Friday, October 15, 2010

Lars and the Real Gerbe: Sabres Preview and Open Thread

Three games in and it's time to take stock of the season. The Habs are setting a blistering lose-one-win-one-lose-one-in-OT pace, Carey Price may stop 50,000 shots if Chocula's "system" gets any less effective, and Benoit Pouliot is the whipping boy to end all whipping boys. Now here comes Emo-kid Ryan Miller and the Sabres on a Friday night. Some things to cover before we get to the details:
  • I like this Lars Eller a lot. He's good. Is he Jaro in the playoffs last year good? No. But he might already be better than every forward on the team not named Cammy or Pleks. If TFS keeps playing the way he's playing and Eller continues to impress, Jaro needs to take St. Louis at least as far as he took the Habs last year for the Blues to win this trade. My totally uninformed opinion, of course.
  • Little Tits gone? Dustin "Justin" Boyd in? Big Tits suddenly playing, you know, hockey? Hell yes. I'd like to see what a Boyd/Eller/Moen third line did offensively. I think they'd destroy a lot of other thirds. Seriously. (That leaves a fourth line of Pyatt/Halpern/Mad Max. I can live with that). Three cheers for armchair depth chart engineering!
  • Oh please, please heal Andrei Markov quickly. Hamr's return made a difference to Ryno. Markov back would make a huge difference to EVERYBODY.
  • I never liked the Sabres, with their stupid Buffalo logo and their whining about Brett Hull's skate and fucking Danny Gare and the French Connection and Don Edwards and Bob Sauve and goddamn Rick Jeanneret's annoying "Lalalala-la-fon-taaaaaaiiinnne!" I probably should have made a 10 Things I Hate About" list for these bastards but when you get a chance to reference Ryan Gosling dating a mannequin you do it.  
The Real Important Stuff: Tonight, at the HSBC Arena in beautiful downtown Buffalo. 7:30 start. Tickets still freaking available! For directions, head across the border, drive til you see the fires in Tonawanda, turn left. As always, on the RDS. Still getting the free Centre Ice preview? It'll be there too, but you'll probably get goddamn Rick Jeanneret screaming at the top of his lungs for 60 minutes. Still better than Bob Cole. Habs lost in annoyingly typical fashion Wednesday and are 1-1-1, Sabres shut-out by Martin Brodeur same night and are 1-2-1.

Really, really watch these guys: Diving crybaby Derek Roy leads Sabres in points. Giant beanpole Tyler Myers won the Calder last year and is still really giant. Little Nathan Gerbe is so tiny Brian Gionta derisively calls him "Stretch". Emo-kid Ryan Miller remains one of the best goalies on the planet despite only weighing 97 pounds. For the Habs, Cammy is on pace for 81 goals and 121 points (too bad he missed that game due to suspension). Big Tits is playing like a fog has lifted [insert your own fuck Sergei thoughts here]. Pleks good. Price excellent but unlucky. Lars Eller my new favourite Dane, replacing Hamlet.

Really? Really?: Chicken demoted to fourth line in practice. Ryno demoted to press box for some reason. PK has apparently already found out Chocula doesn't like offense or unplanned excursions with the puck, now relegated to covering Alex Picard. Gomez still seems to be a whole lot of show and not much production (sigh). The powerplay is fucking terrible. For les Sabres, the aformentioned Tyler Myers is minus 6. Thomas Vanek is pointless and minus 4, making Buffalo management hate Kevin Lowe's offer sheet even more. Hey, did you know the Sabres signed Rob Niedermayer? Me neither. Niedermayer's teammates might also be unaware since the defensive specialist is pointless and minus 4 too.

Really hurting: You knew Markov was hurt. It's kinda obvious, really. Sabres Jason Pominville got blindsided versus Chicago and is out indefinitely with a concussion. Shaone Morrisonn pulled his groinal area versus the Devils and will be gingerly sitting this one out. (His name is also terribly mispelled. Was his Dad drunk when he filled out the birth certificate?) Derek Roy may or may not have an ouchy from his latest mani-pedi. Stupid crybaby sissy.

Really good place to learn more about your beloved Buffalo Sabres: Contender for best blog name ever Die By the Blade

Really good entertainment to be had: In lots of places, but The Blue Monk is Buffalo's newest beer heaven. Rumour has it their kitchen isn't open yet, but if you step outside and throw a rock you'll find a wing place, so there's that.

