Friday, January 08, 2010

And The Colonel Said Unto Them Thou Shalt Have Secondary Scoring - Habs 2, Panthers 0

And The Coach and The Bob did be frustrated with only the first line scoring. And lo, they turned to The Colonel for guidance.

And The Colonel doth said unto them, I have a very special CHicken growing in the Wilds of the land of ten thousand lakes. Thou needest only to give up your ill-begotten native son Gui to get him. This CHicken is special, and made in mine own image. He hath been drafted on high, but neigh I have suppressed his skills until the time of the deliverance. He is possessed of The Speed, The Size, and The Hands. These gifts will become apparent upon his return to the Holy Shrine.

And The Coach and The Bob were pleased. And they asked unto The Colonel, will you demand a sacrifice for the deliverance of the Blessed CHicken? And The Colonel respondeth I will demand the sacrifice of your two pairs of Breasts, for I need them to make my delicious nuggets with eleven herbs and spices.

And The Coach and The Bob prayed to The Colonel that at least the Breasts would be delivered some time before the Holy Time of the playoff push. And it was good.

And The Colonel delivered The Message which was thus. I will touch The Mexican and The Little Giant so that they may be healed. Thou wilst pairest them with the Blessed CHicken, and it shall be good.

So it was written, so it was done. The Coach did put the line together, and it was good. And the Giant Mexican CHicken did come forth. And in the process, did unburden the first line from the weight of the load.

And the Blessed CHicken did score. And he slayed the Cat and rescued the CHosen Team from the losing streak in the Holy Shrine.

And yet The Colonel was displeased, for his one true Franchise Saviour had been cast aside. And lo, The Colonel did deliver a goalie controversy upon them.

lap dance to Panger for the inspiration

31 comments:

GoldenGirl11 said...

boketh, boketh, boketh

canucklehead said...

hands down best post ever...

moeman said...

Overheard on the drive-thru mic was betrand saying; I'll have FrenCH fries and a Pepsi with that.

~~~

Also, whilst here, does anyone know how KFC makes there slaw neon lime green?

~~~

Kudos to the extra-crispy yet moist HF29 and the two extra breasts in that dinner to go GG (yes I know it'll cost more but damn I love the breasts).

lawyergirl77 said...

No wonder I keep getting these killer MSG headaches after hockey games!!

While the line's official name will always be Giant Mexican Chicken for me... I also think that the nickname "Dirty Bird" fits very well, especially on Sexy Friday.

I just hope they don't start sucking as much as KFC sucks lately. Stupid non-hydrogenated, trans-fat free movement.

Habsfan10 said...

Did Bob and Martin speak with any other members of "The Pentavirate"? Did they get invited to the top secret Colorado mansion known as "The Meadows"? Are they gonna trade Halak?

Moey said...

Only one thing better than one blessed chicken, and that's two of 'em. Check out these gritty little peckers:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D35uQCtr4EY&feature=player_embedded

I'm dopey, how do you create a link on here? And yes, I've read the instructions but it ain't working for me.

bea.habs.fan said...

not to be picky ir anything, but ...
if you sacrifice the breats in order to get the chicken and a secondary scoring line, don't you lose the primary scoring line?and

and events as shown that we have

HabsFan29 said...

this is Moey's link

you can do it Moey!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moe
And God said let them haveth two and maketh them more desireable than say the neck with a 10% extra chargeth when ordered for taketh outeth.

Chenny13 said...

That. Was. Epic.

canucklehead said...

everyone needs to check out the article at tsn where theo fleury rips his team... not to classy

therattrick said...

As a representative of the team you beat, I don't feel so bad after watching my team CHoke once again, upon reading this.

Perfect Post!

Pepe Le Pew said...

Whats better than one Giant Mexican Chicken? 2 Giant Mexican Chicken

Looks like the CHosen Team will be Titless against Brodeur...

moeman said...

Big Tits gone for 6 weeks.

http://tsn.ca/nhl/story/?id=305257

F U C K !

Boob Gainey said...

FUCK!

Chenny13 said...

The CHicken better keep scoring if we're to be without Big Tits for 6 weeks. Just when he was looking good too...

moeman said...

My VAN2010 CHant;

KomUSArek! KomUSArek! KomUSArek!

Ian Vitro said...

Thanks guys, that was a top-5 post of all-time.

moeman said...

Nice to see IV back.

habsss said...

I love these

Le Douze said...

@Moeman - the correct terminology for that item is "green slime".

You're first person I've come across who actually wants to know how it's made... If you ever find out, please don't tell me.


@29 - this is indeed one of the best ever. Does this presage foreys into other texts, such as Talmudic debate? (The Rabbi Jacob ben Martini said no offence may be allowed in any zone, by any team. The Rabbi Peter son of Guire said without offence there are no waking fans. The Rabbi Habzfin of Twen-nein said fans could be awakened by bountiful distributions of Russian strippers.)

Or maybe Hansard and parliamentary debate? (The Right Honourable CoaCH from Montreal stated that there would be no morning practice. Many honourable players said, "Hear, Hear". The honorable GrosSeins of Belarus said, "je suis toute fucké quand même, merde.")

Dunno, seemed like a good idea at the time. Then again, I fell on my head playing hockey last night and I could have sworn that when I got home they said the Habs shut out the cats, and BGL made a great scoring play, so I must still be a bit addled. Guess I can sympathize with D'agger, who still seems to be.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Le12
+5750! I think I'll start calling you LeChaim.

boob gainey said...

Apparently Kessel missed an open net in the last minute for what would have been the tying goal, and the Leafs lost again tonight.

That trade is looking worse and worse.

Still I hope the Leafs get their shit together soon so the Bruins don't get a top pick.

moeman said...

@Le12, I was just kidding, I don't wanna know.

I like the Parliamentary possibility. Bonus would be an article written by the new RDSenator.

Also, the leaf should prorogue their season.

orangeman said...

There's a fried chicken chain here in Korea called Mexi-Chicken. Even though there's one across from my work I've never eaten there. I'll have to try some this week in honour. I'll try get a pic too.

lawyergirl77 said...

@Orangeman - we MUST have pictures!!! Picture the endless photoshopping possibilities!!

Moey said...

@orangeman,

Mexi Chicken? Are you sure it's not a code name for Lassie/Benji??

Oh the horror.....

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Moey
Just spit coffee through my nose.

GoldenGirl11 said...

BGL out with a lower body injury apparently caused by a nasty fall in his kitchen when he opened the tofu and that slimy liquid spilled on the floor which caused him to slip as he was in tree pose... never mind. White called up. Hope Bob made the right calls.

Jaybird said...

I am in mourning of tits...please pull a Markov deal with the devil style recovery...

Why can't Pouliot play with Plex and Cammy? Because that would make Gomez look like the failure of a signing he is. Hopefully the chicken will make the Burrito a little spicier.

Georgs Laracques gets injured every time he tries to pass or shoot using atrophied muscles that have never been used. Stick to punching and smiling....

Lizardking89 said...

Hands down one of the funniest posts. The pic had me in stitches even before I read the post.