Monday, February 22, 2010

Canadian Olympic Hottie of the Day

This is Meghan Agosta, a fine member of our women's hockey team. She plays with her teammates tonight at 8 PM in the semi-finals. We are rooting like hell for the women, because...

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THE MEN SUCK. Look out, I'm alarmist again! But seriously, that sucked. Canada loses to the U.S. 5-3. Martin Brodeur, Chris Pronger, and Scott Niedermayer all need to be put out to pasture now. The TSN panel this morning said "Brodeur's resume gave him the right to start this tournament." Well, resumes can't play the motherfucking puck. Did no one notice Marty came into the Olympics playing really shaky hockey? Did anyone notice Pronger and Niedermayer are old and slow? Why do we have so few skilled players Brendan fucking Morrow is playing the PP? I will give some credit to Ryan Miller who played a great game and made many many many saves. But still, double meh. Anyway, next up is the Germans (oooh, the Germans) in the qualification round tomorrow. Because of course, what the old fart trio needs is another game to play.

Major mazel tov to Kristina Groves who nabbed a silver in the 1500m to rescue another otherwise crappy day. Lots of chokage notably in men's ski cross and two-man bobsled.

Finally, our deepest sympathies to figure skater Joannie Rochette, who tragically lost her mother a mere 24 hours after her parents arrived in Vancouver to cheer her on. Joannie says she will still go ahead and skate starting tomorrow, and we'll have a prayer and a cheer for her no matter where she finishes.


moeman said...

Go Pant(ie)s!

Go Canada!!

LukieNussbaum11 said...

I'm sensing a blonde theme. Can we expect an Elizabeth Manly post at some point this week? She's in Vancouver as an analyst.

moeman said...

@Lukey, please, God, no.

LukieNussbaum11 said...

But Moe, she's still as cute as nails on a blackboard.


I know I'm gonna catch crap for the relevance of this,but in the spirit of hyped-up nationalism.

Vermont with a population of 600,000 has three metals, putting us in 15th place among all participating countries. If only there were more snowboarding events.

...admittedly conflicted about last night's score. I swear I could feel a strong gust of wind come across the border resulting from the collective sigh of canada after that loss.

TPlecks is getting more expensive by the day.

Chester said...

Ya well here in Qweebek we have a lot more metals than that, we have iron and copper and nickel, lots of nickel. So too bad for you. Oh ya and another thing .. we are gonna kick American butt so bad as soon as we kick some German butt and prob some Ruskie butt and who else butt ... ya. Thats it.

Kmaxx said...

I think it's worth repeating, if only for how fuckin terrible it is...but last night, Team Canada made Ron Wilson and Brian Burke look like fuckin geniuses! If that doesn't describe how pathetic our display was, nothing ever will.

And can someone let Brodeur know that cricket doesn't even feature in the Summer Olympics, never mind the Winter ones.

On a positive note - I fuckin' love Nash! He was pretty much the only one playing "good 'ole Canadian Hockey" lasty night.

Chester said...

We need more Kristi Richards. Lots more.

Habsfan10 said...

Pluses from last night:

Those jerseys still looked awesome.

Drew Doughty, scary good.

Babcock realized Keith and Seabrook deserve more ice than Pronger.

Jonathan Toews might will this team to a medal himself.

This is the end of the "Corey Perry is a world class player" meme. He's good. He's very effective in the situation he's in in Anaheim. You win stuff in the NHL with Corey Perry types. But he's going to the next Olympics only if he buys a ticket.

More reasons to hate Brian Burke and Ron Wilson.

More reasons to hate Patrice Bergeron and by extension, the Bruins.

L Dude said...

Fuck it.

Das kanadische Team ist alt und sucks ass.

WV=verte (or green), as in Bouwmeester and Green should be here because Pronger and Niedermayer ist alt und suck ass.

Boob Gainey said...

The team selection might have been even worse.

Remember they invited Dan Cleary and Milan Lucic to the orientation camp, but not Steven Stamkos.

the Maritimer said...

Since the previous thread is probably dead, I'll repost this...

Looks good on that fucking overrated stiff Brodeur. Schadenfreude is a bitch.

Not to worry, lots of time to recover, after Babcock watches the game tape, Marty the fat bastard will be watching the rest of the way from the bench or the press box. Roberta Luongo will be in the rest of the way. A tune up against Germany then the Russkies. We'll see then if Team canada has what it takes.

Oh yeah, if they play against Miller again, guaranteed they pump at least 5 past the little bitch.

I hope our curling teams win some gold...

El Oso said...

First, agreed that Pronger and Neidermeyer suck. How awesome would it be if Green and Bouwmeester were on this team?

And other than Toews and Doughty (wow, is he awesome!) who on this team is going to show any heart!!? Who is going to put this team on their back and will us to win? We played with such arrogance and so little heart, like we kept expecting we were going to pull the win out at any minute.

That empty net goal was basically emblematic of the whole game.

Sid the Kid is the most overrated superstar ever! He's great around the net, but he's never going to dominate or will the team to victory.

Congrats to a fairly likeable American team for playing a smart game and getting it done.

soperman said...

