Vinny vide vice - Lightning game preview and open thread

Let's step back to both last spring and last summer when The Cavalier was the subject of all sorts of rumours (since confirmed) that Bob was trying to get him to Montreal. Any idea what this team would have looked like this year? Vinny leading the first line with Tanguay on his wing? It's a Bertrand Raymond wet dream! Well, you and BR can imagine what that would have been like tonight as those two skate together on Bell Centre ice.

Waiting in line details - 7 PM at the Phone Booth, on CBC for those of you who don't live in CBC Leafs country. So like, everyone but Quebec? These teams are pretty equal - sitting on the Eastern conference bubble, hanging around .500. Clash of the titans.

Pay your cover charge to - Raw Charge is "the static cling that brings Tampa Bay Lightning fans together." I like to think of FHF as the virtual strip club that brings Habs fans together.

Hot sexy Habs to watch - Carey? Price? Maybe? My god did he show something in our last game. Will it continue? Has he turned some sort of corner? Ha, I keed. It's one fucking game. Let's see. Pleks and Squid continue to tie the team lead with 14 points. Métro is almost a point per game over his last 8 games, and 2 goals over his last 3 games. He's our secondary scoring now.

Skanky Habs to watch - can we call the Urologist a failure yet? No points in 6 games. Where was he on the 5 on 3 the other night? His "defense" is a joke. The Subbanator could do the job better, and with better post-game quotes.

Hot sexy Bolts to watch - Stamkos leads the Bolts with 17 points. St. Louis right behind at 16. After a slow start, Tangy has 6 points over his last 6 games. Some decent goaltending too, with Niittymaki 1-0-2, 1.60, .950 in his last 4.

Skanky Bolts to watch - D Andrej Meszaros pointless in 6.

On the main stage - Usual suspects on the shelf for the Habs. Rhino was seen yesterday "skating vigorously." Bolts will be deprived of prized rookie Victor Hedman, victim of a nasty (though I think legal) Chris Neil hit Thursday. No real lineup notes as of this writing, but I'm guessing TFS will be between the stripper poles.

In the VIP Room - I don't know if you've caught the little Mad Max - McSplooge cat fight going on. Basically McSplooge thinks Mad Max is a pussy. Max denies it. Anyway, what's really lost here is that Mad Max and his compatriote Gui:( are playing like shit. They've been given chance after chance, especially as Pleks' wingers, temps de glace up the wazoo, and are doing nothing except sucking. Gui has 3 points for fuck's sake, Max 5. Wake the fuck up, 'stie.

Post-game adult entertainment establishment - Walking home from work the other day I noticed a very large sign on Ste Catherine for Club Temptation. Is it new? Did they just get a big sign? Did one of the other places rename itself? I need to investigate further.

Join me in the comments wishing GoldenGirl11 a hearty Mazel Tov for her son's bar mitzvah today. I have it on good authority Mr. Dr. GG11 forced her to leave her iPhone at home from synagogue this morning, but I bet she sneaks out of the party tonight to watch the game and comment.

Shades of 93: Habs 2 - Bruins 1 (S.O.)

The 2009-10 edition of the Montreal Canadiens does it like it's 1993. Take it to the extra frame and win it there. The Habs won 10 of 16 playoff games in overtime to capture the Stanley Cup. This year's Habs have won 7 out of the first 16 games of the regular season to solidify a firm grip on 7th place in the Eastern conference (watch out for those 8th place Flyers who hold 4 games in hand on the Habs). So, sure, it's exactly the same thing.

It starts in goal:

1993: Patrick Roy

2009: Carey Price or Jaro Halak: Both are Roy's equals and both could make the "I'm going to Disney World" chant confusing. One would say it in an impossible eastern european accent while the other wouldn't offer sufficient decibels to make himself understood. Roy invented the butterfly, Price invented the jellybutt.

Top forwards:

1993: Kirk Muller

2009: Scott Gomez - just as Kirk is work as Muller. Call him Scott is work. Just as shifty a player, a better skater and makes a far more convincing taco than your assistant coach. Would never let Don Cherry kiss him on the face.

1993: Brian Bellows

2009: Brian Gionta. The better Brian. Much denser hairline. Capable of scoring goals at a better pace and will often do so on one leg. Could play in the NHL even if one of his legs were amputated at the knee. Bellows needs all four limbs to operate which reveals a striking weakness.

