Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Lawd, Mr. Goat-shay, I don't know nuthin' 'bout winnin' no Stanley Cup - Habs/Thrash Preview and Open Thread

I can't photoshop for shit, so pretend that Tara in the background looks like the Bell Centre and that the clouds in the sky look like a Habs logo and a Thrashers logo. COME HOME GG11!!! We miss you!!!!

Okay, okay, I know that the Habs are still in playoff contention, they're in sixth place, sky hasn't fallen yet etc. etc. I wasn't expecting squat in terms of trades yesterday (as usual). I know that the cupboard is basically bare in Hamilton and in terms of draft picks (having seemingly traded away most of our 2nd round picks from now until 2050). It would absolutely have been galactically stupid to mortgage the future for a present that would only have seen maringal improvements at best.


But, dammit, since when is "competent" good enough in professional sports?


Being satisfied with competence is a symptom of the complacency that has infected this team and its management. After all, why should they care? Habs Nation will continue to put butts in (increasingly expensive) seats, hoping for a repeat of last year's playoff miracle. And so, they jack up the prices 40% for playoff tickets and idiots like me continue to sign on the dotted line. To quote a person whose opinion I respect and cherish: "Go make love to yourselves, Canadiens de Montréal."

Word.

Don't get me wrong - I'm hoping for a miracle too. Hell, my fellow bloggers and I have given up what little goddamned free time we have to write for a Habs fan blog. We do this because we love this team way more than is healthy.

I sure as shit ain't doing it for the strippers or the meth that 29 keeps promising.

When I thought about the fact that the Habs were visiting Atlanta tonight, I thought of something else that was built on delusions of grandeur based on a glorified (and increasingly distant) past and worship of things that are pretty on the outside, but rotten on the inside. Much like the old South needed to get slavery spanked out of it once and for all by the Yankees, I'm worried that the only way that the Habs are going to get smacked out of this complacency is to get their own spanking and finish dead last in the NHL. Maybe then, only 21,271 fans will show up for a game...

... who the heck am I kidding? We only have to look to Leafs Nation if we want to catch a glimpse of our future. Mediocrity veering on suckitude, however heartbreaking, still their arena. The same thing would happen here. And, because I'm a weak-willed sap when it comes to this team, I'll be one of the suckers still ponying up for season tickets.

Frankly, my dear Habs, you're making it hard to give a damn.


************************

Waiting for the Yankees to show up: Game at 7:00 PM in Atlanta at the Philips Arena, home to the 3rd lowest attendance in the NHL, ahead only of the Isles and Yotes. But a hockey team in Quebec City, Winnipeg, Hamilton [insert other Canadian city here] wouldn't be viable. Riiight. Speaking of complacency...

Cousin Melanie from Atlanta: I don't want to link to another SB nation blog, so I'll link to a fellow Blogger victim: The Thrashers 411. They haven't updated their site in, like, a month. Maybe they decided to blow up their computer too after Blogger refused to fucking re-size their goddamned pictures/ate one of their posts... Not that I'm bitter, or anything.

Hot, like Vivien Leigh in that green dress (no, not that one, this one): Whoa. The Thrash have won both their meetings (home and away) against the Habs so far this year. That doesn't bode well. What also doesn't bode well? Apparently Big Tits is one of the Habs' hottest players, along with Squid. Funny - neither ever has to play on a line with Scott Gomez... Nah. Gotta be a coincidence, couldn't possibly be a sign that someone needs to have his Mexican-Alaskan ass benched or at least find his ice time reduced.

Burnt to the ground like Twelve Oaks: Who's cold? No one. No one at all. I have no idea what you're talking about. No passengers on this here bus, no siree. This team is competent. COMPETENT. *mumbling to herself* *twitching*

Casualty lists! Git yer casualty lists: DarCHe still out, along with Spacek and two key D-men whose brilliance is starting to fade into a lovely memory. If Carey Price has the flu, why isn't he in bed with a bowl of chicken noodle soup? Why is he sitting on a stool a) getting sicker and b) infecting the rest of the team??

Carried up the staircase in order to be ravished: Who knew that Atlanta was apparently known as the "Strip Club Capital of America"? Looks like Georgia Peaches really are delicious...

