Friday, April 23, 2010

Ten Things I Hate About the Washington Capitals ... Little People being Little and Petty on the Brink of Elimination Game Preview and Open Thread

Oh Ovie, your jealous bitter tears are delicious.


10 Things I Hate About the Washington Capitals

Hey, any Caps fans remember the above picture of Bob Mason? No, of course not. It happened before Ovie. Yet here we are, in the playoffs, and the lot of you are all Rocking the Red and getting ready to dispose of our beloved Habs. I hate that. Know what else I hate?

10. The Caps are usually boring. In the 80's and 90's, the Caps were the nameless, faceless, dull and vanilla team from the Patrick, lead by the Michael Pivonkas, Bengt Gustavssons, Calle Johansens and Mike Ridleys of the world. Even when the Caps had a bona-fide star he was a one-dimensional sniper like Mike Gartner, Bobby Carpenter or Peter Bondra. For the first 30 years of their existence, the Caps were the dullest team in the NHL.

9. Wait, that's not correct. At one point we all sat up and took notice of the Caps because they traded for Jaromir Jagr and trotted out some hideous new uniforms in crap blue and gold. Fantastic. Nothing like being the hockey team in the capital of the good old Red White and Blue U S of A and trashing those colours for this.

8. Of course, the Caps wore those terrible jerseys to their only Stanley Cup final in 1998, which happened to be one of the worst finals I've ever seen. Hockey's dead puck era might have reached its nadir with the abject display that final represented. Just terrible hockey and it wasn't Detroit's fault.

7. Dennis Maruk. Dennis Maruk's mustache. As a kid I received a book about NHL superstars. It featured Gretzky and Lafleur and Bossy and Trottier and Dionne and Dennis Fucking Maruk. Ruined the book. Seriously. A full slate of Hall-of-Famers and Dennis Maruk? Even finding a decent shot of Dennis Maruk on the web wasn't easy. Know why? Because it's Dennis Fucking Maruk, that's why!

6. If I hear one more announcer mention the hardscrabble, 17 teams in 13 leagues rocky road to the NHL that fat, bald whiny Bruce Boudreau took to get the Caps job, I'm going to murder someone. Boudreau's a good coach who travelled a lot. WE FUCKING GET IT. Cory Clouston in Ottawa is also an interesting story. So is Dan Bylsma in Pittsburgh. Peter Laviolette's journey over the past few years is pretty interesting too. Boudreau isn't NHL coaching's fucking answer to "Rudy", for fucks sakes.

5. Hey, has Dan Snyder traded for Terrell Owens yet? Did Donovan McNabb buy a house in Arlington? No? Okay, like the rest of the bandwagoning "Rock the Red" Caps fans, I'll continue to pay attention until the Redskins start training camp. Where the hell were all these Caps fans when Rod Langway or even Scott Stevens patrolled the blueline? Where were they 2 years ago when I was in Washington for a conference and Ovie was gunning for his 50th goal of the season and I went to the box office the day of the game and the ticket office basically offered me whatever price point I wanted? ( Christ, they even a student rush ticket. I was 34 years old.)

4. Dale Hunter. Dale "Head" Hunter. Author of one of the cheapest shots in NHL playoff history (you know the one). Guy with the second most penalty minutes in NHL history. Guy who fought with his own brother in an NHL game. Guy who now regularly gets suspended and fined for allowing his London Knights players to leave the bench for fights and abuses opposing coaches, players, and referees with abandon. Yeah, the Caps retired his number.

3. Hey, speaking of cheapshotting pricks, it's Alexander Ovechkin! You know, rookie of the year Ovie was a real treat to watch. He scored, he hit, he looked like he loved to be at the rink. Sure, he was a little reckless sometimes, but what a competitor! But the Ovie of the last couple of years has become a sullen, showboating, cheapshotting ass. He throws out knee on knee hits, he shoves cameramen, he treats reporters like shit, and he's become a miserable fuck. Two years ago if you'd asked me who I wanted on my team, I would have debated Crosby/Ovechkin for days. But today? Crosby deals patiently with the media, doesn't say stupid shit, doesn't throw dangerous hits and wins. Is Ovie bitter that Crosby keeps winning stuff he wants? Good. His whole "black hat" act (if it is an act) is wearing thin. If it isn't an act, he's just a dick.

2. There is a 10-DVD set of the 10 greatest Capitals games ever. Hold on, you say. Aren't the Caps only 35 years old? And didn't they suck for their first oh, 15 years? Oh, don't worry, you Red Rocking fans. The Caps thought of that. The first game in the set takes place in 1988. The second is in 1996. The third is the victory that sends them to their first and only Stanley Cup final in 1998. The other seven discs are from 2005 on. That's right, of the 10 greatest games in Washington Capitals history, seven of them just happened to involve Alex Ovechkin. In fact, one of them is Ovie's debut! There's also Bruce Boudreau's debut (really?) the night the Caps defeated their age-old Southeast Division rivals the Panthers to clinch a playoff spot, and the night they beat an imploding Rangers team to advance to the second round in 2009. Thankfully they didn't include one of the most interesting and famous games in NHL history (the Easter Epic that resulted in our feature photo above) because Caps fans would be confused by the funny star-covered white jerseys that Washington allegedly wore at home BO (Before Ovie).

1. Of course, the DVD collection makes perfect sense to TSN, CBC, Versus and ESPN, because according to them, this Capitals team is the 1955-60 Habs reincarnate, an unstoppable juggernaut of scoring awesomeness and Monsters! (TM McSplooge) that is destined for Cup glory this year and for the foreseeable future. Relax. This Caps team is about the eliminate an over matched, unlucky 8th seed with goaltending issues and the slowest defence this side of France's Maginot line ... however, change a bounce here or a boneheaded play there and they might be down 3-1 in this series. Beating this Habs team doesn't mean a damn thing.

