Sunday, March 21, 2010

Leafs 3 - Habs 2 (SO) & FHF EXCLUSIVE


TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA - - The National FHF Enquirer has obtained EXCLUSIVE text messages sent from Toronto Maple Leafs General Manager Brian Burke to then Calgary Flames’ defenceman Dion Phaneuf – some 10 days BEFORE the trade that brought Phaneuf to the Leafs was completed. These texts reveal several private, super-secret meetings between Phaneuf and Burke.

“This is damning evidence against Mr. Burke and the Leafs organization”, said Calgary Flames GM Darryl Sutter, “but that doesn’t mean we want that overrated pric back. But another draft pick would be nice. The Leafs give ’em away all the time anyway. ”

One series of texts, revealed below, exposes Burke’s desperation for a physical, hard-hitting, all-around truculent defenceman. Another exposes how the trade almost fell through when the two secret buddies were almost caught by a Calgary real estate developer and friend of unnamed Flames’ brass – an episode which, according to anonymous insiders, would have scuttled the deal due to Sutter’s notorious obsession with not allowing any leaks of deals to the media.

Unfortunately Phaneuf’s phone records only contained messages received from Burke – or “Burkie” as he appears in Phaneuf’s contact list – leaving Phaneuf’s role in the relationship conveniently unknown. Some have speculated this is yet another step in Burke’s attempt to forget the whole episode – along with the fact he has to pay Phaneuf $6.5M a year for the next four seasons.

Here are the unedited excerpts of those texts:

Burkie: Sent: 05:46 PM 01/20/2010:
Heading back from the rink now. How close are you?
Burkie:Sent: 06:01 PM 01/20/2010:
I will leave an envelope at the front desk under “Mr. Daniels.” Your room will be 305. Get settled and let me know when you are ready to see me. I will be in room 201. Make sure absolutely no one sees you.
Burkie:Sent: 06:18 PM 01/20/2010:
Oh i know. Not at all. Just glad and suprised i can do that to get you.
Burkie:Sent: 06:53 PM 01/20/2010:
How close are you? Hurry:) What do you want to eat
Burkie:Sent: 07:10 PM 01/20/2010:
Anything simple. No turkey unless it's a club sandwich
Burkie:Sent: 07:38 PM 01/20/2010:
Head to the elevators and go to the door, it will be open with the dead bolt. I have to get back here to wait for the food.
Burkie:Sent: 07:47 PM 01/20/2010:
Sweet. Dont come down here yet. Lots of people in the hall. I will let you know when it clears
Burkie:Sent: 08:35 PM 01/20/2010:
There is a room service cart in my hall. Be careful
Burkie:Sent: 09:06 PM 01/20/2010:
Come on down. Its quiet here in the hall now
I want to you be on our team. I need that so bad. Now:)
We need to wear Calgary down

Burkie:Sent: 03:32 PM 01/21/2010:
I have no idea. I would love to have the ability to make them trade
Burkie:Sent: 03:35 PM 01/21/2010:
In a week. I will try to wear them down
Burkie:Sent: 03:36 PM 01/21/2010:
After i trade you better start sucking less and playing hard

Burkie:Sent: 04:24 PM 01/22/2010:
Ok. Now your talking. Whatever i want. You are mine
Burkie:Sent: 04:39 PM 01/22/2010:
Whatever else turns you on. You tell me what you like
Burkie:Sent: 04:48 PM 01/22/2010:
You are. Always will be. Don't trust people

Burkie:Sent: 04:21 PM 01/23/2010:
Where do you want to be playing

Burkie:Sent: 03:37 PM 01/25/2010:
Do you ever hook up with other teammates girls?
Burkie:Sent: 03:38 PM 01/25/2010:
You didnt answer the question
Burkie:Sent: 03:38 PM 01/25/2010:
Really. You. You have done just about everything havent you
Burkie:Sent: 03:39PM 01/25/2010:
Never done it. I think i would get stage freight Maybe
I will be over in 10mins
Burkie:Sent: 03:40 PM 01/25/2010:
Why dont you come over here now instead
Let me know when you leave your room

Burkie:Sent: 10:40 AM 01/27/2010:
Guys from calgary. Investors. So my real estate agent being [sic] suggested that we go back to my room at the mansion for lunch. He doesnt know about us, obviously
Burkie:Sent: 12:06 PM 01/27/2010:
Oh my god. If they were with me. You would have ruined everything
I told you. Oh my god. I cant believe what just happened
Burkie:Sent: 12:08 PM 01/27/2010:
Don't Fucking talk to me. You almost just ruined the whole deal. If my agent and these guys would have seen you there, Fuck

Burkie:Sent: 04:24 PM 01/30/2009:
Ok. Now your talking. Whatever i want. You are mine
Burkie:Sent: 04:02 PM 01/30/2010:
I want you to treat them rough. Throw them around, spank and slap them
Slap their face. Treat them like a dirty little loudmouth. Put your stick in their back and then shove it down their throat
Burkie:Sent: 04:10 PM 01/30/2010:
Then tell to shut the Fuck up while your slap their face and pull their hair for making noise
Burkie:Sent: 5:00 PM 01/30/2010:
I really do want you to be rough with them. Slap them around and punish them . I want them to beg for you to stop. Hurt them all over to convince them to let you have the puck

Burkie:Sent: 07:43 PM 01/31/2010:
Great thing is we have a life time of this

Oh, and the Sky is Falling, the Leafs won in a shootout and the Habs blew a chance to move up to 5th. At least the sky will be falling while the Habs play in the first round of the playoffs and still get to pick a guy in the first round of the draft this summer. Bitter? Me? Nah. Your Comments?

