Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year's from God's Waiting Room Panthers Preview and Game Thread

The often dreaded Florida Christmas two-step continues with a visit to the suburbs of Miami to meet old friend Tomas Vokoun and the Panthers. Put down your shuffleboard stick and pay attention, or no Matlock after dinner!

Waiting in line for the $5.00 Surf and Turf Early Bird Special:
It's Florida on New Year's Eve, so naturally it's a 5:00 pm start at the National Car Rental Center. Habs a totally unexpected 5 and 1 on seven game road trip, Panthers losers of last two and in the muck of the 7 to 11 crowd.

Hot as Morty Dershowitz's 22 year old grandaughter who is down for a Christmas visit:
Oh look, it's the Canadiens broken record: Pleks. Squid. Big Tits. Secondary scoring alert! The Giant Mexican Chicken may become our new favourite photoshop. Andrei Markov, who loves ya, baby? Every fucking Habs fan in existence, that's who. For the Panthers, well ... they're kinda the poster children of middling, average, not-too-hot-not-too-cold. But Dominic Moore has two points in his last two, and Keith Ballard hasn't clubbed a teammate over the head for weeks, so that's something. Remember when the Habs made the choice to keep Jose Theodore over Tomas Vokoun? Ever wonder what the last ten years might have looked like if they chose differently? Yeah, me too. Vokoun still facing a ton of shots, still keeping a middling franchise in games, still deserves a chance with a real contender. The Jaro/Price Vokoun/Theo comparisons should scare everyone ... unless TFS plays every game like he did last night.

Colder than Mrs. Berenger in room 243 (CODE BLUE!!):
Panthers leading scorers Stephen Weiss and Nathan Horton are both scoreless in the last few. Old Leaf whipping boy Brian McCabe is also pointless in two. Run up and down the Panthers line-up and there's a lot of arrows pointing down right now. Of course, that means their gonna shell the Habs silly. For the Habs, despite some promising signs from all three, Little Tits hasn't completely broken out of his slump, Mad Max is a press box seat waiting to happen, and seriously, who the fuck does Matt D'Agostini have pictures of? I've fucking had it with that guy.

Broken like Mr. Mendelbaum's hip after he took a spill in the dining room:
Mara looks like he's still out. Hamr still limping but gamely playing on. Jaro might have pulled groin after making luv to meny meny sexy womans after his heroics last week, who knows. Florida without David Booth long-term, Dmitri Kulikov for a few more weeks, with Rosty Olesz and Cory Stillman game time decisions.

The Retirement Home Gossip:
Check out LitterBoxCats, your "Florida Panthers Commentary and Discussion Colossus". You put Colossus in your own blog description, you get mentioned here. Also helps if there are NO OTHER PANTHERS BLOGS ON EARTH.

You post-game Matlock viewing and adult entertainment: Line dancing in the recreation center at 7:00. Bingo at 9:00. Fuck, the Panthers play a slapshot away from South Beach and it's New Year's Eve. Do you really need my help on this?

Happy New Year from FHF to all our lovely readers. Since I'm guessing we aren't getting Habs/Red Army '75 redux tonight, here's hoping the booze is flowing, the champagne at 12:00 is cold, and the person you kiss is hot and available.

94 comments:

Chenny13 said...

Back after some time away, and I have to say, this has been one of my favorite previews in a long time. The Seinfeld sprinkled in really made my day.

"I, have ridden in a Cadillac, Hundreds, maybe thousands of times!"

Gold. Glad to be back, FHF. Let's keep up the winning ways!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@10
I'm kvelling. Hope I don't break a hip trying to catch a puck at the game tonight.

HabsFan29 said...

Mendelbaum! Mendelbaum! Mendelbaum!

Happy New Year kids!

Moey said...

When I clicked on the photo you can see the giant chicken's feet on the left. Hilarious.

GG11,

Have a great time at the game tonight.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moey
I'm ready to leave now! I'll be wearing a grey Habs t and one of of GG boys is wearing a retro Markov Xmas sweater. I'm sure we'd stand out if the place wasn't crawling with Habs fans.

Number31 said...

Didn't Vokoun play a whole 1 game and let in like every goal? It only took him 15 years to realize how to play his position properly so I don't see the similarities at all, really...except that he's Czech and Jaro's Slovakian and they can snarl at each other from across the border/red line/Olympics. That giant diving Swede will probably steal his job in a year or two anyway (unless that jerk Salak does first, assuming he doesn't injure himself trying to stop the Bulldogs again).