The brain-dead Leaf fans (is there any other kind?) in my office are saying that the US won because of Burke and Wilson. They claim the US success will translate to the Leafs.

Not unless Giguere turns into Miller and several other Leaves have miraculous transformations.

As far as McSplooge and the TSNers go, a resume gets you an "interview". You still have to show ability. With their logic Gretzky and Beliveau should have been on the team.

Great Hotties though.

Ronan said...

Burke and Wilson beat a rock'em-sock'em team with a bunch of speedy, high-scoring smurfs and a hot goalie? My head is exploding with irony right now.

Green > Pronger
Bouwmeester/Robidas > Niedermayer (seriously, did Stevie Y think his MINUS SEVENTEEN was a fluke?! Komisarek is only minus-9 on the fucking Leafs!)
Carter > Thornton
Stamkos/B. Richards/Sharp/Zajac > Bergeron
Knuble > Morrow (really, Knuble is Canadian? and we picked fucking MORROW before him?)

Also, Nash has fucking sucked so far. Sure, he hits, but he loses the puck so often... can we give the whole "hey cool it's like that band from way back when!" shit a rest and get Nash AWAY from our best centre? How about we try Crosby with some guys who'd rather score a clutch goal than run guys who don't have the puck? There's a fucking reason we didn't bring Tenderness to Vancouver.

You know what this team needs? it needs a Josh Gorges. A guy who will play bigger than he is, not smaller. A guy who'll block a fucking shot with his HEAD, rather than put his stick out like a pussy and deflect it into his own net. A guy who'll win board battles out of pure fucking will.

Oh, and Brodeur - you've sucked ever since you broke the shutout record. Take a seat and have a hot dog, Fatso.


Boob Gainey said...

Scott Clemmensen was 25-13 with a 2.39 GAA and a 0.917 sv% for the Devils last year.

Brodeur was 19-9 with a 2.42 GAA and a 0.917 sv%.

That's right, the Devils' system turns journeymen into Martin Brodeur.

Draw your own conclusions.

wv: immonde.


Le Douze said...

Turns out that curling calendar is real - the evidence is the photo of the cute blonde screaming harpy on the Danish team in the attached.

Guess I better ask the photographer to beg Cheryl Bedard to appear next time.

Sorry, did you say this was supposed to be a hockey blog?

dwgs said...

Ronan +4

orangeman said...

The thing I hate is when a team wins when they had no business winning (ie US last night, Habs anytime they win) and then walk off smugly like they earned it. Seriously, the US was chasing Canada all night and were outshot by more than double. They won the game fair and square but I hope they take this confidence and lose like the losers they are soon. As for Canada, I don't think another practice game is such a bad thing.

In other news, Canada's men sprint relay in first with one lap to go! GO CANDA! It's just the semis, but let me have this, ok?

b said...

As an American, let me say this. I wanted a closer game, tie, overtime, something like that. Watching three Team Canada forwards play follow the leader in the corner on the power play- now that's what I call- stupid. Watching a system that was parking a guy in front and people standing still- on the power play- not so smart. The american power play had motion, and even when people held their position, their feet were moving. The game should be fluid. I got the sense of a bunch of big guys from metro Toronto setting picks for Sid the Kid. But did you see the Russian's second goal- cool- gotta try that- its up there with Cammaleri's double pivot screen shot.

moeman said...

Lu in betwixt da pipes.

lawyergirl77 said...

Moe- thank Christ for that. Now all we need is a time machine for our defence so that they can do something about this irreversible age thing they have.

But, seriously. Team Canada = this year's Habs.

Star goalie underperforming and making me hella nervous every time the puck floats in his general direction? CHECK
Aging D-corps that is hideously immobile? CHECK
A fucking oddly stagnant system that is based on passing/puck posession with a talented bunch of speedy forwards? CHECK
Heartbroken fans after great expectations? CHECK

Now all that's missing is an exit before we even make the playoffs.

Much as it chagrins me to say it, Sid, the Sharks line (including Heater - *shudder*) and the people who are actually working on this team don't deserve this shit. (Much like Squid, Pleks and Gionta).


That is all...

moeman said...

lg77 knows Canadians = Canadiens (plus or minus Gauthier+JM).

Also, for Moey;

Boob Gainey said...

I don't think Team Canada and the Habs have much in common.

Canada have big slow forwards and the Habs small speedy ones.

Also, only 2/7 Canada defenders are aging, and Niedermayer isn't slow.

Boob Gainey said...

Regarding goalies.

Luongo has a total of 11 career playoff wins (and 11 losses).

Fleury is 31 and 18 and could well have won the Conn Smythe last year.

moeman said...

Can't put my finger on the button (and all due respect to their on-ice skills) but it is fun to watch two very cute skips from GBR and DEN go head to head.

WV = spili

Moey said...


Loved it, (except the Owretchkin part).

The biggest suckage of last night was McSplooge yelling in the background. Can someone tell him our eyes actually function and aren't painted on, for the love of Christ.


Why don't they play Fleury tomorrow night? What the hell has Luongo won? Fuck the experience, let's go for youth.

lawyergirl77 said...

