home finding comfort in the pulse Montreal charms the world with. Yeah, ok, that and our women are easy.

So what, if this doesn't say a word about the fact that scrambling for table scraps Toronto gave the Almost Conference Leaders a lesson in humility. It makes me feel better to know that my GM sounds like Emmanuel Kant, not one and who gives a look of utter amazement for every word he says. Ever really pay attention to the way Cliff Fletcher speaks? I just want to serve the old man some Jello and throw a Nerf ball around with him.

Sure, I can stick to the facts and say that Toskala rebounded well from an outing that saw him play like a drunken sailor. (Which makes me think that my night seemed pretty promising when my buddy Alex drew to my attention that if Vesa Toskala were knighted somehow, his name would be SirVesa - do they knight people in Cayo Largo?). Anyhow, fuck the Leafs.

So sue me for not owning up to the fact that my nearly first place team is in fact a one-line, power play desperate, one Kovalev injury away from disaster, wonder. Make me. And don't you even begin to remind me that Saku Koivu has to do something besides leading the lead in assfartage. It's my blog goddammit! T-Dot, like trying to curl in Hugo Boss. You're fluorescent yellow, Toronto. Deal with it. Still putting up posters of Samantha Fox on your walls while watching Samantha Taylor. You're Tony Danza.

Yeah and for one night, you beat the Habs.

I don't wanna talk about it.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Dodo Eggs Hatch, America Pulls Out of Iraq, Spears Beats Kasparov in Epic Duel - Habs 4, Devils 3

Bloody impossible.

Down 3-1 to begin the third period in New Jersey, the odds had Vegas closing shop and headin' on home.

The latest Habs-Devils matchup couldn't have looked more redundant. The Canadiens played here in vain throughout the Bush administration. The trouncing of the Bruins on Tuesday night must have been the result of a Guy Carbonneau speech that would have included the following reminder: "Look, you ass warts, we all know we're gonna get raped in Jersey on Thursday, so we better come out hungry tonight and get those two points".

Psychology and sports. Like Denzel and passionate pleas from a prison cell. The Bruins boss the NHL around all year but can only boast a good but not great record because the Habs, in handing them a quarter of their losses so far, have balanced out their results. Embattled Boston faces the Habs and the Bruins suddenly look smaller, slower, feeble. Montreal is to Boston what New Jersey is to Montreal. The Habs require mental bypass surgery to get through the psychological blockade that inevitably leaves them clueless in a Brodeur crease.

Outwardly, a New Jersey-Montreal game usually looks like a bore. A slow tempo display of Devil patience in a game of low risk trapping and containment. It offers the few remnants of the NHL in the dark years, a nothing's changed cadence of three evenly dull periods in the blandest show hockey has to offer.

Yawn.

If the editors in New Jersey had commissioned the Another Day at the Office headline for the following day's sports section during the second intermission, those orders had to be called back 30 seconds into the third, when the Habs decided to leave the past behind and pen a fresh new story for this game.

Because, truth be told, this game really started in the third period. With a Brian Smolinski finally parking himself where he is paid to be, in front of the net, 2 goals would come off his stick. His second of the night, the early marker to begin the third, erased the New Jersey momentum conjured by the Elias goal in the second that had made it 3-1 and given the impression that the game was out of reach.

The Kovalev line appeared to draw much from this early sign of promise and resumed its inexplicable brand of genius from there on end. With Kovalev a master of puck possession, the line willed itself into the New Jersey zone. And there it stayed. And there it was joined, by the whole team, with every line taking its turn at pushing New Jersey deeper and deeper into their own end. With that came inevitable attempts to thwart the Montreal blitz, a tactic which only yielded a flurry of Devil penalties and an ensuing abundance of scoring chances for the NHL's premier power play unit.

We can attempt to lend Montreal Braveheart desire and label this game their unflinching dedication to a win in New Jersey. No need for the exaggeration. This was just a result of focus, work, and a good use of the team's most prized asset: speed. That, and the levelling out required by the law of averages; Montreal had to win in New Jersey one day.

