Friday, February 26, 2010

Canadian Olympic Hottie of our Hearts and a Canada-Jaro Preview and Open Thread

I really hesitated long and hard about posting this awesome pic of awesome Joannie Rochette. I didn't want to tawdry up her amazing story with sexiness. But then I thought fuck it, that's what we do and that's what we should continue to do, even in the face of tragedy. We all grieve in our own way. So félicitations Joannie, your performance for a bronze medal last night in the face of tragedy was nothing short of heroic and one for the Olympic ages. We couldn't be prouder.

Around the Olympics, GOLD MEDAL BITCHES!!!! Our women's hockey team took care of business, 2-0 over the 'mericans. They've done it all tournament, taking care of business. A couple of goals from 18-year old phenom Marie-Philip Poulin and an outstanding performance between the stripper poles by Shannon Szabados was all they needed. Even some beer and champagne can't dampen this one.

Elsewhere, props to both our curling teams who will play in gold medal games. Cheryl's team really did not have their A game, but managed to do enough to win. They'll play for gold today at 6 PM EST. Kevin Martin and his team, on the other hand, are on a mission from God. They are making everything and looking unstoppable. Of course, because they are Canadian men at these Games, they'll find a way to choke. You know, like the men's aerialists.

OK, on to today's main attraction, the Canada-Slovakia semi-final. It's at 930 PM EST. Got that? 21h30. On paper, a mismatch. In real life, anything but. I think everyone around here can appreciate that Jaro can steal a game. The Slovaks have a formidable first line of Gaborik, Demitra, and Hossa. As much as we hate the big gorilla Chara, he's a force on D. The Slovaks have the best PP in the tournament. Canada will really have to have all four lines working, because Slovakia can't match our depth. Constant pressure and physical play like they had against Russia will be key. So pour yourself a Zlatý Bažant and we'll see you in the comments.

218 comments:

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Chester said...

I betcha Chara smells bad.

Tom said...

A friend of mine had this as her status on the book.

Our father who art in Vancouver, hockey be thy name. Thy will be done, the gold will be won, on ice, as well as in thy stands. Give us this day, Our hockey sticks, and forgive us our penalties as we forgive those who cross check against us. Lead us not into elimination, but deliver us to victory. In ......the name of the Canadian hockey team, "AMEN

orangeman said...

I do not underestimate the Slovaks at all, remember they went 5-0 last time only to lose a close one in the quarters to the Czechs. However, if (big but realistic 'if') the boys come out like they did on Wednesday no goalie on earth will be able to stop them. They were able to neutralize Russia's big line so as long as Babcock can coach like that again I foresee good things.

While we're waiting can we discuss the women's "controversial" celebrations last night? I think it's one thing to do it in your opponents' faces, quite another to do it on your home rink when everyone except a couple of nosy media types go home. ooooooh underage drinking. Listen, if you're old enough to win us a gold medal you're old enough to have a drink afterwards.

In closing,

GO CANADA GO!

(also, go koivu go! sorry, no caps for you but it still has love).

Chester said...

It's bad form to pop bubbly without firing up a gar. They were just keeping with accepted traditions and proper social procedures. You have to remember that under all that hockey gear they are ladies, unlike the slimey media/paparazzi shit disturbers that posted the pictures.

David in Squamish BC said...

As much as I like Halak as a Hab, I hope he gets fucking yanked in the first, and then they also light up Budaj.

Boob Gainey said...

2-1 Slovakia with the winning goal scored during a Chris Pronger penalty.

2-1 Finland with Saku scoring one and setting up the other.

Habsfan1993 said...

SHAME on the Canadian women for not being proper ladies like Lindsey Vonn and crying like weak emotional trainwrecks after winning. We want proper females, not women whose victory celebrations, while pale in comparison to any Stanley Cup winning team's, are still oh so unladylike. Beer? Champagne? CIGARS? Shocking.

LukieNussbaum11 said...

