Well this is it. The 100th Anniversary crap finally comes to end tonight against Boston, and we can all get on with our lives. Thank fucking god.BUT, we are not without nostalgia here at FHF! You may not be aware that the history of FHF is a direct parallel to the history of the Habs. Herewith, please join us as we stroll down blogging memory lane.
December 4th, 1909 - Two barristers and two solicitors are cavorting with prostitutes in Room 127 of the Windsor Hotel in Montreal. Through paper-thin walls, they overhear John Ambrose O'Brien discussing his new team, the Montreal Canadiens. The four decide to band together to create a "weblog" that will chronicle the foibles of the team through sarcastic humour and daguerreotypes of attractive women. Their plan hits a snag when they realize there is no such thing as the "web." A quick call to Al Gore solves that problem.
January 5th, 1910 - FHF presents the inaugural open thread for the Canadiens first game against Cobalt. Users are frustrated by their inability to telegraph fast enough to get their comments in. The most common remark published that night is ..-. ..- -.-. -.-
Late 1921 - FHF goes blue, as the word "fiddlesticks" makes its first appearance. Several users express their outrage at the use of such language, and go on to create HI/O.
October 1936 - Newly-appointed captain Albert Siebert is nicknamed "Babe Magnet" by FHF for his way with the ladies. The mainstream media picks up on it, but a typographical error in the Montreal Star the next morning drops the "Magnet" part by mistake, and the shorter "Babe" ends up sticking. Thus begins a disturbing trend of the MSM taking credit for bloggers' work.
1939-1945 - FHF goes dark as HF4, HF10 and Panger are off practicing law in World War II. HF29 gets a medical deferment for his long-standing opium addiction.
Sometime in the mid- to late-50's - HF4 introduces a character named "Jaro" who appears to be from somewhere behind the Iron Curtain. Jaro writes:
"My gad this agly pleyer Plante has so agly shark face he have to put mask to hide so agly face! Oh Plante! You so shark! Fat Bellyvo so snobb. He so “Hi I Bellyvo I have class, I eat cavyar, oh ho ho ho”. Fak you Bellyvo! And crybaby french pleyer racket Richard make me to laf so hard!!! He so slow and think everybady so scare becase he look at pleyer with big angry eyes. Hahahhaha! Oh I so scare Racket! You look to me with big mad eyes! I go hide now and you make goals meny time wile I hide. Screw you Racket! Nobady will remember your name in three weeks!!!"
Spring 1956 - Commentor moeman makes his first appearance, and immediately becomes a blog favourite with his clever song parodies. His first one starts:
One, two, three o'clock, four o'clock Rocket,
Five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock Rocket.
Nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock Rocket,
We're gonna Rocket around the rink tonight.
Put your C-H on and join me hon',
We'll have some fun when the Rocket scores one.
We're gonna Rocket around the rink tonight,
We're gonna Rock-rock-rocket, 'till broad daylight,
We're gonna Rocket around the rink tonight.
When the Rocket scores two, three and four,
If our boys slow down we'll yell for more.
We're gonna Rocket around the rink tonight,
We're gonna Rock-rock-rocket, 'till broad daylight,
We're gonna Rocket around the rink tonight.
Buoyed by the support in parody form, Habs go on to win five straight Stanley Cups.
The 1960's - in tribute to the forgotten dynasty, FHF forgets to write.
September 1974 - HF10 is frustrated with his new namesake's third straight disappointing season, and offers the following take in our 1974-75 "René Levesque Le jour pure laine" preview:
"I've fucking had it with that floater Lafleur. Pollock seriously blew it by picking that glorified cherry-picker. Three fucking years of him mincing around the perimeter in that girlie helmet, averaging 28 goals a year? Meanwhile, Marcel Dionne goes second overall, already has a 90 point season, and Pollock just sits back and smiles while this pansy Lafleur does nothing. Dionne's gonna win multiple Cups with Detroit, mark my words, and Pollock's going to look dumb as Robert Stanfield's wage and price control ideas. Lafleur's career is gonna last as long as fucking disco. 130 goals in the QMJHL? Big fucking deal. Dionne scored his points in a real league playing with St. Catherines. Pollock needs to be fired for this shit."
February 23, 1985 - Patrick Roy makes his first appearance as a Hab. FHF goaltending expert Panger had this to say in the next day's game review:
"With a struggling Doug Soetart pullled, the Habs turnd to rookey goalie Patrick Roy last night. While he got teh win and didn't allow a goal, I'm reelly not happy with him. He's gangly-looking and dosn't fill the net. His anguls are all over the place. And this crazy butterfly style he was using just wont fly. I can see why they send him to the AHL after the game. The kid really doesn't have much of a fuchure, and I can't picture anyone ever having their blog handle named after him."
June 1989 - On the heels of the invention of a new software program called "Photoshop" by upstart company Adobe, GoldenGirl11 joins the FHF squad. She is immediately dubbed "Yoko" by several readers. But she quickly wins over the skeptical crowd with her ability to morph Lanny Macdonald's mustache onto 80's video babe Tawny Kitaen, thus cheering everyone up during the painful Stanley Cup loss to the Flames:
June 9, 1993 - Commentors L Dude, kevincrumbs and Boob Gainey are all arrested for looting tube socks during the second Stanley Cup riot in less than a decade. They are bailed out by LawyerGirl77, who amazes police officers at Station 23 not with her legal arguments but her ability to sing "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music in four different keys.
December 4, 2009 - Habs lose to the Bruins after 12 hours of pre-game ceremonies leaves the team drained of all energy and the ability to give a shit. Well, more so.
Here's to 100 more years of FHF!