Got some opinions about Lars?  Real Girls?  The underrated performance of Ryan Gosling as Sean Hanlon on Breaker High?  Let us know in the comments.

81 comments:

Anonymous said...

Spot on call on Jeanneret. He sounds like a fucking turkey.

as per protocol, fuck the bruins and leafs (hope tonight's match at that toilet bowl they call msg is appropriately a shitshow all around)

carry on, now

GoldenGirl11 said...

see the fires in Tonawanda, turn left
Those were the same directions we were given to get anywhere when we lived in Cleveland except instead of Tonawanda it was see the fires on the lake, turn left.

And don't kid yourself, one slip of the the nail file and a mani pedi can go from a slice of heaven to wanting to cut your finger/toe off.

HabsFan29 said...

drive til you see the fires in Tonawanda, turn left

FTW!

Habsfan10 said...

Seriously, growing up North of Toronto we got Buffalo tv stations, and every damn night the newscast lead with a fire in Tonawanda. Sometimes Cheektowaga, but 99% of Tonawanda was constantly on fire when I was a kid.

Gino Tomac said...

Holy fucking shit, this may be my favorite PS job yet.
So much so that I'm commenting before I even read the content below it.

Also, Elller looks a lot like a Koivu/Komisarek baby.

mcguffers said...

There's some irony in a Habs fan making fire jokes about another city.

chris nilan said...

can we start signing fire chockula petitions yet?

GoldenGirl11 said...

@Gino
I think I should invite you for shabbat. You're so easy to please.

@mcguffers
It says turn left at the fire, not turn left at the police car on fire.

Jaybird said...

We have to stop fucking around and get Eller-Gomez-Gionta and Moen-Lapierre-Boyd on together at all times.

I wish we had a Tyler Ennis! Oh wait he's like 5'6...nm

mmmkay,

I wish we had a Tyler Myers!!! (step it up PK).

I was at the game the other night and saw the post below about Lecavalier fading. He was beastly in that game (-2 also) and I think he may have a comeback year.

mcguffers said...

@GoldenGirl11

Good point.

And I don't know if you guys still harbor ill will against Danny Gare, but we've had Harry Neale for the past few seasons.

Moey said...

@Gino,

There may have been something going on between Koivu and Souray, but there's not way my Saku was boinking Komisarek.

Flying Toaster said...

I can't stand Jacques Martin, i fucking hate Jacques Martin, i LOATHE Jacques Martin, i want Jacques Martin GONE! I really, honestly dislike his coaching style and strategy. Never fucking liked it. And we had this Boucher gem in our farm and LET HIM GO?! WTF?! "Well we couldn't really fire Martin to make room for Boucher that would've been unprofessional" FUCK YES you can fire him! Hey Jacques, it's Molson. You're FUCKING FIRED!

Seriously, Look at Tampa, look at our team, they both look alike. They have a bit more talent on the front end, we have a bit more on the back end. But all in all, a more offensive-oriented mentality could work. Hell, a half-decend defensive one would to! But JM's "system" just sucks ass. How often have you seen us crash the net? Or get shots off from the blue paint other than the blue line? NEVER! Perimeter shots, and we skate back all the time letting them gain ground and hit Price from every point blank angle they can think of.

RiRi said...

And here I thought I was the only one who used to watch Breaker High... Seriously, those Canadian teen comedies were the best.

Great pic and preview as always!

GYFHG!!!

P.S. Glad you added "gleefully caustic" to What the Interwebs... Whatever it means, it fits.

Steve said...

Strean of consicne yeah i ignored spell check on purpose, cause when your in th 6 astral plane, the widgets dont work. So stop calling Lars Lars, he is lego, he is a Danish plant, you thing the trap was boring, how about the top 6 playing old time hockey. Fuck that skill and craftsman ship. aGAIN ai REFUSE SPELLCHECH.
lOOK AT pFK, THIS guy is like bobby orr, hey man he can skate throught the whole team at will, well lets just sit back and watch to see if he scores, nope not once. I once had an encounter with Picaso, and he told me some decades from now you will find an artist, and you will ask him to paint your garage door without anyone to help. Help the staving artist, jesus christ on the cross or shrimp on the barbie, do not kill the sprit of this guy. He plays fucking hockey, and part of that is making a fucking mistake, but how many many time have you seen fire wagon hockey as an art performance without a few mistakes. FUkc play hot.

Again I say I am not going to let teh spellcheck dilute my mastery of stating the obvious.

