Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Battle of the 49th Parallel: Canada-USA Preview and Open Thread

FUCK YEAH HOCKEY GOLD MEDAL GAME BITCHES!!!! Does it get any more exciting than this? I think not. Before we dive in to some hockey, let us review yesterday around the Olympics, shall we:

Curling - GOLD BITCHES!!!
Snowboard parallel GS - GOLD MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
Long track team pursuit - GOLD SUCKAS!!!
Four-man bobsleigh - A delightful bronze.

Congrats to all. Special shout out to Jasey-Jay Anderson who has represented Canada for a very long time around the world, winning World Cups and World Championships along the way but never medaling at 3 previous Olympics. You've always held your head high, and now you've got what you've deserved all along.

OK enough of looking back, we've got a great fucking game to look forward to. 3 PM on CTV. Canada looking for redemption for losing to the USA in the round robin, USA looking for redemption for losing to Canada in the 2002 gold medal game. One McSplooge employer vs. another McSplooge employer. OK that made me sick. Let's try some actual hockey analysis, with a little breakdown of Canada vs. USA like TSN's Panel I'm Totally Sick Of did this morning:

Goalies - LOOOOUUU!!!! has played solid since taking over from Brodeur. Showed some real balls against Slovakia by letting in a crappy goal then coming back to make some huge saves to secure the win. On the other hand, Ryan Miller is the best goalie on the planet right now by far, and went a long way to stealing that game in the round robin.
Significant Edge: USA.

Defence - Canada's young guns of Keith, Doughty and Weber have been a revelation, and Niedermayer is picking it up as the games go on. Subtract one point for Chris Pronger who blows. For the USA, Brian Rafalski may be the best D in the tournament, and actually leads the Americans in points. And the American D has been getting better as a unit as the tournament has gone on.
Edge: Canada, for the depth.

Forwards - Patrick Kane came alive with 2 goals against the Finns. Zach Parise has been one of the best players in the tournament. For Canada, Ryan Getzlaf has had a great tournament, and my whipping boy at the beginning Brendan Morrow has turned out to be a key player. Jonathan Toews has really shown some mettle. On the other hand, the fact that we're talking about Getzlaf and Morrow instead of superstars like Crosby and Nash makes me nervous.
Slight Edge: Canada, again for depth.

Intangibles - Canada playing on home ice in our national game for all the marbles. However, there is a ton of pressure for Canada playing on home ice in our national game for all the marbles. Are the Americans just too young? Can Ron Wilson lead a team to a championship? Canada hasn't played an afternoon game all tournament, while the USA has played most of their games at that time. The Americans have the last line change, which might be huge.
Slight Edge: Canada, for the home crowd.

Female actress on Lost - Evangeline Lily up there vs. Maggie Grace. Call it a push.

Winner: You think I'm jinxing anything by picking a winner? Let's just hope the winner isn't somehow Gary Bettman.

OK grab a brew, or in kevincrumbs' case that swill you Americans call brew, and let's do this thing.

140 comments:

LukieNussbaum11 said...

Damn that Stevie Y is good looking. He could totally pull off the knit moose sweater that Messier was wearing earlier. Messier not so much.

orangeman said...

Not to nitpick, but it was 4-man bobsled for the bronze.

I just saw a graphic with Jon Montgomery swiging a beer on the streets of Whistler after his win with the caption "Very good. Proceed to Oprah." Next to it was the pic of our women's team drinking that was used here yesterday with the caption "Very bad. Contemplate the elimination of your sport from the Olympics".

This is my last day in our native land and I couldn't think of a better send off than this game. Plus the afternoon drinking will help me sleep on the plane tonight.

And congrats to Saku, pat on the back for Jaro.

Go Canada Go!

HabsFan29 said...

@orangman - that's not nitpicking, that's fucking embarrassing on my part. thx, fixed.

Baroque said...

USA! USA! USA!

But most of all, a good game with a puck deflected into the face of Chris Pronger to make all hockey fans share the joy. :)

GOCANADABITCHES said...