Got comments, final words, funeral elegies? Put them in the comments.

182 comments:

Boob Gainey said...

Great stuff.

One thing though - they play the Flyers next, and I can think of 20 things I hate about the Flyers that are way worse than the Caps number 1.

igor said...

Man, Dale Hunter was the best...

Habsfan10 said...

@ Boob:

Check the 10 Things I Hate Archive. Panger did a number on the Flyers a few years back.

HabsFan29 said...

Caps made the Finals? really?

good hatin' 10.

bea.habs.fan said...

this should be required reading to the a-holes at TSN, CBC etc.

perfect hate list 10!
(learned things I never knew or frankly cared to know about the Caps)

moeman said...

Jaro starts.

Off to slit my wrists.

Boob Gainey said...

I just re-read that Ten Things I Hate About the Flyers. Beautiful.

However, I think you could easily have a ten things list about only Bobby Clarke, and a separate 10 for the rest of the Flyers' organization.

J.T. said...

@10: Good list, but I'd have to add the tanking to it. Sure, it's wonderful to score a hundred goals more than your opposition and go 25% on the PP. Too bad you had to suck balls for years to land the talent to do it. I hate beyond anything else that a team that actually TRIES to be decent and make the playoffs gets rewarded by crap draft picks, while teams with cheap ownership, bumbling management, no-show fans and lousy players get handed all the best NHL-ready talent. Well, whoopie, Washington, you stunk and the NHL fixed you up by handing you the Second Coming all nicely giftwrapped and ready to roll. Then you still sucked, so they said no problem and handed you a nice big, talented centre to go with him. Well, that sure took a lot of foresight and hockey knowledge didn't it? I hate teams that tank for glory and I hate the NHL for allowing it to happen in the name of its artificial concept of parity.

@moe: Aw, give Jaro a break. They had to play him so Price doesn't freak out and break something important when they lose tonight.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Rabbi, FHF, family and friends.
I'll never forget the way the Habs used to laugh and have a smoke on the bench before scoring a bunch of goals to win a game 102-4. The team always had a smile and a helping hand. I love the way they would give me a boost when I was down no matter what they had on their plate. Yes they were almost 101 but age doesn't matter, they cared and they made the best mandelbroit on the planet.....

You said eulogize... Never mind.
Don't embarrass me, Habs. Please.

Habsfan1993 said...

I say this with all respect, but Fuck Sidney Crosby. I'll Take Ovie in a heartbeat over that whiny, overrated, cheap-shot-ing little bitch. Ovie plays with the same reckless abandon he showed in his first year. Nothing's changed, except now the team around him can win even without him.

Sidney Crosby is a worse cheapshot artist than Ovie. Nut-punching anyone? To top it off, he is a whiny bitch who STILL doesn't stfu when things aren't going his way.
Olympics? Invisible, except for one lucky bounce.

Crosby is the second-best player...on his own team. And don't get me started on his undeserved "captaincy." What an effing joke.

And would someone tell that little bitch that my grandmother grows a better moustache? Seriously. Shave that fucking poop-stain off your upper lip.

I don't want the Caps to win this series, but damn. If they do, it's Caps all the way for me. At least they play exciting hockey, and Ovie plays the game the way it's supposed to be played.

Bob said...

I was Caps fan long before Ovie.

First, that picture of Bob Mason is from the Easter 4OT game when the Islanders beat the Caps. That game represented the beginning of my "I hate Pat LaFontaine era".

Second, it's Michal Pivonka (no "e").

You are correct, the Caps were a solidly anonymous team for most of their existence. It semmed every other team had one signature guy you had to worry about. Instead, the Caps had two lines worth of guys no one had to worry about.

Which brings us to Jagr. I thought I hated him as Penguin. That's nothing compared to how much I loathed him as a Capital. He sucked. Just a lazy piece of passionless horse dung from the word 'go'. Ted Leonsis' one major error since he bought the team.

Those ugly blue and bronze uni's weren't the Caps idea. They were the brainchild of a Wizard's executive. The late Abe Pollin owned both the Wiz and the Caps. When the Wizards decided to change their name from the Bullets, they needed new uniforms. Someone suggested that if the Caps had a similar color scheme, they could theme out the building (which Pollin also owned) AND make a bunch of $$$ from people running out to buy the new jerseys. You're right, though. They were hideous.

That Finals was awful, but only because the wrong team won.

Now, Dennis Maruk WAS before my time. I'm a long-time Caps fan, but not that long. I doubt I could pick the guy out of a line-up.

Bruce is the best coach the Caps ever had. The best thing about him: His last name isn't fucking Murray!!!

I watched Rod Langway and Scott Stevens. And Kevin Hatcher. And Sylvain Cote after he came over from Hartford. I remember when Larry Murphy was a Cap (then a Northstar, and a Penguin, and Red Wing...and there are probably other teams I'm missing in there somewhere). I remember when the Caps traded for Ken Sabourin from Calgary and David Poile, the world's most dishonest and incompetent talent evaluator ever, told fans Ken was going to be this great defenseman. Yeah, whatever.

Dale Hunter was an important figure in Caps history. You can't talk about that era of the team without mentioning him. His number's retired because of what he meant to the team, not what a great guy he was or what he meant to the league. And Pierre Turgeon was a second-rate wuss, anyway.

I like Ovie. I'm glad he's a Cap. He is reckless. And moody, from time to time. My favorite current Capital is Nick Backstrom.

