Saturday, December 19, 2009

Hallelujah


All manner of wenches celebrated The Return of The Man.

And in the beginning, there was an injury to The Man...

And The Prophets did tell The Fans, "Behold, The Tendon has been Sliced, and it is Holy...in that it has a big hole in it. Let it be written: The Man shalt not return until after the peoples of the world are united by 5 rings under shadow of great mountains."

Lo, and The Fans of the CHosen Team felt low. For their hearts did sink, as The Fans knew that the CHosen Team had only The Turtle and The Squid to turn to for light. And they knew the path would be long without The Man, and feared the return to Dark, non-playoff, Times.

And the CHosen Team, they did lose to the Devils. And they did lose to the Wild. And The Fear of the Collapse did grow in the hearts of The Fans.

But The Man knew that The Prophets knew not of what they spoke. For The Man had a gift, the power to heal. And The Man believed he would recover more quickly and more fully than a mere mortal man could hope. For, truthfully, The Prophets were stoned.

And The Man said quietly, "Tendon, Heal Thyself" - and it was done. And it was all good.

And when The Man returned, he could see that the CHosen Team was drowning as it approached an Island. And The Man, he did say:

"To swim, ye must skate, hit the net and backcheck hard."

And so The Man walk out to the Island over the Water, stretched out his hand and pointed to the net. And then he said: "Shoot here." And it was done, and the Red Light did illuminate.



And lo, The CHosen Team did started to swim. And once again The Man he did point to the net and said: "Let there be Goals." And the Chosen Team did score again. And Again. And with the Return of The Man, the CHosen Team conquered the Island.

And The Fans rejoiced, for it had been many generations since The Fans had reason to cheer. For The Man gave them hope. Hope that one day, The CHosen Team would once again lift the Holy CHalice and drink from the Good Cup.

But The Fans, The Fans they did not hold their breathe, for they continued to Fear the Collapse.

If you'd like to join me in h-e-double hockey sticks in the afterlife (although I'm guessing god probably has a sense of humour), join me in celebrating the Return of The Man in the comments.

22 comments:

moeman said...

I rejoiceth in my pants at the sight of The Man and his saviourish heroics. I joineth thee in filling Bob's collection plate to the brim, neh, overflowing and offerreth it to The Man.

Anonymous said...

I can`t stop laughing!

Genius!

HabsFan29 said...

no hell for this Jew. w00t!

good thing too, 'cause im sure laughing at this like i did is a HUGE sin. +3:16 Panger

moeman said...

The beauty of the FHF blog is that one can get religion AND sexy girls and never once feel dirty. The CHoirboys live! Let us spray.

Bonus to The Graphic Goddess (love the blue-helmeted Urologist being saved by The Man).

GoldenGirl11 said...

I fear I have gone to hell. Just flew to Florida with 4 children.... Oh, who'm I kidding. It was totally worth it.

Love it, 33. And thanks Moe. We thought Mary in a bikini would be pushing it so we went authentic. Just googled hot bible babes and there she was.

offspace said...

a killer. the yet, CHrist I can't stop laughing. pangts, fucking pants....

Le Douze said...

Thou shalt burn in hell for such apostasy.

Wouldst thou mindst should I join you there? I couldst Bring some vodka.

Verily, I did splittest my sideth CHortling at thy gospel.

- Le12

Moey said...

Absolutely excellent! Very fitting, it is God's team after all..

gillis said...

Amen

bea.habs.fan said...

Lift up your heads,
O ye fans;
and be ye lift up
ye everlasting Habs;
and the Man of glory shall come back.
Who is the Man of glory?
Vodkov strong and mighty
Vodkov strong in PP!

Hallelujah

SkyKing said...

I can see the light.

Just a brilliant piece!!!

Keep up Gods work!

GoldenGirl11 said...

Cold in Florida. Could that be punishment?

HFF33 aka Panger said...

@GG11: I wouldn't be surprised to hear that Miami was in fact hell on earth, so it's cooling does concern me slightly.

I can't believe I forgot to give thanks to The Almighty Pants for The Man's speedy recovery.

Not Geoff Molson said...

"Jesus H. tap-dancing Christ, I have seen the light!"

Bravo!

moeman said...

A double dose of HF33, is dat like speaking, in tongues? Also, hope you packed a sweater GG.

WV = infero, a letter short of inferno

Anonymous said...

On an unrelated note,

RE: Guimauve bitching about Metropolit taking his time on the PP

After last night, Metro has 4 PPG.
Lats has 0.
Stop whining you little bitch!

BTW, Pouliot had 1G and 2A in the Dogs game today!

GoldenGirl11 said...

@moe
drinking vodka and watching football in the hotel bar. Much warmer now.

moeman said...

Steelers warm the heart.

L Dude said...

For Bob so loved the Habs that he gave his one and only Russian, that whoever believes in him shall not suck but have playoff life.

Bob 3:16

Number31 said...

Hallelujah!
After 8 days of CHanukah, the light burns stronger!

Baroque said...

That is so hilarious.

And I'm sure that any God worth believing in has a sense of humour - how else could he/she/it/they create something as goofy as a platypus on purpose? :D

Kmaxx said...

Merry Christmas everyone! Panger you are inspired! GG - you too are a genius!