Happy Purim all! Best holiday of the year. You can eat AND it's a mitzvah to get drunk. Way to go Team Canada. Vashti would be proud. Esther too, but especially Vashti. Maybe someone should send the Chara a big box of prune hamantaschen as a good luck gift.

Glad I could up the Jewish content that's been sorely lacking since Squid got hurt.

Go Canadian pants! And go Chara IN your pants!

David said...

I can understand the outrage regarding the celebrations, because as we all know, hockey players don't drink alcohol.

Le Douze said...

@LN11 - have a freylikhen Purim!

Looking forward to the bon-shpiel early this evening and the mishegas later! (I hope my power stays on, it has taken clever strategems to see the last couple of games due to the semi-blizzard here).

LukieNussbaum11 said...

Hey as it turns out, Purim is on Sunday. At school it's today. My apologies to all those of you who are already drunk.

soperman said...

Kudos to Team Canada (Female Version) and get a life to anyone who thinks their celebrations should be less exuberant. Drinking champagne and beer on the ice, smoking cigars, taking your picture on the Zamboni? What are these nimrods upset about? Probably the cigars. These are Canadian women - they are supposed to drink beer and smoke stogies. If they met the US team out by their bus and kicked the living tar out of them, that might be something to complain about. But they did not do that (at least to our knowledge).

You go ladies! And don't tone it down, ramp it up!!!!

P.S. I vote for Tessa Bonhomme as beer guzzling, stogie smoking, hottie of the day.

Robbie said...

Memo to Mens Team Canada:

Please see play book of Canadian Womens Team.

GO CANADA!

Way to go Girls and fuck the media talking heads if they can't deal with a few cigars and beer. There just a bunch of fucking assholes. As for the IOC handing down any ruling on the celebration; those pocket stuffing pimp, senoir citizen, suit wearing, cigar smoking IOC fucks. They have about as much credibility as some wolves judging other wolves for eating the sheep.

Joannie is a class act, a true Olympian and a true hero. Hard to imagine the courage and the strength it must have taken to go out and do what up to 3 days before she had always done in front of her mom. It was a fantastic tribute to her (yeah ok i'll admit it i was moved).

What the fuck happened to the flying Canadians there were almost more of them qualified then there were medals to give out. What the fuck happened? Not one of you guys could reach the podium?

RiRi said...

Just saw the women`s hockey team`s celebration story on CNN. BFD.

What everybody covering this story fails to mention is that all the fans had left the building when it happened...

Also, while I`m fairly confident about tonight, there`s one thing bothering me: Halak`s 40+ shots confort zone...

Go Canada Go!!!

moeman said...

Go Cheryl!

WV = ataster, will Canada's MILF (I say that in all due respect) give us ataster of more Gold to come?

Gino said...

I am a bad person.

Kmaxx said...

Fuck me - 21:30 hrs - that's 2.30 in the morning here in the UK - Damm I'm going to have to pace myself, especially with the curling on at 18:00. My kids had better prey all goes to plan, as I cold be a tad grumpy in the morning!

Go Canada Go. Let's Go You Fuckin' Bitches! (borrowed that from 29 last night and I'm sending it to Cheryl)

LukieNussbaum11 said...

@Le12
LeChaim!

fezworth said...

RT @fortybillion Hey IOC: go fuck your hat. We'll drink beer in our hockey stadiums whenever and however we want.

It's the 'go fuck your hat' part that makes me giggle.

moeman said...