Feeling that tomorrow is another day? Determined to never go hungry (for a win) again? Wanting to test out your brand new flame thrower? Talk about it in the comments...

152 comments:

moeman said...

Oscar-worthy stuff lg.

I won a free coffee!!!

GYFHG!

Also, don't go to tsn.ca

Steve said...

Have mercy Lawyergirl did you have to put those Mex links up. How come everything in the current Habs competence comes back to Mex. We could have two Saku's instead of one Mex, OMG, as much as I like Gainey that has to be the worst Habs move since Roy, and right up there with taking Wickenhauser first overall.

Maybe just maybe Mex will show up in the playoffs and prove again the regular season is just a cash grab.

HabsFan29 said...

well said all round LG!

competence is the new truculence

Moey said...

Well fiddle dee dee that was a fine preview MIss LG.

moeman said...

Thrashers are birthin' a Bulldogs baby, Ben Maxwell called up.

Steve said...

the only way Chocula will survive, is if Maxwell has a carbon fiber stick.

Habsfan10 said...

Who knew that Atlanta was apparently known as the "Strip Club Capital of America"?

I'm gonna guess 29 knew that, or is currently on expedia booking flights.

lawyergirl77 said...

@Moe - The fact that I had a moment of "fuck off! you won a coffee you lucky bastard!!" when I read your post is a sign that Timmies owns my soul. Sniff.

@Steve - The fact that Gomer was the first brick in the foundation for this new team disturbs me greatly. On one hand - I loves me some Gio, Squid, Gill etc. On the other hand... Gomez. *Shudder* Does that mean that the foundation is rotten and we have to start all over again next year??

"Competence is the new truculence" - can we put that on a Demotivational poster with a picture of the goat?

Moey - I'll think about your lovely compliment tomorrow. :)

moeman said...

lg, I claimed un 'très grand', deux crèmes, pas de sucre. (Also snagged 2 CHerry timbits!)

lawyergirl77 said...

Timbits too?

CHERRY TIMBITS?

You are a mean, mean man, moe. Mean.

*IwillnotbreakdownandgogetcherrytimbitsIwillnotbreakdownandgogetcherrytimbits*

HabsFan29 said...

those cherry cake Timbits RULE. well, all Timbits rule. Didn't I cover this recently?

@10 - indeed, I did know that. if pressed, I can list the top 10 strip clubs per capita cities of North America

Anonymous said...

PG needs to seriously waive Gomez next year. Imagine our cap space!! I cry a little cry, softly, each time he's on the ice. Then I break a lightbulb and make a jagged meth pipe, and wish I had meth to smoke. Gloriously distracted.

soperman said...

depressing. you should skip your shift at the suicide hotline after the game....

Le Douze said...

Jeez, I've never even heard anyone from south of the Mason-Dixon line say "strip club". On the other hand, it seems that titty bars proliferate like kudzu down South. Maybe they're the out-of-town tryouts for the up and coming talent?

And to think that on my (only) junket to Atlanta, the vendors took us to a steakhouse, not to their civic specialty. (Mind you, it was possibly the best steak I've ever had in the US). Perhaps we should have left the female managers behind?

Anyway, great job, LG, nice to know that there are no cold Habs, none at all, just competent soldiers.

Kmaxx said...

OK - enough talk about how we didn't do enough - we'll know pretty fuckin' soon if the Habs are going to need that last game of the season to make it into the playoffs or not...I hope not but don't even like to think about it yet. We've got a month or so of games to play - so let's hope this is the start of good things! Sometimes "competent" is not an insult...(see - I'm keeping my glass half full for now - this time last year I seem to recall having a meltdown and disowning everything that had to do with the Habs - I will not do that...yet)

Now then - GYMFHG!

Le Douze said...

@Kmaxx -

What I like about this team is that for the most part it thinks it is a team. When they get into a skid, they seem to find a way out. That's pretty encouraging. What is discouraging is that with 3 bum knees on key D-men, and with JM's "competent" but uninspiring coaching, it will take luck and stellar goaltending to go far in the post-season. With Markov and Gorges and Boucher, I would be planning the parade, Gomer notwithstanding.