I don't doubt that most of the Caps' "greatest games" are recent. For a long time, the Caps were either painful or boring to watch. That's because their NBA-loving owner treated them as an afterthought and their coaches/scouts/and front office were incompetent.

How many series has Ottawa folded in under Bryan Murray's watch? What's Terry Murray ever won as a coach? David Poile is still running a mediocre franchise on a shoestring budget, only now he's doing it in Nashville. For years, the Caps braintrust was retarded.

TSN, Versus, NBC, and ESPN hate the Caps. It's all about Crosby. Crosby this, Crosby that, Crosby the other thing. Milbury calls the team the Crapitals, on air, and takes every backhanded cheapshot at the team he can muster. So does that doucebag Barnaby. Don Cherry can't dress himself, but he has nothing but derisive comments to make about the Caps and their "soft" European lineup.

One thing about the current Canadiens I don't understand: They used to have a bunch of French-Canadien guys on the team. And I don't mean like Rocket Richard's era. I mean like Stephane Richer, J.J. Daigneault, Eric Desjardins, Guy Carbonneau...that era. Now? None of the real difference makers for that team are French-Canadien.

What happened???

Ronan said...

@ HF1993
You're supposed to save that rant for when the Habs meet the Pens in the playoffs!

Seriously, though, Crosby may whine, but I can't see him ending someone's career. Ovechkin is pretty much guaranteed to do that at some point. Which is where all the Ovie-hate comes from.

Plays the game the way it's meant to be played... dangerously? I love a solid hit as much as the next guy, but Ovie does not lay "solid hits". He jumps, he nails people from behind, he hits guys who are nowhere close to the puck. He's Matt Cooke who scores 50 goals. That's it. And the only thing he's proved so far in the playoffs is that Crosby ain't the only one who can be accused of being the second-best on his team right now. If anything, the Habs' greatest accomplishment this post-season has been to show that you don't need the likes of Toews, Richards, and Nash to make the great 8 a non-factor.

Habsfan1993 said...

All good points. I really hate that Backstrom is doing better, because my wife has him in my playoff pool while I have Ovie. Grrr. And she has Crosby. But my rant has nothing to do with my playoff pool, just the way I see things. But it is true that Ovie can be shut down by the likes of Markov and Gill. The Habs always do a good job of matching up against him.

sleza said...

oh bengt-åke, you evil, evil man :(

btw, it's Gustafsson ;)

Anonymous said...

Caps in the seventies were cool. In 76 They had this really good French guy rookie Guy Charron, who scored from the boards from an impossible angle on an empty net because Dryden was like 10 feet out and thinking about who he was gonna intern with.

Charron just wristed the fucker in from 35 feet, no hesitation, with about 2 degrees of net available. I was like ten feet away at the Forum. Cool goal.

The Habs won 9-1 that night.

We used to do this thing at the forum: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9…we want 10! In French and English. That was fun. We used to sing that a lot when the Caps and Scouts came to town.

So the Caps now are like Stalin after he killed everyone who knew him before he came to power, so that everyone would think he’s always been in power. But he wasn’t . At one time he was just a dirty little masturbator from Gori, Georgia.

It’s the same thing as if you last at Goldman Sachs in Manhattan for more than three years. All the new kids think you’ve been there forever. But it's not true.

But I don’t forget. Oh no. I saw the CAPITALS (great hockey name!) at the Forum lots of times in the seventies, and they had no underwear on and they had tiny penises.

Tiny penises forever Caps. When you win 24 cups come talk to us.

Bob said...

The way these two teams are headed, the Caps will 24 before the Habs win #25.

Habsfan10 said...

@ Caps fan Bob:

Welcome! And thanks for pointing out some of the follies of the Caps without throwing bricks or feces through the windows at FHF headquarters like all the Rangers and Flyers fans do. And good for you for hating Pat Lafontaine ... I didn't think anyone could hate Pat Lafontaine, but then, I've never met a Caps fan who remembers the Easter Epic.

@HF1993:

Agreed, Crosby can be whiny, and he grows a lousy mustache. But I think there's a difference between actively seeking to throw a knee or leaving your feet for every check (like Ovie does) versus wailing away on Boris Valabik's nuts in a heated scrum. Crosby's no angel, but he's not a regular cheapshot artist. And if you think Malkin is better than Crosby at this point, you're mad. More talented, maybe. But Crosby is carrying that Pens team right now and Malkin looks like a 6'4 Kovalev.

WV: shased. I hope Varlamov gets shased out of the net tonight because the Habs fired 7 past him.

dwgs said...

Well I'll be damned. First a reasonable and knowledgeable Caps fan and then an amusing Anonymous. The stars must be aligning.

Dan said...

Yes, there's a lot of bandwaggoners here now...but there's a lot of us who remember exactly where we were when Pat LaFontaine spun and drilled that damn puck past Bob Mason.

I didn't so much hate LaFontaine as much as I did Mason and Pete Peeters. (Mason for that playoff collapse, and his battery mate for the one that came a couple years later vs the Flyers...when Hextall scored on his empty net.)

I have a lot of respect for the Habs. If it weren't for the Habs dealing us Langway (and Engblom & Lachlan)...there probably wouldn't BE a hockey team in Washington right now.

It's funny how different the Ovie that is portrayed in other cities differs from the one we see being here in DC. Context is everything.

Tell you what, we won't make the mistake of assuming that every Habs fan eats croissants and crepes for breakfast (which sounds f**king AWESOME by the way. Some butter and nutella on that...damn right!) and sounds like Gérard Depardieu...and you guys try to realize that many of us who are Rocking the shit our of our Red have been doing so for many, MANY excruciating years. (It was an empty f***ing net, Tikannen, you shit! The crippled kid on Glee could have buried that puck!)