Early games annoy me. My schedule is all fucked up now so GO YOU FUCKING HABS!

HabsFan29 said...

did the game start yet?

HabsFan29 said...

did the game start yet?

GoldenGirl11 said...

God take some of them now!! The waiting room is WAY TOO FULL!! Traffic hell on the way to the game.

bea.habs.fan said...

am sure to miss game as there is no way but in Florida can one make a 5 PM start.
seriously. I knnow it's Quebec and all and we start our parties early ....

@GG I'm sure we'll have not problem spotting you. you can always try flashing your boobs at one of the Habs. why shoul dGionta be the only lucky one?

moeman said...

What bea.habs.fan said...

Betcha HF10 gave a Wizard as a present?

HabsFan29 said...

10 told me it's a tip calculator

bea.habs.fan said...

lawyers tip?

moeman said...

+15% to bea.habs.fan

HabsFan29 said...

whoa whoa, lawyers tip very well. to strippers.

Anonymous said...

Nice pregame. By the way, there is at least one other blog covering the Panthers. The Rat Trick. Check it out. It has your site on it's blog roll, so it can't be too bad eh?

soperman said...

Good Preview. We all miss Seinfeld.

Was it Miami or Tampa where former fan favourite Tom the Bomb convinced a drunken Rhino into taking some lady's purse?

Good Times.

Habsfan10 said...

Never heard of The Rat Trick, so my apologies.

@ Moeman: I gave everyone pens that write upside down. The astronauts use them.

bea.habs.fan said...

I'm assuming that will come in handy when they're all on their meth trip

GoldenGirl11 said...

And I thought youppi needed the death penalty. The panther mascot (a bear?? Someone speak
to marketing) is dancing center ice.

moeman said...

Should auld Centennials be forgot,

And never brought to mind.

Should old UFAs be forgot,

Get me a marble rye.



For auld lang syne, my fucking friends,

For auld lang syne,

We'll talk the Cup of 25th yet,

Buy me a black&white.



And there's your pants my trusty frères,

OMG! GG's behind the benCH,

And we'll talk about her tight jersey,

For she's our gorgeous graphic wenCH .



For auld lang syne, FHFers,

For auld lang syne,

We'll talk again in 2010,

Go Habs Go and Happy New Year to all!

HabsFan29 said...

+2010 moe

what time is it? this is freaking me out, man

Moey said...

@soperman,

It was Tampa, and they had started the evening at Bern's steak house, Mr. Moey and I sampled it last year, awesome wine cellar, we took a tour. I can just imagine what the Hab's bill was. The bar was just down the street. Rumor has it that some chick took some comprimising pics of Huet and O'Byrne was trying to get a hold of her cell phone, hence he was caught red handed with the purse.

canucklehead said...

did anyone catch why price isn't starting the game after a great outing last night?

HabsFan29 said...

@c'head - no. RDS speculates a reward for the whole road trip, but that's bullshit

canucklehead said...

what a crock of shit, at least there are a lot of habs fans there to keep our boy company

moeman said...

Herad on the rad that Coach JM felt the timelapse between games justified the goalie swap.

moeman said...

Nice dive.

HabsFan29 said...

crap

Ronan said...

Keith Ballard = Bobby Orr?!

WV: Orkin. Weren't they the pest-control company that used to sponsor the whole rat-trick shindig?

HabsFan29 said...

weak, jaro

moeman said...

Gill the Thrill!

HabsFan29 said...

wow

Jaybird said...

Gill is the man!

I was completely disappointed in Gill's midseason rating a few posts back. C+? Everyone knocks the big donkey because he is slow but how many 5 on 3's has he stopped single handedly? Best penalty killer in the NHL.

Led Pittsburgh in +/- in the playoffs last year and I would even say they woulodnt have won the cup without him and Scuderi.

GO HABS GO + HAPPY NEW YEAR!

WV: chilla

HabsFan29 said...

BB mcsplooging on the CHicken

HabsFan29 said...

fuckity-fuck

moeman said...

2nd bad goal ...

canucklehead said...

fuck and im stuck listening to the florida announcers absolutely loving the fact there is no two line pass and sucking betmans pseudo dick thank god for the mute button

HabsFan29 said...

this team needs some Red Bull

Ronan said...

Halak looks a little shaken up...

moeman said...

