Thursday, February 10, 2011

CRITICAL SYSTEM FAILURE - Bruins 8, Habs 6 (no, really!) - a TMS review

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of a coach who might actually react when his heart exploded out of his chest...
  • Apologies for the review style, but man we just have so many jumbled thoughts about that game we just have to spit them out somehow, and we have no time for coherent thinking, we've got to prepare for the Islanders tonight! Woohoo! Islanders!
  • WTF was that?
  • No, seriously, what. the. fuck;
  • Despite our rapt confusion, that was as entertaining a hockey game as you'll see in the Jacques Martin era in Montreal;
  • OK, how about some stats: 182 PIM with 14 fighting majors and 4 game misconducts;
  • Two of those fighting majors were to TFS and Timmeh. They were just adorable! Carey seemed to enjoy it. Price on the fight: "I think we were just play-fighting more than anything". Then they sticked-tapped as they left the ice after the 2nd. Again, so adorable!
  • The penalties led to some great penalty box photos;
  • The Habs' defence as a corps was, uh, porous? Pathetic? Really, really, really, really crappy?
  • We are really starting to get annoyed at the Mexican. He couldn't have been more terrible last night, what with the ill-timed penalty (AGAIN), the lack of any offensive spark whatsoever, the inability to win a faceoff, the crossing of the blue line only to give up the puck and a goal the other way, the complete inability (or lack of desire more likely) to cover someone in the defensive zone, the steadfast refusal to SHOOT THE MOTHERFUCKING PUCK despite being in perfect position to do so (alone, uncovered, in the left slot, on a PP). At least CHokula noticed it too and benched him for most of the 3rd;
  • The Broons are a bunch of motherfucking goons. Fine, have some fights, we like fights too, but stop with the gooning it up in the final minute, you goons;
  • So FUCK YEAH when CHicken of all people pounded the shit out of Krejci;
  • On the other hand, SpatCHes, uh, no fight good. Those were 30 quality blows he took to the face;
  • Credit Tommy Pyatt for taking some quality blows too while getting nicely bloodied with a Bruin goon elbow or something;
  • Fuck TSN. No seriously, Habs were not DOMINATED. Habs were not OUTMATCHED. Habs were not EMBARRASSED. I seem to recall scores of 2-2 and 5-4. Shots were 33-34 for the game. That sounds pretty close to us;
  • Fuck Mcsplooge in particular:

  • Don't forget, Lakers-Celtics tonight on TSN2!
  • RDS, we're not letting you off easy. Fuck Benoit Brunet and his cackling laughter every time someone scored. The Bruins scoring is not fucking funny you asshat;
  • CHokula, how about FUCKING DOING SOMETHING DURING THE GAME. Your System was in the tank, do something about it. Sending out Alex Auld to start the 3rd would have been a good place to start;
  • TFS having to do his own work clearing his crease is really fucking embarrassing for the Habs D. At least it would be, if we had any D;
  • Want to know how whack this game was? According Elias Sports Bureau, after 709 games between these teams this was the first time ever there was a period where each team scored 4 goals;
  • Is this game just an aberration or has it showed a really flawed Habs team?
  • Congrats to Gio getting his 200th career goal, and Swiss Mister II getting his first NHL regular-season goal;
  • Congrats to Double D for playing a decent game. The Mexican could learn something from him;
  • Congrats to the Habs PP for coming back to life;
  • Congrats to you for reading all these bullet points.


Anonymous said...

I'm still pissed just thinking about the game. All those bruises the morning after with no two points to show for it. Ouch.

Why the fuck did we not bring up a fighter or two from the Bulldogs? Ryan White in particular. We were heading to Beantown with a price to pay after a Marchand hit by Subban a few months ago and the exchange between Chara/Patches/gill last month. The bruins were waiting for payback. We sensed it, why not the Habs coaches??

Anonymous said...

Please trade Gomez the hell out of this city. For equipment is fine.

lawyergirl77 said...

Seriously - GSP is a Habs fan. He should give the team one measley lesson in grappling. Give them the confidence to know that they can win (or at least give a respectable showing) in a fight.

Could do wonders.

But even with that, Spacek should never fight. Ever.

And I disagree that this is a sign that Habs can't play run and gun hockey. That wasn't a run and gun game - it was some kind of weird Twilight Zone universe in which both teams were trying to pound the other on the scoreboard and on the ice.

Hadulf said...

Sad things about the game :
1. No 2 points
2. No effective D last night
3. PK needs a goon for protection (they mentioned Alex Henry on l'AntiCHambre)
4. Broons are fucking goons

ONE postive :

1. Now THAT was entertainment

Hadulf said...

Oh, Lucic and Chara are fucking pussies

iRiRi said...

Ryan White has been called up. Voila! Problem solved.

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

What a fucking game, eh? Great work by the Bruins (uh, defense? yeah don't worry about it) last night.

Kmaxx said...

