Friday, February 15, 2008

Top 10 Reasons to Hate the Flyers - Because Our Top 1000 Would Take Too Long

If only that era was truly over....

The FHF is proud to present part 2 of a 31 part series (don't think you're getting off easy just because you don't have franchises, Quebec and Hartford): Top 10 Reasons why all hockey fans – not just Habs’ fans – should hate the Flyers.

Many NHL franchises have immediately identifiable characteristics: the Canadiens’ will always be the Flying Frenchmen (even when they score at a soccer-like pace); the Oilers are young and fast, the Devils defensive and boring. Meanwhile, the Philadelphia Flyers have staked a reputation of goonish thuggery and have too often given the league a figurative and literal black eye.

10. Center Bobby Clarke might be a Hall of Famer, but that doesn’t change the fact that he was a gap-toothed goon who believed winning was the only thing, to the extent that other players' safety was utterly irrelevant. Shooting pucks at goalie's heads to 'intimidate them' (back when helmets were not what they are today). The ultimate example being the vicious slash on Valery Kharlamov in the Super Series, breaking the Soviet star’s ankle. Just mind-boggling, cowardly, misguided hatred. He should be an embarrassment to all Canadians, not an idol.

9. Cooperalls, circa 1981-82. Those ugly one-piece pantleg things from the early eighties were a fashion crime against humanity. What does is say the Hartford freakin' Whalers were the only other franchise to employ such heinous attire? Go play ringette, you pussies.

8. That stupid fucking Kate Smith rendition of the anthem, which was once cool but is now so overused it borders on comical. Another glorious example of the Flyer's prediliction for not knowing when to quit.

7. Their goddamn idiot, Nazi-helmet wearing fans from the 70's. And yes we realize Ed Snider is Jewish. Only makes it more unbelievably inappropriate.

6. John LeClair and Eric Desjardins turning into superstars after the Mark Recchi trade. Lopsided trade despite Recchi being a valuable addition for several years due to LeCalir absolutely owning the Habs for the rest of his career. Plus made up 1/3 of the LEGION OF DUMB, err, DOOM line. We take small solace from Mikeal Renberg's current occupation, selling used cars in Omsk.

5. G.M. Bobby (Don’t Call me Bob) Clarke. So many reasons, but we'll rehash how he gutted the franchise for Eric Lindros, and in one of the most inexplicable scenarios if all time, turned the Big “E’ and his busy-body mom Bonnie into sympathetic figures. Plus, pieces of the Lindros trade were used by the Avs to shoplift Patrick Roy out from Rejean Houle’s goodiebag (ok fine, that was more the Habs’ fault than yours…) This is only mitigated somewhat by a) the trade blowing up in his face and b) signing the skating Gorillas, Derian Hatcher and Mike Rathje, to long-term deals.

4. The long line of street thugs the Flyers dress up in hockey gear: Bully Boulerice. Steve Downie. Deranged Hatcher. Box Car Hospodar. Wrong Hextall. Hammer (for brains) Schultz. Dupont. Clarke.

3. The 1989 Playoff attack on Chris Chelios; we realize he’s no choir boy and he had to know payback was going to be a bitch after clobbering Brian Propp with a vicious and illegal elbow. But even paranoid conspiracy-theorist Chelios couldn’t have anticipated the premeditated cornering and attack by Hextall, Ulf’s ugly stepsister Shell Samuelsson and the rest. And of course, like cowards, they with seconds left in the Flyer’s elimination game. Simply disgusting.

2. The embarrassment that is and was the Red Army/Flyers game. The fact that the Habs/Red Army New Year's game is one of – if not THE - best ever makes the Flyers actions all the more abominable.

1. President Bob Clarke standing up for Steve Downie after the clearly deranged young ‘man’ proves time and again he can’t draw the line between physicality and outright, bloodthirsty, violence. Just like his idol, Bobby Clarke.

26 comments:

HabsFan29 said...

My greatest shame is that I actually like those Cooperalls. revolutionary!

Matt D said...

Thanks for bringing this feature back: I was worried the Ranger thing had spooked you. I think Cooperalls should be higher than 9th, and the team "medical staff's" tendency to cripple their OWN players as well as the opposing team probably merits a mention, (Simon Gagne has had 3!! concussions this year) but otherwise, inspired stuff.

You need to have 32, though-- aren't there at least 10 things that suck about Winnipeg?

Habsfan10 said...

matt, the Rangers thing didn't spook us. Deciphering all the handwritten "you suck" letters and trying to explain the jokes tired us out, however. And you'd be amazed how many times you have to throw a shiny object to get some people to go away.

As for the 'Peg, we never had a problem with the Jets ... they were never in the Adams division. The Whale and Nords can still suck it, though.

chuck said...

I wouldn't worry about your mail box being inundated with "you suck" letters from the Philly faithful. Letter bombs would be a different concern, though... or at the very least a pelting of DD batteries. Not the kind of double-D's that you'd prefer, I'm sure!