Any bets on when we see PFK back on the first wave of the PP?

WV: should we have emulated the "kings" and given away our future? Don't think so.

moeman said...

G Y F C H G!

Chester said...

I dunno ... I got a good feeling. It's been said before that this team has good chemistry ... and we all know what good chemistry can do.

moeman said...

beer = = CHemistry

meth = CHemistry

wine = CHemistry

sex = CHemistry

scotCH = CHemistry

ice cream = CHemistry

comments = CHemistry

blogging = all the above

Steve said...

Without Chemistry there would be no meth. Thats why we need Charlie Sheen as coach. For those who say the players could never pass the drug test, well look at the twitch video of Charlie sailing through drug tests.

Think of the epic motivational speeches.

"Mex where is your tiger blood, can you process the rink has two ends not just a middle."

PFK, PFK, you have poetry in your skates, and you move better than Bree Olsen."

"TFS, your butterfly reminds me of the venus butterfly"

"AK46, get some, horah"

moeman said...

Forgot one;

CHerry Timbits = CHemistry

iRiRi said...

What's all this talk about Timbits? Mmmm, Timbits! Great work, LG!

Anywho, at this point, Gomez isn't even worth half of his $8 million salary. As long as he's on this team, they're always going to be middle-of-the-pack. Meh. Hopefully, he picks it up a lil' in the playoffs. That shouldn't be too hard.

GYFHG!

P.S. Not to brag but I'm operating at a 50% success rate in Roll Up The Rim! 4 out 8 winning cups! No big prizes yet but they're right around the corner. THAT TOYOTA MATRIX IS MINE!

moeman said...

iRiRi has XRim vision!

Bill 101 said...

I know that nicknames seldom change around here and there is fierce activity when a new one is evolving.

Currently desperately (still) hoping "Mex" has not become "Albatross"

GYFHG!

Moey said...

Meh. I don't like Timmie's coffee. Too dishwatery. Starbuck's skinny latte with chocolate sprinkles. Yum.

moeman said...

tsn: "despite their trade deadline criticisms ... " Sure thing fuckers.

iRiRi said...

@Moey - Yes, dishwatery but addictive dishwater.

A friend once told me they put drugs in it to keep you coming back. I told her she was crazy. Not so crazy anymore. Also, Starbucks is a twenty minute detour so there's that.

moeman said...

iRiRi, caffeine is a drug. So is love.

Moey said...

iRiRi,

We have a Timmy's at work, wish it was a Starbucks instead. *sigh*

Anyhow, GYFHG!

HabsFan29 said...

com-pe-tence! com-pe-tence!

it's my new rallying cry. great meme work there moe

Timmy's large double double: $1.75
Starbucks venti skinny latte: $5

this Jew chooses the dishwater

lawyergirl77 said...

@29 - see, when I go to Buckys, this cheap-ass-bitch (Jew by proxy for having grown up in Côte Saint Luc?) gets a regular filtered coffee. Only runs me $2.06.

That's how I roll, baby!

Even though I know Timmies is dishwater, I still have an irrational lurve for it. Did I mention that living in Southern Ontario for 2 years nearly killed me? guh.

iRiRi said...

@29 - Venti? Trenta is where it's at!

lawyergirl77 said...

Sitting at my desk. Another late night. Hooray for the feeds over at justin.tv...

Steve said...

I have no predjice and I did not start drinking coffee until 2002. Tims beats the fuck out of Starbucks.
But what we make every morning in our Hamilton Bitch beats both.

Whats with the fucking sugar

HabsFan29 said...

gah, its starting. im not optimistic. could we talk about coffee all night? it will be more entertaining

HabsFan29 said...

too many men. it's the Habs signature move

HabsFan29 said...

there's 12 people in the stands. everyone's at strip clubs or something

lawyergirl77 said...

shit - lost the Justin feed when someone sent me a text message. Anyone have the link??

Moey said...

I only have about 4 coffees a year so 20 bucks doesn't hurt that bad. Just saying.

HabsFan29 said...

I only have about 4 coffees a year

i can make it to noon if im lucky on 4 coffees

@LG - how about http://atdhenet.tv/

moeman said...