Our Father, who art in Vancouver, Hockey be thy name. Thy will be done, the Gold will be won, on ice as well as in the stands.

Give us this day our hockey sticks, and forgive us our penalties, as we forgive those that cross-check against us.

Lead us not into elimination, but deliver us our victory

Le Douze said...

@LN11 - I'm sure you'll remember, but be sure to down your Crown Royals (with Manischewitz chasers) until you can't tell the difference between "cursed be Miller" and "blessed be Stevie Y".

LukieNussbaum11 said...

@Orange (or are you changing your name to Yuna like the rest of the country?)
I'll keep your resume on hand if anybody is looking for a nanny: Loves kids, Loves sports, Loves alcohol... but not necessarily in that order. Look forward to your speed skating updates from Korea.

moeman said...

Future Canadian hotties.

moeman said...

"Charles Hamelin will carry the Canadian flag into tonight's Closing Ceremony."

Kim-orangeman-Yuna said...

moeman: Do you by chance own a windowless van and have an endless supply of candy? Perhaps a lost puppy you need help finding?

Ironic WV: grown. As in: "moeman, wait till they're grown".

moeman said...

@KoYuna, heh, just posting a sweet family pic.

LukieNussbaum11 said...

@Le12
I wish I was drunk. Kids need to be thrown across the room in drunken oblivion right about now... Hey Yuna, are you free before heading out to the airport?

the Maritimer said...

No matter what happens today, I am very proud to be Canadian after all the gold our athletes have reeled in.

That being said, LET'S KICK SOME YANKEE ASS!!!!

The Leafs suck.
The Bruins blow.

HabsFan29 said...

can i get some guidance as to when i should start drinking? id like to be pleasantly buzzed by game time, yet being able to survive through til 5:30 or whenever. pacing is going to b key i think.

LukieNussbaum11 said...

@29
You were supposed to start drinking right after the megilah reading this morning. Don't tell me you left without having a shot or 12?

kevincrumbs said...

One more afternoon of being polite and not running my mouth about the US and then things can return to normal around here. So, do you prefer Carey Price or Jaro?

HF29, you know better than to insult American beer or did you have one too manu Dogfish Heads again?

dwgs said...

Off to Hurley's to watch the game.
Go you fucking Canadian pants!!!

moeman said...

Sleeman Red opened.

Champagne on ice.

Go you fucking Canadians Go!

HabsFan29 said...

@kc - just playing to stereotypes today. now go grab your gun and vote against health care reform.

Habsfan10 said...

29, kevincrumbs has a point. The man could be drowning in Dogfish, Sierra Nevada, Rogue or Anchor right now. Won't help him and his emo-kid Merkan goalie today, though.

For the last time in a while:

GO YOU FUCKING CANADIANS GO!!!

HabsFan29 said...

oh god I love Anchor Steam. I'd have one now if it wasn't unpatriotic to do so.

moeman said...

Carry our flag proudly Joannie.

Raquel said...

Despite the best efforts of my law school curriculum to interfere with hockey watching, I have managed to structure my weekend around this. St. Louis is replete with meth and saggy Midwestern titties, so I will do my best to send you gents a consolation package containing both after the inevitable U.S. triumph ;)

HabsFan29 said...

Raquel! Nice of you to pop in on this day of American humiliation.

/knocks wood furiously
//apologizes like a good Canadian

subdoxastic said...

HF29:

Never let nationalism get in the way of a good drinking binge.

*Pops the first of many anchor steams to be consumed tonight.

Go Canada Go

Anonymous said...

Oh so a Ruins fan is wishing us luck huh? Please fuck off, and realize that all Boston teams well have been exposed for being notorious cheaters.

HabsFan29 said...

@anon - Raquel is cool, believe me. the furthest thing from masshole you can imagine. note the winky smiley face t the end there

not that i dont disagree with you that Boston teams cheat, mind you...

@subdoxastic Canadian beers only for me today. Sleemans and U Miel, to give both Quebec and ROC a chance

GO YOU FUCKING CANADIAN BEER PANTS GO

HabsFan29 said...

random note as we wait. im chcking out all the FHF tags for fun. why do we have a Garth Murray tag?