A thing of fucking beauty!

chris nilan said...

keep it up les boys... dosn't look like jaro is gonna steal one here...

HabsFan29 said...

WOW

from his knees!

moeman said...

A thing of fucking SuperPlexian beauty!

chris nilan said...

Dear Mr. Gainey.

tomorrow is Jan 1st.

FUCKING SIGN FUCKING PLECKS YOU FUCKER!!!!

love

knuckles.

Ronan said...

I guess Vokoun is only used to being hit by his own players...

HabsFan29 said...

did they just say Tits is out?

chris nilan said...

where's tits?

HabsFan29 said...

Mad Max Schmeling!

moeman said...

Well, at least Laps is showing some sign of life.

WV, as in the yolc's on Gu:( ?

moeman said...

@HF29, + 1 ten count for dat!

Jaybird said...

Where is Andrei? Damn right when we got shitting healthy....

Boob Gainey said...

Big tits knee injury from a Ballard hit. Laps stepped up for his teammate.

moeman said...

When #57 drop the gloves we can type Cock Fight!

HabsFan29 said...

seriously pull Jaro

moeman said...

Brutal and screened.

HabsFan29 said...

maybe screened, but still, meh

GoldenGirl11 said...

Hamr pissed! Slamming the door. Almost got my finger caught as I was trying to give the boys a massage.

moeman said...

@HF29, agreed on the meh (see 'brutal' above). Jaro looks slow.

HabsFan29 said...

for your entertainment during the commercial and 2nd intermission, GG11 has sent us a bunch of photos from the game

moeman said...

Merci GG.

moeman said...

PleKs is Super.

moeman said...

Big Tits gone for the night.

moeman said...

PPologist scores.

Jaybird said...

WHAMMY!

HabsFan29 said...

how about a fucking whistle refs?

AUGH

moeman said...

Cluck!

HabsFan29 said...

CHicken!!!

HabsFan29 said...

aw crap

moeman said...

Bok.

HabsFan29 said...

it's like a pond hockey game

chris nilan said...

jaro? hello? jaro? beuller?

HabsFan29 said...

SOMEBODY SHOOT

Boob Gainey said...

New years resolution:

no more talk of halak as a number one in this league.

Jaybird said...

Does anyone else shriek when Ballard approaches one of our stars now? When did this guy get so dirty....

moeman said...

@boob Babs shoulda traded Jaro in 2009. (still time)

Also, brunet is beyond unbearable.

Boob g said...

Jaro!

HabsFan29 said...

nice blond going to commercial

speaking of which, check out GG's video of the Panthers ice skanks on that link I posted earlier

moeman said...

Merci beaucoup GG.

moeman said...

Hal thinks he's Sheldon. moe likey.

HabsFan29 said...

yikes

Boob g said...

Fuck was that Markov?

HabsFan29 said...

thx Jaro for a change tonight!

Jaybird said...

http://www.hockeybuzz.com/blog/Steven-Hindle/Team-Canada-Line-Combinations-My-Take-on-Team-Canadas-Roster/98/25247

Team Canada B Team = Still Gold contender

Halak Bashing? Jeez we eat our young quickly...two bad periods and hes tradeable!

moeman said...

@Jaybird, we are just kidding, Bob can wait until the fucking trade deadline or sooner.

HabsFan29 said...

fuck yeah Happy New Year bitches!

tired, error-prone, but damn, that's alright

Jaybird said...

We definitely need something in return, unlike Souray, Kovy, Streit etc. etc.

Gainey is signing his own papers if he doesn't sign The Mekanec during the season.

Boob g said...

Phew.

moeman said...

12 of 14 pts on the road (including a ref robbery in Ottawa). Bag it and enjoy the bubbly tonight Habs and Habs fans. Play safe and let's make 2010 a fucking great year!

GoldenGirl11 said...

No one knows how to riot likes Habs fans. Going out to pull up palm trees!!

Moey said...

GG11,

Just checked out your game pics, Gill is a lot of man, wonder if he's a fun ladder to climb?

soperman said...

@Moey

Thanks for the scoop.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Check out the last video (IMG_0750.MOV) I sent of the post game in the lobby as the nosebleed section was coming down the escalator. Ridiculous.

@Moe
Love the song.

Number31 said...

"Turn your dream sports room into a reality" over the swarm of Habs fans. For the Panthers this is their only sellout of the season, apparently. We've contributed to the economy. Ah fuck...