Wednesday, May 06, 2009

How could hockey in the desert fail?

As we mentioned in TMS this morning, Jim Balls-silly has put in a bid to buy the Coyotes and move them to Sarnia. Or Guelph. Or Etobicoke. But there are some fun facts that we sort of glossed over in our quickie morning format:

1. Phoenix filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy yesterday in court;
2. The restructuring plan for the team includes selling it to The Balls for $212.5 million, as long as he can move it to Southern Ontario;
3. Jimmy Balls has started a website to convince Canada we need another team. Like we need convincing;
4. No one told the NHL anything about this.

This all seems like one big Fuck You to Gary Bettman. If that's the case, we hereby express our support for this move.

23 comments:

J.T. said...

I'm all for Silly Balls moving the Yotes to Canada. The best part is that they'll already be better than the leafs, so we'll get to see them beat Toronto on a regular basis and watch leaf fans run in circles while they pull out their hair. Good times.

Habsfan10 said...

This might be Napoleon Bettman's (Kitchener) Waterloo. I hope he gets fucked over this so we can re-use the "Your Work is Done Here Gary 'Cause Hockey's Ruined" tag again.

If this is like the Sundin saga, do we have enough pictures of hotSouthern Ontario girls to make it through the summer? We might have to improvise.

eyebleaf said...

"The Balls." I like that. Not balls, but the nickname, you sick bastards.

AND STOP THE SUNDIN HATING.

Kmaxx said...

A couple of points I'd like to address here...firstly - Toronto hasn't had a team since the early 60's so you'd think they would appreciate and support any move to bring hockey closer to them then Ottawa...and secondly - we all know how much of a fuckwit Bettman is - which means this will never happen - which just re-emphasises the need for someoone to take him out!

...sent from my Blackberry!!

word verif: unflu - kinda like the swine flu - only you don't get sick and die from it.

KML said...

Kmaxx is probably right, Bettman and wife will likely tie this thing up in court in hope that the Balls eventually withdraws his offer.

Being born and raised in Guelph makes this possibility enticing, though fuck me if a So. Ontario team ends up in the Adams division.

Boob Gainey said...

The Jets were so cute. I remember whenever they played the Habs on a Saturday night everyone would go to the game in their best suits, to look good on national TV.

TH-TO said...

My favourite quotation of Bettman's in the last 24 hours comes courtesy of none other than the WSJ:

"Referring to past economic troubles facing franchises in Pittsburgh, Buffalo and Ottawa, Mr. Bettman said, "We fix the problems. We don't run out on cities."

Uh-huh...And what would you call the conspicuous lack of teams in Quebec City and Winnipeg? And I though *my* hypocrisy knew no bounds...

Habsfan1993 said...

Bettman refuses to discuss a timetable for withdrawal from Ira-I mean Phoenix.

Word verif: stipete. Kinda like a stipend, but cuter and from Quebec.

Sonia said...

Go Jim Go!

Nothing against 'Yotes fans, I love you both dearly. You're adorable.

But this team will soon be the Hamilton/K-W RIMshots (bada-boom), as it should be. If the NHL wants to fight this, they'll lose. The 29 other owners are not going to agree to keep pouring money into the franchise while Gary haggles in court, no matter how much they despise Balsillie. And good luck trying to find an owner who'll keep the team in an unprofitable market.

Buttman's about to get Balls-illied.

I'm gonna watch...

gillis said...

He should move the team to hudson, qc.

TH-TO said...

@gillis: That would have the added bonus of being close to the Falcon when the Hudson Coyotes don't make the playoffs :)

Joe said...

I'm all for a Gretzky homecoming, but it looks terrible for league for a franchise to break a 30 year lease. It's not necessary to leave Coyotes fans and Glendale without a franchise. They have the fans (mostly) and a good rink. Think of the Isles... maybe it's a bit blasphemous, but they have a shitty building...

JSteez said...

Gillis,

A Fellow Hudson-ite!

I figure they could probably fill the loges with all the money in Alstonvale...

And somehow, the Falcon doesn't even have a clubhouse...

bond said...

the fuckface known as GB will spend plenty of league $ to maybe win this round in court, though some of the govs are probably getting fed up with him.

But having laid out what he's prepared to offer, Jim B could just keep on approaching the other sick teams with the same deal.

I'd love to see him run GB ragged.

gillis said...

@TH-TO: true

@JSteez: Hudsonites unite!!

Those guys in Astonvale could afford anything. Maybe they could play at benson park.

Hudson has a coach lined up, Jacques Demers lives in Hudson.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

If Bettman wanted to save face, he would let Balsillie relocate the Coyotes but keep an AHL team in Phoenix (the fan wouldn't notice the difference). But that might be intelligent or something.


Hmm. Kitchener RIMjobs or Hamilton Buttmen (for Gary's benefit), whaddya think? There will be ass jokes regardless.


I dunno what they'd do about the Divisions, though. The league likes to manufacture rivalries for marketing, which means they'd have to shove Balsillie's team into the East so they can play Toronto and Ottawa every two weeks, but then who do you move to the Western Conference? Atlanta? Move the Lightning to Kansas? Logically, they'd put Hamilton/Kitchener/Bumfuck in the Central or Northeast Division, but again, this is Bettman we're talking about.

Olivier said...

Remember kids, not every team actually pay the luxury tax for high revenues. A whole bunch of teams are somewhere along the line, and shifting the 'yotes to Hamilton-les-bains makes them a high revenu team, which means a potentialy higher cap , higher salary floor and, well, higher salaries period. A whole bunch of teams who aren't really paying up for the Coyotes anyway may be more sensitive to that kind of stuff. If they form a majority, well...

kevincrumbs said...

In time there'll be a team in Southern Ontario. If not the Coyotes (is Winnipeg jizzing themselves over this news?), then the fucking Panthers, Thrashers or the Lightning (the way the current ownership seems hellbent on destroying the team) or even the Isles if they can't sort out their arena.

Wait, isn't there a team in Quebec up for sale? Bettman will probably allow them to be sold to replace the departed Phoenix franchise.

On a serious note, there's rumblings that the KHL guy, Medvedev, might be looking at purchasing the Habs.

Number31 said...

Buttman wants a team in Las Vegas before we poor Canucks ever see seven. Because one failure in the desert wasn't clear enough.

I'm sorry but when your poster boy is your fucking coach and not your captain (SHANE DOAN) your team sucks. BACK TO THE 'PEG!

Boob Gainey said...

Ha Ha Chara you useless pylon.

natasha said...

Watch Natsha Naked!

fezworth said...

It's probably the first board I've ever been on that'll welcome spam with open arms.

Tell me more, Natasha! Although a (NSFW) link next time, please!

prairiegirlwarriorpoet said...

When the Jets were in trouble & moving south, nobody seemed too troubled. We had a grassroots thing, but it was too little too late. Now that things are moving the other way, everyone is up in arms. If they don't want a team competing with the Sabers market, we'll take them back.

Go Jets Go!