Giant Mexican CHicken reunited for some beach time in Florida - Panthers Preview and Open Thread

Miami! Er, Sunrise! Home of this year's Pro Bowl! Feel the excitement. Zzzzzzz. Alright, everyone to the beach!

Grab your towel and let's get wet - 7:30 PM start in Florida. It's another four-point game. Panthers are just 2 points behind the Habs in the standings, with a game in hand. Both teams coming off Saturday Night shutouts. Habs have won both games against the Panthers so far this year.

Fuck my travel agent, this hotel is only "beach access" - we're quite happy to have found our new friend over at The Rat Trick. Maybe he can put us up when we come to visit.

Hot like a Florida Beach - Jaro had a weekend to die for: 2-0-0, 0.50, .984. Slovakia for the gold! Squid of course, 5 points in his last 2 games, and some hot CHicken action, more goals in his brief Habs stint than in his entire career so far. Gio has a six-game point streak. Some props for Jaro 2.0 too. He's played much better lately. For the Panthers, really only Tomas Vokoun can be considered hot, with numbers to rival Jaro: 1-0-1, 0.48, .987 in his last 2. And he has 6 shutouts already this year.

Cold like a Florida Beach this past holiday season - Metro pointless in 5. But our really cold players, Dagger and PatCHes, are now both chilling in Hamilton. As much as one can "chill" in Hamilton. Half of Florida is cold - they aren't scoring a lot of goals. Dvorak and Reinprecht pointless in 4, McCabe pointless in 6.

Shit! That jellyfish stung me - Mara's upper body injury still not healed, and Big Tits still on the long-term shelf. Has anyone even heard about any sort of progress from him? For the Panthers, leading scorer Nathan Horton just broke his leg and is out 4-6 weeks.

Let's dive right in to tonight's Habs probable forward lines, as previewed at practice yesterday:

GMC
Squid - Pleks - MOEmaN
DarCHe Vader - Mad Max - Ben Maxwell (Mad Max 2.0?)
Urologist - Metro - Little Tits

That's, uh, intriguing. It won't last, I'm sure. No idea who the starting goalie is at this hour, but I would bet the kids' college fund on Jaro.

Post-game beach swimwear - Bikini, modeled by Alessandra Ambrosio. She's alright.

Grab a beverage with an umbrella in it and we'll see you in the comments

Fear the Situation: Jersey (Shore) Game Preview and Open Thread

Urge to kill...rising

Fresh off the shutout of Florida, the Habs host Marty Brodeur, Snooki, Zach Parise, Pauly D and The Situation in the Bell Centre. Hit the tanning salon, put on your finest Ed Hardy tee, and enjoy the trainwreck!

Waiting in line at Karma, Bamboo, or some other ridiculously named, neon filled, Guido infested Jersey Shore nightmare: RDS and the CBC will show you the goods at 7:00 pm from the Bell Centre. Habs on big one game shutout streak, Devils were on a three-game winning streak before last night's game against Tampa was called midway through because the fucking power went out. Congratulations, Jeremy Jacobs and the Boston Bruins; that time the power went out in the Boston Garden during the Finals versus the Oilers now looks slightly less embarrassing. SLIGHTLY.

Hot like Pauly D spinnin' tunes or JWoww fightin' other Jersey Shore biatches: All hail the Giant Mexican Chicken, which has given the Habs secondary scoring ... or is it primary scoring? (see below). Andrei Markov has slowed slightly, but that's gonna happen when nobody is scoring. Jaro. JAR. O. Stopped a ton of shots again. Shutout again. Kept the team alive again. Where is this team without it's goalies? Down in the Taylor Hall sweeps, that's where. For the Devils ... hmmm ... can't think of anyone who is hot other than OH, EVERYFUCKINGONE. Marty Brodeur is ageless and sets a new record every time he laces on his skates, Zach Parise should terrify every Canadian Olympic hockey fan because he and Ryan Miller give the US a puncher's chance, and Travis Zajac is the 6-3, 200 pound centre the Habs have needed since Bobby Smith left. By the way, the Devils have won 14 of their last 17 versus Montreal. Just sayin'.