It comes as little surprise that the Habs found cracks in a team that has begun to move away from the quasi dynasty built over the better part of the last decade. While still inspired by phenomenal goaltending, the Devils of yesterday were not constructed with the image of the new NHL in mind. Stripped away on the blue line with the departures of Rafalski, Niedermayer and Stevens, the rigid steel that opposing forwards feared at the back now bends, seemingly at will, should a team want it enough. Age, evolution and change in the way the game is played, all these things have aided in arresting New Jersey's imposing march. Despite its apparent demise, the franchise still manges to maintain and cultivate this aura of greatness, incredibly in the middle of oft-neglected New Jersey, the likes of which only certain teams in this league have managed to thread as part of their fabric. Everyone in New Jersey, including Martin Brodeur, knows who to thank for that. Even in a new found mediocrity, the Devils still appear to be great.

Last night, this evidence of mortality paid Montreal 2 much welcomed points. And with them, more importantly, the comfort in knowing that the Devils can now finally be beaten in New Jersey.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

A Primary Win - Clinton 4, Obama 3 OT


Something was decisively different at the Bell Centre last night. Sure, the fans came to watch a hockey game but on this evening, it would be set against a larger backdrop.

The evening would begin with another trivial, if altogether insignificant tribute to an original six (add forgotten) rival. I have no problem with this raising of the glass to Blackhawk legends. One can't help but wonder however what set of circumstances divorced these two once were fierce adversaries to begin with. Chalk it up to a mix of mediocrity and estrangement. While both teams enjoyed interesting times in the early 90's (shout out to my homies, Boyz II Men, ABC, BBD, the East Coast family), with each making an appearance in the finals, they then fell from grace and began competing for who can miss the playoffs more often. Only recently have the Habs and Hawks enjoyed a resurgence fueled by young talent. There is hope still.

The retirees left the ice, the personnel removed the ugliest plants ever used for on-ice ceremonies, and place au match.

It was a back and forth type of night, with no team ever holding a larger than one-goal lead. It was played openly with plenty of skating room afforded to the many speedsters on each side. The Dance Ă  Dix line continued to provide the menace worthy of the number 1 line. The Habs power play maintained its ranking as the best in the league. And Andrei Markov thanked the fans who voted him into the All-Star game by showing every dimension of his game in All-Star calibre mode. Easily one of the best games of his career.

There was plenty of action in this one, with excitement to spare. Mark Streit was awarded a penalty shot after having broken loose at the red line and done his best to jump rope over the desperate stick swinging antics of a René Bourque caught on the wrong end of a breakaway. Streit missed.

The crowd looked on in agitation.

Then the scoreboard flashed the score: Clinton 101 764, Obama 98 672.

A palpable discomfort muffled the buzz in the crowd. The Bell Centre had always been known as an ecumenical, apolitical venue where fans of all walks gathered to cheer for their favorite team. It did not harbour political dialogue. But on this night, as New Hampshire went to the polls to support the party candidate that would then maybe win the party leadership at the national convention and possibly win the presidential elections barring a voting scandal in Florida, hockey took a back seat. All of a sudden, the people in the crowd were not just Montreal Canadiens' fans. They had political preferences. They had their own thoughts on Iraq, on the subprime credit crunch, on the Federal Reserve.

The fans, who for the longest time could look at each other with complete confidence in the camaraderie shared in loving the same team, suddenly saw these facades come apart. That guy on your right that you would always salute at the game, the one who you would share amusing hockey banter with, well that guy was a Clinton supporter, or an Obama admirer, or a center of left voter, maybe a liberal, maybe even a right wing conservative, or a left wing moderate toward the center progressive religious reformer. Whatever the case, he was no longer just a hockey fan. The reaction to the story in New Hampshire peeled off private political affections and created a never before seen discomfort and divide in the crowd.

As coaches drew the players' attention to the only score that mattered, both teams knew instantly that the game had just become as irrelevant as the ceremony that had preceded it.

During the second intermission, as America's native son Francis Bouillon rushed to call his wife for the results at the polls, Luc GĂ©linas asked the defenseman if he was satisfied with his play. Bouillon immediately downplayed the question: "The important comeback tonight is occurring somewhere else. It's in New Hampshire, Luc. Mrs. Clinton’s victory came after her advisers had lowered expectations with talk of missteps in strategy and concern about Mr. Obama’s momentum after his first-place finish in Iowa. Her team is now planning to add advisers and undertake a huge fund-raising drive to prepare for a tough and expensive fight with Mr. Obama in the Democratic nominating contests over the next four weeks. I gotta call my wife Lolita."

