Saturday, February 06, 2010

An Interview with Andrei Markov - Pens Game Preview and Open Thread


Famously taciturn defenceman Andrei Markov has shown much more willingness to talk to the press since his return from injury, touching on subjects like Ryan O'Byrne, Mike Komisarek, and his dressing room dust-up with goalie Carey Price. Now, the strong, silent leader of Montreal's defence corps sits down with our own FHF Late Night Host, Jacques Paré for an in-depth look at today's matinee:

"So today's game is at 2:00 pm against the Penguins at the Bell Centre, on RDS and CBC. Do you like playing afternoon games?"

Markov: "I play when I am told to play."

"What do you like about Ryan O'Byrne?"

Markov: "That's a tough question."

"Do you feel bad for Mike Komisarek now that he's out for the season?"

Markov: "Is he here in this room? I have no memory of him."

"Is the defence here better with or without Komisarek?"

Markov: "I have no memory of him. I have no memory of any defence here. It is only me. Mara is a fuck-up."

"Who's better, Crosby or Ovechkin?"

Markov: "For me, Ovie is friend, and better Russian prostitute killer. Crosby never kills Russian prostitutes. Crosby, for me, is a virgin. No Russian prostitute killing."

"Crosby or Malkin?"

Markov: "Never see Malkin with Russian prostitutes. He spends all his time with his Mom, and also needs better linemates, I think. Malkin and Crosby both hot right now, but virgin Crosby is playing better. No Mom."

"Price or Halak?"

Markov: "Halak is hot right now, so you play. Price, I like, we hug, but we have our troubles like any family, you know? Also, Halak has Russian prostitutes all the time. Slovak too."

"Are you better than Sergei Gonchar?"

Markov: "Right now, yes. Right now Kris Letang better than Gonchar. Could change."

"Is there anyone else on the Penguins that worries you?"

"You know, Marc-Andre Fleury is playing good for thirteen-year old. Very good. Also, Bill Guerin not scoring much, but look like Crazy Mischa from alleyway behind house back home in Voskresensk."

"How about your teammates? Has losing Andrei Kostitsyn and Mike Cammilleri long-term ended your playoff hopes?"

Markov: "Not ended, no. We are in playoffs until we are out. First we need win today, then tomorrow, then lose two, maybe three, then Olympics, then play more, and then we know playoffs or not. So we hope."

"Kostitsyns versus Sedins in a street fight. Who wins?"

Markov: "Sweden and the Russians have been at odds since the Novgorodian wars of the late 1400's. By the 17th century, Sweden was a great power, and a brave people. In fact, at one point during the Thirty Years War, Sweden looked to be the dominant power of the Holy Roman Empire. But series of missteps lost them the support of many Germanic allies, and a half century of warfare exhausted the Swedish treasury and arms. Despite that, if the Swedes had pressed their advantage after the Battle of Narva in 1700, they could have destroyed Russia once and for all, but they made the fatal error of attacking Poland first. By the time they met Russia in the Battle of Poltava in 1709, Russia had recovered. The Swedes haven't won a war against a Russian army since, and this would be no different. Also, one Sedin is actually woman. You guess which."

"Do you want to be Captain of the Montreal Canadiens?"

Markov: "Bertrand Raymond say only French Canadian can be captain, so no. I do not want to be French Canadian. Russian. Markov is Russian. Also, would hate organizing Annual Scavenger Hunt."

"Any predictions for the Super Bowl? Are you having a party?"

Markov: "In Russia, party has you. That's joke. I predict D'Agostini will eat too many wings and get sick, and Gomez will bring three-bean dip. Gomez always make fucking three-bean dip. Last year, Lapierre put penis in chili. Also, Saints win."

Comments and interview questions for Markov's next appearance below. Remember, hit 500 comments in any thread this weekend and it's free meth delivered personally by HF29 (or shipped overseas to Grrreeeeggg and others)*

*Not a guarantee.


(Also, Condolences to Brian Burke, who lost his son Brendan in a car crash on Friday. Say what you want about "hated Maple Leaf GM Burke", but his love for his son and the barriers they both helped break down in hockey deserve respect and prayers today. )

140 comments:

fezworth said...

