The Morning Skate for Sexy Friday, October 22nd

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of Adriana Lima's $2 million chest...

• Well that was a typical Jersey game, i.e. a disaster. NJ get an early crappy goal, clutch and grab and trap their way to another Brodeur shutout. The stats say the Habs had 29 shots, but we don't  believe it. More later today, if the reviewer managed to stay awake during the game;
• Leafs lose their first in regulation, 2-1 to the Rangers, and people are starting to question the Leafs' offense. We're in no position to make jokes right now;
• With Boston beating the Caps 4-1, the Northeast standings should soon sort themselves out;
• Pens beat the Preds 4-3 in OT;
• So the Islanders are good now? Beat the Bolts in OT and sit atop the Atlantic Division? Really?
• The Flower signs a long-term deal to be a critic ambassador for the Habs;
• TSN signs a deal to provide Habs regional coverage, 24 McSplooge-free games for this year and 30 a year for two more years. The article says TSN has secured carriage space on Bell for the game Monday. So Videotron users (basically everyone in Quebec) can apparently go fuck themeselves.

Meh. Sexy Friday has a bitter taste this morning. If you want to try washing the meh out of your mouth, enjoy this video of sexy Russian spy Anna Chapman in Russian Maxim. It takes a while to load on their Russian servers, but it's worth waiting for.

Kinda Sorta Instant Karma's Gonna Get Lou: Devils Preview and Open Thread

Yeah, I'm as disturbed by this image as you are.

Listen, it's no secret we think Lou Lamareillo is evil.  Hell, just last week Panger pointed out that Lou fires coaches at weird times and takes all the credit.  He foisted the hockey world's most soul-destroying style on the NHL and inspired so many copycat teams the league actually had to change the rules to make hockey interesting again.  He convinced an arbitrator to gut St. Louis by handing him Scott Fucking Stevens for a wet-behind-the-ears Brendan Shanahan (even in their respective primes, you're FUCKING CRAZY if you trade Stevens for Shanahan straight up).  He hid long term injured players in the minors to avoid cap problems.  He looked the other way when noted headhunter Stevens played heat-seeking missile with people's skulls.  He never condemned Cam Janssen for nearly murdering Tomas Kaberle.  Did I mention he sucked the life out of the NHL with "Devils hockey", which consisted of Martin Brodeur, Stevens, Niedermayer and Rafalski at the back, Elias and Sykora up front and 15 nameless, faceless backchecking drones who bored their way to three Cups? 

Well, look what's happening now.  After Lou went all in at the trade deadline last year for Ilya Kovalchuk, who might be the runaway winner in a "Name the Least New Jersey Devil-Like Forward in the NHL", the Devils are finally getting their karmic due.  We hope.  Kovalchuk was a point-per-game player in 27 regular season games with New Jersey, and had another 6 points in 5 playoff games.  But he never gelled with his linemates and the whole team looked disjointed and out of synch in the 4-1 playoff loss to the Flyers.  This summer, Lou came up with a contract so outlandish that even the idiots in the NHL head offices couldn't look past it.  It cost the Devils $3 million dollars, a 3rd round pick and a future 1st round pick.  The Devils then turned around and signed Kovalchuk to a 15 year, $100 million dollar deal that has hamstrung their payroll so badly they played with 15 skaters due to injuries and suspensions.  The Devils cap situation is so bad they couldn't bring anyone up from the farm.  Tee hee hee.  Now, with Kovalchuk still a square peg in a round hole, Stevens, Niedermayer and Rafalski long gone, Martin Brodeur suddenly showing his age and the effects of 35 years of cheesburgers for breakfast, and no cap room, the Devils are struggling.  Watch them blow the Habs out of the water tonight just to piss me off. 

The details: Tonight, live from the Bell Centre at 7:30.  On the RDS and the free til October24 for Bell Expressvu subscribers Centre Ice.  Habs 3-1-1 coming off win versus Ottawa on Saturday, Devils in (hopefully) karmic free-fall at 1-4-1. 

Men at opposite ends of the rink and yin-yang spectrum:  TFS looking at his sixth straight start in Operation Make People Forget Jaro.  Big fat cheated on his wife with her sister Marty Brodeur is finally looking mortal but has a career record versus Montreal of eleventy billion wins, two losses and a goals against of minus 6.01. 