HabsFan29 said...

Mr. Hockey will not accept a loss. What a look on his face.

Moey said...

From Habs hand wringing to Olympic hand wringing....does it ever end?

HabsFan29 said...

thank god Cuthbert not Miller.

one last pre-game GO YOU FUCKING CANADA GO

orangeman said...

I've got a hockey boner!

I find it interesting that at the very start of all Team Canada hockey games my sister suddenly remembers something she needs to run out and do for 3 hours while I look after the little one. Oh well, at least she'll be educated.

GO CANADA GO YOU SONSOFBITCHES!!!!!

ezzeloharr said...

I'm also really enjoying all the random tags. They've not been good for my Photonics studying, though.

GO CANADA!

HabsFan29 said...

"Pronger lost it"

sigh

ezzeloharr said...

Is it just me, or is Luongo playing the puck WAY too much?

wv: dextre - not sure LUUUUUUUUUU has enough dextre-ity to be Marty Brodeur.

HabsFan29 said...

@ezzeloharr - it's not just you

LukieNussbaum11 said...

That McGill tie is very sharp. Maybe we ought to send JM one.

HabsFan29 said...

jebus that was closer than it looked at first

ezzeloharr said...

I hate to say this, but Canada is having a hard time keeping up with the US speed. I don't like this.

moeman said...

Rickards Dark is surprisingly good (a hint of sirop d'érable).

Go you fucking Canadians!

HabsFan29 said...

@ezzel - im happy you said it, because i was afraid to. but it's totally true. US flying around us imho

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK YEAH

moeman said...

Toews!!!!!!

ezzeloharr said...

OH YEAH! TOEWS!!!!!!!

*Finally takes a deep breath*

RiRi said...

Got in just in time to see Toews score!!!

Go Canada Go!!!

HabsFan29 said...

seriously they're twice as fast as us

moeman said...

Where is Sid?

HabsFan29 said...

who?

RiRi said...

Yikes...

boob gainey said...

Impressed by: our D, Toews, Richards, the American speed and tenacity, Kane.

Not impressed by Crosby, Thornton, Heatley, Marleau.

LukieNussbaum11 said...

Crosby and Nash on the ice, Young in the stands.

HabsFan29 said...

meh

HabsFan29 said...

good kill. turn it into some momentum boys

moeman said...

2-0!!!!!!!!!

RiRi said...

Finally!

HabsFan29 said...

THERE'S SOME MOEMENTUM

Perry!

ezzeloharr said...

PERRY! OH MAN! GO CANADA!

wv: tieviums - now we just have to hope that the US doesn't tieviums this game up.

RiRi said...

"good kill. turn it into some momentum boys"

@29 - ask and you shall receive...

HabsFan29 said...

good kill. turn it into some momentum boys

RiRi said...

great aggressive PK!!

Harry Sinden said...

Bergeron shouldn't play another shift.

RiRi said...

Weak much?

HabsFan29 said...

that was unpleasant

Tiger Williams said...

Big game Roberto.

Jacques Lemaire said...

Never realized Langenbrunner was such a dirty little fucker.

moeman said...

Where's Sid?

HabsFan29 said...

@moe - i think i saw him when he was losing a bunch of faceoffs

ezzeloharr said...

@moeman: Who?

RiRi said...

Oh Crosby, where art thou?

HabsFan29 said...

we should use intermission to get some faceoff lessons

habsss said...

NBC guys saying the USA goal was offside.

ezzeloharr said...

There's something bizarre about Luongo's style. Am I the only one who feels this way?

HabsFan29 said...

@habsss - just rewound the pvr and it sure looked like it. fuck.

ezzeloharr said...

Eklund is such a tool:

Eklund: "well, you should have. lol RT @WestBrantKid: @Eklund I didn't expect the Americans to play so dirty."

RiRi said...

UGH.

ezzeloharr said...

wv: faire

Did Crosbee just faire win un faceoff? Pour vrai?

lehab said...

the goal was onside. his foot was still on the line as the puck hit the line

HabsFan29 said...

