Famously taciturn defenceman Andrei Markov has shown much more willingness to talk to the press since his return from injury, touching on subjects like Ryan O'Byrne, Mike Komisarek, and his dressing room dust-up with goalie Carey Price. Now, the strong, silent leader of Montreal's defence corps sits down with our own FHF Late Night Host, Jacques Paré for an in-depth look at today's matinee:
"So today's game is at 2:00 pm against the Penguins at the Bell Centre, on RDS and CBC. Do you like playing afternoon games?"
Markov: "I play when I am told to play."
"What do you like about Ryan O'Byrne?"
Markov: "That's a tough question."
"Do you feel bad for Mike Komisarek now that he's out for the season?"
Markov: "Is he here in this room? I have no memory of him."
"Is the defence here better with or without Komisarek?"
Markov: "I have no memory of him. I have no memory of any defence here. It is only me. Mara is a fuck-up."
"Who's better, Crosby or Ovechkin?"
Markov: "For me, Ovie is friend, and better Russian prostitute killer. Crosby never kills Russian prostitutes. Crosby, for me, is a virgin. No Russian prostitute killing."
"Crosby or Malkin?"
Markov: "Never see Malkin with Russian prostitutes. He spends all his time with his Mom, and also needs better linemates, I think. Malkin and Crosby both hot right now, but virgin Crosby is playing better. No Mom."
"Price or Halak?"
Markov: "Halak is hot right now, so you play. Price, I like, we hug, but we have our troubles like any family, you know? Also, Halak has Russian prostitutes all the time. Slovak too."
"Are you better than Sergei Gonchar?"
Markov: "Right now, yes. Right now Kris Letang better than Gonchar. Could change."
"Is there anyone else on the Penguins that worries you?"
"You know, Marc-Andre Fleury is playing good for thirteen-year old. Very good. Also, Bill Guerin not scoring much, but look like Crazy Mischa from alleyway behind house back home in Voskresensk."
"How about your teammates? Has losing Andrei Kostitsyn and Mike Cammilleri long-term ended your playoff hopes?"
Markov: "Not ended, no. We are in playoffs until we are out. First we need win today, then tomorrow, then lose two, maybe three, then Olympics, then play more, and then we know playoffs or not. So we hope."
"Kostitsyns versus Sedins in a street fight. Who wins?"
Markov: "Sweden and the Russians have been at odds since the Novgorodian wars of the late 1400's. By the 17th century, Sweden was a great power, and a brave people. In fact, at one point during the Thirty Years War, Sweden looked to be the dominant power of the Holy Roman Empire. But series of missteps lost them the support of many Germanic allies, and a half century of warfare exhausted the Swedish treasury and arms. Despite that, if the Swedes had pressed their advantage after the Battle of Narva in 1700, they could have destroyed Russia once and for all, but they made the fatal error of attacking Poland first. By the time they met Russia in the Battle of Poltava in 1709, Russia had recovered. The Swedes haven't won a war against a Russian army since, and this would be no different. Also, one Sedin is actually woman. You guess which."
"Do you want to be Captain of the Montreal Canadiens?"
Markov: "Bertrand Raymond say only French Canadian can be captain, so no. I do not want to be French Canadian. Russian. Markov is Russian. Also, would hate organizing Annual Scavenger Hunt."
"Any predictions for the Super Bowl? Are you having a party?"
Markov: "In Russia, party has you. That's joke. I predict D'Agostini will eat too many wings and get sick, and Gomez will bring three-bean dip. Gomez always make fucking three-bean dip. Last year, Lapierre put penis in chili. Also, Saints win."
Comments and interview questions for Markov's next appearance below. Remember, hit 500 comments in any thread this weekend and it's free meth delivered personally by HF29 (or shipped overseas to Grrreeeeggg and others)*
*Not a guarantee.
(Also, Condolences to Brian Burke, who lost his son Brendan in a car crash on Friday. Say what you want about "hated Maple Leaf GM Burke", but his love for his son and the barriers they both helped break down in hockey deserve respect and prayers today. )