Hot like the girls of Montreal: Well, Big Tits might not qualify as "hot" per se, but we'll take this version of Andre all season.  Cammy and Pleks will also lead the way.  Josh Gorges is making like some sort of Guy Lapointe redux, scoring on one end and keeping everything safe on the other.  For the Devils, nobody looks really hot, but Kovalchuk, Parise and Elias can and will beat you given half a chance. 

Cold like the crackhouses of Newark: Big Fat Marty has a save percentage of 887.  That's also the current calorie count on his breakfast sandwich.  Old warhorses Jamie Langenbrunner, Jason Arnott and Dainus Zubrus are a combined -18 with 8 points.  For the Habs, Travis Moen wasn't the answer to jumpstarting the Giant Mexican line, so now Gionta and Gomez get Tommy Pyatt.  Giant Mexican Pie for everyone!  PK seems to be getting some flak for trying to do too much.  Jaro 2.0 looks abysmal.  We're leaving pointless Lars Eller out of here for now because he certainly looks like he'll break out.  Soon.  We think. 

Busted up like the Beatles after Yoko: For the Habs, still Markov.  For the Devils, uber-shotblocker Anton Volchenkov blocked something with his face, so he's out with a broken nose.  Fellow defenders Anssi Salmela, Mark Fraser, and Bryce Salvador out after knee surgery, hand surgery, and a concussion respectively.  Noted Habs killer Brian Rolston has a hernia that needs fixin. 

Read stuff about Lou and the rest of the Devils here, if you're a masochistic weirdo: In Lou We Trust (trust to what?  Bore you to death?  Stab you in the back and take all the credit?  Make your beloved team the bane of good hockey's existance?)

Fun facts you might not know: Current Canadiens captain Brian Gionta holds the Devils single-season records for goals and power play goals in a season.  Gomez is the highest scoring rookie in Devils history.  Marty Brodeur just ate your lunch while you weren't looking.  Former Devil and Canadien Big Bad Voodoo Vlady Malakhov was technically not a zombie; he just played that way. 

Got your own reasons Lou Lamareillo is evil?  Let us know in the comments.

The Game Day Skate mourns the loss of one of the greatest pornographers of our time for Thursday, October 21

Oh hello there, and welcome to this special, mournful Game Day Skate. We hadn't even planned to write TMS this morning, as HF10 will be along with a Devils preview pretty soon. There's nothing happening anyway (OK, Steve Bégin found a job, and there were some games). But as we awoke this morning, we heard the news that Bob Guccione, founder of Penthouse (NSFW) has died from cancer at the age of 79. As the official chronicler of sex and hockey on the internets, we felt a moving tribute was necessary. Sexy Friday is a day early.

You kids today and all your free internet porn don't know how good you have it. When I was a wee lad, there were essentially two forms of pornography available, Playboy and Penthouse. And as any adolescent male from that era could tell you, Penthouse was WAY better. For, uh, anatomical reasons. So to the man who pointed my 12 year-old self toward the clitoris, we wish you Godspeed. You indeed belong in heaven.

The Morning Skate is shoving a fan on his way to the dressing room for Wednesday, October 20th

The GG11 campaign to bring Souray back to Montreal begins now

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of going up 3-1 on the Evil Empire...

• Those of you who dreamed of Markov coming back this week can forget it;
• Here's a story about the Habs line-juggling at practice yesterday. Ahh, for the stability of the Carbo years...
• Things got a little crazy in Minnesota during the Wild's 6-2 win over the 'Nucks. Besides Luongo being terrible, Vancouver's Rick Rypien shoved both an official and a fan on his way to the dressing room after a second period on-ice skirmish;
• The Bs have survived their season-opening road trip quite admirably (ugh I feel dirty) ending it 3-1 after ending the Caps winning streak with a 3-1 win;
• Kipper and the Flames blank the Preds 1-0 in OT.

Here's Rypien's fan-shoving video so you can play NHL Wheel of Justice, the home game.

The Midnight Skate for Tuesday, October 19

Bullet points for what you missed while dreaming of winning the CFL East Division...