For the stodgy IOCers.

~~~

Whilst here, McSTFU!

Habsfan10 said...

Forgive me, Jaro, but:

GO YOU FUCKING CANADIANS GO! And GO YOU FUCKING FINNS (CANADIANS OF SCANDANAVIA) GO TOO!

Fuck the US. I hope Jaro shuts them out in the bronze medal game. Plus it would be nice to see Bettman and NBC cry themselves to sleep after the US ratings come out for a Canada-Finland final.

Moey said...

GO SAKUUUUUUUUU!!!!! Crap the US scored....*wail*

RiRi said...

WTF???

Moey said...

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

RiRi said...

U.S.A., welcome to the Final. Ugh.

When did they become such a powerhouse?

Moey said...

RiRi,

They're not. The Finnish team is older, they don't have the jump.

RiRi said...

Sign. I might cry. :(

RiRi said...

C`mon.

Boob Gainey said...

Kipper having a nightmare in goals. 4 goals on 8 shots. Flopping like a dying trout.

RiRi said...

Backstrom is reliving the nightmare.

orangeman said...

Just tuned in here. What the hell? I kinda wanted revenge in the final on those slimey Americans, but I didn't think it would be this easy. After the game against Russia I have to wonder if this is turning into women's hockey.

The absolute worst part about this is that Wilson and Burke think they're awesome right now. They've played 2 games against proper foes, Miller stole the Canada game and I have no idea what happened here. Maybe they are good. If there is a god the Amerians will become complacent and the Finns will storm back. A boy can dream, can't he?

orangeman said...

I should clarify: I do think the US is a good team, but not as good as many others in this tourney. I guess I was wrong.

Habsfan10 said...

Fucking Kipper.

moeman said...

(W)interlude, a cool chick cam.

Habsfan10 said...

@ moeman:

Not what I was expecting.

moeman said...

@10, heh, heh, heh

Moey said...

Would it be wrong and delusional to hope for a comeback?

Ronan said...

The IOC approved a luge run that killed an athlete, then tried to blame the death on said athlete, and they have the temerity to bitch about an 18-year old drinking at a private party after winning a gold medal in her home country? That's ballsy of them.

GO CANADA! Jaro stops everything that comes at him before Pronger runs him, Jaro breaks his face, gets ejected from the game, and Budaj lets in 28 goals thereafter. Sounds reasonable, no?

moeman said...

@Ronan, does pronger score any of the 28 goals?

Habsfan10 said...

Pronger probably still finishes minus 2 in that scenario.

orangeman said...

Glad to see the women's speed skaters are keeping up the tradition of chockage. Ranked 1st in the world, world and Olympic record holders. Lose in first round to the 7th ranked Americans. It seems like for every success we have there's 3 complete disasters. Are other countries like this?

orangeman said...

It doesn't matter now, but it's strange that Canada is 1st and faces 7th team while Russia (3rd) faced the 8th team, and if Canada won their pairing (which, of course didn't happen) they would have faced the winners of Germany (3rd) vs Netherlands (4th). Like I said, it's all moot because our women suck (I mean that in the most positive way possible), but it's strange.

HabsFan29 said...

is there a more iconic voice-sport match than Vic Rauter and curling? i dont know what it is, but i hear him and literally think curling

CMON CHERYL!!!!

HabsFan29 said...

Just saw the US-Fin hilites. Man Kipper was bad.

moeman said...

29 knows. Vic is slick, unlike the majority of today's media screamers. I'd suggest that Danny Gallivan is the last great iconic voice of sport-voice, albeit biased to our Habs. Keith Jackson and college football, Howard Cosell and boxing and the Expos' Van Horne also come to mind.

HabsFan29 said...

nice list moe. i might add Marv Albert and the NBA, before that whole women's lingerie and biting thing

lehab said...

Vin Scully and the Dodgers

lehab said...

Along with Jack Buck and the Cardinals and Harry Carey and the Cubs

moeman said...

Jim Mackay, Olympics.

moeman said...

CDN curling gals are laying down the shots. anticipating Cheryl like a schoolkid meeting his hot teacher.

moeman said...

1-0 CDN gals ...

lehab said...

Chris Schenkel... bowling lol

lehab said...

Jim Nantz... Golf

lehab said...

Dick Enberg ...tennis and Al Michaels NFL. I think I watch too much TV

moeman said...

René Lecavalier.

lehab said...

@moe...tres bien!

moeman said...

2-1 SWE. Lots of 'ends' left. Come on Cheryl and CDN gals.

lehab said...

For Winnipeggers... Curt Kielback was/is awesome

Boob Gainey said...

Can I air a pet peeve?

The IOC really hasn't said a lot about the Canadian women's celebration. Some official made a perfunctory comment about looking into it and it went no further.

But all across Canada today you cannot read a blog or newspaper that isn't full of outrage at those priggish olympicrats - and hey we're Canadians dammit that's how we celebrate - Yeah stick it to the man - Up yours IOC!

Boob Gainey said...

After missing a shot Cheryl Barnard apologized to her teammates.

She looked and sounded like she was apologizing after having had such vigorous sex with you that she broke your bed.

moeman said...

I'd tell Cheryl, let's break the bed again! Hard ... Harder!

moeman said...

2-2 beauty shot by the beautiful Cheryl.

Boob Gainey said...

Interviewing her husband now.

Ask him "what's it like being married to a sultry tigress?"

Do it.

LukieNussbaum11 said...

Bob barker miss America

moeman said...

Some seriously sickening sucking news fellow and feline FHFers, nicklesuck is to suck up the closing ceremonies. Apologies to the planet.

moeman said...

Good one **11.

moeman said...

'draw-tap with the out-turn' that's my secret move!!!!!

