Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Is He Here Yet? NO? OK.

It's nearly one o'clock in the AM and I still can't shake off that stupid habit of checking tsn.ca late at night in the hopes that a huge "Canadiens Acquire Hossa" headline take me to La La Land (it's this place where they have really cool orgasms).

I have this idea that Wadell and Gainey in town together this week are sitting down at Gainey's pad, cooking some stir-fry and nudging each other, randomly going back and forth on this pending deal.

I can imagine the conversation going something like this:

-Gainey: Don, you have to mix in the soya pal. Gives the veggies some flavor.

-Wadell: Yeah, I know, the sauce gives it that real kick.

-Gainey: You like watercress?

-Wadell: Hell yeah! That stuff is like vegetable Pringles.

-Gainey: You know it.

-Wadell: Love that stuff!

-Gainey: Man...

-Wadell: Just like a big bag of crunchy crunch love.

-Gainey: Hey, Don.

-Wadell: Buddy.

-Gainey: What's it gonna take to get Hossa.

They move to the living room and settle on separate armchairs to watch reruns of Golden Girls.

-Wadell: That Sophia, ha! What a riot. Would you bang her?

-Gainey: Sophia? Nooo...Noop, nope nope nope.

Half an hour goes by. Neither GM says a word, as they both aimlessly watch television.

-Wadell: Hey, Bob?

-Gainey: Yeah?

-Wadell: Ya got any cashews?

-Gainey: Sure, in the cupboard near the fridge. I wanna talk about this Marian Hossa thing when you get back from the kitchen.

-Wadell: Hossa? Nossa! let's watch some Arrested Development, that Tobias!

Another 20 minutes pass as the evening becomes night. No words exchanged in a darkenend room lit by the flashing images of the television screen.

-Gainey: Hey, Don, you think we could discuss this Mari....

- Wadell: Hey! I popped 10 straight cashews in my mouth. One of the suckers almost crept out. No way, sucked that little shit right back in.

-Gainey: Don, you gonna trade me Hossa or not? If we're doing this we've got to do this soon.

-Wadell: Why you spoliling all the fun Bob? I thought we could just hang out together, maybe watch the Princess Bride, maybe thumb wrestle a bit. Why you ruining the party Bob?

-Gainey: Alright, stick out you hand.

-Gainey and Wadell: One, two, three, four I declare a thumb war.

They start to tumb wrestle.

-Gainey: Tell you what, if I beat you, I get Hossa and I'll give you Lapierre and Grabovski.

Grunting, twitching, wrist bending fury...

-Wadell: Hahahaha, ya OK. Lapierre. Who's that, the French Dwayne Johnson? Nope, I've got a good deal with the Bruins on the table, getting Bergeron, or Florida is offering Zednik. My wife loves Zednik. I just want to trade for him so she can ask me "Honey where is Zednik?" and I could say "Zed's dead baby, Zed's dead".

-Gainey: I really have no idea what you're talking about.

Gainey pins Wadell's thumb. One, two! Wadell sneaks thumb out from Gainey's grip.

-Wadell: Shit you're built tough Bob! Smartest player to play the game, is that what they called you? Well you're going down with one of my thumbs over yours and the other one up your ass.

-Gainey: Again, I don't get it. OK.

Gainey pins Wadell again. One, two, three.

-Gainey: OK, we doing this? Can I call the press conference for tomorrow morning?

Wadell runs across Gainey's living room, slides on the wooden floor and crashes into the sofas. On purpose.

-Wadell: Woooo! Did ya see that! What a slide?

-Gainey: Kinda like your team in the standings.

-Wadell: What was that?

-Gainey: Nothing.

-Wadell: Hey! You got a Twister game here?

-Gainey: Don, we're two. How'd you want to play twister with two people?

-Wadell: I can play with three legs to make it interest...

-Gainey: Don! I don't even wanna know what that means. Look buddy, it's getting pretty late. Are you trading me Hossa or not? I've got work to do if this isn't happening.

-Wadell: Trades, trades, Hossa, Shmossa! You're so uptight Bobby! Loosen up a bit!

-Gainey: I don't work in Atlanta Don. This is Montreal. In case you haven't noticed, this isn't Georgia. Habs games aren't a throw in for Hawks tickets, or the opening act to a Daughtry concert.

-Wadell: Hey, I love Daughtry!

-Gainey: Forget it. I'm going after Richards.

-Wadell: Alright then. Guess I'll go now. Can I take the cashews?

Brace yourselves Habs Fans, the calm before the storm may be foreshadowing, of more calm to come.


HabsFan29 said...

"three Legs Waddell"

PPP said...

Huet to Washington for a 2nd rounder.

Congrats TFS, it's on you now buddy :)

Matt D said...

What. the. fuck?

msevigny said...

It's sad they only got a second for him. It's like when Aebischer got dumped off last year, only I was kind of glad to see Aebby go.

Good luck, Cristobal. Unless you're playing the Habs. Then you can go to hell.

PPP said...

That second pick could help sweeten the pot for Hossa.

For a goalie that had no future with the team a 2nd is pretty good.

fezworth said...

I second that, msevingy. Hope he does well though, and I hear that the draft next year is deep, so maybe it'll be ok.