1993: Vincent Damphousse

2009: Mike Cammalleri. This guy takes Damphousse out to lunch and sticks him with the bill. Not in the same class. Can probably score 40, just in overtime.

Supporting forwards:

1993: Stéphane Lebeau

2009: Andrei Kostitsyn: Far more mature and focused than Lebeau. A natural leader and a great role model to a younger brother who is really blossoming under his brother's guidance. A much better influence than Stéphane was on Patrick who spent most of his days with bikers.

1993: Gilbert "The King" Dionne

2009: Tomas Plekanec: Shedding the "supporting" tag by the minute. Would point to himself to gain credit for a goal more rapidly than Gilbert, thus avoiding long delays at the scoring table. When he plays like a little girl, his facial hair doesn't offend as much as the one on Dionne's rabid face.

1993: Mike Keane

2009: Guillaume Latendresse. The real leader on this team. A single parent which is something Keane will never accomplish. Allows his baby to be breast fed by strippers that lap dance for him at strip clubs, allowing him to care for himself and his child at once.

On the blue line:

1993: Mathieu Schneider

2009: Roman Hamerlik. A much better Jew than Schneider despite having changed his name from Roman Hamerlitz.

1993: Éric Desjardins

2009: Marc-André Bergeron: Impenetrable force on the blue line. Can back-check better than any defenseman the Habs had in 93. Versatile and able to play in numerous situations. A perennial plus player. A great guy.

1993: Patrice Brisebois

2009: Patrice Brisebois. He'll come out of retirement after the remaining 4 Ds on this team come down with H1NI or some sort of groin pull.

The comparisons with the 93 squad are totally accurate. This team is just as good and it's a good sign for things to come. Now, if we can just get Jacques Martin fitted for a nice pink suede jacket.

The Morning Skate for Sexy Friday, November 6th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of a sexy Rachel Bilson...

• From Big Fat Whale to puck throwing-back Franchise Saviour in 65+ minutes. TFS leads the Habs to a 2-1 SO win over the Bs. The ladies above are confused. Shout out to Tits as well who did all the work on the Habs goal. More later today;
• Spezza gets his first goal of the season, the OT winner over the Bolts;
• Chris Higgins actually scores a goal in the Rangers win over the Oil;
• Nucks win their 3rd straight with a lineup almost as depleted as the Habs;
• Kings beat the Pens 5-2. Wait, that can't be right. [checks] It is. The Kings are 6-0-2 in their last 8? The Kings have the NHL's leading point getter? That can't all be right? [checks] It is.

Mmm, long form video highlights after a win.

Ooohhhhh yeah, it's a Boston game preview and open thread

GG11 really outdid herself with this one

Well look at what we have here. A mediocre Bruins team against a mediocre Habs team. This should be epic! Well not really. And it's tough to get the Bs hate on with both teams so meh. Maybe HF10 should have written this; his Bs hate always burns hotter than a Wooderson joint. OK, so I'm just gonna ramble a bit while you don't pay attention because you're staring at today's game pic. I'm not paying attention either, so don't worry about insulting me by barely reading.

The game starts at 7 in Beantown and there will be hot McSplooging action. Though given the mediocrity of the two teams, it may be difficult for McSplooge to find someone to splooge over. This is the first of 6 meetings this year. Including last year's playoff nightmare, Habs have lost 9 straight to the B's. Bring on the double digits. No Bs preview would be complete without a link to our good friend Cornelius.

Your hot Habs worth watching are the only players who seem to be able to score, GMS and Pleks. On the lettuce and tomato cold side, there's just about everyone else. Of course we don't need to mention Tits, pointless in 6 games now. The Urologist is pointless in 5. And take a deep breath before you read TFS' stats in his last 7 games - 0-6-0, 4.24, .851. But he's chill about it.

For the Bs, there is no one hot at all, unless you count Krejci who has a fever because of the Swine Flu. The Bs can't score. They've been shut out in their last 2 games and their PP is dead last in the league. They have managed to stay in games with some good goaltending though. Particular shout out of suckitude to Michael Ryder, pointless in 6. Oh man that's a jinx.