HabsFan29 said...

just re-reading this post properly. it's really good

and I didn't realize Alex Picard is actually back in the lineup. i thought it was a joke or something. meh

bea.habs.fan said...

I feel I should say something but honestly I can't seem to get myself worked up for tonite's game.
maybe I'm still suffering from toe frostbite and wet everythign from the lovely weather we're having.

I will however give a hollering

GYFH(G)

PS I haven't stopped thinking of those boston cream pie cupackes

Number31 said...

@Flying Toaster
Honestly I think Gainey was building this team to hand over to Boucher, but Boucher dropped the bomb and ran off to Tampa before any of this could happen. Why else would we have 10 thousand offensive defensemen prospects and speedy little forwards?

Also GODDAMMIT WHY IS O'BYRNE SCRATCHED FOR PIFUCKINGCARD?!?! No offense to Picard but if he's wandering in the corner playing with himself while leaving a guy open in the slot again, I'll stuff him in my trunk and drive him back to Ottawa myself. I'd rather have pucks going over the glass than that! And pairing him with PK?! Is Hamr babysitting Spacek again?

HabsFan29 said...

not another pre-game ceremony to sit through. ick.

GoldenGirl11 said...

I have to say I think that was a really nice, down to earth, old fashioned opening ceremony. Other than the old Buffalo guy stealing the puck off of Richard I think that was really classy in the most boring way possible. Way to go Buf....zzzzzzzz.

HabsFan29 said...

agreed, that was a nice, tasteful boring ceremony. let it be the last ceremony this year til the playoffs (knock wood)

god i love these classic Buffalo unis. and I like the wearing white at home for the 40th anniversary touoch

HabsFan29 said...

tuch? tuoch?

i got a feeling it's gonna be quiet here tonight. me talking to myself

ooh, Tits, good work down low

GoldenGirl11 said...

I'm here. Just listening to 3 kids kill each other over cleaning up the kitchen. Chasing each other around the kitchen table.... oh, there goes a glass. They should be in there until the second period.

GoldenGirl11 said...

I think you mean tuchus

HabsFan29 said...

man that was the fastest half of s hockey period ever

Orangeman said...

The Habs are falling all over the place. Is the ice bad or is it just the skaters?

GoldenGirl11 said...

It has a nice cheesy quality to it. Perfect for a friday night.

bea.habs.fan said...

I love Henri in the booth but tere not calling the game at all. Now I really have to concnetrate.

mind you - waht else is new?

The Gate To The Groin For Yannick Bertrand said...

I don't see why everyone is hating on Pouliot. Yeah, he hasn't played great, and he gets caught sometimes, makes some boneheaded calls, isn't committing physically... but hey! At least he's not getting too many penal-- ಠ_ಠ

Moey said...

I'm a bit bored with this game, time for a glass of wine.

moeman said...

On the Via home gettin sloshed. GYFH!!

HabsFan29 said...

we may never score a PP goal this season. at least we had a chance or two.

i need a glass of wine too. or scotch. or straight grain alcohol

HabsFan29 said...

Picard-spatCHes as a defensive pair there. that's frightening

Orangeman said...

@Moey: it is boring, isn't it? I've got the same plan as you, but instead of wine, beer. And instead of one, twenty-two.

The Gate To The Groin For Yannick Bertrand said...

Oh god, Pierre and Benoit talking about Journey and Lady Gaga. I need to call my mom to talk about anal sex to make this less awkward.

bea.habs.fan said...

doesn't alcohol make you sleepy?
it's not goign to make the game more enrgizing

Moey said...

@orange,

I just cracked a bottle of Italian red waiting for the other half to get home so I can cook him effin' dinner.

bea.habs.fan said...

wow so many empty seats - montreal this is not

Number31 said...

Well this is an absolutely riveting game.

And Ryan Miller could go have a beer on the bench, the Habs still wouldn't be able to score.

GoldenGirl11 said...

@The Gate
I just spit wine through my nose.

HabsFan29 said...

watching Iron Chef America during intermission. it has way more action than the hockey game

GoldenGirl11 said...

There's a hockey game?

HabsFan29 said...

i think i just heard a pin drop in the arena

HabsFan29 said...

nice bounce!

Number31 said...

PIFUCKINGCARD haha too funny.

The Gate To The Groin For Yannick Bertrand said...

Well that's kind of nice. Those are usually the goals that get scored against us.