Do you suppose someone actually told him: "Andrei, if you want to Captain, you have to stop pretending you don't speak English"?

It's really bizarre, he says virtually nothing for the better part of a decade, gets injured, and you can't shut him up!

Van Hab said...

Andrei, are the Russian prostitutes better behaved before or after you kill them?

HabsFan29 said...

"Andrei, over last season, how many dead Russian prostitutes did you dump in the ocean using Kovalev's plane?"

HabsFan29 said...

nice thought on Burke there 10. well said.

Number31 said...

Looks like it'll be a Go Bulldogs Go afternoon.

Seriously, why is it whenever we play the Pens it's 80% AHL players? I was gleefully rejoicing in the injury news of Marc-Andre "Slippy" Bergron but THE CHICKEN IS FUCKING INJURED AND WILL PROBABLY MISS BOTH GAMES!

Also the Pens will probably be stuck in town tonight as there is a snowy lockdown over DC. Dog sled?

HabsFan29 said...

@N31 - nice work chatting up Stubbs Twitter for info. CHicken is fried for both games, very depressing

Anonymous said...

514 hosting the pens? Shit...

Number31 said...

Just take a crowbar and injure the whole team already 'stie

PROTECT THE GOALIES WITH BUBBLEWRAP

Chenny13 said...

The Gomez line is classic.

Thoughts go out to the Burke family.

RiRi said...

Well, this is pretty much the end for D`Agostini. When the coach would rather put Desharnais (no offense to him but c`mon!) in the lineup...

Go Dogs Go!!!

If by some sort of miracle, we actually steal a point or two, Guy Boucher is a genius!

moeman said...

CHrack that whip

CHrack that whip
give MAF the slip
step on a crack
break the Penguin's back
when a problem comes along
Habs must whip it
before the Squid sits out too long
Habs must whip it
when JM's system's going wrong
Habs must whip it

now whip it
into shape
shape it up
get straight
go forward
move ahead
try to detect it
it's not too late
to whip it
whip it good

when a good game turns around
Habs must whip it
they'll never quiet BB down
unless they whip it
no one gets the ay-yi-yi
until they whip it

i say whip it
whip it good
i say whip it
whip it good

CHrack that whip
give Vodkov the 'C'
steps in Halak
break Sid & Gino's back
when Dog's rookies come along
Habs just whip it
before Big Tits sits out too long
Habs just whip it
when Pleks is really strong
Habs just whip it

now whip it
into shape
pants it up
go for 200
move forward
meth ahead
HF won't deflect it
it's not too late
to whip it
into shape
pants it up
now at 300
move forward
meth ahead
HF won't deflect it
it's not too late
to whip it
into shape
pants it up
make it 400
go forward!
meth ahead!
HF won't deflect it
whip it good
it's not too late
to whip it
into shape
pants it up
get to 500!!!
meth per head
29 will deliver it

GoldenGirl11 said...

Shabbat lunch without chicken? Oy vay.

Andrei, do you ever wanna just grab Ovie by the neck and scream "you have $123 million! Buy yourself a fucking tooth!!"

HabsFan29 said...

+1 plastic round levels hat to moe

GO YOU FUCKING HA...milton

Number31 said...

Gomez got beaned in the back of the head with a puck in warmup. Wear your fucking helmet next time! We got enough injuries!

moeman said...

485 fucking comments to go ...

