Mom explains the loss - Sens 3, Habs 2

First off, Mom29 was really excited about all those comments last night. She can't wait for ice cream! She is delighted to read all those comments this morning while she slacks off at work. Mom - she's just like us!

Anyway, Mom, in an email, had this to say about the game last night:

I have to say, when the olé started with half a period still to play, I did think it premature - how can we stop those idiots???

Fucking right mom. Though the olé chant and the booing has already been discussed to death around here, I think it has more to do with the whole "the 100th season is jinxed" meme.

Anyway, not much to say about the game last night that hasn't already been said by you guys. I did think the Fucking Habs put in some decent effort in the face of tough odds. DOOM did his best to be all 6 defencemen at once. I really didn't think Janik was that bad. One gaffe, but overall looked not out of place. Jaro made some great saves early, and really was beaten by an actual goal scorer, so I don't blame him.

The one person I can blame? Bob. WHAT THE FUCK WAS GEORGES LARAQUE DOING ON A 5 ON 3 PP???? I called it a "Carbo-esque experiment" in the thread, and that was not a compliment. Look, the PP has problems without a point man, but BGL IS NOT THE FUCKING ANSWER. Put a fucking forward on the point, put Gorges out there, call up Yanick Weber, but fuck DO NOT PUT OUR DESIGNATED CAN'T ENFORCE ENFORCER OUT THERE.

OK, enough. Let's move forward. Beat the Rangers. Please.

The Game Day Skate for Tuesday, April 7th

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of winning a national championship. Hey, at least it wasn't Duke...

• Sigh. We are depressed here at Casa del TMS. Habs lose 3-2 to Dany Heatley despite some sort of effort, we guess, in the face of the loss of our defence corps. Depressed and frustrated. That means meth, and lots of it! More later today;
• Detroit puts another nail in Buffalo's coffin.

OK, no time for recriminations, Habs head to the Big Apple tonight. HUGE game, in case you didn't know.

It's a nasty week ahead, let's enjoy Marisa while we can - Sens Game Preview and Open Thread

Rise and shine kiddies! I know it's Monday morning but that's no excuse for you just laying there like that. Yesterday's important East action had the Panthers refusing to die and beating the Pens. That means the Fucking Habs are back to only a 3 point cushion. It also means a win tonight would put them in 6th. Let's lose; I want no part of New Jersey.

Have you looked at the schedule for this week? My fucking god. Sens, Rangers, Bruins, Pens. Not like the Isles, Bolts or Leafs we've been beating. No way we're winning them all. So Marisa, we'll ride you as long as we can, but we really don't expect you'll be around by the end of the week. So if this is our last time together, I wanted to say our relationship has been fun. Maybe we can have some CSBF down the road sometime. Let's hit the bullets to set up tonight's action:

• 7:30 PM from the Phone Booth. It's on Sportsnet East, meaning it's probably blacked out everywhere but Ottawa;
• Habs rocking a 5-0-1 streak, while the Sens are 6-4 over their last 10 and coming off a Saturday night win over the Flyers;
• Habs have taken 4 of 5 from the Sens this year;
• One last tip of the hat this year to Five for Smiting in his new digs. We'll miss you in the playoffs old friend (knock wood);
• Kovy has a million points (or thereabouts) over the last 6 games, Tangy has 10 and Saks has 9;
• This is the night ZombiePleks and the Tits come alive, right? Bueller?
• Spezza and Alfie worth watching of course;
• On the other hand, Heater and Fish not so hot lately, though Fish had the shootout winner against the Flyers;
• Still no official word on Markov or Schneider, and I have no idea if TFS is ready to go yet;
• Your post-game adult entertainment Marisa Miller video is her boxing. Hurt me Marisa, hurt me.

If we break 200 comments again I'll take you all out for ice cream, so get to it.

The Sunday Brunch Skate for April 5th

Bullet points for what you missed while wondering what the fuck HF29 is up to. What the hell, it's the last in-season Sunday for the Habs...