26 comments:

HFF33 aka Panger said...

Once again the text is dwarfed by the photo. Great job GG11.

moeman said...

heh, I feel dirty after reading all that.

Also, did McSplooge put the mayo in Phanoof's club sammich?

Go you fucking Habs!

HabsFan29 said...

with the tears im laughing. well done PanGGer

i embiGGened the pic with my blogging magic but it's still worth clicking if you cant read it all

GoldenGirl11 said...

I'm a tag... in the same sentence as 'boobs are ginormous'! Joslyn James, great porn star name.

Team effort, 33. HILARIOUS!

RiRi said...

You guys owe me a new keyboard!

This blog`s awesomeness(is that even a word?) knows no bounds!

You continuously outdo yourself, GG!

b said...

Actually, the Coyotes are moving to Winnipeg and Fargo. They will play in Fargo when UND is out of town. The new team name maybe Métis. They will get special funding from a casino at the Turtle Mountain Reservation. ... and the Avalanche is moving to St. Foy. Atlanta is moving to Salt Lake. Omaha is campaigning for one of the Florida franchises. And if the Islanders don't start drawing... Hartford.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@RiRi
Thanks. Tiger's making it easy for everyone.

RiRi said...

Speaking of Tiger, anyone see his interview that aired tonight?

Haven`t seen it but wondering if I should waste some time looking for it online...

Van Hab said...

This is what keeps me coming back. Praise Allah.

Number31 said...

I knew it. Guess that's why it was so easy for Pleks to one-hand judo-throw Phaneuf. His boobs made him top heavy.

Anonymous said...

Hey, it was 3-2. not 2-1.

HabsFan29 said...

@anon - good point. we should at least get the score right. fixed on Panger's behalf, thx

soperman said...

The nerve of the Leave fans in my office (mail room - hmm, maybe that's why I never get my mail) to come up and try and razz me.

I asked if the win took them out of last place. Apparently they are only in last place if ignore the western conference.

What a boloterc!

bea.habs.fan said...

@Riri
caught highlights of the Woods interview this morning.
total puff piece (it has PR all over it) Woods is answering questions almost before they are asked and the tone of the interviewer is that of a mother whose kid scraped his knee.
I wish they'd put to bed this story once and for all.

kudos to GG and Panger for divertin git to better uses.

Anonymous said...

Forget Woods. There's a new curler hottie. I think the olympic MILF has been replaced by Jennifer Jones

Kmaxx said...

Huge kudos to Panger for an awesome effort on a Monday morning. Another reason why this blog is so far above anything else out there...

Saturday night was not pretty, but I'm not going to get too worked up over it. Something went askew with the PP and we'll be fixing that real soon. And the S/O reflected the same probem we had all night...say it with me in unison (because I know, after Saturday night you are all thinking it TOO)...SHOOT THE FUCKING PUCK! There is no law against having more than 10 shots a period and it should almost be made mandatory in shoot out situations...

lawyergirl77 said...

Can't... breathe...laughing!!!

This was seriously EPIC, Panger. Feeling totally dirty thinking of Burkie in that way.
And GG - still cracking up at Phanoof's face on that overinflated Barbie Doll. And the Brangelina pic.

Seriously - awesome.

Another thing that was awesome - HF10's "Hockey Sweater" preview. I only just read it (was in Ottawa all weekend). And the pic.

Thank you for making Mondays less painful!!

Patrick said...

Major boost on the suck-o-meter this morning.

I was surprised it was at 0 yesterday. After losing to the Lafs, even though the Habs played at a walk, I figured it'd be at least 5.

My cousin tried to razz me too with a "Go leafs go". I told her I hoped Boston enjoyed their draft picks.

RiRi said...

Take this with a grain of salt but Marinaro reports Squid and The Urologist BOTH back in the lineup tonight!!!

So who sits? My money`s on Pyatt and Laps...

Patrick said...

Maybe about time that TFS gets a start? Jaro wasn't exactly lights out Saturday...

RiRi said...

Apparently Halak starts...

J.T. said...

Yeah, I'm noticing Jaro isn't around here much these days. I guess he's not as pissed off as usual now that he's the number-one goalie.

wrap around curl said...

Bravo. I applaud you.

Also, on ONTD the whole turkey sandwich is a meme of its own. I think the most surprising thing about the texts was how terrible Tiger's grammar is. And what a boner killer that is.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@wrap
Not just any turkey. A club sandwich. This is just a guess but the gazillion dollars in Tiger's bank account probably made up for his bad grammar. And if it didn't, you're forgetting that Ms. James is an actress. A really really good actress.

HFF33 aka Panger said...

@GG11: my favorite "actress", in fact!

Please note the enormous air quotes around actress.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@33
I thought Joslyn James was your favorite "actress" because of her ginormous air quotes.