Deal?

GoldenGirl11 said...

I think we need a round of koombaya. All together...

Dan said...

@GoldenGirl1 - do we have to sing the 2nd verse in French? I don't know the lyrcs. (I kid. I kid...or at least I spray a kid with snow.)

Habsfan10 said...

@ Dan:

Hell no. We're all about pigeonholing, stereotyping, and erroneous facts around here. And Pants. And nonsensical nicknames, NSFW photos and righteous indignation. Some sarcasm.

Welcome aboard. Feel free to curse out the Bruins, Leafs or Flyers while you are here.

Bill 101 said...

totally digging the honourable (!)
opponent love

but, in desperation, switching to raspberry and getting ready for the magnificent comeback of Les Glorieux blah blah blah

GO HABS GO!!

kevincrumbs said...

Jaro is starting? Fuck JM.

Also, 100 cocktails to the knowledgeable and calm Caps fans in here.

Dan said...

Oh...and if we're talking about alumni from our teams getting suspended for getting their players in the minors/juniors into fights...um...your boy Roy hasn't had the most spotless record coaching either.

Been reading FHF for a while...since Caps Chick included you guys in the Hockey Survey of Death last year. (love sexy Fridays...and the pre game skate photoshops). Just finally felt like jumping into the convo on this one.

Bob said...

I accept your 100 cocktails and raise you three bottles of Dom.

Truth is, Dan and I have had our blog linked to FHF for more than a year.

You can check out our blog at http://twointheboxblog.blogspot.com

We aren't solely hockey, but we do a fair bit on the Caps. But we have a Habs fan and several loyal Red Wings followers on staff.

It's funny you guys talk about the newbies (our local term for Caps bandwagon fans). There's a rift there. Those of us who've been following the team since the mid-80's or longer kind of roll our eyes at people who think hockey began in DC when Ovechkin was drafted. They don't know what icing or offsides is, but they sure do LOVE Ovechkin.

What can you do?? At least THEIR money goes toward making OUR team better. :-)

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Dan
I didn't know there were French lyrics. Hell I didn't even know there were English lyrics. I thought it was a lot of humming and swaying and meditative moaning. Maybe a round of havana nagilla for old time's sake. Moeman can crank up his organ.

Dan said...

As long as it's not Lady of Spain. Don't want Reggie Dunlap to kick all our asses.

HabsFan29 said...

♫ Kumbaya, My Lord, Kumbaya... ♫

@Dan @Bob, you've been 'rolled. sorry it took so long

dwgs said...

Oh please don't encourage moeman to take out his organ again, I only just finished getting the stains out from last time.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Bob and Dan
you're taking the hate out of tonight's game for me.

This all reminds me of the night in 1993 that a group of university students rang my parents doorbell at around 10 pm on a Friday night. They were in from out of town to see the hockey game and their car broke down in front of the GG household. They didn't have jackets and it was snowing so they looked for the friendliest house and prayed that it wasn't owed by murderers. The GGs welcomed them inside only to find out that they were Bruins fans. I think the guys were afraid to tell us at first but the accents gave them away and then they were in complete shock that we didn't throw them out. Instead we called CAA and fed them dinner.

Damn you likeable fans of other teams!

Boob Gainey said...

In fairness to the Caps, when I went to a game there 18 months ago there were lots of fans with old Caps jerseys with names like Langway and Oates.

So I think they have had a solid core of support.

Also, re: tanking I think they only had two top picks in the last decade (Ovie and Backstrom). The rest of the team is just down to smart management.

David Wilkie's Ghost said...

If we're talking about old-time Caps and mandelbroit, we probably shouldn't forget [a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_TwAbZhMGVEw/Rd-Ebp_F0_I/AAAAAAAAAn8/-oAKz0FQMVA/s400/berniewolfe.jpg"]This Guy[/a]

David Wilkie's Ghost said...

Sorry, that should be This Guy

GoldenGirl11 said...

@David
His mandelbroit was beyond. Beyond.

Bob said...

Well, when it became clear to Ted Leonsis that Jagr was not the answer (not even part of the answer), and the lockout was looming, he gave George McPhee (GMGM) permission to sell off the veteran assets and get young talent and/or picks.

So Bondra became Brooks Laich, and Robert Lang became Tomas Fleischmann and Mike Green, and so on. GMGM has really done a great job building this team. The core group is almost entirely guys that were either drafted by the Caps or have only played NHL games for the Caps.

And yeah, the Caps stunk that year before the lockout and then for a couple of years post-lockout, but unlike when Pollin ran the team, the fans here that were paying attention back then could sense there was a pupose and plan behind it. And this year, I mean, I know they haven't won the Cup, but this is the best Caps team ever assembled. It is. Their regular season alone earns them that distinction. Compared to the Caps teams I grew up watching, this group is insanely talented.

You be hard-pressed to fit most of the guys who played for the Caps back in the day into this current roster, because those older guys weren't talented enough. I mean, Langway and Stevens, sure...but forwards?? Maybe Ridley as the 3rd line center (our version of Jordan "Not Eric" Staal). Bondra, certainly. We don't need Pivonka. Semin satisifes our quota of barely interested, super-talented Euro guys.

moeman said...

@dwgs, takes a lot of hot for me to take, IT, out.

~~~

The weekend started 38 minutes ago.
PitCHer of strong rumtinis made.
Montreal Steak Spice laced sirloin burgers on the BBQ.
Habs, don't fuck with my weekend and go you fuckers.

~~~

I need a song to parody bitCHes ...