I would play Fleury tomorrow night too, but WTF do I know.

Boob - Still think that these are just the Habs on a bigger scale. our forwards are suprisingly fast but our D-men (with two notable exceptions) are slooowwwwwwww. And kind of inept at keeping the puck in the offensive zone or (even worse) getting it the fuck out of our own end.

That's why they remind me of the Habs.

Le Douze said...

Am I a bad person because I care a lot more that my girl Cheryl is up 3-0 against Sweden than whether Bobby Lu or the flower child will be in goal next time Team $Canada$ takes to the ice?

Sometime during the second period something popped and this was no longer the most important hockey game played in years, it was just a hard-hitting game played between a gaggle of very talented, well-paid, offensively minded players running around in circles, and a good team. The last five minutes was exciting, granted, but deep down I didn't believe they would have deserved it had they managed to win.

At least the Habs, suckitude and all, are my team.

Hey, I still want the well-paid guys to rally and beat up on all the other (also pretty well-paid, except the Germans) guys, but it's no longer life or death.

My 11-year-old's team lost almost every game this season (some by eye-popping margins), and I don't think they were guilty of too many things that the Canadian stars didn't also do, at least defensively. OK, so the little ones didn't have size or skill, but leaving that aside, their biggest weaknesses were things like clearing out the goalmouth, wingers getting pucks out over the blue line, and running around in their own zone. It's one thing to see that in a not-very-well-coached pee-wee level team in only semi-hockey country, it's quite another to see it in a team whose average annual salary exceeds the average professional's lifetime earnings.


So's it gonna be Flower or Lu?

LukieNussbaum11 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LukieNussbaum11 said...

Couldn't agree more. It's an all star game with the world watching. I don't actually care all that much. I think it's much more exciting to see a 20 year old capture a medal. And the annual salary of these teams probably exceeds the average small country's lifetime earnings.

moeman said...

Le12, no one, not even our gorgeous and fabulous FHFemmes will deny you your fun of watching the babealicious Mme. Bernard.

You watch her play (and damn she is good) and you just have to wonder if her derriere is harder than the stones she throws.

Lu is in.

orangeman said...

Shout out to our men's cross country team with another solid performance. Finally, a 4th to be proud about. And our ladies didn't do too badly either (7th). See, Canadian media: It's not all about medals. Though if one of our top ranked athletes chooses not to fall down on the last jump/turn/straight away I'd be all for it.

Go Women's team tonight! And go ice dancers. I don't understand you, but I support and love you.

moeman said...

Lu not in net yet;

kevincrumbs said...

Agree with all of the kudos heading towards Doughty's way. I watch a decent amount of Kings games on Centre Ice and man, that is a pretty fun team to watch. Doughty, Johnson, Smyth, Frolov, Kopitar and my fucking man, Wayne Simmonds.

Sure beats watching the Habs suck it up and feeling frustrated after it all.

I don't want to get in a pissing match with my fellow Canadiens fans here but all this stuff about US not deserving to win, etc. Well, they could put the puck in the net, unlike your boys who don't know how to lift the puck. Anyway, better to have lost last night and get a wake up call before the games start really, really counting. I think the biggest loser in all of this is Russia, who now have a potential date with Canada in QFs.

kevincrumbs said...

Also, in the grand scheme of things, here's what I would take over the US winning the men's hockey gold medal at the Olympics:

1) US national team appearance in the Quarterfinals of the upcoming World Cup

2) Canadiens in the second round of the playoffs.

Hypnotoad said...

I take back a lot of the bad stuff i said about curling as any sport with that amount of hot chicks obviously deserves to exist. Some of them even are multi-talented .

LukieNussbaum11 said...

The curlers sound like they are being tortured. I think the Swede was yelling "HOLY SHIT I THINK I LEFT MY OVEN ON!!!!"

moeman said...



Nice find Htoad, barefoot bagpiping!

Le Douze said...

@moe - she works out in the gym every day, and I can see from her belly (posted earlier) that her abs are harder than the stones she throws. Definitely makes my day, specially when she spanks the Swedish gals.

Now if she could only skate like PK, she'd be perfect.

RiRi said...

Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir get GOLD in ice dancing!


Chenny13 said...

A clutch Canadian performance. It seems weird to say. Way to go Scott and Tessa, amazing skate for victory!

ezzeloharr said...

Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir give me reason to believe that we're not a nation of chokers. They were sensational tonight.

Is that okay?

wv: grampyr - I hope I see Canada's men win another gold in hockey before I'm a grampyr.

Number31 said...

Uh...I guess no one remembers 7uongo? But Germany doesn't have Patrick Kane so he's safe for now. At least he knows how to butterfly instead of throwing the pads out like it's 1980. Brodeur's style is just outdated, especially without his usual trap protecting him. And no, staple Fleury to the bench thank you, especially when you meet the Russians. (But he could have done the job against USA).

Someone still has to crack through the Swedish Defense Killbots...

At least our ice dancers know how to deliver. Awww they're so cute~

moeman said...

Congrats to the skating kidz.