WV = chnsup, as in chnsup Habs and watch for flying Penguins

~~~

Nice suit on JM there GG.

RiRi said...

@GG11 - Ha!

Go Jaro Go!

moeman said...

Pleks!

RiRi said...

Pleks!!!

HabsFan29 said...

complain all you want fuckers.

moeman said...

Beer me RiRi.

RiRi said...

It`s going to hurt bad if we lose him...

RiRi said...

UGH.

HabsFan29 said...

crap

moeman said...

meh

HabsFan29 said...

well we had a good run there for 15 seconds of a lead

GoldenGirl11 said...

It's like watching the Bad News Bears.

@Moe
JM is still tie challenged

HabsFan29 said...

a #58 and #59 on the ice together. that can't begood

RiRi said...

Benjamin looks like a scared little lamb in the box...

moeman said...

cheap ass penalty

RiRi said...

Bulldogs actually look good!

Number31 said...

I just watched half this period with yakety sax on and I almost died laughing.

HabsFan29 said...

Bulldogs are buzzing around the net

Number31 said...

Carbo is putting me to sleep.

RiRi said...

Cammy watching from up top!

HabsFan29 said...

an on the first PP unit... David Desharnais!

HabsFan29 said...

all in all, that was ok

moeman said...

Is craig simpson the Anglo version of brunet?

moeman said...

Desharnais and Trotter need nicknames.

Number31 said...

Yea, Craig Simpson is Anglo-Brunet. He would do better if he wore his Austin Powers figure skating suit...

moeman said...

Wonder what HahaHrudey did with all those baby blue bandanas.

moeman said...

Bulldogs outshot the Pens 11-7.

Number31 said...

I wear bandanas when I play. Keeps my mask on my head better.

RiRi said...

Desharnais looks like an elf

Number31 said...

Malkin looks like he's mailing it eh... Maybe he's still asleep

moeman said...

So Desharnais could be Santa's Little Helper, or SLH for 'short'.

moeman said...

PIT coaches; "Can you believe we get all these calls? Fire up the PP!"

Number31 said...

"Fedotenko had his chicks--er stick checked!" Even CBC is out of it.

RiRi said...

SLH it is!

HabsFan29 said...

The "Sid in the Finals" conspiracy is gearing up early this year

HabsFan29 said...

Gio!!!!

RiRi said...

Gionta!

moeman said...

If SLH doesn't fly we could always call him Verne.



Verne

~~~

GIO!

GoldenGirl11 said...

Giant... uh, Giant Moaning Hamr!!!

RiRi said...

Great! They can`t score a goal without getting injured...

Powerplay!!!

moeman said...

Damn Dem Dogs!

Number31 said...

I can see the stars swirling around Gionta's head after that one. Wow.

Good news: we scored!
Bad news: Gionta got a concussion from it!

HabsFan29 said...

the 4th line is dominating

moeman said...

1/10th of the way to free delivered meth. Whip it up kidz.

moeman said...

MEX!

RiRi said...

The Mexican!!

RiRi said...

Gomez has 8 goals! Those are some expensive goals.

HabsFan29 said...

please don't blow a 2-goal lead. please don't blow a 2-goal lead. please don't blow a 2-goal lead.

moeman said...

Oh-oh, Sid is yipping.

GoldenGirl11 said...

It's like bring your kid to work day! The adolescents are sparking something.

RiRi said...

Nooo!!

Moey said...

Just tuned in, we're beating the Pens 3-1 *rubs eyes*. Crap, we are!

moeman said...

He has risen!

HabsFan29 said...

i freely admit, i was scared there

Number31 said...

I love how the whole crowd, bench, and coaches were standing there with a "oh shit" look of silence there.

Thank fucking god.

Moey said...

I was terrified.

hfotwc said...

could someone beat the snot out of the little prick

moeman said...

Lovin' this game!

HabsFan29 said...

these Hamilton kids are going to score sooner or later. PLEASE

Moey said...

@31

You could've heard a pin drop.

RiRi said...

I will have nightmares about it tonight.

We dropped like 5 spots in the standings in my mind when Markov wasn`t getting up.

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK FUCK FUCK

RiRi said...

The AHLers are on fire!

Number31 said...

"No! No! No!" screams Jacques Martin. "We have to be outshot 40-1 for Jaro to be comfy. What is this? Only 10 shots by the Penguins! My system has failed!"

GoldenGirl11 said...

Guy! (as in Boucher)

moeman said...

They've played the entire 40 of the 40 minutes. 20 more!

Number31 said...

Booins lost... why am I not happy about this? Get your voodoo dolls out, I do NOT want their streak to end against us.

RiRi said...

I really want the Bulldogs` line to get a goal. They deserve it!

Number31 said...

Trotter was soooooooo close. Damn you Jay McKee!

moeman said...

What value do marek and moronson add?

hfotwc said...

another heartbreak lost for the broons. boo hoo hoo

HabsFan29 said...

another 15 minutes of holding on for dear life. not sure my heart can take it

moeman said...

Vader!