HOW MANY POSTS???

ezzeloharr said...

Pretty lazy clearing attempt by Miller there...

boob gainey said...

Heatley and Thornton = Chickenshit.

ezzeloharr said...

The US is playing great D - five blue sweaters in front of the net all the time.

HabsFan29 said...

are we in some sort of defensive shell already?

lawyergirl77 said...

Shoulda picked up a defibrilator along with the wings at Loblaws.

We look fucking tired. What's up with that??? IT'S THE GOLD MEDAL GAME, BITCHES. 11:03 left. FIND SOME ENERGY, DAMMIT!!

I can barely watch.

HabsFan29 said...

what the hell was that Getzlaf?

SKATE FUCKERS

HabsFan29 said...

Nash needs to play every 2nd shift

Moey said...

I'm missing most of the hockey action, my eyes are glued to the clock.

HabsFan29 said...

oh Sid

HabsFan29 said...

my heart is in serious distress

HabsFan29 said...

you have got to be kidding me. CRAP

lawyergirl77 said...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

RiRi said...

FUCKKKKK

RiRi said...

Longest 20 minutes ever... for that.

Please no shootout... my heart can take no more.

Moey said...

Unfuckinbelievable.

That's all.

moeman said...

Go you fucking Canadians Go!

orangeman said...

I knew all those missed scoring chances were going to bite them in the ass. Not to mention the missed too many men. Just sayin'.

I don't have a good feeling about this at all. Crosby's line is pretty much useless, the Shark line is non-existant, Neidermyer and Pronger are like lost senior citizens out there. Here's hoping I'm wrong.

LukieNussbaum11 said...

Watching with an insane psychiatrist. I need meds.

Name Here said...

I thought Pronger and Niedermeyer played well.

No matter what happens Canada played one really good game in this tournament.

Oleg Petrov said...

I seriously can't watch this. I need to take a nap and make a conscious effort to not find out who won when I wake up.

RiRi said...

"Don`t stop believing..." playing in the arena.

I may pass out during the OT.

HabsFan29 said...

im feeling ill. not a good sign

RiRi said...

ABout damn time!!

moeman said...

SID!!!!!

HabsFan29 said...

I TAKE IT ALL BACK SID!!!!

RiRi said...

GOLD!!!

RiRi said...

Un-fucking-believable!

Moey said...

My boy Sid. *blows kisses*

Suck it Ovie.

RiRi said...

Suck it, Kesler.

orangeman said...

GOLD BITCHES! GOLD BITCHES! GOLD BITCHES! GOLD BITCHES! GOLD BITCHES!

I can't breath! I can't...breath!

I won't be able to sleep on the plane tonight. Or for the next few days for that matter.

GOLD BITCHES!

Next, sledge hockey. WE WANT THE SET!

GOLD BITCHES!

offspace said...

GO CANADIAN HEALTHCARE GO!! YEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

moeman said...

I love our game!

I love this country!!

I love Pants!!!

ezzeloharr said...

Am I the only one who's really annoyed at that Aldo ad?

ezzeloharr said...

Also, YEAH CANADA!

moeman said...

All in all a FANtastic Olympic Games, congrats to the medal winners, congrats to all participants and congrats to Vancouver for doing Canada proud. These are glorious moments to remember.

Chenny13 said...

Wow. What an Olympics. I want it to last more than 17 days!

Boob Gainey said...

One thing we learned (again) is you need mobile strong defencemen. Doughty, Weber, Keith, Niedermeier were just awesome. Pronger even was very good today.

But fuck the Olympics. Habs - Bruins in 2 days.

(Hard to get excited about that I know)

orangeman said...

I take back what I said about Niedermeier earlier. I was basing that on a few plays in the 2nd and 3rd. He did play well, especially in OT.

On a side note, I realize family is important but what a pain in the ass these people are.

Number31 said...

CANADA, FUCK YEAH!

And the broken torch doth rise.

HabsFan29 said...

only Cheryl can make that stupid sweater look good

Number31 said...