~~~ Is it me or is curling sometimes more exciting than a Habs game?

moeman said...

Size matters.

moeman said...

Is 29 out to dinner? If so, good. If not, um, leave now ovenmittboy.

Baroque said...

Maybe the Canadian women weren't drinking an officially approved Olympic sponsor brand beer. ;)

moeman said...

4-3, Cheryl bails out her galmates Halakian-style.

moeman said...

"get to the nose, a little rub on the red is ok".

Discuss.

moeman said...

5-4 Canadian gals.

Cheryl Bernard, je t'aimes.

orangeman said...

I've found myself in the position of explaining curling to my sister and brother-in-law all game. How did I get myself here?

In other news, shout out to our speed skating dudes who have earned a place in the final tomorrow (ahhh, guaranteed medals, the only kind we can't seem to lose) and to our bobsledders who find themselves in 2nd after the first day. Woot!

moeman said...

Canada 6-4, end of 9.

moeman said...

After the curling babes, time for the boys to shine.

HabsFan29 said...

sorry everyone, not out to dinner. just trying to get a little nap time before the game. midnight is way past my bedtime

CMON CHERYL!!!! up two without the hammer into the 10th is not bad. not awesome, but not bad.

LukieNussbaum11 said...

Entire extended family watching curling as dad11 explains the game. I'm enjoying it more than any habs game this season. In other news Dr11 is looking to find out if Cheryl needs a gyno.

Number31 said...

I forgot it was Purim...and my hebrew name is Esther too. This is what happens when you move out and don't have mom's hamentashens to remind you.

OK, I've left my Habs Fan self at the door. Sorry Jaro, but you're going down.

HabsFan29 said...

i never thought my heart could beat fast during a curling timeout, but here we are

LukieNussbaum11 said...

@Esther31
Solly's are amazing. You can still get drunk.

moeman said...

...

HabsFan29 said...

CRAP

moeman said...

ack

moeman said...

Extra, extra, curl all about it.

HabsFan29 said...

heart breaking.

CMON CHERYL. YOUVE GOT ANOTHER CHANCE

HabsFan29 said...

again, a curling timeout hurts my chest

HabsFan29 said...

crap

was a nice ride, cheryl

moeman said...

Shoulda had that, congrats SWE. Merci Cheryl.

Go Canada!

moeman said...

McSTFU!

HabsFan29 said...

GO YOU FUCKING CANADIAN PANTS

why are we back to Gord? Cuthbert was much better

Number31 said...

Go Canada!
No choking Bobby Lu!

McSTFU, please STFU. Also Gord Miller can STFU too.

Boob Gainey said...

"Thornton has to elevate his game"

You think?

moeman said...

McSTFU!

Number31 said...

Sealegs much?

Morrow, a little LOWER.