• Laffs finally lose a game, though it was in OT so they got a point. But it was to the Isles, so that's something. A bunch of supposedly controversial calls went against the Leaf, but if you think we are sympathetic in any way, well, you don't know us;
• The Dominictrix had 2 goals in the Bolts win over the Stars;
• Pens over the Sens 5-2 in Gonchar's return to Pitt;
• The NHL Wheel of Justice is not a fan of those newly-illegal blindside hits. Veteran captain Shane Doan gets 3 games for a hit that didn't draw a penalty or injure the recipient. Message received, NHL! Here's the vid for you to form your own opinion;
• Boone using the FHF "CH" meme (© moeman) in the headline of a post announcing how great Habs I/O is is both ridiculously ironic and making us angrier than, um, a yak in heat. Lawyers, assemble!
• If you like hockey and scotCH (© moeman), you need to become friends with Moey;
• For those of you missing True Blood, or for those of you who like porn (so everyone), Wrap Around Curl has written a recap of "Tru: A XXX Parody" over at TBH. Somehow she made it SFW;
• While we're pimping FHFers' other blogs, if you haven't yet you should check out GG11's Women on the Ledge for her irreverent take on family life. If you only like us for hockey, her letter to hockey parents is nice and rant-y and there's even some excellent Big Tits Photoshop outtakes.

No game 'til Thursday. But we want one NOW!

Oh Big Tits, It's Nice to See you Again. Habs 4, Sens 3

We're lucky to have such a talented artist as GG11 here at FHF. Sometimes I can't believe she puts up with our adolescent requests. Like: "The boobs need to be bigger!!!"

Oh Habs, you had me going there for a while. What with losing the last 8 of 9 to those pesky Senators, including 5 of 6 just last year.  And having apparently played a "perfect game" the night before (although calling any non-shutout game 'perfect' is an insult to the entire goaltenders' union), you had an excuse for a let down. I admit it, after Mic-A-lick walked around the-Jaro-everyone-now-wishes-Goat-had-traded-in-the-offseason, I thought that was it. It just seemed that despite the lopsided shot count, everything the Sens threw at the net seemed to find a way to hit the twine - and that is in no way a reflection of TFS(TM)'s play, who was solid when he needed to be, yet again.

Even after the fluke Halpern goal that started the comeback, I pointed out to Mrs. Panger that 2 of the last 4 goals scored were actually scored by the opponents. Um, not good.

And then Big Tits, who has been downright perky all season, decided to pull his second Ovie impression of the year off a beauty pass from Turtlepleks. And the whole team seemed to shake off the memories of having to visit Buffalo, and perked right up, too. Oh Big Tits, how we (I) missed you. You could have just sagged along without your Little brother, sulked in your silent-type of way, and generally left a gaping hole in the Canadiens top 6. But instead, it seems like you figured out how to work the toolbox, cause it's clear you always had the tools. (For you Leafs fans, what I mean is that it was all in his head.) 

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but Yannick Bouchard (who looks really comfortable next to the bench - as opposed to on the ice; guess he's used to it) was absolutely right: instead of playing on the periphery like some kind of loosie-goosie pond hockey game (I wonder where you learned that from? **coughkovalevcough**), the Large Breasted One has been driving to the net hard, with and without the puck. To McSplooge what I'm saying: his compete level is high, he's engaged and, at times, Bit Tits has been Monster Tits. And lookie lookie, he's got a nice pair (of goals) in 5 games. Just hope he's really, truly figured out what it takes, and he's not just flashing us again - 'cause he really does have a very nice rack of talent.

[As an even greater aside, can someone please point me in the direction of the "FIRE MARIO TREMBLAY" website/facebook page/congregation of disgruntled postal workers? Please? Fucking fool. I still hate that boob. I keep dreaming about Alain Crete punching him righ in his stupid head, right out of nowhere.]

By no means does that mean I'm satisfied. Hamr, the-Jaro-everyone-now-wishes-Goat-had-traded-in-the-offseason, and - gasp - even Subbanator need to stop letting pucks skip off their sticks in the defensive zone, whether or not when they're under any particular forechecking pressure. Gio scored a goal, but the so-called "First Line" needs to start scoring like one. Squid needs to score against someone not wearing antarctic water fowl on his jersey. CHicken needs a goal to bounce in off his ass or something. So does Lars - but then again, look who's feeding him the puck, and he has had created some nice scoring chances to go with his Danish turnovers.