Loser Domi said...

maybe this should be the song for the Flyers. It sounds like the excuse they'd use: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoCZEmfnE-M

HabsFan29 said...

good choice LD, it's never their fault!

kristin said...

I forgot how much I love to love a team that is hated!

Luckily(?) for me, I've only followed hockey and the Flyers for 759 days, so 7 out of these 10 mean absolutely nothing to me!

And I would like to congratulate you in advance for winning both games this weekend! You're welcome!

HabsFan29 said...

kristin if you keep being nice like that you'll give Flyers fans a bad name ;)

and while you may have lost 5 in a row, we have played much shittier hockey over the last 5 games, i guarantee it

kristin said...

and while you may have lost 5 in a row, we have played much shittier hockey over the last 5 games, i guarantee it

here we go again, saying your team sucks more than mine!

Trust me, nobody has played shittier hockey over the past 5 games than the Flyers. Honest.

It's been so bad that I wondered if maybe I should just become a Devils fan. That's bad, because I hate the fucking Devils!

(I can swear over here, right?)

HabsFan29 said...

fuck yeah. take a close look at the comment form!

kristin said...

fuck yeah. take a close look at the comment form!

Thank goodness!

I've noticed that my swearing has increased with each game that the Flyers fuck up. And players are starting to have "fucking" as their middle name, as in "Jim Fucking Vandermeer."

That can't be a sign that our season is going well...

HabsFan29 said...

I think Brisebois' FIRST name is Fucking by now

PPP said...

don't think you're getting off easy just because you don't have franchises, Quebec and Hartford

I shudder in fear at the thought of the Toronto ones but I am actually waiting for these two.

I think Brisebois' FIRST name is Fucking by now

If it's not already been legally changed shouldn't you guys start a petition?

Habsfan10 said...

I think we've covered our Leaf hatred plenty already ... based on our 10 Things posting schedule, we may not get to them until 2011, when we can unleash our full fury on the Stamkos/Tlusty/Kumelin starting forward line for the Eastern All-Stars.

Loser Domi said...

based on our 10 Things posting schedule, we may not get to them until 2011, when we can unleash our full fury on the Stamkos/Tlusty/Kumelin starting forward line for the Eastern All-Stars.

Yeeeah, that's it...

also, he had it comin'...

Senators Lost Cojones said...

MattD: There are many more than 10 things that suck about Winnipeg. I spent a year there one weekend. I'll tell you about it sometime. Very tragic.

HF29 and Kristin, now now, let us all behave like adults. I think you're both big enough to admit that both your teams suck. What?

habslove said...

ITS BACK! Please do the Leafs next, please?

panger76 said...

SLC: right now I think it's fair to say that - astonishingly - we can add the Red Wings to the 'suck' list.

Nadine said...

Good morning, boys!

Due to the shitty play that Kristin has already mentioned and bitched about, I took yesterday off from hockey.

And I thought I loved the Ranger post! Ha, this one's even better! :)

Glad to see you'll be acknowledging the "missing" teams. It begs a question: Will you do a Minnesota North Stars one? Yeah, they were relocated to Dallas and Minnesota now has the Wild, but I think you're up to the challenge of posting their dirt also.

And my favorite one of these will be your post about the Habs! 'Cause, dudes, when are Habs fans not bitching about their team?

Nadine said...

And yes, Bobby Clarke IS an asshole. (LOVE that label!)

HabsFan29 said...

morning Nadine! I like the day off from hockey when your team is playing like shit. must be cathartic.

the problem wih the Minnesota North Stars is that i LOVED them growing up. I had a North Stars jersey and everything!

i could not whittle down my reasons for hating the Habs internittently over the years to 10. The Reggie Houle era alone has about 6000 reasons

Sonia said...

How about the California Golden Seals? There was a team with lots to hate (& ridicule), and only one thing to love: they gave us Guy Lafleur.

joe said...

c'mon, that ron hextall attack on chelios was one of the best moments ever. if anybody's the coward, it was chelios for the vicious elbow where he left his feet. that was disgusting.

and for another great hexy moment, remember when he checked mark recchi the first game he played the flyers on montreal? classic!

K-Mart said...

so i realize this is two months after the post, but i've got to agree with joe, i laugh every time i see that hextall attack on chelios. i realize that philly's penchant for violence dictates my love for players like hextall, but come on, who can hate a goalie like him? he always kept the games entertaining and i will always have fond memories of my dad hurling the remote across the room while screaming at the t.v. "HEXTALL GET BACK IN THE FUCKING NET"

Pelle Schultz said...

Amusing list. But Clarke didn't make the Lindros deal. That was done by the hack (Russ Farwell) who took over between Clarkie's two stints, and is very possibly one of the few GMs who could ever make Clarke look like a genius by comparison.

bleedOrange said...

here's another reason:

The flyers are taking the habs out in 5! Biron owns you!

Better luck next year...