Wednesday, December 16, 2009

CHappy CHanukkah to Squid and everyone - Devils preview and open thread

As I am sure you all know, tonight is the all-important 6th night of the Jewish Festival of Lights. It's important because it's when all the little Jewish kids go "FUCK, we only have two more days of presents" just before mom slaps the kid and says "in Africa, they don't even get presents!" thus starting the kid down a path of a lifetime of Jewish guilt. It's true, it happened to me when I was young. Us Jews are all about tradition. So grab yourself some of the traditional Hanukkah fare of fried calamari and let's plotz all over this preview.

Waiting for the messiah - 7 PM start from the swamps of Jersey. First meeting of the teams this year. Habs on a 3-game losing streak, all by 1 goal, while the Devils are 8-2 in their last 10. Oy.

Awesome shiksas - first Devils game of the year so we get to re-acquaint ourselves with the awesome librarian-ness and awesome cooking tips of the awesome Ookies over at the awesome Interchangeable Parts. Did I mention about the awesome?

Hotter than the oil to fry your latkes - SquidPleksTits, SquidPleksTits, SquidPleksTits.

Cold like your mom when you don't call. Why don't you call? All I ask is a phone call once a week. Is that too much to ask? - Little Tits now pointless in 6.

Hot like the 7 flames on the menorah tonight - Elias, Parise, blah blah blah. One of the greatest goalies of all time, blah blah blah. Oh, he's going for the record 104th career shutout. He'll get it tonight, it's only fitting.

Cold like your mom when you aren't married yet over the age of 40. Mein gott! All my friends have at least 6 grandchildren. And what have you given me? NOTHING. I HAVE NO SON. - see 8-2 in their last 10 note above, no one really cold for the Devils.

Oy gevalt, my back. Call Uncle Morty to get me an appointment with his orthopedist - the usual. Rumours have Benoit Pouliot playing with the Bulldogs this weekend. Some quick line juggling, with Mad Max to the 3rd line for some hot Max and Max action, with Métro down to the 4th. TFS with the start.

Post-game adult entertainment - Jews don't talk about sex.

Please enjoy some foods fried in oil in the comments

84 comments:

Master of the Obvious said...

You're the fucking, man. Haha.

Going to the game. Will now have odd craving for calamari that I can't find at Prudential Center.

That is all.

GoldenGirl11 said...

I don't even know where to begin. I'm having a lot of nachas right now.
חג שמח

lehab said...

As ususal you make me laugh. As a w.a.s.p. growing up in little Israel, i can relate to that great preview. oy. I now look forward to another great MOEmaN parody. CHappy CHanukkah and Merry CHristmas to all!

L Dude said...

All the Jewish comedians out of work and all the money spent so you could become 'a lawya', and this is how you thank me?! OY!

Sorry for the bad Jewish mother impression. What do you expect from an Irish Catholic with a hint of French and Migmaw!

Amazingly, I haven't heard Adam Sandler on the radio this year. Bigots. Heh. That just made me remeber the Bigot Family on Bizarre. What an awesome show.

moeman said...

I'm not even Jewish and I loved that Kosher preview. Your Mom should be proud HF29.

Oh and um, nice Dreidels GG.

WV = pulla, as in I fucking hope the Habs don't pulla too many penalties out of their PP giving asses but I do hope the Devils need to pulla their goalie but fail to tie the game.

Boob Gainey said...

Great preview.

For post-game adult entertainment I recommend Exotica on Park near Laurier, in honor of the Mile End Hasidic community (although none of its members would ever patronize such an establishment ...).

Habsfan10 said...

29's a fucking mensch.

Michael said...

All hail GG! The letters stand for Gorgeous trinesedGenius. And let's see if Reb Michael can score on the road.

Moey said...

Not a big fan of the deep fryer. Grilled octopus...yum.

moeman said...

Blue CHristmas

We’ll have a blue CHristmas without Vodkov
We’ll be so fucking blue just thinking about him
Decorations of red are my wrists slit for thee
Won’t be the same Andrei, if you’re not there for me

And when my blue heartache starts melting
That’s when those Gionta memories start calling
We’ll be doing alright with you in CHristmas blue, red and white
If not then we’ll have just a blue, blue, blue, blue CHristmas

We’ll be doing alright in our CHristmas pants so tight
Without you we’ll have a blue, blue, blue-balled CHristmas

Thank ya, thank ya very mensCH .

gillis said...