Cold like Sammi when Ronnie is shakin his Guido-self on the dance floor without her: Remember the excitement when GMC started clicking and we all celebrated the arrival of secondary scoring? Well, since Big Tits went down, Pleks and Squid are scoreless in 3. Max Pac is also scoreless in 3. Matt "I've got pictures of Bob, Jacques and the Molson Brothers performing a satanic ritual with 3 CEGEP girls and a goat" D'Agostini is scoreless in fourteen fucking games. FOURTEEN. FUCKING. GAMES. He spent time on the "first" line last game. Read that last sentence again and tell me you're happy with this team's development system. For the Devils, when you are cruising along atop the conference or close to it, everyone is livin' large like The Situation in the hot tub, but Patrick Elias may finally be on a downward slope. Watch him score a hat trick tonight.

Busted like Snooki's face after the infamous punch heard round the Shore: You've probably heard the news: Big Tits has knee trouble and is out for up to six weeks. Little Tits is still a few games away, and Rhino is questionable as he returns from family matters in B.C. Jersey is missing defender Paul Martin indefinitely with a broken arm, Dainus Zubrus indefinitely with a busted kneecap, and valuable winger David Clarkson has leg issues.

Watchu lookin' at? You gotta problem wit' us?: We have no problems with our good friends the Ookies over at Interchangeable Parts. Any lovely ladies who can keep their senses of humour after willingly watching Devils hockey year after year are okay in our books. We're almost positive neither of them have hooked up with Pauly D or The Situation.

Post-game adult entertainment: Grab some Crystal and join JWoww, Snooki, The Situation, Vinny and Pauly D in the hot tub. Just make sure you take a shower afterwards.

And The Colonel Said Unto Them Thou Shalt Have Secondary Scoring - Habs 2, Panthers 0

And The Coach and The Bob did be frustrated with only the first line scoring. And lo, they turned to The Colonel for guidance.

And The Colonel doth said unto them, I have a very special CHicken growing in the Wilds of the land of ten thousand lakes. Thou needest only to give up your ill-begotten native son Gui to get him. This CHicken is special, and made in mine own image. He hath been drafted on high, but neigh I have suppressed his skills until the time of the deliverance. He is possessed of The Speed, The Size, and The Hands. These gifts will become apparent upon his return to the Holy Shrine.

And The Coach and The Bob were pleased. And they asked unto The Colonel, will you demand a sacrifice for the deliverance of the Blessed CHicken? And The Colonel respondeth I will demand the sacrifice of your two pairs of Breasts, for I need them to make my delicious nuggets with eleven herbs and spices.

And The Coach and The Bob prayed to The Colonel that at least the Breasts would be delivered some time before the Holy Time of the playoff push. And it was good.

And The Colonel delivered The Message which was thus. I will touch The Mexican and The Little Giant so that they may be healed. Thou wilst pairest them with the Blessed CHicken, and it shall be good.

So it was written, so it was done. The Coach did put the line together, and it was good. And the Giant Mexican CHicken did come forth. And in the process, did unburden the first line from the weight of the load.

And the Blessed CHicken did score. And he slayed the Cat and rescued the CHosen Team from the losing streak in the Holy Shrine.

And yet The Colonel was displeased, for his one true Franchise Saviour had been cast aside. And lo, The Colonel did deliver a goalie controversy upon them.

lap dance to Panger for the inspiration

Happy New Year's from God's Waiting Room Panthers Preview and Game Thread

The often dreaded Florida Christmas two-step continues with a visit to the suburbs of Miami to meet old friend Tomas Vokoun and the Panthers. Put down your shuffleboard stick and pay attention, or no Matlock after dinner!

Waiting in line for the $5.00 Surf and Turf Early Bird Special: It's Florida on New Year's Eve, so naturally it's a 5:00 pm start at the National Car Rental Center. Habs a totally unexpected 5 and 1 on seven game road trip, Panthers losers of last two and in the muck of the 7 to 11 crowd.

