FUCK YEAH HOCKEY GOLD MEDAL GAME BITCHES!!!! Does it get any more exciting than this? I think not. Before we dive in to some hockey, let us review yesterday around the Olympics, shall we:
Curling - GOLD BITCHES!!!
Snowboard parallel GS - GOLD MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
Long track team pursuit - GOLD SUCKAS!!!
Four-man bobsleigh - A delightful bronze.
Congrats to all. Special shout out to Jasey-Jay Anderson who has represented Canada for a very long time around the world, winning World Cups and World Championships along the way but never medaling at 3 previous Olympics. You've always held your head high, and now you've got what you've deserved all along.
OK enough of looking back, we've got a great fucking game to look forward to. 3 PM on CTV. Canada looking for redemption for losing to the USA in the round robin, USA looking for redemption for losing to Canada in the 2002 gold medal game. One McSplooge employer vs. another McSplooge employer. OK that made me sick. Let's try some actual hockey analysis, with a little breakdown of Canada vs. USA like TSN's Panel I'm Totally Sick Of did this morning:
Goalies - LOOOOUUU!!!! has played solid since taking over from Brodeur. Showed some real balls against Slovakia by letting in a crappy goal then coming back to make some huge saves to secure the win. On the other hand, Ryan Miller is the best goalie on the planet right now by far, and went a long way to stealing that game in the round robin.
Significant Edge: USA.
Defence - Canada's young guns of Keith, Doughty and Weber have been a revelation, and Niedermayer is picking it up as the games go on. Subtract one point for Chris Pronger who blows. For the USA, Brian Rafalski may be the best D in the tournament, and actually leads the Americans in points. And the American D has been getting better as a unit as the tournament has gone on.
Edge: Canada, for the depth.
Forwards - Patrick Kane came alive with 2 goals against the Finns. Zach Parise has been one of the best players in the tournament. For Canada, Ryan Getzlaf has had a great tournament, and my whipping boy at the beginning Brendan Morrow has turned out to be a key player. Jonathan Toews has really shown some mettle. On the other hand, the fact that we're talking about Getzlaf and Morrow instead of superstars like Crosby and Nash makes me nervous.
Slight Edge: Canada, again for depth.
Intangibles - Canada playing on home ice in our national game for all the marbles. However, there is a ton of pressure for Canada playing on home ice in our national game for all the marbles. Are the Americans just too young? Can Ron Wilson lead a team to a championship? Canada hasn't played an afternoon game all tournament, while the USA has played most of their games at that time. The Americans have the last line change, which might be huge.
Slight Edge: Canada, for the home crowd.
Female actress on Lost - Evangeline Lily up there vs. Maggie Grace. Call it a push.
Winner: You think I'm jinxing anything by picking a winner? Let's just hope the winner isn't somehow Gary Bettman.
OK grab a brew, or in kevincrumbs' case that swill you Americans call brew, and let's do this thing.