I betCHa Moey has Tiramisu once in a while.

lawyergirl77 said...

@29 - ain't working for me at work. Need something I can use on my iPhone... grrrr

lawyergirl77 said...

Moey only has 4 coffees/year??

...

...

BURN THE WITCH!!!

iRiRi said...

If I don't have coffee by noon, I need to be rushed to the hospital for withdrawal.

Moey said...

moe,

I've had it a couple of times.

Another freakin' penalty?

moeman said...

This game needs a shot of espresso.

Moey said...

Okay okay, I'm not lilly white, I'm a tea drinker. My dirty little secret is out. My mum was s Brit, what can I say?

moeman said...

BB's pronunciation sounds like 'Pervertly'

moeman said...

Moey, a squirt of lemon? Some honey? A shortbread? Dipped?

moeman said...

PatCHes!

HabsFan29 said...

patCHes!!

lawyergirl77 said...

okay, I fucking give up. Can'T find a decent link to the game anywhere on Justin.

back to these discoveries I go.

*sob*

moeman said...

You know, mad mean mcsplooge would've traded him for Penner.

lawyergirl77 said...

Nooooooooooo! missed the goal!!!

Moey said...

moe,

Tetley baby, with milk.

Ooh, we scored!

moeman said...

lg, rds' iPhone notifications are almost as fast as FHFers.

lawyergirl77 said...

@moe - it's not the same. sniffle.

moeman said...

