Thursday, January 06, 2011

Habsbuzz Exclusive Malkin to Montreal? - Pittsburgh Game Preview and Open Thread

Habsbuzz has been hearing from sources all day today that "something big is going down in Montreal" tonight, where the Habs are hosting the Penguins at the Bell Centre at 7:30, on RDS, and TSN-Habs. Remember, Habsbuzz only reports the rumours it hears or makes up its own rumours to get site hits, so this one is definitely an E5 blockbuster. It's bigger than the 8-1 beating the Pens laid on the Lightning last night. Bigger than the great start from the Wizzinator. It's Richard Park big.

It's no secret that the Habs are struggling and they need a big centre, and as Habsbuzz knows, Malkin needs to be "the man" on his own team. Habsbuzz knows this because that one time Malkin scored a lot of points when Sidney Crosby was hurt and so therefore Habsbuzz's brilliant hockey mind deduced that Malkin wants out of Pittsburgh to be the man on his own team. But with Crosby entrenched at number 1 in Pittsburgh (and fresh off a 50 points in 25 games streak) and Jordan Staal back from injury, the Pens can move a centre for Crosby's wingers, even though Chris Kunitz had 3 goals last night and Crosby is tearing the league apart with Kunitz and Dupuis as his wingers. Listen, Habsbuzz doesn't claim its rumours make sense, or that we are even thinking before we write shit. We just make up ... er, report what our many, many, very highly respected and mysterious sources tell us. Lots of respected sources who speak to us unqualified, anonymous bloggers ALL THE TIME.

It won't be a trade of Carey Price for Marc-Andre Fleury, because new All-Star Fleury and the currently struggling Price (4.14 GAA and .833 SP in his last two) aren't being mentioned in the rumours my respected, well-connected sources are discussing. It also won't be injured Canadiens defenders Andrei Markov (out indefinitely) or Josh Gorges (sore knee) or crocked Pens Mike Comrie (hip surgery, out indefinitely), Eric Godard (day-to-day with broken nose) or Alex Grant (broken wrist, out indefinitely) because they are injured, as I know from my trusted, super-secret sources at TSN. Wait, I mean, my super-secret informants in various high-level positions all across hockey. Yeah, that's it.

The trade also won't include struggling rookie PK Subban or excellent power-play QB Kris Letang (36 points in 41 games) or ice cold Habs centres Tomas Plekanec (suddenly only on pace for 65 points after running over a point per game to start the year) or Scott Gomez. Habsbuzz's uber-super-secret but highly influential and never too busy to talk to us even though we are an anonymous hack making shit up on the interweb and they are highly-regarded, Stanley Cup winning GM's, presidents, scouts and other fans making shit up and (mostly) Darren Dreger and Bob McKenzie's tweets - wait, forget I said that - would only tell me the most outlandish - I mean, perfectly reasonable - trade rumours. Even though they aren't rumours but actual, honest-to-goodness made up facts. Um, unless they aren't true, then it's because something got messed up and the teams backed off. Totally. Habsbuzz has to report what Habsbuzz hears...That's Habsbuzz's job. Yours is to debate why such a thing would happen. Habsbuzz tries to not censor with Habsbuzz's own opinions.

Of course, Habsbuzz's opinion is (according to my highly imaginative, made-up super KGB level secret sources) that the Pens are ready to make a move that will bring Malkin to Montreal, if he isn't there already. Malkin to Montreal, along with Pascal Dupuis, with Mike Cammalleri, Andrei Kostitsyn and Yanick Weber going the other way. This is imminent and will be confirmed as soon as today, or later than that, or possibly there will be another big deal otherwise. Look for Langenbrunner to Toronto and Pavelski to Toronto and the Rangers to make a deal and Calgary to send Iginla off right away or sooner or later too because Habsbuzz's super-secret M15 Kremlin insiders Gary Bettman's secretary Brian Burke-cause he never shuts up- Reggie Houle's lovechild in the know sources said something might happen. E5 E5 E5.

Got an outlandish but in the realm of possibility by 0.0000000000001% rumour or trade happening?  Leave it in the comments. 

44 comments:

Steve said...

Goat make the trade, throw in Dustin Boyd and that other bag of pucks we got for Jaro. Watching Chocula break Malkin would be priceless.

HabsFan29 said...

outstanding post ek10

the Maritimer said...

Squid would be good for 60 playing with Crosby.

the Maritimer said...

@HF10: Damn, Malkin looks good in a Habs uni.

I'm assuming that's GG11's fine work, she's in great form after the Florida holiday.

Docciavelli said...

Maybe you didn't get the memo, but there was a Penguins angle to the Halak trade--Pittsburgh threw in "future considerations" in order to get Jaro sent to the Western Conference. Malkin is one of those future considerations, as is Marc-Andre Fleury. It was worth it to get that guy shipped to St. Louis.