The Gate To The Groin For Yannick Bertrand said...

Great, powerplay coming up, I'll wait til it starts to go to the store, so that I don't miss any goals.

HabsFan29 said...

well that "four guys at the blueline" strategy on the PP almost worked

GoldenGirl11 said...

Buffalo was so much more exciting when the guys on their team had funny names. Bodger? We don't need no stinkin' Bodger.

Orangeman said...

Wow, end to end nothingness.

HabsFan29 said...

meth and booze are simply not enough to keep me entertained during this game now. I'm going out for some crack. do they still sell crack?

HabsFan29 said...

a PP goal!!!!! i may cry

Number31 said...

A PP goal by Gorges. BRB laughing forever!

The Gate To The Groin For Yannick Bertrand said...

Buffalo 2 - Buffalo 0

RiRi said...

THE PP IS FIXED!

bea.habs.fan said...

whoda thought?
PP finally works and our biggest PP guy Gorges scores.
upside down day anyone?

Number31 said...

Apparently Komisarek also scored a goal. Yea. The world is totally fucked up right now. Blame the jellyfish alien over New York.

RiRi said...

Going into the 3rd with a 2 goal lead. We got this, right?

GoldenGirl11 said...

JELLYFISH ALIEN OVER NEW YORK??!! He said he was going to the hospital to do emergency surgery!!!

bea.habs.fan said...

@GG11
LOL
most awake I've been allnight

GoldenGirl11 said...

Good for the alien though. New York sure beats the Cavendish Mall.

HabsFan29 said...

crap crap

Number31 said...

How long before Price kills one of his teammates for interference?

L Dude said...

Hey, ended up going for 'a drink' after work. Just got home in time to see the PP goal. Forgot they had a Friday game.

FUCK!!!!! C'mon Carey! You only had 3 guys laying on you!

So, no love for Duke as Eller's nickname then?

Number31 said...

Duke or Marmaduke?

LD said...

Wow, that MSG feed on Centre Ice is brutal. Not sure if it's the guy mentioned before. Pretty sure it's Harry Neale doign the colour. Fuck. this typing takes too much concerntration after an evening of drinking. Later.

LD

L Dude said...

@31: Just Duke for now. When he becomes a Great Dane, he earns the Marma.

bea.habs.fan said...

bad sign. ref seemed to have swallowed their whistle.
which means they'll give a PP to Buffalo and they'll tie the game

The Gate To The Groin For Yannick Bertrand said...

The Count's System: 1, 2, 2 unmarked Sabres' players in front of the net! Ah Ah Ah!

lawyergirl77 said...

Pass the wine/grain alcomohol bitches.

Leafs win again. And JM still can't fucking make coaching adjustments in the 3rd.

*chug*

Number31 said...

Just win the fucking faceoff and kill the time please.

Orangeman said...

Seriously, LG, I love your avatar.

beatrice Fournier said...

and more shitty refereeing

Orangeman said...

Well...that was a, uh, win.

The Gate To The Groin For Yannick Bertrand said...

Suggested recap for tomorow:

"Meh."

bea.habs.fan said...

and in our favor this time.
I love Subban's victory shaking - like he wants to play some more or actually participate in a real game

Number31 said...

Well, someone is getting fired.

HabsFan29 said...

cheap ass ending, cheap ass game, but i'll take it

carey was good

Orangeman said...

I have just returned from the secret underground Anti-Carrey Action Network Transnational Society (A-PANTS) meeting and have been authorized to release the following press release:

"Uh-huh...ok"

That is all.

A-PANTS

the Baruch said...

Good result with neither team having much sustained pressure at any time... Yes boredom can be stressful.

CHicken still snakebit, WHat was he doing on the PPin the 3rd? Crazy coaching. @jaybird agree on those lines. + Tits playing hockey + Pyatt-Halpern-White, I think we got something solid, now if only we had a coach.

TFS saved the game just like he saved the point last game. PFK, the F is for flub, oops agh, but he recovered each one this game. Can we blame CHokula for his overthinking play?

Can we blame CHokula for the fact that the Habs are already exhausted by the 3rd period? Is it the rich poutine?

Flying Toaster said...

Subban's hand-shaking/slapping with Price at the end of the game was HILARIOUS!

WV: Pinotsia... Sounds like something a greek would yell for no reason. "PINOTSIA! That was a great game!"

Giovanni said...

I miss Daren Puppa, that is all!

P.S. Fuck the Sens!