I can almost hear Gary Beetman jizzing himself after he read the boxscore on this one..."Oh my - Colin, stop that for second and come up here...look at this - Boston and montreal scored 14 goals last night - we missed a classic game. Never mind - look here - it says that the net minders got into a fight - I bet the American channels will be all over that in the morning! That's great - it must have been a great game. You should get on the phone to Brian - tell him that it would be great if he could get his leaf team to do something like that this Saturday night. I know they are a crap team but have a word with the refs just to be sure. It would make up for the fact that they are playing each other on a a Saturday night - who planned that anyway? Tissues - there are some right there on the night table - help yourself. Now hurry and wipe up - we have that dinner with Sid and Mario - we'll have to have a quick talk to them about Matty - he really has to stop jumping into his checks - at least when the guys are not looking anyways...My oh my - can you believe it? 14 goals - and they say that our league doesn't produce quality television anymore...what do they know about ice hockey anyway!...(Careful - there's a spot left under your chin...)

Steve said...

The 800 lb gorilla riding the elephant in the room was the play of TFS. First period he was TFS.
There were 3 goals where if he had not been on his knees waving his hands at the black-flies there would not have been a goal.

I hope it was just a bad game but it was deeply disturbing indication that a repeat of last years run is very much in doubt.

Fortunately the regular season is about as important as the number of detentions you got in highschool.

soperman said...

I am emotionally drained. I hope the team can get up for the game tonight. I would hate to see a "should win" game get away from them.

Steve said...

After careful consideration the answer is obvious, bring back BGL, slay that Pretzel Lucic for once and for all.

swarkles said...

You know in every hockey blog I read (that isn't Habscentric) commenters are always bashing montreal and its fans and I always think of this post when I read their comments.

Steve said...

Preds get fisher from Ottawa for a first round draft pick, fuck goat for big tits they will give you Shea Weber and a first round draft pick. Make them take mex as well.

We have more than enough talented smurfs, so if your a lazy contract pig, go someplace else.

Orangeman said...

Like I was saying last night, I don't understand how you can walk away from this game and think the Habs got dominated. The Broons were more physical, sure. But they only seemed interested in fighting after hitting the other guy, usually after the whistle or from behind, or after slashing/elbowing/kneeing them. Then there was Chara and Lucic and others who pulled Hab players off other guys from behind and threw a few punches and were then declared heavyweight champs. On CJAD Chris Nilan was bitching that without the PPGs the Habs would have been embarrassed. Well, sure, but PPs are part of the game and that's the advantage you have when the other team goons it up and you remain focused.

It was a 2 goal game and if Auld would have started the 3rd maybe it would have been different. I wonder what the TSN narrative would have been then. In any event, I'd like to see the Broons try to pull that shit in the playoffs. I'm worried about the Phlyers because they play physical (in addition to dirty) while the Broons only got 'tough' after the whistle.

Anyway, next match is in our house. Now that we know what kind of game they want to play we'll defeat them again just like the Habs have for over a century now.

Steve said...



Orangeman said...

haha, TSN has an article about the leaf trade that starts:
" Toronto's recent run of success..."

Yes, two big wins against struggling non-playoff teams. I'd better claim my spot on Yonge street for the parade today!

Saucy to the bone said...

I'm a new Habs fan. Very new. Im even new to hockey all together. A buddy of mine that's a diehard has taken me to a couple of games and has got me on the band wagon. I'm a huge Dallas Cowboys fan and I consider the Habs to be kinda the same. They are uber popular and have won a shit load of chips so they are hated just like The Boys. So with all that aside, after watching last nights game here are my thoughts.
Habs can score at will so why dont they? Obviously coaching right? You big time hockey guys know better than I do.
I'm an ex football guy that played defense and that shit last night was horrible! Our guys are all small(I'll get back to that later) and fast but they let all the bigger Broons blow right by them. Defense takes a lot of heart and pride and they the Habs obviously didn't have any of that last night and I find that to be the most frustrating part.
Btw the stats don't lie....Gomez sucks! Where was he during those 4 goals last night? I swore I saw him ordering some tacos. I can make that joke cuz I'm Mexican. A real one.
Let's get to the size of our players. I love them to death but we need some big boys. Gionta is awesome but last night he was bouncing off all of those dbags. Gill is huge but god forbid he busts somebody in the mouth. Probably too slow to catch anyone anyway. Get some goons please. Let's instill some fear also. I don't think any team worries about the physicality when they play us.
Lastly, coach sucks. No heart. Looks like he's standing there thinking about something else. Maybe little boys. Looks like a pedophile to me. You can't lead that way. Your emotion trickles down to your players. Grab your balls and get in the game!
There are a few more things I could add but I'm on my IPad in a bar waiting to speak with my therapist.
Please comment on what I wrote. I'm new to this hockey thing and wanna learn.

Saucy to the bone said...

Also, I forgot to add don't skate over and "fake fight" someone because you fealt you had to. It makes you look like more of a bitch than not fighting at all.

kevincrumbs said...

Sure, TFS was sort of crap last night but it's not like Thomas was any better. That Desharnais goal he let in was completely terrible.