Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Like Us Jews Haven't Been Waiting Enough

In this undated photo, a Jewish man is seen patiently waiting for the Messiah

Mats, I just want to tell you that my tribe has done enough waiting to last a lifetime. We're done with it. We've made enormous mistakes in the throes of our waiting game.

Prance around the desert and cook bread that looks like a feeble cracker. - The Messiah never came.

Build the Temple. - The Messiah never showed up.

Rebuild the Temple. - The Messiah stood us up.

Conquer Palestinian Land, evict the Palestinians - you know, violate a bunch of human rights and all that jazz. - No Messiah.

Resist Arab aggression and firmly establish a Jewish state to coincide with the biblical depiction of Israel. - No Messiah in sight.

Defy a flurry of Arab violations of basic human rights - respond in kind with new set of infringements. - Is that the Messiah at the door? Nope.

Watch and overtly enjoy every Mel Brooks movie ever made, including Robin Hood: Men in Tights. - Hey! Well if it isn't the Messi...um, no, no that's not him. Just the mailman.

Give Yasser Arafat a small role in the musical Annie (look for him in a cameo as one of the little orphan girls - a moving performance). - I don't think he's gonna show.

Draft Mathieu Schneider. - Donde esta il messiah? (upside down question mark) Il Messiah non esta aqui.

So Mats, if you think I'm going to fall into this waiting trap again, I, no, WE, we the Jews, know better. Forget it, take your schmekel someplace else.

20 comments:

DDOHabFan said...

This shit is gold. Gold, Jerry! Gold!

HabsFan29 said...

oy

Moester said...

Very clever!

fezworth said...

LOL... FHF just got posted on H I/O. Wow. Congratulations 29, you've hit the big time. Or something.

HabsFan29 said...

@fezworth - my own Jewish guilt forces me to point out that it was actually HF4 who wrote the post, not me. so let's make "big time" jokes about him instead

Anonymous said...

lol at the "Countdown to Sundin Decision"

yeah, fuck you mats! (unless you sign for the Habs inc which case, you are a god)

Habsfan10 said...

I thought our Messiah just signed an 11 year extension in Tampa.

lawyergirl77 said...

Fucking brilliant, 4. This is up there with the invention of Halak as Cult Hero. Well done!

fezworth said...

@4: my apologies. I should have actually looked at the bottom of the post!

A great one, kudos!

@anonymous: are your standards so low? God-like status in Montreal is only achieved after you've won 3 Cups. Mats is going to have to do some bridge-building after this.

CareyCareyCarey said...

Screw Mats, screw Gainey, screw Price.

Goaltending wins Stanley Cups, and we all know Jesus Saves.

Ergo...

moeman said...

What lawyergirl77 said...

Also,

Is she married yet? Cuz every time she posts a comment I get all verklempt and I check to see if I can afford to propose marriage to her.

hmanpuckfan said...

I thought our messiah was nicknamed "TFS", did I miss something? GOD, I wish the season would start already!

Robert L said...

HabsFan10 - Have you ordered your summit tickets?

Anonymous said...

Mats???? Messiah???
Clearly you don't know anything about politics so don't mix it in with hockey...
ex:
Conquer Palestinian Land, evict the Palestinians - you know, violate a bunch of human rights and all that jazz. - No Messiah.

Resist Arab aggression and firmly establish a Jewish state to coincide with the biblical depiction of Israel. - No Messiah in sight

I can't believe you guys are still using your past to try to get Mats now...
Pathetic

Monty said...

He's not the Messiah! He's a naughty boy!

HabsFan29 said...

@monty - +1. I believe the first Life of Brian reference ever on FHF. well done, sir.

@anon - go find a dictionary and look up satire, will you?

Anonymous said...

@anon....after you look up satire in the dictionary go to google images and type in "farschimmeled" you'll find your picture in your favorite Dougie Gilmour leafs shirt.

Anonymous said...

What your gonna start calling me an antisemite? lol
Just saying don't mix in politics with hockey when u obviously know nothing about politics...

lawyergirl77 said...

Anon - These guys have forgotten more about politics than you could possibly know. Go trolling elsewhere and try to git yerself some ejdumucation while yer at it. It helps with the ladies.

Moeman - you crack me up. Marriage is in a year from now, but, more importantly, we've been able to find a way to budget for the nuptuals AND keep our seasons tickets! A girl's gotta have priorities, after all!

Monty - Well played, sir, Well played. In the same vein: Is Sundin's cock tease symbolic of his struggle against the oppressive Leafs regime or a symbol of his struggle against reality.

Anonymous said...

Nice post!

Only thing is the Jews missed the Messiah once, in fact they nailed him...

So... Sundin, should you come to Montreal, assume the position - arms out...