Hot as Morty Dershowitz's 22 year old grandaughter who is down for a Christmas visit: Oh look, it's the Canadiens broken record: Pleks. Squid. Big Tits. Secondary scoring alert! The Giant Mexican Chicken may become our new favourite photoshop. Andrei Markov, who loves ya, baby? Every fucking Habs fan in existence, that's who. For the Panthers, well ... they're kinda the poster children of middling, average, not-too-hot-not-too-cold. But Dominic Moore has two points in his last two, and Keith Ballard hasn't clubbed a teammate over the head for weeks, so that's something. Remember when the Habs made the choice to keep Jose Theodore over Tomas Vokoun? Ever wonder what the last ten years might have looked like if they chose differently? Yeah, me too. Vokoun still facing a ton of shots, still keeping a middling franchise in games, still deserves a chance with a real contender. The Jaro/Price Vokoun/Theo comparisons should scare everyone ... unless TFS plays every game like he did last night.

Colder than Mrs. Berenger in room 243 (CODE BLUE!!): Panthers leading scorers Stephen Weiss and Nathan Horton are both scoreless in the last few. Old Leaf whipping boy Brian McCabe is also pointless in two. Run up and down the Panthers line-up and there's a lot of arrows pointing down right now. Of course, that means their gonna shell the Habs silly. For the Habs, despite some promising signs from all three, Little Tits hasn't completely broken out of his slump, Mad Max is a press box seat waiting to happen, and seriously, who the fuck does Matt D'Agostini have pictures of? I've fucking had it with that guy.

Broken like Mr. Mendelbaum's hip after he took a spill in the dining room: Mara looks like he's still out. Hamr still limping but gamely playing on. Jaro might have pulled groin after making luv to meny meny sexy womans after his heroics last week, who knows. Florida without David Booth long-term, Dmitri Kulikov for a few more weeks, with Rosty Olesz and Cory Stillman game time decisions.

The Retirement Home Gossip: Check out LitterBoxCats, your "Florida Panthers Commentary and Discussion Colossus". You put Colossus in your own blog description, you get mentioned here. Also helps if there are NO OTHER PANTHERS BLOGS ON EARTH.

You post-game Matlock viewing and adult entertainment: Line dancing in the recreation center at 7:00. Bingo at 9:00. Fuck, the Panthers play a slapshot away from South Beach and it's New Year's Eve. Do you really need my help on this?

Happy New Year from FHF to all our lovely readers. Since I'm guessing we aren't getting Habs/Red Army '75 redux tonight, here's hoping the booze is flowing, the champagne at 12:00 is cold, and the person you kiss is hot and available.

Everyone Hates Kerry Fraser and Everyone Is Right: Sens 3, Habs 2

Look! GG11 is back, and the FHF has a new nickname for the Habs' new second line of Brian Gionta, Scott Gomez and Benoit Pouliot.

Not living in Montreal anymore, I'm not sure if the city was awakened by torch-bearing mobs bearing pitchforks and burning effigies of Kerry Fraser and Bil McCreary. It seems like everyone - even Ottawa fans - have reason to fucking hate the crappy reffing display last night. (Although check out LDude's insightful commetns in this mornign's TMS in defence of Chris Neil's disallowed goal. Good points, but that call could be made on half the goals scored these days. And this is an admission from a goalie. Lap Dance to LDude anyway, just for quoting from the NHL rule book. Lawyers love that stuff.)

Of course, as Senators Lost Cajones admits, Ottawa still needed their goalie to steal a win. Sound familiar? Well it should - so no bitching about the outcome here. Every W has been unearned on this road trip, and the Habs have 8 of 10 points to show for it.

Mostly I'm in a forgiving mood - not just because my house is finally family free, but also because the return of the Little Giant has had at least two positive effects. First, it gives the Canadiens a legitimate second line and some much needed secondary scoring. Second, it give us an excuse to come up with yet another bizarre line nickname that you,too, can use to condescend to non-FHF reading Habs fans: the Giant Mexican Chicken Line.

Looking forward to your car-industry jokes in the comments. (Think acronyms.)