This might be a very long injury paragraph. The internets were saying that Gio is a game time decision, but RDS has him playing. Hal Gill might be out a couple of weeks at least. Dagger's concussion will keep him out for a week. Bs aren't faring much better on the injury front, without Savard, Lucic, and the aforementioned H1N1'er Krejci. Stubbs' and RDS' Tweets have TFS starting, and the news that Pyatt and White are playing, while Stewie and CHips are out. No offense JM, but CHips is not the problem here.

For some post-game semi-adult entertainment in the Boston spirit, enjoy this photo gallery of NESN sideline babe Heidi Watney. Feel free to let it start a Heidi vs. EA debate in the comments.

Sorry you're stuck with our old-fashioned blogging comments unlike HI/O's fancy-schmancy new live chat. Feel free to go over there if you want. Just make sure not to swear or say anything bad about anyone. Good luck with that.

The Game Day Skate for Thursday, November 5th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of winning your 27th championship. Habs are never gonna catch up now...

• Habs call up 2 forwards - Ryan White and Tom Pyatt. Fuck us if we knew what that means, though we're guessing Gio ain't doing so well after missing practice yesterday;
• Buffalo shuts out the Isles in a battle of hot teams. That kills us for some reason;
• Devils take advantage of the Ovie-less Caps;
• Iggy gets the OT winner as the Flames beat the Stars;
• Avs stay hot, take care of the Yotes, with the Denver arena half empty.

Not-so-big not-so-bad Bruins tonight. Not that that will help us.

Alright alright alright: Atlanta 5 - Habs 4

Let me tell you what Melba Toast is packin' right here, all right. We got 4:11 Positrac outback, 750 double pumper, Edelbrock intake, bored over 30, 11 to 1 pop-up pistons, turbo-jet 390 horsepower. We're talkin' some fuckin' muscle ... huh? The game? Alright alright alright, so there was this game last night. It's all fuckin' games, man. All fuckin' games. Like this thing between me and the Jaroman, alright? Like I'm no fat whale, man, just like he's no Dodge Charger drivin', beer swillin', rodeo bustin', Garth Brooks lover like me and Gorges, you know? Man, I love Gorges. I love me them redheads more, but Gorges is cool. He can always get a joint when you need one. Say, man, you got a joint? It'd be a lot cooler if you did. Alright alright alright.

Anyway, Pleks, man, he's just doin' what Pleks wants to do man. He and the GIant Mexican Squid? They just keep livin', man. L-I-V-I-N. Nothin' the coach or Rich Peverley or that Russian dude in the other nets could do about that man. Those dudes are alright.Hey, man, did you see that girl behind the net with the really tight Price jersey on? Man, I totally missed that third goal because of that chick, man. Playin' in Montreal is awesome man, with all these friendly young CEGEP girls. That's what I love about these CEGEP girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age. Last year, when me and Higgins and the Tits brothers would fire up a joint and ... what? Game review? Alright alright alright my man. Man, you got more rules than Coach and Gainey. The older I get, the more rules they try to get me to follow. Stop smokin' joints before games. Stop sleepin' with CEGEP girls. Stop the puck. Man, I'm just tryin' to be Carey Price, you know?

Anyway, man, it's alright we lost, you know? 'Cause we're just out there to dog some chicks and smoke some joints, and drink some beer you know? Everyone's all "man, you're so laid-back Price, show some fire" you know? And I'm all "listen man, if Jaro wants to play, let the little dude play, you know?" But that's all right, we'll worry about that later. We need someone to be worryin' about that defence, my man. No Markov, no Rhino ... man, you remember when Rhino scored on his own net? Crazy, man. Coach Carbo was all "man, that ain't right" but you know what? In the end, all it did was cost us a game, man. Just a fuckin' game. Rhino, he's just gonna be the man who keeps on keepin' on, you know?

Game review? Man, you gotta slow down a little about this game review shit, man. It's gettin' tiresome. Alright alright alright where were we? No Markov, no Rhino, no Hal Gill, Carle and Bergeron givin' the puck up like a CEGEP girl on Crescent Street, you know? Listen man, you got a joint? It'd be a lot cooler if you did. I already asked you that? Alright alright alright.

So that game, man, it was some sort of game, you know? Like I saw at least three new Molson Zone girls, man, and they were alright alright alright. I love those Molson Zone girls, man. Anyway, we lost, man and let me tell you this, the older you get the more rules they're gonna try to get you to follow so whatever, man. We'll be better with everyone healthy and doin' their thing, man. I think we're playin' the Bruins next, man. That Lucic dude he's from BC too, alright alright alright. I bet he has a joint.

