Gotta Make'Em Go to Rehab but Habs Say No, No, No - Sens Gazillions, Habs 1

From Parliament Hill in the nation's capital, The Habs commemorated the 20th anniversary of the Supreme Court's decision to strike down Canada's Abortion Law by aborting their own game against the Sens after the first four minutes of play.

Nice.

So since I much prefer to discuss the 5oth anniversary of the Grammys rather than abortion or hockey related matters, allow me to fuse last night's celebration of music with Saturday night's ode to terrible hockey. The Hockey Grammys are upon us.

Record Of The Year

Irreplaceable: Daniel Alfredsson, producers: Daniel Heatley, Jason Spezza and Mr. Alfredsson impregnating a Mrs. Alfredsson with some special hockey semen.

The Pretender: Christopher Higgins producer; Christopher Higgins circa 2006-2007, Saku Koivu, Michael Ryder. Higgy - Good name for a rapper. Try that rather than hitting more posts than..um....a guy who hits a lot of posts. BOOYA!

Umbrella: Senators First Line, for peeing all over the Habs' parade. They are the best in the league. No offence to the big Tampa Line and coach Tortorella, ella, ella....

What Goes Around…Comes Around: The Ottawa Senators, thanks for beating us by a pussy goal on Tuesday, Montreal, now we're going to defecate in you ears. Mike Komisarek for making sweet sweet love to Elisha Cuthbert. Sean Avery for ditching Elisha faster than the writers on 24.

Rehab: Michael Ryder, producer; Midget AAA coach, Bantam coach, First grade teacher, a good priest, a rabbi who will work with a priest, an imam who does not fear assasination, a midget who's good with miracles.

Album Of The Year

Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace: A day in the life of Andrei Markov. Make that a noisy day.

These Days: Alexei Kovalev - For doing it all by himself of late. Kovalev is hockey's tribute to masturbation.

River: Cry me one, Patrice, because even if you played 10 minutes against the Sens, those are 10 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

Graduation: Ray Emery, grow up you infant. It's time. You watch your team in a full line up trounce a pretty good Canadiens squad, you need to wake up, smell the Hummer fumes and realize that you have a shot a history here. The NHL doesn't need a Mike Tyson. Neither did boxing.

Back To Black: John Paddock, after much juggling, for finally realizing what goaltender would give him the best shot at going all the way.

Song Of The Year

Before He Cheats: Cristobal Huet, How much more to the right did you intend on leaning, on the Senators second goal. I could hear Carbonneau from the bench watching in dismay and thinking, "to the left, to the left"...

Hey There Delilah: Wade Redden, What's it like in New York City? I won't go to San Jose, but maybe I'll accept a trade to the Big Apple.

Like A Star: Jason Spezza, 6 points. Making Montreal his love slave. I think all the Zs in his name may have put the Habs to sleep.

Best New Artist

Little Tits: For connecting with his big bro on Montreal's only tally of the game. But we all saw you sipping on some turtle soup taking a few puches to the face, Sergito. No good. Don Cherry was watching.

Big Tits: For combining with his little brother for the only Ray of Light on Saturday.