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Bob
Stop teaching me stuff that might open my mind to actual hocke reality!! Please I'm very comfy with my "YA! WELL WE HAVE 24 CUPS!!!" comeback and you're making me feel shame. Wait. Let me see if I still have it...

Ya! Well Ovechkin sprays kids with snow! And, uh, we have 24 cups and uh, YOU SUCK!!

Ok. Still works for me. Carry on.

RiRi said...

Awesome list, 10! I especially enjoyed 6, 3 and 2.

Debated about whether I should watch or not. This game's gotten me thinking: Will this be the last time we see Pleks in a Habs jersey? What about Metro? Halak?

Then, I decided I just couldn't miss it.

Oh and of course I want them to win but if they're gonna lose, I hope they do it with dignity. No misconducts or unsportsmanlike penalties, please.

Go Habs Go!!!

lawyergirl77 said...

@Bob/@Dan,

I refuse to be tainted by your calm, rational analysis. I am offended by your logic on game day. It has no place in the game of hockey.

Just ask our coach, Jacques Martin. Logic clearly doesn't play a part in his game plans. And apparently your coach thinks he's a genius!

(sob - why did you guys have to be so damn likeable!! I had a last line telling you to go fuck yourselves and I had to delete it!! *Shakes fist*)

Bob said...

If nothing else works tonight, Martin can always initiate Carey Price's "Operation: Hockey Chop" and see who he can maim with his goalie stick sneak attack. :-)

Tyg said...

Bob, that would require some actual emotion and a display of this same emotion from Jacques Martin. He is a robotic automaton, which would be fine if he had the computer strategic smarts to boot, but really he's just a glorified paperweight. The only way he's going to hit anybody is if the team picks him up by his shiny suit and lobs him onto the ice at Ovi. Hey, gets my vote!

lawyergirl77 said...

@Tyg - word. Lost track of the times I've wished he could flap his Dumbo ears and fly away. The shiny (a.k.a. cheap ass) suits should help avoid wind resistance...

WV (too perfect): terable. As in, JM's sartorial sense is terable. See also, can't believe how terable Hamr is playing.

Tyg said...

@LG - For all the money he's getting paid to NOT do something, dude should consider getting those ears fixed. It's bad enough he IS a clown, he has to actually look like one too? Hamr needs to pound the Caps instead of his own team. Either that or just call in sick like the Spaceman.

FINALLY! Metro telling it like it is, talking smack. JM sucks! From his own player yet!

http://dailyhab-it.blogspot.com/

moeman said...

Didja ever notice it says Pants! on the main FHF logo!

moeman said...

Jesus Price was just alright with me, Jesus Price was just alright, oh yeah
Jesus Price was just alright with me, Jesus Price was just alright

I don't care what JM may say
I don't care what JM may do
I don't care what JM may say
Jesus Price was just alright, oh yeah
Jesus Price was just alright

Jesus Price was just alright with me, Jesus Price was just alright, oh yeah
Jesus Price was just alright with me, Jesus Price was just alright

I don't care what JM may know
I don't care where JM may go
I don't care what JM may know
Jesus Price was just alright, oh yeah

Jesus Price, he's our man; Jesus Price, not the refs friend
He took 'WE' by our Pants!; Almost Led "WE' from fucking Caps land
Jesus Price, he's our man

Jesus Price was just alright with me, Jesus Price was just alright, oh yeah
Jesus Price was just alright with me, Jesus Price was just alright

I don't care what JM may say, I don't care what JM may do
I don't care what JM may say, Jesus Price was just alright, oh yeah

Moey said...

"Beating this Habs team doesn't mean a damn thing."

Damn right 10, remember the Bruins' fans last year? After sweeping our AHL Habs they had a false sense of superiority then promptly crashed and burned in the second. It was fucking awesome.

Boob Gainey said...

These Habs are good. Better record than Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Philly or NJ in 2010.

I actually think the Caps are going to go all the way.

But tonight I unleash my secret weapon. A Frite Alors poutine before the game. We always win when I have one.

moeman said...

Off topic but Montréal's reception of our Canadian Olympians was heartwarming and purely and proudly Canadian.

HabsFan29 said...

moe i may just have light a Doobie in honour of that one. well done

and I was at Philips Square today. When Joannie was introduced, the roar was deafening. quite something

HabsFan29 said...

BTW im too tense to prepare real food. Triple Cheese instant KD for me! With beer. really, it's a quality Shabbat dinner

Baruch said...

Bernie Wolfe!

umm

I don't have much to say after all. Nice job of the 10 Hates 10 I wouldn't have been able to get to 10...too boring. I'd forgotten about those navy golds though.. Caps totally stole our colours though.

Jaro playing? meh. I was a solid Jaro-noid until the game before the olympics which he pretty well threw single handed. That really stunned me, but then the last 3 games of the season really disenchanted me.

Yeah he is young though and he hasn't been in the spotlight like this before. If CP was in nets tonight he might play with more emotion, but that might involve him decapitating someone or slicing their tendon on purpose. He's just that wack kinda flesh eating goalie.

So I can't condemn JM for the decision to play Jaro, there was, alas no good choice. Maybe we could have rented Backstrom from the Wild...

I've been watching the games on comcast and on versus, I think the versus guys do a decent job of trying to get excited about the Habs chances. Of course that is just their professionalism since otherwise who would watch the foregone conclusion.

GO HABS GO!!

and finally...
Fleury still sucks but reliably enough to win a cup.

HabsFan29 said...

is it bad if i keep switching over to the 2nd round of the NFL draft?

HabsFan29 said...

OK let's get this over with already

HabsFan29 said...

SQUID!!!!

GoldenGirl11 said...