But the Double G's, Josh Georges and Hal Gill, look like they've picked up where they left off in the playoffs, and Georges even looks like he's figured out where they keep the other net used in most hockey games. Captain Picard even looked pretty good last night. TurtlePleks is actually more than earning that contract so far. Halpern, Boyd and the other roster filler has been solid. And one loss in 5 games is pretty darn good, anytime.

But you don't win without scoring goals, so again I say: Bit Tits, it's nice to see you again. I can honestly say I can never get enough of what you've got to show us.

Like run-on sentences and boobs as much as I do? Tell us about it in the comments.

"I'll Pants! with You" ~ Senators Preview and Open Thread

Hey FHFers, its Saturday Night, are you ready to play? (sue me ceebeecee, I gots me a new posse)

From the city of gorgeous gals, your awakened 2-1-1 Montréal Canadiens take on Ontario's team, Les Sénateurs d'Ottaoutaouais. Soberly speaking (its early, only had one glass of wine), hope you are feeling better $enator Demers.

Speaking of excitement, Where's Auldoº vs. Elliot! Man there better be lotsa bOOze (no bOOs SVP, OK a few for Chris Neil) in da house. Speaking of houses, the one owned by renowned mega-Habs fan and Ottawa resident Liam Maguire (NO RELATION TO McSPLooGE!) should update his sites. --> ºScrap dat, the Price is right back where he fucking belongs.

Special shout out to long time Habs blogger Sweet Daddy Kane for his fucking fantastic shout out to the FHF blog;

"Four Habs Fans probably needs no introduction.
They’re just really funny and bright guys putting a
slightly vulgar and sexist slant to their fine and smart
hockey thoughts, and I  think they’re as creative as can be.
Nuns and priests might not be crazy about this site, though.
Or are they?"

SDK, that is some good shit. 'Slightly'? Also, no sexism at FHF cuz the tongues are always firmly planted in CHeeks or Tits, size 46.

Now back to tonight's activities where the combined ratings of RDS and CBC should unite our Glorious Nation on this coast2coast leafless fall evening. Oh, yeah, a song parody ...

Inspired by my run-in with The Goat in Montréal and a fun-in with some fab new FHFriends,
oh and Anglais Moderne.

"I'll Pants! with You" ~ À Jacques, de CHèvre

Moving forwards using all that depth
Trading Jaro cuz TFS™ was never second best
I saw the Habs world thrashing all around our BELL place
Follow me I'm going to les Danses-à- dix for some mesh and lace

I'll stop the world and Pants! with you
You've seen four games and it's getting better all the time
There's nothing FHFers won't do (for meth)
They'll stop the world and Pants! with you

(You should know better?)
Dream of better lines the kind which never fade
(You should see why)
We need the skates of Vodkov's powerplay grace
(You should know better?)
We made a pilgrimage to save this team's disgrace
(We made Crosby cry)
What I'm comprehending is a Cup since long gone bye
(It'll stop the world)

This is my fucking game day preview
(It'll crash blogger's world)

You've seen PFK's difference and he's getting better all the time
(Don't stop his whirl)
There's nothing Kwa-Pee-ten Gio won't do
(Those FrenCH lessons must make him hurl)
I'll stop the world and Pants! with you

Kirk Muller's future's open wide
(two minutes for looking so good)

(Let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and Pants! with you
(Gleefully caustic world)
I've made some CHanges and it's getting better all the time
(Let's stop the world)
There's nothing the marketing team won't do
(Let's stop the world)
I'll stop the world and Cul-Lot! with you

Pascal LeClaire's 5-hole is open wide
(oh wait, he's hurt, again)

hmmm hmmm hmmm ice cream
hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm  free ice cream
hmmm hmmm hmmm cupcakes
hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm  creamy cupcakes

We'll stop HNIC's blue and white fascist world, CBC Fuck You!
(Let's stop bob cole's mangling of words)

Hey Mike, Carrie gives me underwood
(Let's stop the world)

Kovy, your mythic hair is no longer good
(Let's stop the world)
Look at BR's orange mane now thats a hood
(Let's stop the world)

Let's go to Vega$ and gamble a buck or two
(Let's stop the world)
I'll wear the mesh, you lace up in red, white and blue
(Let's stop the world)

G Y F H !

