Wednesday, September 08, 2010

Habs now only 8 short of a minyan just in time for Rosh Hashanah

The Montreal Canadiens, recognizing right before the high holidays they were well short of the ten Jewish players required by the Talmud to publicly pray to Adonai the Hockey God, yesterday added Jeff Halpern to double the number of mensches in the locker room. In addition to his praying duties, Halpern is expected to fill the role of 3rd or 4th line center given the departures of The Dominictrix and Métro, as well as providing some veteran leadership in the spirit of Moses. At a reported $600k for a year, Halpern was quoted as stating "what can I say? I like a good bargain just as much as the next guy."

Mike Cammalleri was said to be thrilled with the news. "With this signing, I'm that much closer to being able to show off my shofar-blowing skills. I know we're still eight short, but it's ok, I've got some cousins we can call and they'll be right over."

Bertrand Raymond could not be reached for comment. Happy 5771 everyone.


GoldenGirl11 said...

Apparently Halpern sat out a game on Yom Kippur once. I think we should call him Koufax.

And in keeping with the holiday theme... Jeffrey, you go all the way to Princeton and you couldn't become a doctor like HF29's cousin Ronald?

It's only 4:15 and I'm already full.

Homme Orange said...

You know this site is blocked by the wifi network at Alexis Nihon? You're infamous. Bell is making me wait a full week for some guy to flip a switch to get my internet going. I'm doing my best to stay up to date with the dark void of nothingness going on in HabsLand, though.

Mazel tov!

HFF33 aka Panger said...

Oh, I miss Montreal. The only way I know about The Rosh in Calgary is from my desk calendar.

Number31 said...

Shana tova y'all. Loblaws was out of chicken. Our dinner was kind of meh...

Le Douze said...

JT had a good article about special teams that I just saw. Great point about PFK's right handed shot - I hadn't thought about that. Do we have anyone else (other than Swiss Miss 2.0) that has a LH heater shot, now that we don't have the Urologist?

Anyway, I guess it's moot until Vodkov's knee heals, which I guess will be a couple of weeks into the season. Until then I guess PFK will be the distributor. Maybe Weber will get the call up for a few weeks, and when Count Chocula put Big Sexy in the press box for his first mistake, we can have PFK on left point and Yani on the right point on the PP. Like that's gonna work.

WV: I'm gonna be "peesedl" if the Habs can't figure out how to make the PP work with PFK and Vodkov.

lawyergirl77 said...

Let's have some grassy knoll fun today, kids!

I got my tix in the mail yesterday. On the package cover, there were five hockey players: Gio, Gorges, Squid, Marky, Gomez and Price.

Gorges was in the middle. The spot reserved for zee keptin (traditionally). Marky was in that spot last year.

He's also the only non-star (although that's arguable) on the cover.

Gio and Marky both had their "A" on their sweaters.

Anyone else thinking that the boy from B.C. is at the top of a verrry short list for the "C" this year?

Or am I just delusional from lack of hockey/trial prep?

lawyergirl77 said...

Apparently I can't count.

[begin Count voice]

There were six. SIX hockey players on zee cover. HA HA HA HA HA

[/voice, turns into bat and flies away]

moeman said...

lg77 can't count.

moeman said...

I type slow.

Stinky said...

@ LG - you're not alone or delusional re Gorges = captain.

Chester said...

I think Josh would make a good Captain. In keeping with the Saku tradition of a non francofone parlaier. Should keep Bertie busy.

HabsFan29 said...

Gorges will be a great captain. In 3 years.

GoldenGirl11 said...

What shul do you go to? Very strict at mine. Women and men sit separately and absolutely no blogging allowed. You're SO lucky.

Anonymous said...

Quick question:
Here in Halifax there have been a series of swarmings. Groups of kids beating people up and stealing shit. If it turns out those kids are Jewish (I assume there are Jewish kids here), would it then be schwarmings? Just curious.

Oh yeah. Bruins suck ass. Leafs are just sad. Go Habs.


Orangeman said...

@Anon: If it's Muslim kids it's Shawarma.


@LG: I support Gorges for C and I don't think you're too crazy for thinking it. A little crazy, but not too much. But a little crazy is good.

orangeman said...

And by 'Anon' I mean 'LD' of course.

Le Douze said...

Josh has the right stuff for the "C", but I think I'm with 29 --maybe not this year, even though I chose 26 for my beer league jersey number last year. (Something about the quiet, understated dependibility sounded just right, even though I could never have a fucking hope in hell of carrying Josh's water.) For me i's Gio for "C"... he's dependable, he can score, he can kill penalties if called on, he works his fucking ass off every shift, he can string 2 words together, and he's been around the block a few fucking times. I'm not sure that having the erudition of Squid is a prerequisite for the pot. I know that having the heart of a lion is, and I'm pretty sure that Gio has it. I'd have no problem with Josh (would be over the moon, in fact), or nor with Markov, nor even with some other guys. (Travis Moen shows huge heart, you could do worse, though I don't think he can take control of a game the way some of the other guys can do.)

How many hours until training camp?

Anonymous said...

Nice one Orange. mmmmm shawarma.....bring it on kids.

LD said...

at this point of the calendar, I don't care about the finer points of who would make the best C.
i just want the fucking season to start !!!!!

I just hope that the fact that the coach is choosing the C is not going to screw the locker room chemistry

Oleg Petrov said...

Re the C - Gomez was taking French classes at some point last year. We can pretend that's irrelevant but the sand gets in my ears.

moeman said...


Never been a big Bluet fan and seeing as he is now part of the ANTI-CHambre gang, it'll be interesting to see if he kept any class he garnered whilst being a Hab. Oh, and there's that Patrick Roy behind the benCH thing that lead to Casseau being traded to the old Nordz...

Anyways, coupla tings about Bluet's first RDScribblings:

"Et parlant de sujets chauds, je ne pourrais commencer cette première chronique sans vous entretenir sur le dossier du retour des Nordiques"

It isn't a hot story. The media makes like it is a hot story. Its barely a lukewarm story, unless you wrap yourself in some pure wool. Only then does one's crotch start to sweat. Otherwise I agree that until the QMJHL cranks out some better players, the % of Quebecois draftees will not increase, no matter how loud rejean tremblay and his sheep scream.

"Le Canadien a pris une bonne décision en offrant à son jeune gardien un contrat de deux ans d'une valeur de 5,5 millions $. En fonction du marché, c'était le prix à payer. Carey Price a tout le talent pour connaître une bonne saison."

I agree 100% but I'm a bit surprised that an insider hockey guy has no real clue who Lars Eller is. Do some homework, cuz Dave Morrissette does.

"j'avais été impliqué dans une bagarre avec Glenn Sather"

Bluet, next time try harder.


"je suis persuadé"

Please Bluet, don't let this be your "je suis convaincu(l)"