Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Stanley Cup Finallys!!!

It's always been a kind of anomaly. Once the puck drops on the most important tournament in hockey, the Stanley Cup Finals, 98.4% of the hockey world, including hockey-mad Montreal, has stopped giving a shit.

But there are plenty of reasons to give a shit even if this series feels like it's being played 12 years after the season started, in the middle of a small village in Peru.

Finally, Sidney Crosby.

We get to see two more weeks of one of the best individual runs ever. Runs that would make the ones I had in Mexico a while back envious. Maybe the Kid lifts the Cup at the end of this, far earlier than we had all expected.

It's about time, Gino Malkin.

He responded beautifully to critics who had labelled him a dud in the early stages of the Washington series. The Art Ross Trophy winner is playing with so much pizzaz I'm giving him the Diana Ross Trophy too.

What took you so long, Back to Back Finalists...

This hasn't happened since the Oilers exacted revenge on the Islanders in 1984, foiling NYI's attempt to share bragging rights the Rocket's Habs, and saving Montrealers from sharing anything related in History with Long Island.

Do you know how long we've been waiting for you Detroit, you repeat Champion?

Last time a city enjoyed back to back parades was in 98 when the Wings delivered two successive titles to Motor City. I'm thinking that morale must be low in Detroit these days, you know with the collapsing economy and shit, and the fact that people seem to favor riding around in hot air balloons over a fucking Chrysler.  So maybe Detroit deserves another Cup. Fuck that, Jules Verne rules.

I absolutely love the fact that Montreal is still eliminated

Stay where you are you dreadful Habs, don't move. I love you best when you're not in a hockey arena on skates. How bad is the press in Montreal that throws about 1554785506960 journalists to cover a team practice, that they all get scooped by a paper in fucking Bhbdhbfkjjngfnfgmgninsky!!!!!! Is Saks out? Probably. Is Kovy worth 7M? I think Kovy should be paid what Shia Lebeouf was paid for his staring role in Disturbia. 

Datsyuk and Lidstrom Out? Can Chelly hold the Cup over his head?

If this is to be the fantastic rematch we're all waiting for, then we want all guns firing. Can the Wings overcome a Datsyuk-Lidstrom-less lineup? Could the Habs overcome A Markov-Schneider-less lineup? Oh, yes, that team had no character, or courage (not you Saku, yes you everyone else). The Wings looked splendid (notice how often Red Fisher uses that word?) without its stars, with others coming up huge in the absence of 2 enormous talents. It barely showed.

Do you feel Osgood as Fleury does right now?  

Interesting that this final is the first in recent memory to not feature a superstar goalie, although both have been outstanding in these playoffs. Osgood's ability to morph into Georges Vezina borders on weird. Fleury looks like he's caught the comet that rides him to stardom (please make love to your significant others here, because that last sentence was my literary equivalent to a smooth and silky Mariah Carey ballad). Expect both goalies to shine here, but expect lots of goals and a series that may look a tad, though not as wide open as the Caps-Pens epic.

And Finally, when all is said and done?

A really good team will have won the Stanley Cup, making hockey, this wonderful, magical game, the real winner (that's for people that want more sex, go ahead)


HabsFan29 said...

who put this amusing hockey analysis on our porn blog?

i still don't give a shit

E said...

Great image boys...
I would like at least a shoutout if you got it off this post:
If you just found it on google then carry on...

HabsFan29 said...

i dont give a shit but im watching anyway. kill me.

Moey said...


I wonder what it must be like to have a team in the finals? I'm officially depressed, and I'm a glass half full type. It just seems so far away.

word verif -mishinge

I'm mishinge the Habs.

Number31 said...

I'm in Washington DC...and I have to watch NBC. Mcguire is killing me. Now Millbury is killing me.

And wtf Fleury. I don't give a damn about either team but holy crap, two goals put in by himself... first off his ass, now off his foot.

I miss Price...
Oh, speaking of rodeos... Versus on Game 1 of the Cup playoffs is showing rodeo. Bravo, Bettyman.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

Now I remember why I hate the Red Wings. Because they're boring as fuck and the refs want them to win (not to mention Osgood having sold his soul to the Devil for a horseshoe shoved up his ass every spring).

On the Pens' shopping list for the summer: a fourth line that can actually forecheck (or a fourth line, period), better puck-moving defencemen to take the load off their Russian All-Star DMan (wait, where have I heard this before?), and some fucking wingers.

(who'da thunk I'd be cheering Sid the Manchild in the Finals?)

Moey said...

The Pens looked like the Habs last night. Sigh. I guess any team that doesn't play well looks like the Habs, or maybe the Habs aren't as bad as we think. It's all just too confusing.

HabsFan29 said...

Osgoode now leading the Conn Smythe race imho. I like SSHF's explanation - deal with the Devil

oh look, they're playing again in less than 12 hours. it should favour the younger team. refs won't let it happen

Boob Gainey said...

The Red Wings got where they are through intelligence and hard work. They have not had top draft choices. They scout well, and pick players who will give everything for the team.

The Pens got there through incompetence and luck. By being terrible they had a run of high draft picks. Normally they should have gone bankrupt and moved to another city years ago, but the league and the city bailed them out.

Ironicaly, Detroit are like Honda or Toyota while the Pens are like the US Big Three.

If you believe success is the reward for persistence and brains, then you must support Detroit.

Daniel Plainview said...

agree with Boob on this. I also can't believe people who are claiming that the refs are on Detroit's side. I can't think of team that has had as many PP's in the dying minutes of tied games or OT as the Penguins. If we're going to go on conspiracy theories, remember that Crosby is Bettman's baby and Pittsburgh is his project.

South Shore Habs Fan said...

@ Boob
Damn you and your logic! I just want to see Osgood and Hossa lose (especially Hossa).

If it were anyone else in the finals, I'd say fuck-you Pittsburgh, as I can't stand Crosby. But I'm really jealous of the Wings. Where the hell do they get these players? Zetterberg as a 7th round pick? TOM THE BOMB WAS PICKED HIGHER THAN ZETTERBERG. Arg.

Nikopol said...

I just love Detroit. Love them. Love how that softie, smallish european center is basically driving Malkin and Crosby bonkers, after doing it to Toews, Getzlaf and whomever is supposed to be a nuber one C in Columbus.

I just love how Detroit makes it systematically easy to call bullshit on almost any single call from our beloved media types. Big Body up the middle™? Check. Elite-level, Star-studded goaltender™? Check. Big Bruising D-Man™? Check (altough Kronwall...).

I just love how, once the refs throw the rulebook away, they become a bunch of vicious buggers.

They just don't care; they look at the playing field, assess what they can do there and then they just fucking do it.

Too bad most of the habs are somewhere out in the world getting drunk, they could use the lesson...