Just in Case You Forgot We Were A-hole Lawyers: Habs 2, Sabres 1

COURT FILE NUMBER: 2.63.911

JUDICIAL DISTRICT:     Buffalo
PLAINTIFF:                     Ryan Miller
DEFENDANTS:               Buffalo Sabres Hockey Club
HEARD BEFORE:            The Honourable N.H. Elfan

APPLICATION FOR GOALIE SUPPORT

1. REMEDY CLAIMED OR RELIEF SOUGHT:

• More goals from the Defendants, save for Mr. D. Roy who's done okay so far since he's on pace for 82 goals.

2. GROUNDS FOR MAKING THIS APPLICATION:

• Despite my personal best efforts, including several highlight reel saves, the Defendants allowed a goal-challenged opponent to steal 2 points right here in Buffalo, in one of the most boring games I've ever witnessed.

3. EVIDENCE TO BE RELIED UPON:

• Exhibit A: Video Tape, Buffalo Sabres v. Ottawa Senators, recorded 10/8/2010
• Exhibit B: Video Tape, New Jersey Devils v. Buffalo Sabres, recorded 10/13/2010
• Exhibit C: Video Tape, Montreal Canadiens v. Buffalo Sabres, recorded 10/15/2010
• Two photos of the said Montreal Canadiens' players
• Filed affidavit of Mr. R. Miller

4. APPLICABLE RULES

• Rule 1.0, "The Team that scores the most goals wins", NHL Official Rulebook 2010-2011
• Section 3, "Don't score on your own goalie", (Unwritten) Goaltenders' Union Rules, 1893-1894 to present

AFFIDAVIT IN SUPPORT OF RYAN MILLER

Sworn on October 16, 2010, at Buffalo, New York

I, Ryan Miller, goaltender, of Buffalo, New York, swear and say that:

1. I am the Plaintiff in this action, and as such have personal knowledge of the facts herein deposed to. I admit that sometimes it was hard to see the facts since I was standing on my head for most of the time at issue.
2. Attached as Exhibit "A" is a tape of a hockey game between the Defendants and the Ottawa Senators. The court will note that I was sensational, but I admit the Defendants did take 36 shots and the other goalie was a pretty darn good, even if he's more fragile than a Faberge egg. I also admit that I only had to make 25 saves, and I could live with that - since I got a "W" that goes towards my bonus - and if the Defendants didn't increasingly suck from game to game I wouldn't be here.
3. Attached as Exhibit "B" is a tape of a hockey game between the Defendants and the New Jersey Devils. The court will note that, again, I was awesome. I admit that the Devils have a decent goaltender - but a terrible defence and can't afford enough skaters. I also admit it's hard for any team, let alone an offensively challenged club like the Defendants, to score on a team with a coach who appears to be the living anglophone reincarnation of Jacques Lemaire - not to mention an apparently bat-shit crazy GM, who fires winning coaches, signs illegal contracts and looks like this.
4. The real problem is attached as Exhibit "C". This game involved an opponent who was giving up an average of 36 shots a game and whose defencemen do more juggling with pucks at their own blueline than a starving European mime desperate for stupid American tourist's pocket change.
5. Further, these opponents have what could charitably be described as an anemic offence. For goodness sake, they haven't scored a power play goal yet this season and 14 guys already have attempted to castrate Sean Avery while battling with him in the corner. Although I admit that at least one guy wanted to, um, "pleasure him" instead.
6. Even further, two of the the opponent's top goal scorers apparently spent the off season chasing down tag team championship glory in the midget wrestling ring rather than train for the upcoming hockey season. Attached hereto as Exhibit "D" is a photo taken by the world renounded artist GG11 - I admit mostly because it's freaking hilarious:
   