• 6-2 over the Leafs. Thank fucking god. Seriously, had we lost that game it was Hari Kari for me. Kovy had 1G 3A and could have had more. Jaro held the fort when needed. PP was good again. Mad Max and Gui! have chemistry. Commentor Boob Gainey reports Markov and Schneider, who both left with upper body injuries, will be ready for tomorrow. No other media outlet that I can find has reported that, so good job Boob!
• Whalers punch their ticket for the playoffs with a win over the Pens in OT. Canes are 12-1-2 over their last 15 games. Fear the Whale, people, fear the Whale;
• Sens beat the Flyers in a shootout;
• B's beat the Rangers, clinch the Eastern Conference. Also, Sean Avery is up to his old tricks:

• Devils do their part to bury the Sabres;
  
• As a result of all that, the standings have the Habs in 7th, 5 points clear of the 9th place Panthers, within striking distance of everything up to the 4th spot. Dare to dream;
• We're sure there were games out West, but we care even less about them on a Sunday than we do during the week. In the background our teevee has TSN babbling something about the Oilers winning a must-win game, but we're ignoring it;
• Tar Heels and the surprising Spartans advance to the NCAA hoops final;
• Baseball season starts tonight;
• Liverpool moves to the top of the table with a 1-0 win over Fulham;
• Raptors win their 6th in a row, but it's probably too late for them to make the playoffs;
• Jenson Button wins the tropical storm-shortened (seriously) Malaysian Grand Prix;
• New tennis babe Victoria Azarenka beats Serena in the finals of the Sony Ericsson Open;
  
• Pioneerof the Nile wins the Santa Anita Derby;
• South Africa beats Australia 123 for 3 in match 2 of their 5-match cricket test series.

Whew. You should be up to date now.

I've dragged my ass out of bed early to try to keep this streak alive - Leafs Game Preview and Open Thread

Over a quarter million results for Marisa in Google Image search. The streak can go on for a while, knock wood.

Wake the fuck up motherfuckers! I can barely see for the hangover in my head but I've dragged my sorry ass to my laptop to try to replicate the conditions of the Game Day Skate. All in hopes of helping the Fucking Habs. Lots of East action last night, with the Panthers losing but the Flyers and the won't-go-away Sabres winning. Habs still in 7th.

I am not looking forward to this game tonight. Toronto has given us fits all year, and we need this one. Have you checked the schedule for the rest of the season? Four games in six nights with the Bruins and Pens in the mix. Blech. We need these two points tonight. Yeah yeah, I guess we need two points every night. STFU. Now let's set this baby up with the bullets:

• 7 PM start at the ACC, of course it's on CBC;
• Habs on a 4-0-1 run, while the Leafs have lost 3 of 4;
  
• Leafs have taken 3 of 5 from the Habs this year, including the last one which was the bottom of the barrel for the Fucking Habs, spawning the post-game headline from me "Fuck this fucking team";
• Let's check in with Pension Plan Puppets one last time;
• Kovy, Koivu, Tangy, Markov, 'nuff said;
• ZombiePleks, 'nuff said;
• Good 'ol Grabs has 10 points over his last 6 games;
• Any Leafs goalie is on the cold list, especially after getting embarrassed 8-5 last night;
• It looks like Halak will go again. Rumour has Big Tits either not playing because of a cut sustained in the Isles game, or a healthy scratch because of sucking;
• For your post-game adult entertainment, if you didn't follow the link yesterday from the greatest anonymous commentor ever who gave us the Marisa Miller nude video, you'll want to do it. You won't regret it.
  

Please hold off on your Leafs Suck comments until after the game. We don't want to jinx anything. Unless you're a Leafs fan, in which case go ahead.

Sexy Friday spices up your game review - Habs 5, Isles 1

Our new lucky charms would like to welcome you all to Sexy Friday. I've heard they're magically delicious.

Look, we beat the frakking Islanders. The worst team in the league by far. I recognized three Islanders last night, tops. John Tavares won't even be able to help that load of crap. These ain't Brian Trottier's Islanders. It was a game we should have won, and we did. Big fucking whoop. So let's spice things up with a Sexy Friday view of some notes from last night.

