Monday, March 17, 2008

I Got the Powa!!! Habs 3, Islands 0

Look at me! Look at me! No goal behind my ass becase I heve talant. My teemates play like sheet. Stupide mistakes all the game and if I not there they loose the game like a defecting Cuban pitcher looses he family.

OK now Mantreal you say Jaro, Jaro you so good and incredible and great, please please play in the net again for next game becase we want more matches no goals. Thees is what I say to coaches for three facking years in city of masturbation Hemilton. I make good plays, put me in the goal in Mentreal, I’m a pro. “No Jaro, you knit sweaters for teem, or No, Jaro, play Mantreal with Ea Sports, same thing”. Fak you you stupide coaches you make me go crazy so long.

Now big ugly Cari have game of shit against the Senators. Ohhh I’m sooo scared! The Senators are so good and I am so small, like clitoris of woman mosquito. That what Cari say before game, little baby idiot. He play trembling all game and Mentreal make so big poop for 3 periods.

Now coach come to me after Poopopalooza against the Senators and he say “Jaro, get ready for Saturday”. I tell him, I know fat guy from Superbad on SNL, I tape it for sure! He meen no, I play game on Saturday. Me? Play? Fak you coach Carboner!

How many mankeys it takes to screw light bulb?

It take six mankeys to screw light bulb.

OK, so now I have to be ready because now, oh we HAVE to win, game is SO important that after watching movie Jesus of Nazareth 17 facking time, I can play one stupid faking game in Mantreal, where I never make a shit game before.

And from beginning, team play like autistic larva and if me not there we have maybe 18 goals against us in first period. Cari stupid jerk play PSP on bench and not look at me play like King Jaro once! I see Kepten Saku play Sudoku and ask Lapierre for to help him. Stupid Lapierre? He don’t know to count!! New York Islands mach better teem than Mantreal shit. More talant and better sweter and big colors. They play without 32 of their regular players. I recognize some players from porno theater in Prague. They not even hackey players but they play so better than Mantreal.

Fans scream my name Halak Halak Halak!! You crazy stupid fans, why you wait so long time to make love to me. Why we not make love in Hemilton. It only 2 hours in car. Nooo!!! We snob fans from Mantreal, we not care about farm team in Hemilton. We not like goats and chickens and cows. Now you love to me. You are like girls. Jaro who? What?, when I ask you for blowjob in bar, but now I win a game a make no goal match, now it’s OH Jaro! You so big! Please follow me to bathroom!!! Stupid fans. You only love me if I win. You not love me for me, like my family, who come to bathroom with me no metter what.

Now coach Boner tell me today, Hey Jaro, can you do this again like Saturday? Coach Carbonnies he so stupid, he look like hooker from Bratislava kiss him with that sore on his lip. He get that from “Happy Finish” in hotel in Anaheim. I tell this teem for soooo long, make me play. No! Jaro! Cristobal’s is too good, he croshed like Parisian pastry if we make him sit. No Jaro! Cari is too good, he is like young Skywalker. We have to a grow his talant. No! Jaro! That man has no legs, he great goalie because he have determination to fight.

Now you all see I am special goalie and you put red carpet in front of me. OK, red carpet for anthem. So what? Meantreal!!!! Listen me!!!!Now I have power! I play when I want to play!!!! I decide my games forever!!!!!!! Fak you stupid Kepten, go play your Sakudoku.

…can I play tomorrow?


Habsfan10 said...

Jaro owes me a new keyboard.

habslove said...

This was the best game recap

Loser Domi said...

"Smaller than clitoris on woman mosquito"

For writing like this, I applaud you, 33.

Montréaliste1 said...

Is HF 10 drunk in Hong Kong too ?

P.s. Happy b-day LD !!

Happy st-Pats too all!

HabsFan29 said...

i making with the many laffing feets

yes sorry LD I meant to get you a cake. Happy birthday! (wasnt it yesterday?)

Loser Domi said...

mtliste, 29: Thanks guys. You didn't have to get me a cake, 29, but it's a nice thought (and it was yesterday)

Baroque said...

You not love me for me, like my family, who come to bathroom with me no metter what.

I didn't know Halak was from West Virginia.

lawyergirl77 said...

Now every time I think of Halak, THESE POSTS are the ones I think about...

... is it wrong that I was kind of disappointed that he didn't have the same accent in the post-game interviews?

Brilliant post, once again, 33!! Halak has gotta get a regular column around here...

chuck said...

"Sakudoku" :)