7. Even more further, the first goal scored by the opponents was actually scored by some bone-head named Chris Butler, a member of the Defendants (although I don't know why). At least that's what the name on the guy's jersey said. I admit I'm not sure, because, like Red Fischer, I don't talk to rookies.
8. Even further than that, I'm make this application because the game was supposed to be interesting. Two tiny, fast teams who have forgotten thus far how to play any team defense was supposed to lead to a wide-open, scoring-chance-laden game on either end, a fun-to-watch hockey game. I thought it was hard to stay awake while I was on the ice - until I saw the replay on RDS. The only reason I managed to stay conscious throughout was thinking of ways to have Benoit Brunet and Mario Tremblay sentenced to death for murdering so many of my brain cells. I admit that Pierre Houde is a lovely man with a lovely voice, though. For the record, he deserved better, My Lord.
9. More further still, the Defendants allowed a guy who scores as often as HFF33 (which, I can tell you, is not often at all) to score the first goal of his career the season, and generally made that goofy looking gentleman look like Paul Coffey.
10. And furthest, there's Mr. Carey Price. I thought the guys playing goal in those other games were pretty good, but this guy is playing like he's got something to prove. He's becoming an out-right thief. The only reason the Tampa Bay police, led by Constable One-Timer Stamkos, caught him the other night was due to some tips by Messrs. P.K. Subban and J. Halpern. Those guys can be so helpful to the other team sometimes. Although I admit Mr. Subban is quick to lend a helping hand even after he makes a 'tip' like that, and Mr. Halpern is adept at taking pucks away from opponents during faceoffs.
11. But I digress. Back to Mr. Price, the Rodney Dangerfield of the NHL. Like I said, he's a cat burglar, quick as one, thereby robbing the Defendants left and right last night, just like he has 3 times previously this season. I admit he hasn't been rewarded much for such thievery, but last night was an exception. At this time I'd like to enter another GG11 photo as Exhibit "E", taken late last night outside the old Auditorium - you know, in the nice part of town:
    
12. I make this affidavit in support of some goal scoring, and for no inappropriate reasons.

Lars and the Real Gerbe: Sabres Preview and Open Thread

Three games in and it's time to take stock of the season. The Habs are setting a blistering lose-one-win-one-lose-one-in-OT pace, Carey Price may stop 50,000 shots if Chocula's "system" gets any less effective, and Benoit Pouliot is the whipping boy to end all whipping boys. Now here comes Emo-kid Ryan Miller and the Sabres on a Friday night. Some things to cover before we get to the details:

• I like this Lars Eller a lot. He's good. Is he Jaro in the playoffs last year good? No. But he might already be better than every forward on the team not named Cammy or Pleks. If TFS keeps playing the way he's playing and Eller continues to impress, Jaro needs to take St. Louis at least as far as he took the Habs last year for the Blues to win this trade. My totally uninformed opinion, of course.
• Little Tits gone? Dustin "Justin" Boyd in? Big Tits suddenly playing, you know, hockey? Hell yes. I'd like to see what a Boyd/Eller/Moen third line did offensively. I think they'd destroy a lot of other thirds. Seriously. (That leaves a fourth line of Pyatt/Halpern/Mad Max. I can live with that). Three cheers for armchair depth chart engineering!
• Oh please, please heal Andrei Markov quickly. Hamr's return made a difference to Ryno. Markov back would make a huge difference to EVERYBODY.
• I never liked the Sabres, with their stupid Buffalo logo and their whining about Brett Hull's skate and fucking Danny Gare and the French Connection and Don Edwards and Bob Sauve and goddamn Rick Jeanneret's annoying "Lalalala-la-fon-taaaaaaiiinnne!" I probably should have made a 10 Things I Hate About" list for these bastards but when you get a chance to reference Ryan Gosling dating a mannequin you do it.  

The Real Important Stuff: Tonight, at the HSBC Arena in beautiful downtown Buffalo. 7:30 start. Tickets still freaking available! For directions, head across the border, drive til you see the fires in Tonawanda, turn left. As always, on the RDS. Still getting the free Centre Ice preview? It'll be there too, but you'll probably get goddamn Rick Jeanneret screaming at the top of his lungs for 60 minutes. Still better than Bob Cole. Habs lost in annoyingly typical fashion Wednesday and are 1-1-1, Sabres shut-out by Martin Brodeur same night and are 1-2-1.