מכנסיים

GoldenGirl11 said...

@gillis
Well done! Wish I thought of that. Maybe I'll blog in hebrew tonight.
Kol Ha'cavod

moeman said...

heh@gillis

lawyergirl77 said...

+ Whatever-fucking-year-it-is-according-to-the-Hebrew-Calendar for Gillis!!

Legendary preview and pic - kudos to 29 and GG11!!

GoldenGirl11 said...

5770 LG. Go get your app on the iphone!

offspace said...

@laywergirl11

best psd work yet! go pants!

Anonymous said...

Just a question, why vodkov?

gillis said...

Lawyergirl11? Did LG77 and GG11 adopt a baby?

GoldenGirl11 said...

Now give it to me in hebrew, gillis

HabsFan29 said...

alright, walked in just in time, go pants!

+1's to gillis for the comment and moe for the parody

ok, maybe Marty is nervous? HAHAHAHAHA

lehab said...

another huge crown in thw swamp

lehab said...

too many drinks.... ** crowd in the swamp**

lehab said...

hic

HabsFan29 said...

@anon btw, Markov + Vodka. i don't think it's any more complicated than that. tho moeman who invented it may have a deeper explanation

HabsFan29 said...

WHY RHINO WHY

gillis said...

ילדה עשר עורך דין? הבחורה לא שבעים ושבע, עורך דין בחורה זהב עשר לאמץ תינוק?

HabsFan29 said...

as my hebrew sucks (read: non-existent) i hit up Google translate:

Ten child lawyer? The girl did not seventy-seven, a lawyer girl ten gold to adopt a baby?

good one gillis!

moeman said...

Vodkov = what HF29 typed, plus the linked pic tells a tail or two ... and Andrei is Russian, the land of the clear, odourless liquid that puts the screw in your driver.

moeman said...

Goog's Yiddish version is even better;

Girl ten Editor law? The guy did not mucus ushbe, Editor law student gold ten saying baby?

HabsFan29 said...

god i love that pic moe. ovie + vodkov + russian whores = comedy gold

HabsFan29 said...

ok, new drinking game. Habs get a penalty, finish your glass. we'll be tanked in 10 minutes

moeman said...