Squid on shabbat!

orangeman said...

Yay?

Haven't they scored first in every game in this series. It sure feels like it.

Baruch said...

squid (trayf)

can't believe how unmoved I am by that fine Habs goal

orangeman said...

VS guys just said Habs have been outscored 9-1 at even strength when the Urologist has been on the ice. Why is he still here? Alive?

HabsFan29 said...

MOEmaN!!!

Orangeman said...

Fuck yeah! I didn't wake up early for nothing! So far!

HabsFan29 said...

nice play by Semin. god it hurts to say that

PING!!!

HabsFan29 said...

wow what work on the PK

this good feeling wont last

HabsFan29 said...

GOD NOT ANOTHER PENALTY

HabsFan29 said...

"MAB -8 in the series"

i didnt think you could do that in 4 games

Orangeman said...

Oh, Hammer was interfere with. I just thought he was sitting down taking a rest.

Orangeman said...

God Cap fans are idiots. Oh, thanks Patrice for destroying another PP.

HabsFan29 said...

hey CHicken got a shot! i forgot he was playing in the playoffs

Orangeman said...

Oh good, Varmolov is allowed to play the puck in the trapazoid. Do whatever you like, Washington. Montreal's gotten their token PP.

GoldenGirl11 said...

The trunk is not enough!!!

HabsFan29 said...

win or lose, this was a pretty entertaining 15 minutes of hockey

that's something, right?

HabsFan29 said...

fuck ANOTHER over the boards. ugh.

HabsFan29 said...

hey i can live with that period.

we've had a lot of good periods in this series

Orangeman said...

O....k....

I'm going to be careful here. That was a good period, yes. Much better than I expected. Much much better than I expected, actually.

So, 29 and GG11, are we the only real Habs fans around here? haha.

HabsFan29 said...

it's lonely when we're down 3-1

Orangeman said...

Or are we the only masochists?

dwgs said...

I'm here, I just can't type during the period, either my fists are clenched tight or I'm drinking.
The four year old took one look at a shot of Boudreau and said,"I like his head, it's like a bowling ball with eyes. Hey dad, remember when the big head got mad?"
Damn, I love my kids.
Go Pants and screw everybody who's not us.

GoldenGirl11 said...

Watching at my parents house. Father of GG was looking at his email during both goals. He is not allowed to look up for the rest of the game. I'm keeping a close eye on him.

I hope the urologist gets a PP infection.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@dwgs
That's so cute! My four year old said "fuck you I hate you so much (insert name of older brother)!"

I love my kids too. They shame me constantly but I love them.

Orangeman said...

Fuck you TSN, but for a totally different reason this time. All the highlights and interviews with the Olympians are only available in Canada. You know TSN with youtube you're just delaying my gratification. I hate you.

dwgs said...

He also said, while leaving daycare yesterday, "Dad, I had this terrible dream, I was a fucking baby!"
Me - "Don't speak that way!"
"But Dad, I was a fuckin' baby!"
He gets it from his mother.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@dwgs
maybe the kids are in school together. Mine refers to his brothers as "dumb ass" too. It's heartwarming.

GoldenGirl11 said...

You'd think that the ref's phone in Washington would be red, no?

Orangeman said...

Oh good, another ridiculous delay from the bosses in Toronto.

HabsFan29 said...

ANOTHER FUCKING RIDICULOUS DELAY

i hate this league

HabsFan29 said...

a coke for orangeman. i type too slow

Orangeman said...

"This just in from Toronto. Due to problems with the overhead cameras used for video review Gary Bettman has decided to end this game immediately and award the win to the Washington Capitals."

HabsFan29 said...

heh at o'man

we continue to work hard. thats something, right?

HabsFan29 said...

it's not something. CRAP

HabsFan29 said...

not ovie again. feh.

Orangeman said...

It's like the forwards want to win and the defence wants to lose.

HabsFan29 said...

cmon CASH IT

GoldenGirl11 said...

Crazy Joe DiCorvo. Nasty.

HabsFan29 said...

that was a PP?

HabsFan29 said...

oh great now a PK

game slipping, even with a lead. ugh.

Orangeman said...

Seriously, get Bergeron off the ice. It's like he's trying to suck.

Orangeman said...

Check this cartoon out in the Toronto Star

Really, Toronto? Do you really want to get into a tit for tat about the NHL playoffs?

HabsFan29 said...

orange that's Tronna for ya. pathetic.

CMON CASH ONE FOR FUCKS SAKE

HabsFan29 said...

miracle they didnt get another shorty there

Orangeman said...

These were the 2 best PPs in the league this year?

HabsFan29 said...

another heh at o'man. you're sharp tonight / today

Orangeman said...

Seriously, they both play better SH.

And the Toronto Star is also the paper that called the leafs' season a success.

My god, decline any future PPs.

HabsFan29 said...

well we're still winning. that's something, right?

HabsFan29 said...

even count chokula used the phrase "cash in" like me

ok, SO CASH IN

GoldenGirl11 said...

All this pp talk has me running to the bathroom.

ezzeloharr said...

Just wanted to clarify: cartoon is by Aislin, who draws for The Gazette in Montréal...

At least we know how to make fun of ourselves, right?

RiRi said...

Just got home. I've been listening on the radio and it sounded like they were really trying. That's something, I guess.

Go Habs Go!!!

Ooh lookie! McSplooge interviewing Count Chocula. My life is complete!

Orangeman said...

Oh, just decline it.

RiRi said...

This 2-1 lead really feels like being down 2-1, if that makes any sense.

HabsFan29 said...

thx ezzel. thought the style looked familiar

another PP wasted

ezzeloharr said...