Really, really watch these guys: Diving crybaby Derek Roy leads Sabres in points. Giant beanpole Tyler Myers won the Calder last year and is still really giant. Little Nathan Gerbe is so tiny Brian Gionta derisively calls him "Stretch". Emo-kid Ryan Miller remains one of the best goalies on the planet despite only weighing 97 pounds. For the Habs, Cammy is on pace for 81 goals and 121 points (too bad he missed that game due to suspension). Big Tits is playing like a fog has lifted [insert your own fuck Sergei thoughts here]. Pleks good. Price excellent but unlucky. Lars Eller my new favourite Dane, replacing Hamlet.

Really? Really?: Chicken demoted to fourth line in practice. Ryno demoted to press box for some reason. PK has apparently already found out Chocula doesn't like offense or unplanned excursions with the puck, now relegated to covering Alex Picard. Gomez still seems to be a whole lot of show and not much production (sigh). The powerplay is fucking terrible. For les Sabres, the aformentioned Tyler Myers is minus 6. Thomas Vanek is pointless and minus 4, making Buffalo management hate Kevin Lowe's offer sheet even more. Hey, did you know the Sabres signed Rob Niedermayer? Me neither. Niedermayer's teammates might also be unaware since the defensive specialist is pointless and minus 4 too.

Really hurting: You knew Markov was hurt. It's kinda obvious, really. Sabres Jason Pominville got blindsided versus Chicago and is out indefinitely with a concussion. Shaone Morrisonn pulled his groinal area versus the Devils and will be gingerly sitting this one out. (His name is also terribly mispelled. Was his Dad drunk when he filled out the birth certificate?) Derek Roy may or may not have an ouchy from his latest mani-pedi. Stupid crybaby sissy.

Really good place to learn more about your beloved Buffalo Sabres: Contender for best blog name ever Die By the Blade

Really good entertainment to be had: In lots of places, but The Blue Monk is Buffalo's newest beer heaven. Rumour has it their kitchen isn't open yet, but if you step outside and throw a rock you'll find a wing place, so there's that.

Got some opinions about Lars?  Real Girls?  The underrated performance of Ryan Gosling as Sean Hanlon on Breaker High?  Let us know in the comments.

Silent Treatment Ends At 2 AM: Bolts 4 - Habs 3 (OT)

That's how fast our leads evaporated last night. How quickly the 3-2 turned into a 4-3.

I'm very upset. I don't even feel like talking but the silent treatment is punishing. It's very passive aggressive, this I know. It's so much easier to say I'm so angry with you as opposed to saying Habs, you hurt me.

Don't talk to me about the refs. Don't tell me about the non calls. That won't make things better. I want to know why the Habs were compelled to wet the bed in Jamaican speed fashion.

Was team chemistry crushed by the team captain's total flubbing of Max Lapirerre's name?

Eh le numro karanté, Max Laperriere....

Le numro trentaoun Parey Crice...

Le numro ven deu sixkatrois, Josh Jordan.

Le numro ounz, Scott Aguilera de la Maria da Souza de l'Asuncion!

Ay Papi.

Bravo to Carey who showed Usainly quick reflexes against the Bolts. More Halakian saves were made. Applause was offered.

The refs, sponsored by MIRA again, made mistakes. Boos were heard. Bottles were thrown.

Usain that the Habs were up 2-0 early and 3-2 very late and still lost? Yes that's what I'm sayin. Were the Habs ineffective in stopping the Bolts from crashing Carey's crease? Why yes, yes they were.

Did PK put up a stinker? Jamaican me crazy with those end to end rushes, PK. Calm down little guy, you don't need to do it all.

Too many penalties against a potent power play? Thanks for bringing that up.

Now let's play the Lightning round of word association.

Stamkos - lethal.

Lecavalier - fading.

Gagné - invisible.

St-Louis - inspiring.

Downie - undermyskin

Boucher - why must Jacques Martin exist? Lotsa words associating there, sorry.

Pleks - thank you for staying in the shit storm this city can be and playing your pants off after signing a lucrative contract. What?! I make up the rules.

Usain - I try to be