HabsFan29 said...

bulldogs do everything but score

RiRi said...

Darche Vader!

moeman said...

Mergez-like sausage pass from Pleks.

HabsFan29 said...

and just as i type that, DarCHe!!!!

RiRi said...

If they pull this off, JM should take Guy Boucher out to dinner.

moeman said...

410 comments to free delivered meth!

Number31 said...

Welcome to the Dark Side!

Also love how Crosby and Malkin go up on the kids but can't do anything. (Mostly 'cause Malkin just ain't in it, but whatever, we'll take that gift thank you)

moeman said...

Some credit should go to Trev too.

moeman said...

Cassie-On-Top with a weather update.

Number31 said...

It's cold in DC.

RiRi said...

Darche has single-handedly walked D`Agostini up to the press box. Thanks, BTW.

Number31 said...

Outshooting Pens 29-19. Keep those Bulldogs.

kevincrumbs said...

WTF. Just tuned in and while I'm surprised we're winning so far, I'm more surprised that we're fucking outshooting the fucking Stanley Cup champions.

moeman said...

Free wings!

HabsFan29 said...

giddyup!

Number31 said...

And that almost went in. Eeps!

RiRi said...

Gio!!

Suck it, Crosby!

Wings for everyone!

Number31 said...

FREE WINGS! GIONTA!

kevincrumbs said...

Did Russian prostitutes kill our Canadiens in revenge and replace them with clones?

GoldenGirl11 said...

Giant moaning Mexican!!!!

RiRi said...

This might be the most complete hockey game they`ve played all season! Better late than never.

Number31 said...

Trotter has drawn 3 penalties today.

moeman said...

Imagine if La Cage gave out free meth when the Habs scored 5!

RiRi said...

Total domination!

kevincrumbs said...

Forechecking? WTF? Who the fuck are these guys?

Way to fuck up the geezer, Ryan White.

Number31 said...

Hey old man Guerin, that was a legal check. Didn't know Malkin needed his honor defended. Oh and you just got beat by a kid 20 years younger than you.

hfotwc said...

Ian White, mon idol sti

moeman said...

Hope Guy BouCHer calls those Dog-gone boys tonight and tells em' to keep it up!

RiRi said...

What is going on? I`m baffled.

hfotwc said...

go get a tothpick orpik

kevincrumbs said...

Cheap shot Penguins, always cheating.

Can't wait to hear the level of whining from their fucking bandwagon fans about having to play a back to back this weekend. Oh wait, that already started yesterday afternoon over on Puck Daddy.

HabsFan29 said...

oh crap

kevincrumbs said...

Meh, not worried.

Number31 said...

Jaro no like breakaways

moeman said...

ai-yi-yi craig simpson is worried.

RiRi said...

Eff you, Malkin!

kevincrumbs said...

Malkin, STFU.

Jaybird said...

Wow...I think we brain farted that whole 5 on 3 because somebodytold us we were leading in SOG!

RiRi said...

No breakaways this time, k?

hfotwc said...

2 mins for beeing such a fuckin wanker

Number31 said...

STOP SINGING THAT FUCKING GOODBYE SONG!!!

kevincrumbs said...

Le Canadiens sont la...

HabsFan29 said...

wow

RiRi said...

Thank you, Guy Boucher!

Number31 said...

Before the game I hoped they would at least make it interesting. They listened woooo!

Also helps Pens suck on afternoon games for the most part.

moeman said...

Sweet team win.

Moey said...

Well that was freakin' awesome. Now let's destroy the Bruins tomorrow.

hfotwc said...

SWEET!!!

Number31 said...

More please.

Also, Bob, can we keep the kids here?

Ronan said...

Guy Boucher is a genius. Also, how does Malkin have a 9-game point streak? He looked like 2006-2007 Kovy out there.

bea.habs.fan said...

totally forgot the free meth.
coud have contributed to the afternoon total.
does it count if we bring it up during the evening?

enjoyed the game and wondered why, oh why they can't all be like that

Moey said...

@Ronan,

Malkin does have his Kovy moments, but then again Kovy was his idol.

gillis said...

SOMEBODY COULD HAVE FUCKIN TOLD ME IT WAS AN AFTERNOON GAME!!! fuck.