Thursday, August 02, 2007

Evil Genius Lou Lamariello Does it Again

The Habs road got a little tougher yesterday, as New Jersey GM/Overlord/Evil Genius Lou Lamariello locked up his young star Zach Parise for $12.5 million over the next four years.

Now, I'm no salary cap expert and I can't do math, but the Evil Genius must have performed some sort of Jedi Mind trick on Parise in order to get him to sign for less than Mikka Koivu got from Minny. You know, the same trick he used to get one of the best goalies ever to resign for way under market value, the same trick he used to get Patrick Elias to resign for way under market value, the same trick he uses on the NHL to convince them to wipe Alex Mogilny and Vlad Malakhov's salaries off the books to stay under the cap, the same trick he uses to convince coaches to come to the Swamp only to get jerked around so Lou gets all the credit, the same trick he used on an arbitrator to convince them that proper compensation for a very young, still finding his way in the league Brendan Shanahan was Scott Fucking Stevens. Seriously, has this guy got pictures of everybody?

And where the hell was Kevin Lowe when we needed him? He's offering Dustin Penner $21 million while a way better talent like Parise is watching Darth Lamariello choke out his parents using only his mind until he signs (in blood, no doubt) on the dotted line.

For the love of Guy, don't let Bob sit anywhere near Lou at the GM's meetings in 2010, or he'll end up handing over Carey Price just as Brodeur and his salary cap number mysteriously land on the "physically unable to perform" list.

1 comment:

Timmmmmyyyyyy said...

You didnt even mention he was able to lure back his Stanleyt Cup winning HEAD coach as an assistant!!