Tuesday, September 30, 2008

No Sex in the Champagne Room: FHF Previews the Fourth Line Battle for Roster Spots

This is what training camp battles will look like when FHF runs the NHL.

On the Main Stage – 6 guys - Laraque, Begin, Mad Max, Chips, El Dandy, and Greek Lightning - fighting for 5 spots.

Eager and ready (?) to enter, stage left - Ben Maxwell, Greg Stewart, Matt D’Agostini and Max-Pac are all long shots to make the roster and have to steal one from a vet – a phrase Coach Carbo must recite in is sleep. All these guys have Little Tits/mid season recall potential – especially Max-Pac, who seems to be on the fast track to the bigs. At this point I have the urge to add: suck it, Brendan Shanahan. We’ve got our own budding power forward (is it bad I’m thrilled the Rangers have told to Shanny take a walk? Oh I love holding grudges).

The tits - it's nice to have such problems. Remember when Patrick Poulin was a 3rd/4th liner? (Yeah, I don’t want to think about those days either.) Dandy can still play some ‘d’, versatility which Carbo seems to cherish. You have to keep the young gun/potential 2nd/3rd line center, My Boy Chips, don’t you? (Please?)

The cellulite - Greek Lightning, whose PK time may be taken up by other players like Little Tits and Chips, and his pugilistic skills are obviously redundant given the presence of the league’s reigning heavyweight champ. He’s also the French press’s favorite to be cut if RDS/Francois Gagnon are to be believed, conveniently also deflecting any talk of El Dandy getting the axe.

The armpit hair – Detroit’s 4th line (assuming everyone’s healthy) will be the slick Jiri Hudler (who can slide all thy way up to the first line) with Tomas Kopecky (the guy who clocked Carle) and old war horse Kirk Maltby, with the Darrens, Helm and McCarty, in reserve. Um, the Habs can brag about depth and fights for jobs, but they’re still not in the Wings' league. And we’re not even talking defensive depth, where the Wings go ten deep. Did that sound dirty? I hope so.

In the VIP Room - I’m betting El Dandy sees his name on the waiver wire first, because Greek Lightning seems like a popular guy in the room, although that may be a reason for Carbo to fear a putsch, who knows. GL may only be living on borrowed time because Laraque may still be nursing – or more likely, having some young woman nurse – his sore groin for a while. However, Dandy has a habit of strutting around in pink g-strings around the locker room. (OK, that’s not true, but admit it - somehow believable.)

Chez Parée bound? Conventional wisdom says Georgy Boy, Mad Max and Begin seems to have three spots locked up, so who are we to disagree? That would mean thinking for ourselves, and we swore off that in the 80s. My heart says My Boy Chips and GL start the season, but I’m not sure GK will finish it there. We’ll see if my heart’s an ass.

Signature song – I’m Not Over, Carolina Liar. Both Dandy and GL may be saying that to themselves if they don’t make the team, because from this angle their careers are in jeopardy if they fail to make the cut. (I'm know the song is actually about getting over a break up, but the title fits and I wanted an excuse to show that I still know the music kids are listening to these days.)

8 lap dances (out of 10) – speed and sandpaper, grit and grace, whatever combination of players starts the year on the bottom art of the roster will collectively bring some intangibles every team needs to win. OK who are we kidding, these guys aren’t going to win us any games, but they can keep the Habs from losing them.

3a.m. Smoked Meat Sandwiches:

HF29: An abundance of quality 4th liners. That’s sort of a mixed blessing, isn’t it? But goddamn if Chips doesn’t play at least 70 games this year I will be pissed.

HF10: Why everyone continues to be in love with a broken-down, misses too many games Steve Begin is beyond me. Last year his total team guy mantle got taken by Greek Lightning. GL is more durable and just as effective, and if he was from Ste Agathe and Begin from Oshawa no one would miss Begin. Also, El Dandy needs to go NOW, fun nickname or not.

If you fill up the line with veterans and let Maxi-Pac play every 28 days, everything will be a-ok.


HabsFan29 said...

Panger can you hook me up with a high-res version of that photo please?

I am not sure that Mad Max is the lock everyone says he is. We'll see

moeman said...

Disclaimer: I love this site. Um, did that sound AA meeting-ish?

Free roast beef lunch ~ Dandy and Breeze know how to get a free meal and a $20 feel.

Wishing the waitress was a 'dancer' ~ Don't we all, sometimes.

Stageside seat ~ Begin is getting too close a look, kick his beer already.