Number31 said...

Too nervous to take a proper shot eh. Every thing has been wiffed, or when they crank it, it's wide.

Number31 said...

Jaro's "goaltending story" has been more a case of how lucky one man can be.

Boob Gainey said...

If they're nervous today, they'll be a wreck on Sunday.

The US are completely loose.

Boob Gainey said...

If we lose, the good news is we can trade Jaro while his market value is sky-high.

moeman said...

Has tsn heard our cries of McSTFU!?

moeman said...

Some NHL Gman named Pinky Renna was signed for 2x$3.8M.

moeman said...

1-0!

RiRi said...

FUCK YEAH!!! About time dammit!

HabsFan29 said...

oh crap not a review

RiRi said...

McSplooge said it was okay and he knows ABSOLUTELY everything so...

moeman said...

!!!!!!!!!

HabsFan29 said...

w00t!!!

Boob Gainey said...

McGuire: "That's below the crossbar - and I don't know how they can tell from that angle"

Number31 said...

HONK!

We could solve this problem by forcing players to be 4feet tall.

moeman said...

2-0!

Number31 said...

HONK

HabsFan29 said...

FUCK YEAH

HabsFan29 said...

there have been more commercials in this first period than the whole tournament so far

Boob Gainey said...

OK guys, let's take it easy on Jaro now.

RiRi said...

Just caught up on the comments and found out Cheryl and Co. didn`t get gold. :(

Congrats nonetheless!!!

Number31 said...

Huh? Dany Heatley hitting people? The Olympics can change people...

moeman said...

Elimination and medal games have an extra 3 minutes of commercial time. Gold medal = $365000 per 30 seconds. ctv needs to buffer the huge losses. Be easier if they just dumped McSTFU! (who, if I am not mistaken will be at NBC for the Gold medal game)

Number31 said...

How to beat Halak: Let him play the puck.

moeman said...

Wow, ctv is showing a KD commercial at 10pm.

moeman said...

Go Canadian curling guys, beat the pants of those pants!

HabsFan29 said...

hey anyone know if Sidney Crosby is on this team?

Boob Gainey said...

500m short track final on RDS.

HabsFan29 said...

ok what's the maximum choke potential in this 500m? 2 DQ's?

RiRi said...

That Apolo Ohno pisses me off.

HabsFan29 said...

Roller Derby GOLD!!!

RiRi said...

Hamelin!!

Bonus: Ohno might get disqualified!!

HabsFan29 said...

what did i say about 2 DQ's earlier?

HabsFan29 said...

SUCK IT APOLO!!!

RiRi said...

Confirmation: Ohno DQ.

Two medals!!!

Number31 said...

That LaRue ref is a jerk

Boob Gainey said...

Fuck you Ohno

Number31 said...

Rick Nash can be aggravating sometimes... All that amazing skill and he lets off a backhand with the power of a baby kitten.

moeman said...

Medals bitches medals!

orangeman said...

Suck on it Ohno! Finally, you don't just get handed a gold for showing up, they actually decided to do their jobs tonight. Gold! Bronze!

Now bring home the relay!

Oh, and go Team Canada!

Number31 said...

LOLno woooooo

Number31 said...

"In a race with Pronger" does not compute.

moeman said...

Unless you're a turtle.

HabsFan29 said...

i think Sid is literally floating

moeman said...

Meth?

Number31 said...

If you're going to call the phantom hook, you better be calling that trip. Oh who am I kidding....

moeman said...

I miss Johnny LaRue.

Number31 said...

Fuck the trap. Move it, Slovakia.

HabsFan29 said...

YES!

moeman said...

3-0

RiRi said...

Geez I change the channel for 2 seconds to see if there`s anymore skating events and I miss the goal... :(

Number31 said...

OK Getzlaf, that was pretty awesome.

RiRi said...

Luuuuuuuuuuuu!

Number31 said...

Oh no, Ohno is bitching about his disqualification~

moeman said...

(W)interlude , tribute to Cheryl and her gal pals.