Our top line that shall remain nameless dominated once again. If Koivu could really finish, Kovy may have had 6 assists in that game. But they worked it on the PP and worked it 5 on 5. Tangy's goal as he held on to the puck, used Kovy as a decoy and a defender as a screen was outstanding. The Kovy-Koivu-Markov tic tac toe goal on the PP was a beaut. In honour of the hottest line in the league right now, here's the hottest chick in the world according to FHM, Megan Fox:

How about Jaro last night? That was some quality work. Steps in at the last minute for a flu-ridden (GET SOME FUCKING SHOTS NEXT YEAR) TFS and makes the quality saves when he had to. So for our favourite Slovak goalie, here is our favourite Slovak supermodel, Adriana Sklenarikova:

And a shout out to BGL for his good work in his first game after sitting out 4. He played hard, didn't take stupid penalties, and had fun fighting. You know, it must get boring sitting in the press box. You know what else is boring? Cricket. But not in this case: (nsfw)


So that about wraps up the couple of things Sexy Friday has to say about the game we should have won and did. Up next for the Fucking Habs:

Sexy Friday as always copyright KSK
Sexy Friday Game Reviews copyright FHF
Sexy cricket video thanks to With Leather

The Morning Skate for Friday, April 3rd

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of giving the Queen a little hug...

• Habs, uh, win again? We're not sure if we can deal with this team playing well. It'll only lead to heartbreak, right? Anyway, more Kovy, Koivu, etc and the Habs play 60 minutes again to get their 40th win. Yippee! Chill out TMS, it was just the fucking Islanders. More later today;
• We'll keep saying it - Fear the Whale people! Canes win their 7th in a row, take the Rangers 4-2;
• As a result of those two events the wacky East standings become wackier, with the Habs in 7th and the Whalers in 4th;
• Bruins win their 50th game of the year. We're sure that makes HF10 angry;
  
• The Canucks clinched a playoff spot with the point they earned in a 6-5 shootout loss to the Ducks.

Sexy Friday always feels better after a win.

The Game Day Skate presents our new lucky charms - Isles Game Preview and Open Thread

Some anonymous commentor insisted Marisa Miller was responsible for our last win. Who am I to argue with anonymous commentors?

Top 'o the morning y'all! Some interesting stuff in the East last night. With Toronto beating Philly and the Pens beating the now seemingly crappy Devils, Pitt has moved into a virtual 4th place tie. Remember when they were tenth? Anyway, let's get down to business.

Interesting discussion in the comments yesterday about supporting the Fucking Habs. Do you support at all costs or do you turn on them when they suck? I think you know where we stand around here. It's what separates us from any "official" Habs site - we tell it like it is baby! And now, for one game, through the power of Marisa, we rock. Of course, after we lose tonight, we're back to sucking. It's a rocky ride on the gangbangwagon, but we wouldn't have it any other way. Let's hit the bullets to set this baby up:

• 7 PM start on the Island, and it's on TSN. Who's sick of Maguire?
• Fucking Habs have taken 7 of their last 8 possible points, while the Isles have lost 5 of 6;
• With that said, Isles have taken 2 of 3 from the Habs this year;
• Yes! Islanders is an Isles' blog;
• Kovy has scored goals in four straight games, with 8 points over that span. Saku has 6 points over that same stretch;
• Little Tits is our coldest player, but he's not making the trip because of the always-dreaded upper body injury;
• Kyle Okposo may be the only player worth watching on the Isles;
• Our old friend Mark Streit is injured and may not play. Our other old friend Yann Danis will most likely start;
• For your post-game adult entertainment, here's Marisa Miller's spread from the 2007 SI Swumsuit Issue. That should keep you entertained.

Make sure to describe your dreams of the gangbangwagon in the comments

Oh Yeah I Did: Habs 4, Hawks 1

29 shots. 28 saves. .966 Save percentage.

I love to say "I told you so", so I'll say it again:

I TOLD YOU SO.

Now go enjoy your day as a proud Habs Fan secure in the knowledge that your goaltending is taken care of until Patrick Roy's grandkids are old enough to start beating people up.

The Morning Skate for Wednesday, April 1

Bullet points for what you missed while having nightmares of the Fail Whale...

• Fucking Habs play a solid game at both ends of the ice for 60 minutes and get a victory over a good team. April Fool's, bitches! Huh? It's true? Ok then. More later today;
• Panthers refuse to lay down, beat the Sens;
• As a result of these events, the standings now show two things. Only 5 points separate 4th and 9th in the East, and the Sens and Leafs are both officially eliminated from playoff contention. Next year, Leaf Nation!
• The Ducks beat the Oilers, get themselves back into playoff position in the even more clusterfuck-y West.

April? It's fucking April??? Where has the season gone?