D-Squared should be banned from dressing anyone.

LukieNussbaum11 said...

Gotta give the organizers credit. Made fun of themselves by lifting the forth penis and they listened to their critics. Lots of French and a pretty standard bilingual anthem. Pretty cool....except for those farkakteh sweaters. Maybe that's what the lady who was knitting at the curling match was finishing yesterday (204 down, 1 to go). Now if I could just get 'I believe' out of my head.

foo said...

Evil Merickan and Flyer fan here. Congrats Canada for a great Olymps and two well deserved hockey golds. You couldn't have done it without our Pronger! Yeah, I'm just wishing that were true :)

Number31 said...

So like is the Russian mafian going to have a spot in this Sochi ceremony? Oh snap.

David Wilkie's Ghost said...

It's going to be hard to get excited for Columbus or Nashville on a tuesday night after this.

Which is probably just as well because I don't think my heart can take much more of this. I live in the States and our neighbours came over to watch the game, so I was the only Canadian in a room full of Yanks. I felt duty bound to be polite and explain icing and offsides while quietly having an aneurysm in the third period.

Number31 said...

Oh. My. God. Shatner.

LukieNussbaum11 said...

@William Shatner
Please stop

@David Wilkie
I had to watch with the insane psychiatrist. Locked himself in his room after the second. I win.

I. Love. Catherine O'Hara!!!!

LukieNussbaum11 said...

Is that Michael Bubblé as a mountie? I'm cringing. Bring back Shatner... Ok, make them all go away. It's like a bad CBC special.

Number31 said...

This is like an AA meeting.

"Hi I'm (name), and I'm a Canadian"

Bubbles needs to bring this act to Vegas.

Boob Gainey said...

Is Shatner there as an homage to that great West Coast symbol, the whale?

LukieNussbaum11 said...

Giant penises to open the olympics and giant beavers to close them. And the entire world is watching their athletes dressed as moose. Oh Canada. Ya shoulda quit at 14 gold. Now I need to purge.

Number31 said...

WE JUST CONFUSED THE WORLD! GO CANADA! WOOOOO!

Number31 said...

Help. Dying. I hate Avril Lavigne. At least we know now it's not lip-synch. Good god...even Nickelback was better than that.

Sonia said...

@Number31 - NOTHING is worse than Nickelback.

@Everyone - Congrats on our Gold! Well done! We all had a hand in this. Not quite sure how, but we did.

Number31 said...

@Sonia - I think Hedley is worse actually.

Well, yea, one thing I can say, we're not holding a stuck up classical ceremony...

Number31 said...

This ceremony can die now please.

wv. Retch. How appropriate!

David Wilkie's Ghost said...

Mrs. Wilkie's Ghost wants me to ask if anyone knows where she can get one of those giant inflatable beavers (I don't want to ask what she intends to do with it).

Also when Avril Lavigne came on she said she wanted Shatner back.

Boob Gainey said...

Nickelback???

Nickelback were playing?

Jesus!

Number31 said...

Um. Ok. It's over. I'm at a loss for words right now.

David Wilkie's Ghost said...

So when does April Wine start their set?

LukieNussbaum11 said...

So we finally get noticed by the best looking guy in school and then pick our teeth with a fork in class. We were that close, Canada. Coolest country on earth. Great city, great looking people, great athletes.... but then ya had to go and put Michael Bubble in a Mountie suit and send blow up beavers flying across the auditorium. I think I just saw the school hunk ask out Italy.

kevincrumbs said...

Watched the game in an absolutely packed sports bar with some friends and some friends-of-friends I'd never met. Bar was so overwhlemed that they ran out of pint glasses (WTF?) and Bloody Mary mix.

Obviously, the result didn't go the way I wanted it to but it was really great to see so many non-hockey fans show up in force to watch this game. A lot of talk of "hey, hockey's actually pretty cool", etc, that'll hopefully translate into a bit more interest and knowledge for the sport. I didn't even mind the random shrieking that seemingly occurred whenever an American would simply shoot the puck.

Congrats, Canada. I can't wait for Tuesday.