RiRi said...

Laraque is speed skating on RDS

gillis said...

Fucking Ohno. This is the first time I have ever heard of him, but just be looking at his face I was able to tell that he is a giant douche bag. He said on NBC that he believes that the home ice advantage was definetly a factor in the decision for his DSQ. And he says this minutes after he says that Vancouver feels like a second home to him.

Number31 said...

...where was that energy in a game, Laraque?

HabsFan29 said...

that's the best BGL ever skated

RiRi said...

Ohno was on Dancing With The Stars. He was a douche then and still is. I think he actually won it that season. Figures.

He thinks he can just push someone off the track to pass them?

moeman said...

Must be old footage when he was eating meat. How's his career in Sweden doing? Habs still paying him? Still taking up a spot on the fucking roster?

moeman said...

5000m roller derby on ice about to start ...

RiRi said...

Another chance for medals!

Number31 said...

What the fuck, 5 teams on the ice for the relays?! No one die please.

RiRi said...

Or should I say another chance for Ohno to bitch and moan when he doesn`t win gold?

moeman said...

I miss Skinny Minny Miller.

Number31 said...

Celski > Ohnoes

RiRi said...

Anyone know our chances in this?

Number31 said...

Chinese speedskaters are robots.

RiRi said...

Go Canada!!!

RiRi said...

Gold bitches!!

Suck on that, Ohno!!

LukieNussbaum11 said...

Gold!!!!

Number31 said...

GOLD MESSIEURS!

orangeman said...

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!

I fucking love short track.

REDEMPTION BITCHES!

Also,

EAT IT OHNO!!!

orangeman said...

I swear there are D's on the end of that.

Holy motherfucking shit, that was an intense race. I love short track.

moeman said...

10 Golds, so far, more to come.

orangeman said...

In reality, this was the night for Canada in short track. We excel at the sprints and the relays. Coulda woulda shoulda in the 1000m the other night, but really this was the realistic outcome. Actually, a battle for silver was the realistic outcome, gold is like finding out the chick you picked up last night is rich and generous.

orangeman said...

We now have 21 medals with two more guaranteed tomorrow (curling, speed skating). If Canada holds off and wins this game then we're guaranteed to tie our best ever at the winter games (with way more golds), with snowboarding and bobsled to go as well.

Winning in golds!

orangeman said...

sonofabitch

Number31 said...

Well that was weak, Bobby Lu...

orangeman said...

Where did everyone go?

moeman said...

Channel flippin'.

moeman said...

Nice save Jaro.

Number31 said...

Crosby has lost all ability to pick corners.

RiRi said...

WTF?!?

"This is Adonis on skates" - McSplooge

moeman said...

Medals on tsn.

RiRi said...

Holy shit! WTF!

orangeman said...

crap crap crap

Number31 said...

FUCK stop running into yourselves you idiots. Looks like the Habs on D.

And the crowd can shove their "WE WANT USA" chant too.

RiRi said...

Unbelievable...

gillis said...

@riri: I heard "A godess on skates"

Number31 said...

Urgency needed yo.

boob gainey said...

We were cruising until Luongo let in that softy.

He is not good in pressure situations.

RiRi said...

@gillis - oops! who was he referring to again?

RiRi said...

This is a fucking nightmare.

Number31 said...

Bergeron has turned into Plekanec.

boob gainey said...

Send Bergeron back to beantown.

wv (I swear): phallism

That one's for you Pierre.

RiRi said...

Ouf!

orangeman said...

Thank you goalpost GOD.

boob gainey said...

Wow! I take it back, Luongo.

RiRi said...

Well done, Jaro!

moeman said...

Goin' for Gold! bitches!!!

Number31 said...

Shit just got real.

orangeman said...

Or was it a save? Oh, who the fuck cares at this point.

boob gainey said...

Slovaks were something.

Hope they medal.

LukieNussbaum11 said...

I am emotionally exhausted and this Queen Esther costume is killing me.

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