Thursday, July 30, 2009

Morning Skate for Thursday July 30, 2009 - The Thursday 5 à 7 Bachelor Party Edition

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of my arraignment in Court following my bachelor party....

  • There's this whole Coyotes getting a RIM job story out there, and personally I find it gross and very degrading to animals, so I won't comment any further.
  • I don't like it when fate fucks with destiny, so after a long illustrious career being a first rate asshole, Schumi you should thank your lucky stars for your continuing heart rate and stay retired.
  • Kyle Wellwood's agent has promised that his client will play in Vancouver next season; in other news of similar importance, the barometric pressure in Bergen, Norway is 100.09 kPa.
Ok now the important stuff. As some of you may know, I am tying the knot next month. As a divorce lawyer, I have compiled enough to-do and not to-do lists to avoid any complications during married life. My bachelor party goes on a Thursday. Some of the boys are taking the day off, some will be joining that night. Why a Thursday? Good friends coming in from out of town deserve to be there and they are all worth the wait.

But will the party be? This is the site of hockey and boob. What better place to poll the world about what we should do on this day? Today, in the comments, I'm giving you the chance to help construct a party that will make the Staals look like Judy Garland. Wait a sec, wasn't she high on heroin or something? You get the gist.


- I will not have sexual intercourse with a prostitute
- I will not have sexual intercourse with one of the boys
- I will not be humiliated on stage
- My penis will not be revealed at any point during the festivities
- I will not jump out of an airplane or fall from any place higher than a bar stool (what I call the Herve Villechaize suicide)
- Scenes from the movie the Hangover can be simulated, but I rather not end up with child 2 days before my wedding, that would kind of start the marriage off on the wrong foot.

Let us know what you think and help make it a night to remember...or forget.


HabsFan29 said...

- I will not have sexual intercourse with a prostitute

so blow jobs are ok?

AntoLovesMermaids said...

boats and hoes.

fuck a mermaid.

Sonia said...

Put on your hockey gear, rent some ice time and recreate scenes from Slap Shot. Oh, and you'll need a bus and an ambulance too.

Anonymous said...

Is the Grand Prix still open in Chambly? If so thats where you want to go.

Habsfan10 said...

So, sex with a random dirty stranger is fine, right? To Winnies!

Boob Gainey said...

Tour strip clubs, starting at Wanda's, and moving outwards from there, ending up in Laval.

Maybe write an online guide.

hmanpuckfan said...

Maybe you could get an appointment with the librarian from Tomcats. You won't have intercourse, but her Grandma will have fun!

WF: difying.....Enter your own Bachelor Party joke here!

punkster said...

Here's a fun filled evening of challenge and skill. Split into teams of 4 players. There are 43 strip clubs listed on the attached link, all within easy reach of downtown. How many can you get to in 6 hours? A point per team for every one visited. Proof of purchase required from each establishment.

At the end of the 6 bours you all convene at a pre-arranged location (I would suggest Super-Sexe 'cause it's, well, it's the SS) and tally your scores. Losing team buys the table dancers. You can ignore the gay clubs...BUT...2 bonus points if you happen to go to one.

Montréaliste1 said...

@ punkster: lol! How you prove the purchase of a lap dance? Doodoo stains on your shirt?

@ 10: Winnis is a good call, they have a special and its 3$ a drink on thursdays. And its lady's night so its no sausage fest.

@4: You guys are rich lawyers, do it right; steaks at Gibbys, a bottle at Winston's (only real good place on Thursdays) and lap dances at Kamasutra.

Montréaliste1 said...

@ 4: I'm actually going to BE in Bergen, Norway next week... weird.

Chester said...

Somebody would marry a divorce lawyer ....

woa woa tabernak

chris nilan said...

just don't end up like the ShamWow Guy

Anonymous said...

think at this
You naked on a pneumatic mattress, floating on a lake, under a bridge.
On the bridge 10 naked hookers doing bungee-jumping trying to give you a blowjob.

or take a trip with this airline

or try to repeat all the "Bachelor Party" scenes

wrap around curl said...

All the best darling.

Just don't steal Mike Tyson's tiger.

Anonymous said...

Kamasutra is a special treat, much better lappers and touchy touchy :) I got a hot tip last time in Montreal that Chez Paree is now touch as well :) Wanda's sucks, no touchy

from, a guy who knows..

Have fun!

Anonymous said...

For my bachelor party I had to wear a sandwich board as we went bar hopping on and around Crescent. The front said "One vagina for the rest of my life" and the back had a list of tasks that I was not allowed to see.
My friends would solicit girls to perform one of the aforementioned tasks in exchange for shots/drinks/etc. Over the course of the night I discovered that the task list included things such as motorboat, lap dance, body shots, etc. Awesome.
Later we went to a hotel room where I got a lap dance from two prostitutes that looked like a horse and a boy. Not awesome.
Epilogue: my friend took back the sandwich board and left it in his trunk. His brother later borrowed his car to go to the states and was searched. Apparently the brother was unable to offer an explanation.

Boob Gainey said...

Hamrlik to Columbus for a 3rd round draft pick.

Halak, Pleks, Dags, Gorges, a first round draft pick, a third round draft pick to Atlanta for Kovalchuk.

James said...

Boob- how many drinks have you had today?

gillis said...

Hangover=Best movie ever.

Counting cards isn't illegal, it's just frowned upon.. like masturbating on an airplane

Carina said...

Take it easy on the roofies...or 'floories'

*walks away laughing

bkblades said...

Knit sweaters and bake cookies. Play bridge to end the crazy night off right.

Or if you really want to get insane, pop in a Leafs playoffs game from 1993 and keep repeating, "Glad we avoided this team in the Finals."

Have fun.

HabsFan4 said...

You guys are bloody hilarious.

I loved the floating bungee blowjob. I'm afaraid they would tear off my dick on the way back up!