Aerosmith, 2 weeks. Don't forget.

The Morning Skate for Wednesday, November 4th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of geeking out with Olivia Munn...

• Crap crap crap. Habs come back a bit in their 5-4 loss, but really need to learn to play defense. Your October player of the month TFS made a bunch of great saves, but also let in a weak one, maybe two. More later today, if one of us can stomach it;
• At least the Leafs lose too;
• As do the B's;
• Pens tie an NHL record with their 7th straight road win to stat the season;
• Nucks take care of the Rangers.

Last night's game put us in a really shitty mood. Look out world.

It's a Habs V. Thrashers Preview and Open Thread

Sometime in the near future, we will be Visited by aliens. Count on it. Or are they here already? Perhaps in the form of struggling Belarussian forwards? Will they be of peace? Do they have the cure for cancer? Will TFS ever win a game? You can find out all the answers tonight at 7:30 on RDS, or 8:00 on ABC. We will be Visited.

Take me to your leader - Pleks continues to be the Habs scoring leader, with 13 points (tied with Squid). Game in game out, he's been our best player. I hope I never get tired of writing that. For the Thrash, Rich Peverley also leads with 13 points and is riding a 7-game point streak. Your alien leader is Anna (pictured above), played by Brazilian hottie Morena Baccarin, who the Whedonites will remember as "companion" (high-class prostitute) Inara from Firefly. Your Earth-bound leader is FBI agent Erica Evans, played by Elizabeth Mitchell, Juliet from Lost. (Is Juliet dead? Can you survive a nuclear blast if said blast resets the past and / or future? Man I am geeking out in this preview.)

The real lizards - first off, I don't even know if these new Visitors are in fact lizards underneath, like their Visiting counterparts from the 1980's miniseries that this V is a remake / reinterpretation of. But roll with me here for a second. There is something wrong with 46DD (© L Dude). He's unhappy. The most recent theory is that he doesn't have anyone to talk Russian with on the team. Or is it really that he has no one to talk alien with? We're through the looking glass, people.

As for the evil ugliness on the new V, we really don't know who's skanky yet, but I vote for smarmy newscaster Chad Decker, played by Scott Wolf. I still haven't forgiven Bailey for his performance during the intervention.

This preview idea is starting to lose steam. You know what would help? Guinea pig eating!



Your 3-man resistance cells - at practice yesterday, GMS was together. Pleks had La Connection Française on his wings. That put 46DD on the 4th line again, with CHips and Stewie.

In the pressbox watching V - looks like Dagger is still out. BGL has back problems again. Can we just cut him to get some cap space? As we reported in TMS, Hal Gill was injured at practice yesterday. On the good news front, Rhino skated this morning (alone, before the team). Stubbs is tweeting that Carle is in fact playing for Gill, and that TFS is getting the start.

Post-game alien adult entertainment - the 9 Greatest Human-Alien sex scenes.

Try and keep your comments V spoiler-free, for those of us DVR'ing

The Game Day Skate for Tuesday, November 3rd

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of sending it back to NY for Game 6...

• Looks like Habs fans won't have Hal Gill to kick around tonight, injured his foot in practice yesterday. Mathieu Carle called up as a replacement;
• Flyers don't have Gagne or Brière, but still score 7 in a win over the Bolts;
  
• The Isles are hot. No joke!
• Good 'ol Judge Baum approves the sale of the Yotes to the NHL, and they celebrate by losing to the Kings in front of, like, 5000 people;
• Ovie is "week to week" with that upper-body boo-boo;
  
• Rumours have the Rangers shopping Chris Higgins.

Miss Scarlett, I do declare it's Atlanta tonight.

Karma's a mofo'ing bitch

No really, I don't think I could have been angrier Saturday night when the fucking fucktard fans started singing with 4 minutes left and a two-goal lead. The next time that happens, if you're at the game, go ahead and punch those fucking fucktards in the face. Tell 'em HF29 sent you. I'll get you bailed out, gratis.

I almost wish we would have lost the game, just to get the fans to never fucking do that again. Almost.

I actually do like the song though. Enjoy the original below, with the worst lip-synching you ever saw. Damn stoned hippies.


hockey vid via Puck Daddy