Yup, the Vodkov pic is classic. Not sure who has the nicer thighs, the blitzed OV or his gal pal.

~~~

Speaking of blitzed, BB just mentioned Gu:(, drink!

moeman said...

MOEmaN!!!!!!

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK YEAH!!!!!

Marty looks shaky!

Massive Tits said...

Watching the PK all night, so far, is boring me (minus the SHG, obviously)...SO:

Pleks, TFS, Squid.

If you had to marry one, fuck one, & kill the other, What do you do?

HabsFan29 said...

@ M Tits - you cant kill any of them now, they're the only ones who can score.

meanwhile, our $8 million man is playing with Pyatt and Metro. not what he signed up for

oh god a pathetic penalty. and get the number right ref!

HabsFan29 said...

ok i guess i'll take that period. but the penalties. geez

Massive Tits said...

Well, I'm thinking if Gomez was involved in the trio, it becomes waaay too easy to decide who to kill. Remember when Sather signed him to that monstrosity of a deal & everyone laughed uncontrollably.
Where was Gainey that week?

HabsFan29 said...

Mario Tremblay is really starting to look like he's getting on in years

HabsFan29 said...

we're on our way to get to double digit penalties tonight! woohoo!

moeman said...

Squirrely ref storing his nuts for the winter.

Massive Tits said...

Wait!! You mean the other team can take penalties too? I was starting to think it was exclusive to The Habs.

HabsFan29 said...

that's some Montreal-level booing for ex-players there on Gomez. nice

HabsFan29 said...

please god not Hamr

HabsFan29 said...

Urologist gonna be our #1 D soon

HabsFan29 said...

what the fuck was that

moeman said...

Not if we call up Subban.

ack!

moeman said...

brunet is Peeairish sickening.

Ronan said...

What the fuck just happened.

HabsFan29 said...

who was that masked scorer with all the "k"'s in his name?

moeman said...

Pikkarainen

Ronan said...

I dunno, but apparently it was his first career goal. Of course.

Hamrlik just has a bruise, right? And bruises go away after a day or two, right?

... right?

gillis said...

pikkakakanein: למצוץ נען שלי

lehab said...

rhino is playing as well as last year now...all ha needs to do is pot an empty netter

gillis said...

PS. why does Massive Tits have such a good name. From now on, call me שתים עשרה אינץ '

Massive Tits said...

There is still time for tiny tits. The youngest Kostitsyn brother!

שתים עשרה אינץ ' said...

Its okay, i relate more to שתים עשרה אינץ '

GoldenGirl11 said...

I have a sudden hankering for felafel and an uzi
@Shtyim (MT)
I'm gonna put in a call to Israel to get a confirmation on that free translation for you.

HabsFan29 said...

whew for Hamr

HabsFan29 said...

oh fuck i jinxed it

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Massive
חזה גדול is more accurate but it's singular. Odd as it may seem I'm not sure if it's feminine or masculine which changes the suffix. This is my best guess

שתי חזות הגדולות

HabsFan29 said...

i swear i just heard the name Laracque for the first time. he's playing? really?

שתים עשרה אינץ ' said...

HF29: he's the reason metro took the shot on the 2 on 1 instead of the pass in the first period

moeman said...

From Robert Browning with a slight edit;

Who strive - you don't know how the others strive
To paint a little thing like that you smeared
Carelessly passing with your robes afloat,-
Yet do much less, so much less, Someone says,
(I know his name, no matter) - so much less!
Well, less is more,
Brunet.

HabsFan29 said...

ha, well done moe.

he'll never shut up

HabsFan29 said...

i'm not happy

שתים עשרה אינץ ' said...

fuck

moeman said...

I'm blue.

orangeman said...

If they're going to lose all the time, at least change it up a bit. Let's not lose in the final minutes for once. Positive is they didn't do it while PK this time.

Massive Tits said...

Can anyone explain what it feels like to be proud of your team, please?
I feel like we, fans, put more intensity into these games than the players.
Like usual.

moeman said...

Ugly loss.

Ronan said...

@ MT
They DO play with intensity... some of them, anyway. The problem is that the less-intense ones take so many fucking penalties that TurtleSquidTits doesn't have the time or the legs to get going (Pleks is out killing himself for 5 minutes straight on the PK while Squid and Tits are getting blood clots in their legs on the bench). That, and we need another winger pronto.

Yeah, Price kinda sucked tonight, but only allowing 2 goals against should be enough for a regulation win on most nights.

שתים עשרה אינץ ' said...

hey just don't play with enough umpf

Massive Tits said...

@Ronan
Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to paint the entire team with the 'lack of intensity' brush, because there are some out there playing like they want to win.
In every hockey game there is a moment where a team can completely swing the momentum & the game in their favor. You rarely see it from this team, and seemingly never on the road.
At the very least, we're not Leaf fans.

Meaning we have souls.

Moey said...

Watch the tenderness get a hattie tomorrow night. *yawn*

Anonymous said...

Let`s look at the positives;

NO A SINGLE PENALTY IN THE THIRD!

Progess!

Ronan said...

@ MT
You make a good point - and I can't help but feel it has to do with how passive our forwards are. If there was one thing Bégin/MadMax/Greek Lightening/FrankTheTank were good at, it was laying out a guy and re-energizing the bench. We just don't have that this year (White does, but he's in Hamilton so BGL can take his 5-minute warmup skate).

Anonymous said...

@Moey

I think I had that nightmare last night!

Anonymous said...

Jesus. And what point does Gomez make the cold list? How bad does this $8 million man have to be?

Massive Tits said...

@Ronan
Exactly!! We don't have any crash & bangers. Pretty sure there is an easy Mexican/banger joke in there.
When was the last time we've had a big hit?
We've turned into an anti-puck possession, peripheral, wait for a mistake type of team.
BGL IS brutal, I don't see how dressing him makes the CH any more competitive.

...and can someone please tell me what TFS stands for? I've only been around here since the beginning of the free agent signings and I have no idea what CP31's nickname stands for..

שתים עשרה אינץ ' said...

@MT: The Franchise Saviour

Massive Tits said...

@'Hebrew'
That was actually my guess. Thank you.
Well, until tomorrow. Take care all.


Oh, and...fuck Cam Neely. :)

orangeman said...

Dear Bob,

Please don't trade Halak.

Yours truly,
Realistic Habs Fans Everywhere

Anonymous said...

Good point on RDS:

Gainey has to be insane not to, at least, try to sign Pleks. The guy is our first-line center, plays on the PP, kills penalties...

Also, notice that after Pleks (34 pts) and Squid (30 pts), nobody has more than 19 pts... Secondary scoring problem much?