Ballin' post Habsbuzz/Panger. Any way we could get some Montreal strippers headed this way in exchange for a few Western PA truck-stop ladies? Malkin's worth it, ain't he?

Good luck tonight. (not really ;)

Docciavelli said...

Correction, didn't notice that HF10 was posting as Habsbuzz. I knew this kind of solid information couldn't come out of Alberta.

moeman said...

Almost felt as slimy as eklund's slimy site. Great post E10 and nice work GGbuzz.

Anonymous said...

great post! All those crappy rumour sites are a effing joke.
Ever heard of Lapierre's trade before it happened? No
Cheez Wiz? No
What a load of crap?
At least there's still wrestling that is not made up stuff!

moeman said...

No Crosby and no Fleury tonight. No problem?

iRiRi said...

BREAKING: Renaud Lavoie says Sid's out tonight with an upper-body.

Also, no Cooke and Johnson in goal tonight.

Can't wait to see the Habs kick some penguin ass tonight! It's all about the power of positive thinking, folks!

GYFHG!

iRiRi said...

Also, Gorges will have season-ending surgery on his knee.

Yikes?

moeman said...

Wow, our top 2 D-men gone for the good of the season. Even eklund couldn't pre-dick that.

Boob Gainey said...

I predict that I will trade my trousers and shirt for my pj's for tonight's game.

moeman said...

Boob Gainey is an Underwear Free Agent.

moeman said...

No Hamr tonight.

Urologist cleared a kidney stone, er, waivers.

Boob Gainey said...

Please tell me the Gorges rumour is just an attempt to go along with the Eklund bogus-rumour theme.

PLEASE!!!!

moeman said...

Sorry Boob 'Commando' Gainey, Josh is gone until next season.

moeman said...

Rough translation of francois GAGnon's latest scribblings;

"Québecois, Bergeron, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, CHeez Wiz non-Québecois, Bergeron, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois, Québecois!"

Ronan said...

No Crosby tonight? Awesome, surely can contain Malkin, Staal, Kunitz et al with our D, right?

Spacek Wiz
Gill Subban
Picard Weber


... uhhhhhh...

WV: "defooki". We certainly are.

moeman said...

Quote maCHine;

Said Subban: "Marky seemed really happy and I don't remember the last time I saw him smiling and laughing that much. With all he's been dealing with lately, if I can bring him a little humor with this, I'm happy to suck it up."

moeman said...

Anyone know what the 'T' in TSN stands for?

Bill 101 said...

Georges gone.

*

*

Oh crap, Pollyanna just left me for another team. Dunno what I'm gonna do without her...

GYFHG anyway.


wv: Allyths optimism was getting to be a burden anyway.

macaroni morey said...

We gonna ween tonide! we gonna ween!
no Grodsby no Gook no Bleury no broblame! we gonda ween tonide baybhee whee ghonnar ween!!!!!

moeman said...

ack.

iRiRi said...

Still getting screwed by the refs, I see.

Ronan said...

You just KNOW the first penalty is going to go to us. It's just a matter of when.

moeman said...

Holy shit CHicken!

Moey said...

Malkin reminds me of Lurch. Just saying.

iRiRi said...

This place sure is lively tonight. It's almost like wee taken on JM's personality.

A goal here would be nice.

iRiRi said...

DEAR GOD NOT ANOTHER D-MAN.

Anonymous said...

hay Cal Clutterbuck!

B's down - thank god

moeman said...

Double D due.

iRiRi said...

Ouf! 1 point. Two is better.

Also, thank you, Minnesota Wild.

HabsFan29 said...

I just walked in. good timing. GYFH!!! SHOOOOOOT

HabsFan29 said...

Tits that was terrible

nice save Carey!

HabsFan29 said...

CHicken!!!

HabsFan29 said...

2 points!

iRiRi said...

FUCK YEAH CHICKEN!

moeman said...

Gotta love TFS™'s pose and JM giving PFK a shot, WTF!? You would think CHocula was a bit worried about his job.

moeman said...

Bonus, demain is Le Vendredi Sexy!

Number31 said...

Chicken with PK's shootout move and Price Poses make my day spent with a spinning head all better. Merci!

Pens fans seem upset at the Price Pose though. Have a fucking sense of humour. Haven't won a fucking game since last year. (And they obviously didn't see the Bolt pose).

Ronan said...

@ Number31

Did they miss Malkin's Tiger Woods move during the flow of play? It's too bad Subban lost his footing on that play or he would've smoked him for trying that fancy crap.

ti-cul said...

of course the establishment does not agree w/ Carey's move. Power to the YOUTH!

Number31 said...

@Ronan
It's only OK when their guys hot dog. No one else is allowed. Also EMOTION AND PERSONALITY IS VERBOTEN!