lg, PatCHes goal was a thing of beauty. Easily Top 5 this year. I'm sure my FHFellows and FHFelines would agree.

~~~

Moey, 2%?

Moey said...

Moe,

Natch.

Steve said...

a fucking penalty for what, holy fuck betman

lawyergirl77 said...

@moe - ta. yeule. câlice. ;)

HabsFan29 said...

oh LG, you should have seen that goal from patCHes!! what a move! TSN HON winner for sure

moeman said...

Estie'd lg, I love you too.

Steve, are you on tape delay? Played with the CHemistry set?

lawyergirl77 said...

I hate all of you. (Okay, fine, I totally don't. but still. Consider this my evil glare... *evil glare*)

But I hate Justin.tv the mostest.

HabsFan29 said...

well that period was competent

Moey said...

Did anyone read Dave Stubb's column today about the Goat being on a plane yesterday during the trade? Love the reference "some media should know better", and when that certain media person realized Gauthier was already in Atlanta it ruined a perfectly good firing. Wonder who he was talking about?

moeman said...

Ooh, Hamr, ALMOST! hit da POST!

Steve, ATL is gettin' a penalty on the play. No need to rewind.

Steve said...

I am the only one who heard the penalty call?

moeman said...

Moey, CHeck yesterday's massive trade deadline thread.

Steve, no need to reload the web page, it was mcsplooge.

moeman said...

Steve, the refs are incompetent. Stick with the comments for reality.

Man does François Gagnon need a tan or what? Oh, oh, Nordicks talk.

BTW, if they ever build the Lebaume Dome RDS will have no one left for the Habs games. Does mcsplooge speak FrenCH? Hey, at least he'd be closer to the team that has spurned his hot love.

iRiRi said...

@ LG - http://www.channelsurf.eu/watch-nhl-4.html

moeman said...

lg, (with permission from J.T.) "-Great point shot by Pax. Might be something to keep in mind on the PP."

What a gorgeous goal that was!

BTW, J.T. is back! and she's better than any rds/lapresse notifications. There should be a J.T. app.

Come to think of it, there should be a FHF app. One that would be permanently stuck on vibrate. Comes with free tactile iOvenmitts.

moeman said...

Whiz! WoW!

HabsFan29 said...

CHeez whiz!!

iRiRi said...

CHeez Wiz!!!

moeman said...

Squid>DDD>Tits>Whiz!

moeman said...

WTF, Stripper Capital Thrashers invited CHippendale's to CHeerlead tonight? lg is gonna be some pissed she is missing this.

iRiRi said...

AGAIN?!

moeman said...

FWIW, that was post 77.

HabsFan29 said...

what's the NHL record for most too many men on the ice's in a season?

moeman said...

29, too many men only matters during playoffs and baCHelor parties.

iRiRi said...

I don't know about that but Habs lead the league with 12.

moeman said...

Nice save TFS™

HabsFan29 said...

what's the NHL record for the most delay of game over the glass's in a season?

Orangeman said...

Just tuning in here. Nice to see 2-0 lead, but see shots are 23-6. The SYSTEM works!

HabsFan29 said...

oh Tits. just when you were having a decent shift

lawyergirl77 said...

Just inhaled some food. Long live à la carte express.

So... how's the game lookin?

bob cold formerly known as lehab said...

Just got home from work. What's all this talk about coffee and timbits. I just spent 12 hours there. Enough already! FWIW.. Starbuck's does'nt compare. Even McDonald's free coffee is better than Starbuck's overpriced crap.

Orangeman said...

So Gomez is getting PK time now? le sigh.

No, I will never let this go.

moeman said...

lg, you are missing a classic. All 6 of the Habs shots have been incredible, almost RiCHard-Lafleur-LarouCHesque.

HabsFan29 said...

and around and around we go

Orangeman said...

Good couple of minutes of pressure. 0 shots and Gomez gives it away to end it, but still.

Orangeman said...

Gomez is second for TOI this game (12:20. Not for forwards, 2nd on the team. By far. And they're getting brutally outshot. Coincidence, I'm sure.

HabsFan29 said...

penalty shot? no?

AND we lose our PP. meh

bob cold formerly known as lehab said...

2 more shots on net by the habs and total will equal attendance

Orangeman said...

They really don't like those PPs, do they?

HabsFan29 said...

BLEED Gio

Orangeman said...

What? I have an open net? I better pass it blindly behind me!

Orangeman said...

What? I have an open net? I better miss it by a mile!

HabsFan29 said...

oh squid

o'man i wondered if you saw that gorgeous blind Mex pass FROM the crease

moeman said...

Mex is blind? That might explain things.

Moey said...

O'man,

Every time I see number 11 skating on the ice it feels like somebody ripped my heart out, set it on fire and then stomped on it. But I'm learning to live with it. The meds & booze help a lot too.

Orangeman said...

Notice how the D there didn't even bother to cover Gomez, but instead double teamed Gionta...who Gomez passed to and lost the puck. Everyone sees this except JM.

Orangeman said...

I feel like harping on the issue tonight. Tough day.

HabsFan29 said...

the System is reliant on Carey this eve

lawyergirl77 said...

@29 - as opposed to every other night where we rely on our ability to put the puck in the net at will.

*Crickets*

HabsFan29 said...

@LG - gentlemanly Carey after the game: "the guys did a good job in front of me keeping the shots from the outside"

/ knocks wood

iRiRi said...

Geez. I mean, I'm not asking for a third goal or anything but how about spending more than 5 seconds at a time in the Trashers' end?

moeman said...

29 meant; "the guys did a competent job in front of me keeping the shots from the outside"

lawyergirl77 said...

Oh, and a big old FUCK YEAH to Moey for her last comment.

Wanna go stalk Saku next season during his last game vs. CH (not kidding)?

Orangeman said...

@29: I thought that was the system. It's the 'system' that got us deep into the playoffs last year. The Devils have a system and they don't give up 40 shots a game.

Moey said...

Pricey's been a little star tonight, hasn't he? *blows kisses*

*double knock wood*

Orangeman said...

Ok, I'm not fucking kidding anymore. 11 is on the ice every other shift.

WV: dicula. That's a great themed porn movie name.

lawyergirl77 said...

I'm not even watching the game and I'm knocking on every wooden thing in my office.

Mercifully, the senior partner left a few hours ago. *rimshot*

How much time is left.

Moey said...

@LG,

It's a date. I've already told Mr. Moey I plan to be out of the country next spring for a few days. Sister is on alert too.

HabsFan29 said...

10 more minutes of the System LG

moeman said...

Moey, are you femmes bringing fur (make em fake) coats to flash the fabulous Finn?

McPhee said...

I didn't even watch this game, I was assuming a win, sorry for crashing in at the end like that.

We lost both regular season games prior to this one, so there is a powerful force that is going in our favour, that and us caring which tends to be the single most determining factor in most Habs games.

HabsFan29 said...

oh patCHes

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK

Orangeman said...

Love that speed!

FUCK

lawyergirl77 said...

Cue the collapse?

moeman said...

eesh

iRiRi said...

Dammit Patches! That's ALL your fault!

Moey said...

Sometimes there just isn't enough wood. *sigh*

lawyergirl77 said...

"Sometimes there just isn't enough wood"

That's what she said!

*rimshot*

Orangeman said...

I actually typed out:

"They'll give up a goal with 5 minutes left and then hang on for dear life as per usual"

but didn't want to jinx anything. But I'm not the only one who saw it coming, right?

Another wonderful performance by Price ruined.

iRiRi said...

Benoit thinks that Patches miss is a turning point of this game. Which game is he watching?

Orangeman said...

@iRiRi: See your last comment. heh.

bob cold formerly known as lehab said...

I actually typed out "Price looking for another shutout"

HabsFan29 said...

HANG ON SYSTEM OR WHAT'S LEFT OF IT

moeman said...

Haven't heard PFKs name much all night.

Moey said...

@moe,

Disposed of that coat in Washington after game 7 last year. Brushed against Ovie in the hall and was afraid of bringing pestilence back into Canada. Flight back was a tad nippley.

moeman said...

G I O !!!

HabsFan29 said...

WHY IS GOMEZ ON THE ICE???

/o'man'ned

OPEN NETTER!!! miracle

iRiRi said...

Gio!!! Thank heaven!

Orangeman said...

Gio overcomes ridiculous 'pass' by Gomez to put the game away! I'm not joking when I say I think that's only their second EN goal this season, maybe third.

lawyergirl77 said...

Holy shit! We hit an empty netter?? And I missed this blessed, miraculous event??

Life ain't fair, man...

moeman said...

Thx for the update Moey. Stay warm.