Two bad things about our PP:
1) We don't score when we're on it, and
2) They do.

Orangeman said...

Thanx ezz for clarifying. Still ballsy/wussy for a Toronto paper to print it, especially after the love they heaped on their own failed franchise (every year).

HabsFan29 said...

NICE JOB ON OVIE RHINO

where were you all series? oh yeah, JM benched you

HabsFan29 said...

hey a lead after 2! we're set, right? right?

ezzeloharr said...

@29: Set to fail?

Orangeman said...

So is this the do-over 2-1 lead after 2 that they didn't get last game?

Baruch said...

blast some caps ass in the 3rd you fucking habs!!!

Orangeman said...

Now to vacuum and do the dishes. Cleaning during the game calms me. I can take my frustrations out on grease and dust. Fuck you grease and dust.

Stephen said...

If the Maginot line were a person, it would be Hal Gill. Huge, expensive, and about five years behind the times.

Also, a Caps DVD set without the Easter game is pointless.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@orange
come to my house next season. My housekeeper just gave me notice. I know you hate children sometimes and you are so good at mopping that your principal has you do it during class. That's good enough for me.

dwgs said...

@GG11, that's some good thinking. I'll send my little potty mouth over there and we can start a daycare at the same time. That way the boys can learn them some proper English.

HabsFan29 said...

ok you fucktards hold a lead for a change

RiRi said...

*heart palpitations*

RiRi said...

JESUS CHRIST CHICKEN.

HabsFan29 said...

attaway to get on the stat sheet CHicken

not much of a hold

ezzeloharr said...

That was a garbage penalty, amirite?

RiRi said...

Yikes.

ezzeloharr said...

Jaro!

Orangeman said...

Let's be honest, the league learned from the Pens-Sens last night. Even though the refs have been fair so far, Habs will have to beat more than the Caps this 3rd period.

HabsFan29 said...

anyone notice Phlegmiller is more excited when the play is in the Habs zone? just me? ok then.

RiRi said...

Have we had a shot in the 3rd?

HabsFan29 said...

IM FREAKING OUT MAN

/ deep breath

RiRi said...

I know the feeling, 29. I've been clutching a pillow for the last 10 minutes and am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

RiRi said...

That NEEDED to go in.

RiRi said...

Too many men!!!

ezzeloharr said...

Too many men against the Caps?!

HabsFan29 said...

Boudreau's lips: "stupid fuck"

cmon just hold on. please

RiRi said...

STFU humpty dumpty

ezzeloharr said...

Bruce is such a whiner.

Whine whine whine whine whine.

ezzeloharr said...

Why was the faceoff not in the Washington zone?

ezzeloharr said...

Oh. My.

RiRi said...

*faints*

FUCK YEAH, BITCHES!!!

moeman said...

Great team win.

Go fuck yourself Caps.

Go fuck yourself tsn.

Orangeman said...

Ok, done cleaning. What I miss?

hfotwc said...

fuckers, and the delusional false hope continues..............

Dan said...

Somehow, I had a feeling your boys would take this one. We'll tangle again on Monday in your barn.

HabsFan29 said...

well we didn't go quietly. that's something, right? right?

im happy for a few hours. thx Habs

Orangeman said...

I was on my hands and knees that whole period....let me finish...scrubbing my floor. I'm sweating and shaking and have a headache. Not sure if it's the win or the bleach fumes.

Fuck you everyone not here.

RiRi said...

Count Chocula is genius!

Heh, couldn't even type that with a straight face.

Orangeman said...

Now to go out to a stag party and loss my new found optimism to financial collapse at the casino and STD clinic.

WV: upeeti. Is it just me or were the Habs upeeti tonight?

Baruch said...

ugh whew they even forechecked a couple of minutes in that period. congratulations Habs fans! hfotwc said it...delusion springs eternal, tiniest tendril of orange light licking up from the damped most downtrodden Canadiens magazine from 93.

moeman said...

The disgusting phlegmiller is the next bob cole.

Orangeman said...

We're better than the Devils!

Ha-lak *clap clap clap* Ha-lak! *clap clap clap*

Also, that was the best officiated game so far. And the Habs win. Hmmmmm....

hfotwc said...

Pee Air Moen-ster!

go les fuckin habs

soperman said...

Does anyone have a clip of Boudreau taking a hissy fit after the game. He probably did that in about 17 different professional leagues. Did he coach in the KHL?

habsss said...

I missed the entire game like I promised I would.

I just wanted to say the 10 things was amazing.

b said...

The ice time numbers on the Event Summary are interesting. With the exception of Markov Gorges Gionta Gill and Gomez, the time was much more evenly distributed. Nobody exhausted, nobody being stupid. Funny how that happens. Goalies at both ends had pretty amazing percentages.

Tyg said...

I was in a chatroom ministering to the put-upon put strong-hearted Habs fans who are - in large part - still with us due to the overwhelming effort of Jaroslav Halak. I'm off now to have a heart attack, because the excessive drinking just isn't cutting it. I apologize I wasn't with you, but I promise it was in a good cause, as we all are bitches of the same team. If a man abused me like the Habs do, I'd shoot him in the head and go to prison willingly. Just saying.

I love my Habs! I'm a sick glutton twisted gal! What can I say? Gawd help me.

WV - weedl - If I had some weedl I'd live longer, because my goddamned hockey team keeps trying to kill me!

RiRi said...

Some interesting TOI stats -

Urologist: 10:54
Hamr: 12:10

Looks like JM finally got the memo.

Anonymous said...

JM can't even lose with dignity.

Anonymous said...

Fuck you Habsfan10!!!!!!