"Obviously it's hard for the players to keep their focus", said coach Carbonneau. "I have to admit, even I didn't really care about the game anymore. How can you? We really had to dig deep in overtime, but in all honesty we just wanted to get off the ice as quickly as possible to see what was going on. We had the big screen tuned to CNN all night, and the players would just sit there in front of it. You had to pull them away from Blitzer and the boys to start the periods. I understand them. I just want to go home and hug my kids."

The home boys got it done in overtime. Maxim Lapierre knew the team had a job to do. He was torn between getting off the ice after a long shift to regain the action in New Hampshire - as the Habs' trainers had now installed little personal screens for every player on the bench - and going for a last gasp attempt at goal with friend for life, Guillaume Latendresse. "Of course it was a hard decision", said Lapierre in the dressing room. "Obama wins it and the race, at least on the Democrat branch of the equation is over, it means everything. But I thought, if we could just score now, at least we can go back to the TVs right away." And so Lapierre chose to follow Latendresse who had parked himself at the side of Patrick Lalime's crease, and to whom he delivered a beautiful pass. Latendresse ended the wait. The fans filed out nervously.

Never had an overtime win in Montreal seemed so insignificant.

Friday, December 14, 2007

City of Brotherly Love: Team Big and Little Tits 4, Team with No Tits 1

There’s something about these Philadelphia Flyers that brings out the best in the Montreal Canadiens. The teams’ first game in what was an unceremonious first appearance at the Bell Centre for homeboy Daniel Brière, since his non merci, MontrĂ©al, proved to be nothing more than a cake walk for the Habs.

This time around, the Habs playing in the comforts of away from home, delivered another nearly perfect performance as the Flyers were quickly left behind, trying to discern between their anuses and their elbow pads.

The Road Warriors controlled this one from the start, while the Flyers' grasp on the game proved weaker than Renaud Lavoie’s translation skills. It was everything a coach wants to see. Special units delivering 110 pourcent on the dollar (US or CAD, take your pick), reliable, if unflashy, goaltending, responsible coverage in the defensive zone. All this contributed to the Canadiens mounting a 4-0 lead on the road and smiles across the boards.

The Habs’ first line was invigorated by mother’s milk with Little Tits providing an extra spark that had long gone missing in the Finding Ryder story. The Kostitsyn brothers toasted their first NHL game together by combining for a Sergei fancy pass between the legs to Andrei, in a play the two must have practiced many a times in Novopolotsk, Belarus not too long ago. While it didn’t result in a goal, the play left fans in anticipation of more brotherly chemistry. Coach Carbonneau sped that process up by seeing what the two could do on the power play together.

In his first NHL game, Litte Tits did just fine and looked far more comfortable and confident than now-Bulldog Grabovski.

Now we are left to wonder what this all means for Michael Ryder. He and his agent will soon find the right answers to that question, but if Ryder wants to play on this team he may have to settle for a spot on the Chipichura, Latendresse line, which may make sense if Ryder can find anything that resembles his past form. That kind of line can be for the Habs what the defunct Getzlaf, Penner, Perry trio was for Anaheim.

Team management may already have thrown in the towel tough on this player who never saw fit to sign for anything longer than a breath in Montreal. By all accounts, Ryder’s days in Montreal appeared to be numbered. In any event, if Sergei K’s feature presentation was a sign of things to come, Carbo will be hard pressed to take him off the first line.

This was the kind of breakout game that provides fans with the respite needed when on the verge of signing off. A couple of beautiful tic, tac, toe plays made it a fun three periods to watch in a game that saw Carey Price relegated to more of an insurance role than anything else.

Marc Streit’s two goals were another testament to an everything going right on this night type of game.

And what about Brière? I’ve seen fruit flies look more apparent on an elephant’s ass.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

What FHF Thinks About Habs' Wins in October


Dear Habs,

Thanks for yet another tremendous cock tease. October means nothing to us now. Year after year, we fall for your little scheme. After stuffing our faces with your promises during the first few weeks of the season, we're giving it all back. Today we know better.

And don't you think we're going to follow you on the Maxim Lapierre will save our pathetic souls logic. This HF was there last night, and would have rather spent the entire evening gargling with mayonnaise. You're far from a Lapierre quick fix solution. Make love to yourselves.

HF33