~~~

WTF! was CHocula writing on his pad?

Orangeman said...

btw, thanks for covering for me there 29. I was too dizzy from anger and disbelief to type that out. The pathetic thing is he gets an A for that despite his best efforts not to.

moeman said...

antiCHambre coming up. Will they be buffing Lebaume's dome?

iRiRi said...

@o-man - Yes but I meant it sarcastically.

moeman said...

Low 3s bitCHes!

Orangeman said...

A win's a win. Canes also won, so this was important.

moeman said...

Don't go to tsn.ca

Orangeman said...

Perspective: Chicken had less than half the TOI of Gomer but managed 3x as many shots.

That's all Orangeman has to say about Gomez tonight.

Matt - fear the collapse said...

I like the Habs organization as a whole...but the current crop of players who make up the roster? Nah

Overpaid vet forwards with relatively limited (compared to the stars on other teams) offensive output. No real superstar potential young players.

D is patchwork at best, only star was Markov...too bad about him, hopefully sub ban can develop as a star offensive damn

Price has been great in net and is really the only nhl star
on this team

Greenguy said...

What's up with that Gomez guy?! What a jerk!

Number31 said...

If Kane were in a band it would be called Evander Kane and the Angry Elbows.

ilikemontrealcanadiens said...

Four Habs Fans? A large number of people who seem to harp on about how shit the team is. Fans? Yeah right, fans are people that actually like their team. The way you lot go on about it makes us sound like Ottawa, Toronto or Edmonton.

We're not that bad people. We're COMFORTABLY in the playoffs, the team is solid (despite missing its two best defencemen) and yet all you can do is find the hate by harping on about what a terrible coach Jaques Martin is and how shit Gomex is.

How about we look for the positives people. We're supposed to be fans not haters of this team.

lawyergirl77 said...

By golly, you're right "Ilikemontrealcanadiens"!!

We're clearly just a bunch of Debbie Downers who pour haterade all over this team for no reason. Who give up our free time to blog for a team that we loathe for shits and giggles. And I plonk down thousands of dollars on season tickets that I rarely re-sell because I'm a masochist.

It turns out I hate this team after all.

Thanks so much for clearing that up for me.

Moey said...

@ilike,

It's called tough love. Apart from o'man who's a wee bit down on the G-man the rest of us love this team more than anything. We just want the boys to grow up to be the team that we know thay can be. *dabs eyes*