From your friendly CAPS fan

GoldenGirl11 said...

my first preview will be "ten things I hate about anonymous". I hate the laziness of not picking a personal alias the most.

Dibbly said...

this is fantastic, and completely true. thank you.

DrunkenCousin said...

Halak Attack! Now back to chugging arsenic and youtubing 1994 playoff highlights.

- Neighborhood Friendly Ranger Fan

HabScot said...

THAT was what they are supposed to play like. Hold onto the fucking torch you bastards.

i hope we, and the Sens, can royally fuck up the NBC version of the playoffs. Screw you, Bettman.

B B said...

"... and the slowest defence this side of France's Maginot line..."

I'm stealing this one.

hfotwc said...

@drunkenbonehead. We all hate avery here and tortdefucka.

Doogie2K said...

Guy who fought with his own brother in an NHL game.

To be fair, it was Habs-Nords. Also, I have no problem in general with brothers fighting. I recently saw a brother fight in the WHL and it was the best fucking fight I've seen in ages, because those two would not stop throwing haymakers until one of them dropped.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Doogie
eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww

moeman said...

Apologies for dissing Jaro.

Also, this (despite the puckdaddy logo) is good;

http://video.yahoo.com/watch/7379433/19299313

lawyergirl77 said...

From the video linked by Moe: "If you squeeze da bottle, your hand gonna shake"

I HEART YOU JARO!!

Anonymous said...

This is great! Hate every last person in that horrible organization!

G P said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
G P said...

Some old Caps fans hate the new, clueless, "post-Ovi" ones just as much as you. Yeah, the Caps have sucked for most of their existence, but, you always stick by your hometown team.

Sweet pic of Mason, though. While we're on the subject of goalies, who was this guy again? Wasn't it Jocelyn NoCupsSinceRoyLeftTown something or other?

Anonymous said...

bitter much?

energycrunch said...

Yikes. Bitter at all?

Anonymous said...

I realize there are 177 comments and mine will probably not be seen, but I'd like to agree with the Ovechkin is the Dirtiest Player analysis. Crosby, as a captain, is supposed to talk to the refs. He's not the only Captain who does it, but people have decided to make it a terrible flaw.

Even if he does whine, that's the ONLY thing he does that could even be realistically used in an argument about who is a better player, teammate, and ambassador for the sport. (But remember that Crosby didn't ask to be the face of the league, haters...)

Ovechkin doesn't work as hard, he snubs the media, he knocks cameras out of young girls' hands, and he TRIES to hurt people. Crosby has been in a few fights, and I'll admit not all of those were mutual agreements, but they were FIGHTS. He doesn't take runs at people and then go hide on the bench when the enforcers come out. Every year, Sidney Crosby finds something from his game to work on, and he improves. Ovechkin simply gets more and more agitated with everybody around him and garners more and more suspensions for his cheap shots. How many suspensions has Crosby faced? Oh, that's right. So do you really think Ovechkin's suspensions came as a result of the league singling him out? Do you think the league wants its highest-profile player (let's face it, he DOES get more media attention than Crosby, and he gets waaaaaay more BJs from Mike Milbury...) sitting at home instead of drawing in fans? Doubt it.

Also, if you watch the highlight reels, you'll see that most of Ovie's "Great" goals were cheap knock-offs of Crosby plays from a year or two earlier. The Ovie shot while falling? Sidney's. The Ovie stick-over-the-head while sliding past the net? Crosby's.

And if that doesn't sell you, look at the team scoring. Without Crosby the Penguins would have SUCKED this year. Without Ovechkin the Caps would have been fine. Crosby is more important to his team, he's more helpful, and he's better for the league and the Penguins' image.

Nuff Said.

capfan819 said...

Spoken like a truly bitter Habs fan, and we wouldn't expect anything less from you French-Canadian pricks. It is sad the number of bandwagoning cap fans there are, and the no doubt lack of care that will sweep this nation's capital should we fall short of Lord Stanley. It is sad that our city has 4 professional sports teams, and the favorite is the Deadskins and Cap fandism is purely a result of the best player in hockey being on our team, and not being Canadian. But mostly, it is sad that you can not respect anyone but yourself, you self-entitled, French Canadian fucks. You're club is steeped in a rich history of success and glory, and just because your teams sucks furry moose nuts, despite still having a very good chance of defeating us this series, you resort to bashing our 35 year history of sucking. Like we care. Drink some more maple syrup and gargle Don Cherry's balls, but it would do you well to come to terms with the new NHL.

Anonymous said...

The One Thing That is worst than all your complaints and boo-hooings of the Caps is the Candian Fan Base. You boo the US national anthem, that is probably the most disrespecting thing you could ever do. Now that the Bruins showed you up by cheering the Canadian national anthem, now we embarressed you by singing the Canadian national anthem! Yea we have been only around for 35 years and we are from an area not rich in hockey history but we have now caught on and your embarressed of beeing a low life Habs fan. I think our stadium is louder than yours except for the times all you morons boo at the refs when even Ray Charles (for you Canucks he was a blind man) wouldnt even call a penalty. No wonder why your Team sucks at home! There all thinking that you dont deserve a good team!

lostinleafland said...

capfan819..fuck off.
Reasons to hate the Caps" #4 Dale Hunter. Dale "Head" Hunter. Author of one of the cheapest shots in NHL playoff history. Great video,,I forgot all about this hit. Thanks for posting.
Leave Hammer on the bench for the third

Anna said...

Don't forget the 11th thing you hate about the Washington Capitals: They're going to send the Habs home to work on their tans.

DC said...

Dear Faux [like my french] Know it All,

His name is, "Calle Johansson".

xoxo,
Caps' fan since '83