Ever been to Grenville? ~ Marc Denis will hate being on the AHL bus, his cab fare to the 'outskirts' will be steep.

Freelancers ~ Discuss.

HabsFan29 said...

"Hi I'm Moeman and I'm an FHFcoholic"

Wishing the waitress was a 'dancer' ~ Don't we all, sometimes.

my biggest strip club pet peeve

HabsFan29 said...

hey im in here watching the game if anyone wants to comment on the Lang-Kovy experiment

Montréaliste1 said...

Chips is obviously heading to Hamilton. He's better off playing 80 games there than 40 in MTL. And they will most likely trade or waive either dandy (hopefully) or Kosto.

@ 29: enjoy the monster screen, its incredible.

Lang and Kovy together tonight !!!!

HabsFan29 said...

@mtliste - bad grammar on my part, by "in here" I meant this thread. Though me and HF4 are going tomorrow to see the glorious HD Jumbotron

HabsFan29 said...

Max Pack! doesnt want to go to hamilton

HabsFan29 said...

Maguire is hot for Max Pack. yikes

msevigny said...

Boy, if only every regular season game could be that much fun. After the bad memories of the playoffs, I think I forgot how much I enjoyed watching these guys.

Is it just me, or did Max just lock up a roster spot tonight? Can Bob and Carbs really send him down after he kicked Detroit's ass?

HabsFan29 said...

whew. i had to have a nap after watching that game. very entertaining

@msevigny - Maguire certainly thought so. fuck did he look good

Le P'tit Viking said...

RDS has Dave Morissette as a commentator.

Dave Freakin' Morissette!

A guy who played 11 games in the NHL, each one consisting of letting the other team's goon wipe the ice with him. Check it out on youtube, it's hilarious.

He's still better than the other clown though.

PS: How about Carey Price tonight?

fezworth said...

@FHF: Just a thought.. if you guys get the 6Gb data package from Rogers/Fido, you could actually be in the comments WHILE you're at the game ;)

Then we could get constant updates about the scoreboard!

Oh, and Max Pac :P

lawyergirl77 said...

Fez - I have the 6GB package, but I figured I would save the compulsive updates for the actual game.

This way, Panger can be even more jealous of my toys!! :)

If either Chips or MaxPac get sent down to Hamilton I will be incredibly disappointed. They both played well enough tonight to earn their spots from my two of my previous soft spots (who clearly just can't keep up anymore): Greek Lightening and Bégin the Fragile Bruiser.

Still love both of them, but Chips just went 100% (or close to it) in the faceoff circle and is still doing all of the little things right.

And MaxPac just beat the Wings by himself on offence. Yes, it's an exhibition game, but it's still the Wings.

Bryan said...

i was quite impressed with patches tonight. he's the only guy i want to make the team. i've been dying to see him in action for weeks now. made a couple bonehead passes for sure though. i guess playing often would be better than sparsely at this level.

Beta169 said...

I really want Chips to get a real shot with the big team this year and if MaxPac is ready, keep him up too.

Toss Dandy to the curb I say. While I love Begin's heart, its housed in a slow, brittle body, so I'm okay if he is let go also. GL has heart and grit and a lot more talent than me (which isn't saying much since I play C league hockey in Knoxville, Tennessee) but if he needs to go to let the kids play, then so be it. I will however miss his awesome answers to "Ask the Habs" questions. I can't decide if he's incredibly funny or simply retarded, but I love his answers.

Number31 said...

On the line that's there now, only Kostopoulos should stay. I never saw a guy work so hard in my life. Begin just runs into people, makes enemies who remember him years later, gets penalties at bad moments, and usually gets hurt anyway. Dandy is...not a very good D...What was that weak clearing pass there? CHIPS PLAYS D BETTER! Bloody hell. Chips needs to stay here.

I want Patches here too. Then again I wanted Subban here, now. (In all, he edge to the top of the Defensemen Kids this camp, with Weber at #2). But I'm willing to let Patches go to Hamilton for a bit, since all he ever played was College Hockey. However he's totally going the Sergei Kostitsyn route.

Gui! hit things today. That's about it. A few noticeable plays, but Patches was better than him.

And whoever doubted Price should be kicked to the Leafs. Or at least forced to watch them all happy that they beat the Blues who lost almost all their defence to various injuries, including golfing ones.

It's fun to annoy the Hockey Robots. Bonus to boo Hossa (BOOOOO!) and I usually hate to boo. (Unless it's Boston, or Philly).